Problems of insignificance.

[Steppen-Wolf]

I'm quite different in this, I've always felt that people should remember me, respect me, take my opinion into account, etc.

The bad thing is, almost nobody does, at least out of the academic medium.

I don't think I have low self esteem entrenched in my mind, is just that the world doesn't seem to care about me very much.

 

[Anti Matter]

I have been through this. When I was 17 and I used to go to social outingings with people I knew every time they used to make eye contact with me or speak to me directly I used to get so nervous that I couldn't respond without thinking I will screw up so I used to put a fake laugh on and not look at the person talking to me. It was a sign of me thinking I'm not worth anyone's time or anyone's respect because I felt insignificant with myself, I thought no one would like my true self so I will put this "act" on to protect myself from harm.

In the end I just stopped showing myself upto these events, was less stressful and I wanted to enjoy what time I had.

Now...I just try and keep quiet and not say a word in a social event, I don't really give a crap if people think I'm weird or not now I just do what I think is less stressful for me.

 

[Flyingheart]

I can absolutely relate to this. When people talk to me, I get surprised that they would pay attention to me. Like a stranger on the street, asking me for help for something, I'd feel so surprised that they even noticed me.

I think it has something to do with me jumping when one of my family members comes to talk to me while I'm blowdrying my hair or engaged in some other self-activity as well. I'm not sure how it's linked but I think it's got something to do with feeling insignificant. It's like I don't EXPECT anybody to deem me worthy to talk to.

I put others' feelings before mine all the time so that people just end up thinking I'm weird. I also get surprised when people remember things about me or are thoughtful towards me. I say things are okay when they are not okay, just to please another.

So yeah. I get how you feel.

 

[JamesSmith]

Hmm, i'd make the argument that nobody really matters. There is always someone who can replace a job, and the world is overpopulated as it is. We are all insignificant due to billions of people on this planet.

 

[userremoved]

Hmm, i'd make the argument that nobody really matters. There is always someone who can replace a job, and the world is overpopulated as it is. We are all insignificant due to billions of people on this planet.

Hah, this is how I feel. I think, with all the billions of people out there, why the hell do I even matter? But then again, why does Sally matter? Or Bobby? You could say that about anyone. I don't know.

On a separate note... funny this thread got bumped because I was JUST writing a post about how I felt this way..... This is the biggest problem I face, I believe. The biggest challenge I feel I will ever face is that of my own insecurity. I just don't know how to change it. It seems impossible to change something that is so deep-rooted in your psyche, and has been there ever since you can remember.

Well yeah, when you compare yourself to the population of the whole world, one person is insignificant. But the question is, are you important to yourself? Are you important to the ones closest to you? If the answer to the first question is no, then it doesn't matter what your answer is to the second. You have to be important to yourself because only you know how to treat yourself best and you are the only person you have to live with and die with no matter what.

 

[JamesSmith]

isn't this kind of thought process usually the result of lack of self esteem?

No, I think it's more of a realist's view on things. You can still believe you are an awesome person, while at the same time realize that you are insignificant in the world and can be replaced, or are not needed.

Unfortunately, mama was wrong when she told us that we are the most important people in the world. The truth is who we are and what we have to say doesn't matter. We are just tiny blips on a screen compared to the billions of other people on this planet.

 

[JamesSmith]

Well yeah, when you compare yourself to the population of the whole world, one person is insignificant. But the question is, are you important to yourself?

This may sound like a dumb question, but how does someone be important to themselves? I'm not sure if I understand what that means?

 

[userremoved]

This may sound like a dumb question, but how does someone be important to themselves? I'm not sure if I understand what that means?

No its a good question. I guess the best way to say it is its important to like yourself. The people you like are important to you right? So you care about them and what happens to them. A lot of people here dont like themselves enough. And as a result they find it hard to believe that other people like them too.

 

[gazelle]

We are all insignificant due to billions of people on this planet.

There might be billions of us on this planet, but genuine poeple who adhere to morals and ethics are quite scarce on this planet and seem very precious.I can definitely relate to what the op is saying and am also working on this .
I've found that having a good personal value system and disciplining oneself to it, by making a person believe that they actually have a good meaning in this world can be very helpful.

 

[DimBulb]

Well, I can relate to this. Almost all the time i feel that i am bit of protoplasm wasted or .. an oxygen thief.

 

[lurknomore]

I definitely relate. Maybe it's not quite the same thing, but lately the thought that's been recurring in my head is "I may as well not even exist," because I think the only people who I really seem to matter to right now are my children. Don't get me wrong, I would never contemplate removing myself from existence (even if I didn't have my children), but if I were to die or just drop off the face of the earth tomorrow, I think they would be the only ones to really miss me. I don't expect people to take notice of me, and I guess that's a big part of my problem. I don't "matter" to myself, and I have no idea how to change that thinking.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Hmm, i'd make the argument that nobody really matters. There is always someone who can replace a job, and the world is overpopulated as it is. We are all insignificant due to billions of people on this planet.

I didn't mean significance in some greater or cosmic sense. I just meant significance to whatever people you interact with. Without realizing or even thinking about it, for a very long time I held the assumption that basically everyone around me was significant, while I was not. It's the assumptions we don't even realize we're making that probably do us the most damage, I think.

