How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
I think I've finally cracked, and I feel terrible and kind of scared.
Last night I was incredibly depressed and did alot of bad things include cut all of my hair off..
I normally get the urge to when I'm depressed because my skin and hair becomes irritating, and this time I actually did it... I'm just about bald
and I look more like a boy than I ever have. I always had the feeling without hair I'd look like a boy and I was right.
I woke up and put on a large hooded hoody on this morning so no-one has found out yet..
but I can't wear it forever and my mum is going to go psychotic when she sees me like this.
She went spaz when I shaved off my eyebrows a year ago.
I don't know what to do now, I've done bad things before but I've been able to cover it up.
Uuugh, I have no-one to talk to about this but it feels a little better not keeping it completely bottled up.
I've messed up everything now..
Last night I was incredibly depressed and did alot of bad things include cut all of my hair off..
I normally get the urge to when I'm depressed because my skin and hair becomes irritating, and this time I actually did it... I'm just about bald
and I look more like a boy than I ever have. I always had the feeling without hair I'd look like a boy and I was right.I woke up and put on a large hooded hoody on this morning so no-one has found out yet..
but I can't wear it forever and my mum is going to go psychotic when she sees me like this.
She went spaz when I shaved off my eyebrows a year ago.
I don't know what to do now, I've done bad things before but I've been able to cover it up.
Uuugh, I have no-one to talk to about this but it feels a little better not keeping it completely bottled up.
I've messed up everything now..
Apotheosis
Well-known member
Were there zombies hiding out with the cannibals?
(I keed)
I'll agree it's not exactly disney-go-lucky, but the purity of the devotion shown by the father fascinated me.
Apocalyptic fiction is much kinder than real life.
I guess you're right, but I've kept with the no eyebrows because I prefer drawing them in now.. I had badly shaped eyebrows anyway.
There are alot of girls who look really good with short hair, just not me. I have completely the wrong face structure for it and I don't know how I'm going to accept this or even come out to my family about it.
MrJones
Well-known member
I feel really unwanted and alone.
just wish i was good enough to have someone in my life.
Don't say this. You are good enough. You are great! But you can't see it now
Hope you'll feel better soon
CosmicNeurotica
Banned
Feeling sick. I must go lie down now..
She knew I had depression when I was younger, I went off anti-depressants when I was 13, I'm 17 now. But I've tried hinting to her all the time because I'm not close enough to her to tell her straight about it.
I find it so hard talking to her because she's so judgemental and psychotic.
She doesn't care anymore, she tells me to stop being stupid and to grow up.
I think she's given up with me all together.
I'm not seeing anyone, but someone was going to make a doctor's appointment for me sometime soon..
but I haven't heard anything about that.
I'm still in shock and shaking, but I have to hide this from everyone.
No-one cares about my 'problems' anymore.
Oh yeah, uhm well I'm going to pluck up the courage and let this out because I'm quite scared to actually reveal this.
I attempted suicide.
I cut all up one arm, both thighs and part of my other arm and my face.
I have blood stains all over my bed I have to try wash out now.
It's also why I'm wearing a hoodie and tightened the cord around my face.
It was really stormy last night and I sat in the middle of the rain in nothing but short shorts and a tube top hoping I'd get sick or fall asleep in the weather and freeze...
I've also haven't done my homeschooling so I'm probably going to get a phone call next week saying I'm being kicked out.
I burnt up all my important things as well.
caringsoul
Banned
feels un-interesting ... and a bit happy.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Yeah, I can empathize with you there, caringsoul.
Aside from that, I'm struggling to cope with my depression and feel completely numb to everything going on around me. :
: Hate feeling this, it zaps all my creative energy.Also, I'm nearly snapped at my mum yesterday for merely pointing out that I wasn't being very talkative. Though, her sarcastic tone of voice when she said probably didn't help.
theslowesthand
Banned
Just had a rage-attack. Threw plank to floor in their house. Smashed some plastic rubbsih with a hammer (i was working on some wood planks). All it took was dad did sth i disagreed with, i told him, & he immedatly walked off (he cant take ANY critsism WHATSOEVER), and of course mum sided with him - thereby (this mum-dad tag-team combo-attack) triggereing my violent temper-tantrum. It really REALLY sucks when i have these outbursts. But seems beyong my control. The rage i guess has been building silently, below my awareness, due to some big changes in my life, so guess was only a matter of time. Its a very good thing i dont have access to a gun, for the rare times when i get like i am now (the rage just knd of "takes me over" - maybe is my "pain-body" in psycho-analysis terms). But my parents are "angry" types, both having violent/quick tempers, and dad has always had a violent temper, as i witnessed many times in the past; so maybe am stuck with this, due to genetics. Not good.
