drained and horrible. from the moment i wake up to the moment i go to sleep i am consumed with dread, anxiety, and unhappiness. my new job is killing me. not because of the work, the work itself is fine. it is the environment. no windows, fluorescent lighting, sitting in an open office environment with people walking around me, being watched by my supervisor whose desk is directly facing mine. all day. i do not have any privacy all day long except when i hide out in my car on my lunch break. i spend my entire day fake smiling, being on form to laugh at all the right places, and listening to commercial music. the lack of privacy is exhausting. i have no joy. no energy to feign joy.
then i hang out with my boyfriend after work but have nothing to contribute. in fact, i tend to take it out on him which is undeserved. i am afraid i will lose him. it's going to happen. he doesn't want to be around someone who is so saturated in misery. can you blame him?
i've only been at this job for 3 weeks and i feel like i am going to crack.