Is your family a cause of your socialphobia ?
- Thread starter Clown
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MikeyC
Well-known member
Sorry to hear your dad hit you and stuff.
My parents would argue a lot and yell at each other, and almost separated at one stage. It was all mum's fault and dad would sometimes throw furniture and stuff. My brother and I would hide away. I think that had something to do with it but I can never know for sure.
My parents would argue a lot and yell at each other, and almost separated at one stage. It was all mum's fault and dad would sometimes throw furniture and stuff. My brother and I would hide away. I think that had something to do with it but I can never know for sure.
I think the key factor is your own personal psyche and how it reacts to certain things.
There are people who had awful childhoods who are now wildly successful. And then there are people who had the most loving, caring parents who are absolute nonfunctional train wrecks.
My siblings and I were raised more or less the same - my brother and sister are both comfortable and sociable, and I am not. That must mean there is something fundamentally different about me that caused me to respond negatively to certain stimuli while growing up.
There are people who had awful childhoods who are now wildly successful. And then there are people who had the most loving, caring parents who are absolute nonfunctional train wrecks.
My siblings and I were raised more or less the same - my brother and sister are both comfortable and sociable, and I am not. That must mean there is something fundamentally different about me that caused me to respond negatively to certain stimuli while growing up.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Well put, because my brother is on the road to success where I'm not. His reactions and thoughts on the past must be different, but I would wager his circle of friends during school helped him out, too.
I'd say so, my parents merely shared a house and had basicly no relationship for most of my existance, tons of arguments, they disagreed about how to raise me on almost everthing. Mom and I have a close relationship(as close as my personality can), my Dad and I not so much, he cared about me for sure, but we are completly different and he always tried to compare me to his successes, it was always a "good job, I'm proud of you...But". My Dad has had health issues that have caused mental instabilities and now the whole family has given up on him and my parents are separating, I'm 23 now, but this goes back long enough to have been good part of the cause.
Moo
Well-known member
I used to believe that it was entirely genetic factors which caused me to be the way I am but recently I've been starting to doubt that. My childhood was almost idyllic. I feel incredibly lucky to have my mum and sister. The only thing which was bad was when my dad died when I was 5. I barely remember him or it happening but I feel like it must have done something to me.. even if I can't recall it. I figure it's a pretty big thing for a 5 year old to handle. I never really thought about him until a couple of years ago (mid-late teens) when I felt as if the whole world was going to end because I missed him so much.
Hmm anyway these days I still think it's mostly genetic (at least with me) but family circumstance may have caused something or set something off in me. I have no idea really to be honest what the cause is. All I can do is speculate.
Hmm anyway these days I still think it's mostly genetic (at least with me) but family circumstance may have caused something or set something off in me. I have no idea really to be honest what the cause is. All I can do is speculate.
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cosmosis
Well-known member
That's interesting because I've recently come to realize that highly successful people and those who are highly anxious (non-successful) are more related than one might think. I used to think my sister was my opposite. She has all the friends in the world, all the money, everything she ever wanted. But the more I think about it, the more I realize we are like the same coin, only different sides. We are both really unhappy with who we are. We are both trying so hard to prove that we are worth something. The only difference is that she doesn't get caught up on the pain or the details. If something is wrong, she will just start a new project to fix it. She won't dwell on the pain. She will walk over people to get what she wants. With me, I'm stuck in the details, in the pain. I'm trying to fix everything in me and around me all the time. I'm scared to hurt anyone. And so i'm ultimately scared to do something new. Fundamentally though, we have the exact same problem.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Having a lot of friends and money doesn't equal happiness, as shown here.
YES, they are.
megalon
Well-known member
I believe my family was a significant factor. I had a good enough childhood, I wasn't abused, we always had enough money to get by. The problem I think was that I never felt like I meant anything to anyone. My whole family is emotionally distant. No hugging, no saying "I love you", just like acquaintances who happen to live in the same house. That and my mom was so extremely overprotective that I was never allowed to go anywhere or do anything with people from school, so I drifted apart from any potential friends as the years went on.
montejocarlo
Well-known member
i don't know, but i kinda feel that way. some rational part of me says they're not the cause, but definitely a major contributor.
sounds similar to my family growing up. I do say its a factor the way I am today.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Yeah, I had a similar experience with my mother growing up, she was extremely overprotective of me too. Though, the only difference being that she was the one who was emotionally distant toward me, still is. "Like acquaintances who happen to live in the same house" - this pretty much sums, perfectly, the relationship I have with my mum.
Richey
Well-known member
Its like that episode of red dwarf where the crew travel inside Rimmer's brain. They come across tomb stones that say " RIP self esteem, 1984", "RIP confidence", etc. And then they have to battle the monsters inside his mind. Then they go back to reality and take Rimmer into a room and they tell him they love him and that he's a great friend, then they hug him. Suddenly Rimmer's self esteem is alive again and the ship that relies on Rimmer's mind being healthy is saved at the last second.
Perhaps all alot of people really need is a good friend that is based on something warm and genuine. Some people seem to miss out on that whilst others can make some friends. Perhaps this is what can truly boost self esteem back up to higher levels.
My father was physically there, but he wasn't emotionally there. I recently lived with him for a little while but I just found he's the same way as he always was. My father suffers from low self-esteem as well so he would always take out his frustration out on me, my mom and sister.
My dad has always been this way, but my anxiety didn't start till I was around 7; I just didn't talk a lot at school, but I still had friends at home.
I do not believe the way I was raised had much to do with me being afraid of dealing with people. However, I do believe I was mentally and emotionally abused.
My grandmother is a recluse, and so is one of my uncles. My mother also has a pretty bad case of anxiety herself, so I believe I just inherited their personalities.