Am "on the grog" now .. maybe thats the problem - that i havent had any alcohol for several months, so had no aggro outlets.
This rage is probably signifying that my emotional life is really screwed-up, really crap (& always has been).
Edit: Is continued here ---> RAGE RAGE RAGE
Am "on the grog" now .. maybe thats the problem - that i havent had any alcohol for several months, so had no aggro outlets.
This rage is probably signifying that my emotional life is really screwed-up, really crap (& always has been).
Edit: Is continued here ---> RAGE RAGE RAGE
Last edited:
Danfalc
Banned
Sorry to hear that man. Maybe you could use your rage and turn it into something positive. Really is one of those things you need to control or it consumes you. I know that's easy for me to say, but I have been there and nearly got 5 years in prison because of it.
For such a powerful emotion, it really is easier to control than you think. It's so easy to lash out as soon as you feel it building...but if you stop yourself for a few seconds, it disperses. Or channel it...if it cant disperse, put some heavy music on and workout or get a punch bag.
I know you have rage issues for a good reason, but maybe if you get a handle on it, it will lead to more positive things, like you relationships and your mind set.
I think I've finally cracked, and I feel terrible and kind of scared.
Last night I was incredibly depressed and did alot of bad things include cut all of my hair off..
I normally get the urge to when I'm depressed because my skin and hair becomes irritating, and this time I actually did it... I'm just about bald
I woke up and put on a large hooded hoody on this morning so no-one has found out yet..
but I can't wear it forever and my mum is going to go psychotic when she sees me like this.
She went spaz when I shaved off my eyebrows a year ago.
I don't know what to do now, I've done bad things before but I've been able to cover it up.
Uuugh, I have no-one to talk to about this but it feels a little better not keeping it completely bottled up.
I've messed up everything now..
I too mess with my hair when i get depressed. I usually dye it though, or cut it myself. I never cut a lot off though. It will grow back, and if you are too embarrassed you can always buy a wig.
My mom cut off my hair when I was little. Twice. I had hair as short as a boy. It sucked.
Butt lucky for you bobs are in style now, so in a couple moths, maybe weeks(don't know how fast your hair grows?) you will look adorable.
I have also tried to commit suicide, and ended up in a hospital for 3 days. and I cut myself twice. So if you need someone who understands to vent to, feel free to message me at any time
Tired but so many thoughts are running through my mind that i can't sleep.
B
Beatrice
Guest
I don't feel alive, I just do things on auto-pilot for the most part; and when I don't, I lose myself in little moments to escape; I guess it's just a moment to moment thing, and some may say that's good, but..... I don't know. I don't want to live so short-sightedly my entire life, it doesn't seem healthy. But when I step back and look at my life as a whole, I just don't see it.... the worth of it. No matter what anyone says or does I feel worthless, freakish. Wish there was an easy way out. Have to get more help......
Guess I'm depressed in general. Very negative lately. Not looking forward to work tomorrow either; I hate working at McDonald's, it's so anxiety-provoking.
Guess I'm depressed in general. Very negative lately. Not looking forward to work tomorrow either; I hate working at McDonald's, it's so anxiety-provoking.
Thank-you very much. Maybe when I get confident enough, I'll message you
I normally dye it too, I had it a purply colour. I really liked it too
I never thought of a wig, maybe I will try find something to wear for awhile.
I couldn't leave the house looking like this.
Aww, that's terrible. I feel a little lucky I never ended in hospital, it must have made you feel worse? I think it would have for me.
FountainandFairfax
in a VAN down by the RIVER
I've been tough on myself lately, much more so than I'd be to a friend who was in my shoes. I have to remember to cut myself some slack.
GhoulsNightOut
Well-known member
Meh...just graduated today. Yay for me...... I'm too depressed, angry, disgusted, and crushed (over someone) to want to do anything fun for summer. I feel like I really need to though since I'll have to commit to that 9 to 5 routine pretty soon.
