-lonestar-
Well-known member
great tips, how do you aproach people if you're a loner but want to get a girl's attention. Seems if you're alone you got no one to back you up, you feel awkward just going up to strangers at a bar.
HOW TO SOCIALIZE/HAVE A CONVERSATION (with people,its long)
- Thread starter bannerwave
- Start date
bannerwave
Member
yes definitely. writing things down helps you track your progress in pretty much any aspect of your life.
the BIGGEST thing that going to benefit you from writing things down is that you will begin to see patterns after a few conversations. (not only with strangers try to see patterns of conversations you have with EVERYONE)
like:
-your good at talking about X (try to bring up the subject more)
-X subjects seem to come up a lot (maybe learn more about it?)
-you might have problems starting conversations (the most common problem, im going to write a different thread that addresses this specific issue)
-maybe you have problems transitioning
-your comfortable talking the same gender but not opposite gender (or the opposite)
-your not good/comfortable talking about X (learn more about or practice switching to different topics, like if some depressing subject comes up)
-you may not talk enough (is it with specific subjects? is it just anxiety?)
-you may monopolize the conversation
after a while you will begin to see the patterns and THE MOST IMPORTANT part is you can see whether or not you have made PROGRESS
and where you need to make progress
im going to try to make a thread that helps you take baby steps
because i realize this is alot to take in
bannerwave
Member
bars are a whole different beast and it's a lot harder (and at the same time easier due to alchohol) to open up im my opinion because of many issues (competition, girls got their b!tich shields up, distractions, you may look nervous) of course not impossible and i would strongly suggest you do it because the more you get used to social pressure the more immune you become
if you decide to go to the bar.
my best advice (not best but i don't have much time to write a long thread on STARTING/INITIATING conversation right now) would be just open with a direct or ask for an opinion.
direct:
hey i dont think we've met im X...then transition
Hey i know this is random but i saw you and wanted to meet you im X..then transiton
(or if ur feeling ballsy, which will actually get you the best results im my expierince, girls love balls)
Hey your adorable so i had to come meet you, im X.
or just ask for an opnion
hey i need girls opinion. blah blah blah. then transition
or you can just bring up something in the enviorment
or something youve noticed about her
hey i cant help but notice you have a really interesting necklace, what the story behind that, (but remember to transition right away because with girls at bars a FEW seconds on awkward silence will KILL an interaction)
but if ur social skills are not up to par you may feel uncomfortable doing that
if i was you i would just build up your social skills with people that you know
and if your comfortable with people to know try making longer conversations with aquiantances.
and if ur good with aquiantances try with people who are SOMEWHAT strangers (people at your school/work that you havnt met yet)
the trick to make this as painless as possibly yet still make PROGRESS is to SLOWELY push your comfort zone.
Deus_Ex_Lemur
Well-known member
I like most of what's said. Will reread again and check backa!
Kiwong
Well-known member
Wear odd coloured sports socks, that got some girl's attention on the weekend. At least they laughing at me.
Waiting here for a STARTING/INITIATING thread, just pointing that out =P
KiaKaha
Banned
Here are a couple of my socialization problems.
I am OK with one to one type conversations... I am still not great at it, but I do OK. The big problems I have is when I am with a group of people...especially in a group of people who know each other and I am new. Its hard to do any of that stuff because they are too busy talking to one another about 'the good old days' and leaving you out...you just sit there feeling like a complete muppet...its impossible to integrate yourself..especially if you are shy.. This is why I dont do parties or things like that.
I also have a problem with talking to someone if I can be heard by other people. For example if the room is quiet and I need to converse with one person, I am paranoid about what everyone else may be thinking of me as I am talking to that one person.
So I usually say nothing at all and just end up feeling like a complete idiot.
I am OK with one to one type conversations... I am still not great at it, but I do OK. The big problems I have is when I am with a group of people...especially in a group of people who know each other and I am new. Its hard to do any of that stuff because they are too busy talking to one another about 'the good old days' and leaving you out...you just sit there feeling like a complete muppet...its impossible to integrate yourself..especially if you are shy.. This is why I dont do parties or things like that.
I also have a problem with talking to someone if I can be heard by other people. For example if the room is quiet and I need to converse with one person, I am paranoid about what everyone else may be thinking of me as I am talking to that one person.
So I usually say nothing at all and just end up feeling like a complete idiot.
bannerwave
Member
i got you bro just give me a few days as school has been screwing me harder than ron jeremy on viagra.
Little Miss Muffet
Well-known member
I really like this post - really possitive. Copied it onto my computer so i can refer to it and make gradual changes in the way i relate to people. Thanks for spending the time writing it Bannerwave 
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CrazyhorseLTD
Member
Thank you very much. I didn't read all of it but I will when I have the time.
One question though. You mentioned that you stuttered a lot, do you still stutter or did you overcome it?
The reason why I am asking this is because I myself am a stutterer and I wanted to know how you dealt with it.
One question though. You mentioned that you stuttered a lot, do you still stutter or did you overcome it?
The reason why I am asking this is because I myself am a stutterer and I wanted to know how you dealt with it.
-lonestar-
Well-known member
I'm not as bad now, but I do recall moments when I had nothing to add to a conversation if I was in a group, then if there was something I wanted to add I never would because well nobody heard me tallk before, nobody even knew my name. Ya I don't miss highschool one bit, always felt awkward, even just sitting.
KevVversion1
Active member
I'm glad this works for you. Will not work for everybody, if I started talking about myself in such detail I would feel too exposed and would expect people to walk away or be thinking "god that guy goes on and on about himself, he's so boring" ... but maybe I think that because that is what I think when people tell me stories about their life, I'm just not interested so why would I subject anybody to the same torture by spilling my life contents at them? I prefer to keep things to myself and reveal very little, if I ever put too much out there (usually when drunk) then I tend to cut myself off from that person or situation.
Great effort... but surely you must have had some kind of life changing experience or something to make you feel so strong and confident to feel like you could actually go over in the first place to people and not have a numb/blank moment a fit of stammering or feel like your head or heart is going to explode?
moment a fit of stammering or feel like your head or heart is going to explode?bannerwave
Member
Great effort... but surely you must have had some kind of life changing experience or something to make you feel so strong and confident to feel like you could actually go over in the first place to people and not have a numb/blank
i didnt really have a particular experience but forcing myself to be exposed to social situations eventually desensitize me a bit.
it was either having to deal with the pain of meeting new people (which decreased as time went by) or the pain of being a hermit(which got greater as time went by). rock bottom is relative to each person, but eventually we all hit it.
trust me im not that confident but im lot better than i used to be. and in the end progess is what matters.
hellinnorway
Member
wow, fantastic post! thank you very much!
