How do you feel about people helping you?

[lilmutegirl]

How do you feel when people try to help you? I feel like I'm a loser, especially if the advice or aid is unsolicited. I hate that I'm not able to take care of myself and my son. I have recieved a lot of help from people (mostly financial and advice about what to do with my life). I feel a little guilty, since I'm not able to pay people back. I also hate whenever my parent suggest/tell me what to do. That just makes me not want to do whatever they've suggested, even if I was considering or planning on doing it.

 

[psych]

I worry about the price of that help.
People have had to chase me to give me money, & money back... Guess I'm a bit 'noid about that.

 

[Hoppy]

Unsolicited help make me angry. Especially if I'm happily doing something with no problems and then they came and interfere.

After years of that I've reached the point that I do not want help even if I am struggling.

 

[MrJones]

I try to help others if I can and I think it's understandable that others try to help me if they care about me.

In group therapy I heard a lot of people who couldn't accept help, so don't worry, it's not unusual to feel like you do.

 

[MikeyC]

I also hate whenever my parent suggest/tell me what to do. That just makes me not want to do whatever they've suggested, even if I was considering or planning on doing it.

Ah, yeah, I get this way, too.

I feel guilty when people help me. It depends on the help I'm getting, but if it's huge then I feel like I've wasted their time.

 

[1BlackSheep]

I'm terrible about asking for or accepting help. It's something I need to work on!

 

[shakethelight]

I don't really ask for any help unless its from my mom. It makes me feel like a loser since my brothers seemed to get by in life effortless and I am always being compared to them.

 

[KiaKaha]

I think unsolicited help is not necessary to an extent. It's a tad insulting - but I also think that some people dont know whats good for them either. Sometimes people need to be firmly told what they need to do - in order to protect themselves and the people in their life.

I think an awareness of how people are feeling needs to be encouraged before being offered help. It's only then will it be welcomed.
Helping people... is a good thing. Accepting help - is also a good thing. Perhaps its an area that all of us need to work on.

 

[lilmutegirl]

What sparked me to start this thread was an email from my mom. As I've written before, I recently went back to school. I was not asking for advice. My mom decided to tell me that another school (with a completely different program) had tuition that is about 1/2 the cost of the one I'm attending. I've looked into that in the past, but I'd have to take about twice as many classes to finish, so it'd end up costing the same, and take longer. I responded to her email telling her this.
My parents often offer unsolicited advice, or flat out tell me what to do. It's very aggravating, especially since I'm now 30. It's different if I ask for advice, but they overstep the bounds a lot.

 

[Silatuyok]

I will go way, way out of my way to avoid asking for help with anything, even a simple task. That being said, I think it would greatly improve some of my personal relationships if I could just stand to ask for help sometimes, even just for the sake of helping other people to feel useful and needed.

 

[A86]

I have some weird extremely fierce sense to be completely self sufficient.
I remember feeling parched and someone offered a drink. I instinctively declined (politely of course), as it seemed like the physical burdens of my body were less important than allowing outside help.
Learning to accept help has been a very difficult obstacle.

 

[Agent_Violet]

I never accept help unless it's just an offering of wisdom. I'd probably be a lot further in life had I accepted help when it was offered but I wonder what price my self esteem would have payed for that acceptance.

I don't like when people do favors for me either. I'd rather just to things myself and be as independent as I possibly can.

I don't look down on others for accepting help. It's a personal choice for me to stand on my own. Accepting help creates a debt in my mind and I hate to owe anyone.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Accepting help creates a debt in my mind and I hate to owe anyone.

That is what I was raised to believe since birth.
My family are hard working pioneers-- grandfathers and great grandfathers were farmers/built homes/built towns/worked until the day they died without asking for help from anyone.

I find it extremely difficult to accept financial help from anyone-- even if they are family.
It makes me feel deeply ashamed of myself.
I wish I were financially independent.

I do appreciate chivalry, though.
Having a door help open for you, or being offered a seat on the bus because you look sick, or given a little something extra for being so polite-- that's very sweet.

 

[coyote]

i don't even think to ask for help most of the time

i just assume i'm supposed to be able to do everything on my own

or fail trying