How do I find my identity?

[Hero]

I really don't know who I am.

I have a burning desire to have friends in my life, so I've read hundreds of help books and copied other people's popular traits (e.g. teasing, humour). This has led to a mish-mash of personality, people think I'm confident but I have so much inner doubts and loneliness, and I fall to pieces in social situations. My anxiety and negative thoughts make people think I'm a weird person and they treat me like that, but I know I'm not.

I feel like I don't know who I am, I've been dominated but so much negative anxious thoughts and fears throughout my life that I've formed a defensive shell around myself, never letting anything genuine shine through.

How can I find him?

 

[Hero]

When do you feel truly anxiety free? That must be a marvellous feeling!

I have not yet felt that feeling. Sometimes I feel I am, but I can fill the doubts and thoughts in the background: not good enough/ I'm boring

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Who someone is can be defined as the sum total of their actions, particularly such actions are interactions with other people.

You may have all manner of things in your head, but if you do not act on them they have no substance, and in the end make no difference to anyone.

 

[Steppen-Wolf]

There's the real you and then there's the image you try to project thinking it will please others and make them get close and care about you.

The problem is that we can almost never keep such lies for too long, parts of such image will crumble and what you're left with is mix of who you really are, who you want to be and what you want others to see in you.

I believe that, whether we like it or not, we define ourselves through the eyes of others. We find our identity when we have a social circle, no matter how big or small, that acknowledges and accepts us for who we are.

For whatever reason, those of us suffering from SA just can't seem to find that. That's our burden to carry and to fight against every day. And we can never afford to give up .

 

[Rufus]

You'll find yourself, just need to relax and let it happen.

Easier said than done mind you, but that's just how it goes in my experience.

 

[Prestonator]

Have you done the Myres-Briggs test?

I think you should be able to see who you want to be regardless of your Social anxieties or not. I think in time you just find out who you are. No-one can tell you - you have to find out for yourself. Knowing what you like and dislike is a start. But you'll just keep building who you are as life goes on. I'm still developing as a person now, and so is everyone else. Identity comes through experiences.

 

[mattbarneswillkillu]

tough question. I think you form an identity rather than finding it though. Last week(and probably longer) I was negative nancy, but I had a gut wrenching talk, and now i'm taking the steps to being a lot more positive. I think you can be who you set your mind to be, the trouble is taking the right steps to getting to where you want to be.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

What do you like to talk about? Just being here means youre probably interested in the mind so youre probably a deep person? Try things that interest you

 

[SonicShyGuy]

OP, I know how you feel man. I think we can go about defining ourselves by focusing on interests, hobbies, passions and goals. Of course, that doesn't make the SA and often-accompanying depression go away, but I find that if I set aside a particular amount of time per day--say, one hour--to focus my efforts on something I care about (e.g., writing, playing guitar, reading a science book), I begin to feel more accomplished in a week's time.

You can choose to work on two things if you want, but you don't want to get bogged down with too much--you're just trying to add a little bit of definition to your daily life. Hope this helps.

 

[IGotSeoul]

Do what you enjoy doing and do it well.

Try not to actively pursue the self, but embrace with honesty the opportunities that'll pursue the self for you.

 

[Illusions]

When you have an answer to that, let me know. I have no idea who the **** I am either!

 

[insecuregaga]

Just feel good about what you do and who you are and everything comes naturally. And don't forget you can't do something unless you actually do it!

Left brain = Facts

Right brain = Problem Solving

guess which one does what.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

When you have an answer to that, let me know. I have no idea who the **** I am either!

The only one with the answer will be ultimately, you, not someone else.

Discovering who you are is imo is not the hard part imo. I always "knew" who I was more or less once I was 20, adapted and stuff through experience - and awareness - it's ACTING yourself that's imo the hard part. Being free and comfortable to BE yourself. Feel good enough to do it. Knowing is half the battle. It's the harder half earlier in life. HOW is by being self-aware and... honest with yourself. Not always an easy thing.

 

[Paahi]

I don't think you should look too hard...

 

[Falkor]

I feel like my true self at the times that I am totally anxiety free

Me too.
Although, sometimes I think I am the SHY anxious person, I'm not the other side around, how can I be a person like that? I'm afraid !!

Oh what a stupid thought, but I sure enjoy being anxiety free.... the most wonderful thing is the key of having control about myself and feel no fears at all and be feeling confident

 

[EscapeArtist]

hmm such a difficult question

I think to find yourself... you have to really take down your walls when you are alone first of all. Really take them down and be raw and "pathetic" with yourself, this way you can become closer to your feelings your values and your desires.

Sometimes things can block us from feeling as ourselves... This is where lifestyle factors come in. Things like eating, lack exercise or sun, hydration, heavy metal toxicity, can un-aline us from who we are biologically as well and can put of a physical wall from your cellular self and cause you to be also biologically confused with who you are. So lifestyle is very important in easy access to who you are

Do you have a faith. This can be a huge part of a person, and I believe that it is actually in our nature to believe in something greater. Think of tribal people and the amount of energy they exert into believing into a greater being, whether spirit, nature, god, the way things work or the family.

Uhhm i was going to add more but i have to cut this post short as i'm being distracted