For the ones who didn't know, three weeks ago I finally got the nerve to start to use the free psychological service of my university. And yesterday came one moment I was fearing: when I was told to take initiative on the real word.
The psychologist told me that if I want to stop having such a hard time meeting new people, specially woman, I must loosen up, let go my poker face and express my feelings. So she gave me this homework or assignment: in the course of this week, I should gave a compliment to someone, preferable a woman.
I know how to do it theoretically; just smile at some one and tell her something like "hey! nice (whatever thing)" or "good job doing (whatever other thing)", I know it hasn't to be a compliment about someones's physical appearance, that would be just harder to do. I may have a chance to give a compliment to one of my friends, and probably will do that just to tell the psychologist I did it, I mean, I've gave them compliments before, although very rarely. But as I mentioned, the psychologist said that it should be preferable a woman, and I agree with that if I want to make any real progress.
But in that case it would be extremely hard. I don't have any female friends, so virtually any girl I would attempt to compliment would be a complete stranger. I know that usually people like getting compliments, even from strangers. I know that I have nothing to be afraid of. But my fear is irrational and unrelated to knowledge. Without any rational basis, I just assume that even the most harmless and neutral compliment will be interpreted as a pathetic attempt to flirt from a desperate man, and that idea scares the hell out of me, to the point I can't just keep eye contact with someone I could see on the street from the bus, not even with my poker face and knowing that probably I will never seen that person again, not to mention doing that while doing something like smiling.
So I'm asking here for ideas, which can help me two ways. Something that would allow me to suppress my irrational fear, or some way that would allow me to make the compliment let's say not in a direct way but somewhat "sideways". Please don't tell me "just relax and tell her 'nice (whatever)'" or that I have nothing to worry about, I already know that.
For me the worst thing is that my therapist told me that this exercise was designed to be executed in group therapy, but that wasn't possible due to the lack of a proper place to do it and the difficulty of finding an appropriate time for all the patients. So I'll have to do it the hard way, as usual. ::
The psychologist told me that if I want to stop having such a hard time meeting new people, specially woman, I must loosen up, let go my poker face and express my feelings. So she gave me this homework or assignment: in the course of this week, I should gave a compliment to someone, preferable a woman.
I know how to do it theoretically; just smile at some one and tell her something like "hey! nice (whatever thing)" or "good job doing (whatever other thing)", I know it hasn't to be a compliment about someones's physical appearance, that would be just harder to do. I may have a chance to give a compliment to one of my friends, and probably will do that just to tell the psychologist I did it, I mean, I've gave them compliments before, although very rarely. But as I mentioned, the psychologist said that it should be preferable a woman, and I agree with that if I want to make any real progress.
But in that case it would be extremely hard. I don't have any female friends, so virtually any girl I would attempt to compliment would be a complete stranger. I know that usually people like getting compliments, even from strangers. I know that I have nothing to be afraid of. But my fear is irrational and unrelated to knowledge. Without any rational basis, I just assume that even the most harmless and neutral compliment will be interpreted as a pathetic attempt to flirt from a desperate man, and that idea scares the hell out of me, to the point I can't just keep eye contact with someone I could see on the street from the bus, not even with my poker face and knowing that probably I will never seen that person again, not to mention doing that while doing something like smiling.
So I'm asking here for ideas, which can help me two ways. Something that would allow me to suppress my irrational fear, or some way that would allow me to make the compliment let's say not in a direct way but somewhat "sideways". Please don't tell me "just relax and tell her 'nice (whatever)'" or that I have nothing to worry about, I already know that.
For me the worst thing is that my therapist told me that this exercise was designed to be executed in group therapy, but that wasn't possible due to the lack of a proper place to do it and the difficulty of finding an appropriate time for all the patients. So I'll have to do it the hard way, as usual. ::