Jealous of girlfriend being chatted up

[Hero]

Hi. I feel really uncomfortable. I was at a party with my girlfriend and there was guy sat near us. He started talking to my girlfriend and I noticed how involved she was when talking with him, laughing at the things he said. I find it hard to make decent conversation and I wished she was more responsive with me.
He said he was an idiot, and she was like no, no you're not. He invited her out to a night out with his friends, she was really excited about it. I felt really insecure, that I had to 'man up' and try and impress her back but my conversational skills aren't as good. I felt really jealous and humiliated that she was being chatted up in front of me

I feel really insecure, that if I make a big deal out of it that she'll think I'm a jealous loser. We've only just go together but I feel sick that something could happen between them.

 

[CrzyDrmr]

Hi. I feel really uncomfortable. I was at a party with my girlfriend and there was guy sat near us. He started talking to my girlfriend and I noticed how involved she was when talking with him, laughing at the things he said. I find it hard to make decent conversation and I wished she was more responsive with me.
He said he was an idiot, and she was like no, no you're not. He invited her out to a night out with his friends, she was really excited about it. I felt really insecure, that I had to 'man up' and try and impress her back but my conversational skills aren't as good. I felt really jealous and humiliated that she was being chatted up in front of me

I feel really insecure, that if I make a big deal out of it that she'll think I'm a jealous loser. We've only just go together but I feel sick that something could happen between them.

Hate to say it but that doesn't sound good. And a BIG THUMBS DOWN for jerk-offs who try and make girls feel sorry for them (i.e. putting their selves down on purpose in order to fish for sympathy). Personally, I'm not a violent person so I just would of wandered off and maybe scoped them out for a bit from time to time to see what goes on when they are alone. Sounds kinda creepy and stalking around-ish, but who cares? You gotta know right?

My advice is try to maybe hold her interest better than this jerk did and hopefully she'll respond. Best of luck to you. If you have any other questions please ask away and I'll do my best...

 

[CrzyDrmr]

One other little trick I learned over the years is to just take it with a grain of salt. Act like it doesn't even bother you and just humor someone. Those kinds of high self-esteem displays work sometimes, believe it or not...

 

[coyote]

One other little trick I learned over the years is to just take it with a grain of salt. Act like it doesn't even bother you and just humor someone. Those kinds of high self-esteem displays work sometimes, believe it or not...

or chat up another girl

 

[CrzyDrmr]

or chat up another girl

Even better

 

[sucettes]

If my boyfriend would've gotten jealous of someone trying to chat me up I would've been flattered. If he's jealous then it means that he cares. I'd rather that he got jealous than acting as nothing happened. Then again too much jealousy isn't good either. I think that you should talk to her about it carefully. You said that she got invited to a night out with his friends? you are her boyfriend so obviously you should be invited too.... I would not feel comfortable in your situation either, but I would just say it as it is, no secrets or pretending.

 

[coyote]

It is a good idea, but we have to remember that coyote is like a modern day Henry VIII when it comes to marriage.

i believe he may be one of my ancestors

 

[NP88]

Watch the situation for a few days. Observe her. If needed, ask her whats up in a non confrontational manner without expecations on the answer. See how she honestly feels. Easier said then done I know but it seems like the proper route to take. That's not cool on your GF's part though. Very cruel.

 

[Minty]

Does she know about your SA? How serious is the relationship?

I just want to say communication is very, very important. I hope you get to the point in your relationship where you can both discuss issues like these with one another. You're right though, you have to talk about your insecurities in a very specific way, so that you don't come off as needy or jealous.

 

[Pyrophosphate]

Back when I had a girlfriend, I got jealous of her talking to anyone, ever. I never let that become a problem, but you're not the only one who gets jealous of that sort of thing.

I'd say talk to her about it. If she's serious about your relationship, she should understand why that bothers you.

 

[Newtype]

Your SA is irrelevant in this. You're her boyfriend and another guy invites her to go somewhere and she says yes!? Who does that?

 

[NP88]

Your SA is irrelevant in this. You're her boyfriend and another guy invites her to go somewhere and she says yes!? Who does that?

Agreed. How long have you been dating?

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Whatever you do, just don't get overly paranoid about this. You can't control her, and trying to will be a disaster.

Exactly my sentiments.
I read the original post and wondered a few things but I guess above all you have to show that you trust her. Being jealous is fine but some girls will completely freak out if you're suspicious of them.

You can talk to her about this and let her know how you feel about this guy's true intentions but she most likely won't listen to you.

I respected my boyfriend's opinions on people and restricted my interactions with my guy friends because it made him uncomfortable and jealous but I wasn't going to stop completely because I had zero intention of hurting him.
The key is to communicate with eachother.
That's really all you can do at this point.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

She's trouble. I can almost assure you that if you stay with this girl, more things like this will happen. I hope I'm wrong, but this reads like a baaaaaad heartbreak in the making.