J, you raise an interesting question about being important to yourself. I hadn't thought of it that way. I suppose my answer to that would be 'I'm getting there'.

 

[kilojoule]

Why am I only seeing this thread now?!!?!

Haha yea, I'm learning that my actions do affect others.
I'll give you a positive one instead of a negative one.

I surprised my friend on my Godson's third Birthday. Nobody expected me to go and in fact it wasn't even mentioned to me, only in passing the previous evening amidst a conversation about how much we both had on our to-do-lists, it came up. I wasn't told because she didn't want to upset me, she knows me knew that it would cut me up to know I was missing a big day.

I didn't say I'd go, I said nothing. I see them all the time, three times a week, but always in my house. My friend learned a long time ago she had to beat down the door sometimes and arrive unannounced or she'd never see me. That day I got up and travelled across the city took me oh about an hour 20. When I turned up at the door, the look of sheer joy on my friend's face was unreal. And my Godson didn't let go of my hand the whole day. He ignored all the other kids, he was afraid if he let go of my hand I'd disappear I had a job separating myself from him to go pee he cried! I decided I didn't need to go that bad haha

Kids are honest, logical and always say what they mean. My 3yr old Godson taught me my absences affect him. That destroys me and I'm gonna get it together, if I can't do it for myself I'll do it for him.

 

[JamesSmith]

I didn't mean significance in some greater or cosmic sense. I just meant significance to whatever people you interact with. Without realizing or even thinking about it, for a very long time I held the assumption that basically everyone around me was significant, while I was not. It's the assumptions we don't even realize we're making that probably do us the most damage, I think.

J, you raise an interesting question about being important to yourself. I hadn't thought of it that way. I suppose my answer to that would be 'I'm getting there'.

I'd say we are insignificant even to people that we interact with. Like I said, we can be replaced. Friends move on, as do families. Although it may impact friends and family if we were to disappear, they would usually be able to cope.

As for my thoughts of myself, do i like myself? Yes. Am I important to people I know? No. My job is definitely replaceable with so many people fighting for jobs in this crummy economy. I have no friends, and the friends I used to have hardly even noticed I was gone. They have moved on to other friends and last I heard from my brother, they are living comfortably. In fact, I've heard that since I left them, they've prospered with meeting more people.

I believe many people want to believe they are important because it gives them an excuse to be alive (survival instinct). In truth, we aren't very important, even to people close to us due to so many people on this planet.

 

[JamesSmith]

There might be billions of us on this planet, but genuine poeple who adhere to morals and ethics are quite scarce on this planet and seem very precious.I can definitely relate to what the op is saying and am also working on this .
I've found that having a good personal value system and disciplining oneself to it, by making a person believe that they actually have a good meaning in this world can be very helpful.

You make it sound like the world is mostly inconsiderate people. I disagree.

Most people act on morals, because humans have morals.

I believe someone can still feel good about themselves without believing they are important, which they usually aren't. You can recognize your good qualities and feel good that you are sharing your good qualities with the world. It doesn't make you important, because so many other people have good qualities that they are sharing with the world. But, it does make you a good person, and it's okay to feel good about that, even though there are so many other good people.

 

[JamesSmith]

No its a good question. I guess the best way to say it is its important to like yourself. The people you like are important to you right? So you care about them and what happens to them. A lot of people here dont like themselves enough. And as a result they find it hard to believe that other people like them too.

I like myself a lot, actually. Yet, I know I'm not important to people, even to people that I know.

 

[A86]

significance & authority may be the same in mind. I tend to see people as having more authority than me. The whole social status thing makes my brain hurt trying to contemplate it all.

 

[gazelle]

You can recognize your good qualities and feel good that you are sharing your good qualities with the world. It doesn't make you important, because so many other people have good qualities that they are sharing with the world. But, it does make you a good person, and it's okay to feel good about that, even though there are so many other good people.

Hmmm...so you're suggesting that feeling good about oneself and feeling significant are two different categories.
Although this might differ for each individual, but I find that living by morals and a high standard of values and disciplining oneself to them can definitely be an effective way in creating inner peace and boosting ones self-pride, thus making a person feel more significant.
Not that I'm disagreeing with you at all, this is just more of sharing my thoughts and personal experience.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

I'd say we are insignificant even to people that we interact with. Like I said, we can be replaced. Friends move on, as do families. Although it may impact friends and family if we were to disappear, they would usually be able to cope.

I didn't mean that people wouldn't be able to cope if we disappeared, or that we couldn't be replaced at a job (or even as a lover!). That's not the sort of thing I'm talking about at all. I guess it's safe to say you can't relate to what I'm talking about, then.

I tend to see people as having more authority than me.

Yeah, that's along the same lines as what I meant. Even as I've gotten older and become more knowledgeable and competent about certain things, it's been difficult to realize on an emotional level that I could be regarded as an 'authority-type'.

 

[Agent_Violet]

It never fails to amaze me when people seem to gravitate toward me...i'm amazed even further when they genuinely seem to like me.

we're all insignificant and replaceable...except to the people who love us and care for us.