 

[Newtype]

I think the girl in this topic reminds a lot of guys of a girl they once knew.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I tried to refrain from saying that, in fear of feeding his paranoia. She sounds a bit like my ex, though I hope I am wrong. My ex was easily swayed by flattery. She did cheat on me, and ended up cheating on every other boyfriend she had! And then her husband. I'm just so grateful that I wasn't enamoured with her, and that I was able to make the break when I did.

It makes sense. Shy, romance-starved guys aren't gonna attract the kind of healthy, devoted women they want and need because most girls like that see shy men as being weak, or bad providers. So the social phobic guy gets into a relationship with a girl who's attracted to him because she's got her own issues and because normal guys who won't date her. The combination of personality disorders and character flaws eventually come together in a giant fireball of misery for the SP guy, and the screwed-up, serial cheater, soulless girl is onto the next poor sap like she didn't skip a beat.

 

[coyote]

It makes sense. Shy, romance-starved guys aren't gonna attract the kind of healthy, devoted women they want and need because most girls like that see shy men as being weak, or bad providers. So the social phobic guy gets into a relationship with a girl who's attracted to him because she's got her own issues and because normal guys who won't date her. The combination of personality disorders and character flaws eventually come together in a giant fireball of misery for the SP guy, and the screwed-up, serial cheater, soulless girl is onto the next poor sap like she didn't skip a beat.

you've just summed up my second marriage

 

[panicsurvivor]

O.K. dude. A little disturbing but don't let you insecurities get the better of you here. I wasn't there, and I don't know her, but guys approach girls, it happens. If you guys were obviously a couple holding hands and what not, and she didn't know him at all, and he started coming up to her and chatting her up right in front of you, and she smiled and liked it and there was some chemistry between them.... this is really not the girl for you I think. However she may have just been humoring him. Are you sure he was hitting on her? Are you sure he wasn't just making conversation with her, just because he is social? Maybe they knew each other from somewhere. Going out is a social thing, people talk to each other. None of us on the forum can really know because we weren't there. These things aren't always so black and white. Whatever you do, don't act Jealous. There are very few girls who react well to jealousy. Even if you feel jealous don't show it. If you ask her about this, ask in a casual way, and don't be demanding. There are a lot of guys out there (*******s) who think that every girl is fair game, and who actually enjoy stealing girls from other guys. Some girls are actually responsive to guys like that. If she is......dude I would walk. But like I said, don't let your insecurities rule you, don't invent a problem if it doesn't exist.
Good luck.

 

[redmatter]

I think the trick is to never fully respect anybody in your life.

Especially in terms of dating, our society is set up so that girls can have fun, use the **** out of most guys while they try to find the one "bad boy" gone conformist sap with an alpha act to grow miserable.... and then realize, they're now just like their parents. But it's not without their share of seedy strip motels and nights out with the girls. See, our world is set up for lines of dudes ready and willing to pay cash for lines of women that'll take it, especially the hot ones. It's real easy to find a better deal, you know - protector - as they say, in this pedestal we call society.

Then you have your average douchebag male with their elaborate tough guy/player, "alpha" schemes and dimwitted cronies who model themselves off of American Pie or Friends, or some faux punk sheeple creep with a "rebels" edge who girls think they can change........ eventually. They can't, and they learn how to be OK with being stuck, abandoned, or just low down and nasty. Guys use the **** out of girls too, they mostly do it because they think they should, or that's what they've learned by watching TV.

Hell, men and women love screwing each other over. I don't see the game, I don't feel above it but I think life's too short for to play cruel games only to fade out into the black for 40.

See, a lot of girls fall for that trap where the "alpha" appears strong by surrounding himself with people he considers stupid, weak or easy to control. Friend count rules. Once the true beta appears alpha (and that's the way it can be forever in most cases), that's when he drops the marriage bomb and completely overwhelms and tricks his prey. Silly rabbits.

So don't take people too seriously, if they don't bother to take you that way. In the end, it's mostly about money and framing everything in an acceptable manner for people you could never escape from but always wanted to. You can have everything you want if you have it the way everyone else needs you to have it.

Ok, I've officially become a bitter cynic..........

 

[Hero]

Thanks guys, although the mix of answers has confused me. On one hand, if I let stuff like this happen, I may lose her and she'll think I don't mind her being chatted up in front of me. On the other, if I make a big deal out of it, she'll say 'Oh he's just a friend' and think that I am so insecure jealous loser. I agree that she probably doesn't realise what he's doing, but he does.

I had a girl cheat on me before. http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/your-worst-sa-experience-34559/ in a humiliating way, so I've become much more insecure.

How am I going to bring this subject up to her? 'By the way, the other night when that guy was inviting out, I didn't like it'- already I imagine myself coming across as jealous. What words can I use?