Do you Close-Answers when you communicate with others

popolala

popolala

1
So since you have social phobia, im wondering if you tend to close answers to questions when you talk to people, such as when they asking you, how are you? .. do you say, im fine thank you. (and thats it) You dont say, How about you? .. Or question about them.
 
jamie99

jamie99

Well-known member
Always...My boss doesn't even ask me anymore lol. But i did explain to her my SA/anxiety when i started working there and she's a bit shy herself so I don't feel too uneasy about it now.
 
okcancel

okcancel

Well-known member
I'm trying to say it more :) never used to, and it sounds weird coming out of my mouth. But I'm working on it.
 
layeazy

layeazy

Active member
yes i do depends if its worth pursing them by asking a question back otherwise it is polite to ask how they are too..
 
MsBuzzkillington

MsBuzzkillington

Well-known member
I definitely do this.

how are you? Fine, thanks.

What are you going to school for? blah blah.

Any brothers or sisters? nope....

Inside my head I am thinking, ask how about you? ask about them too, ask a question. But it never seems to come out. Once in awhile I will manage a mumbled, how about you? But it's pretty rare.
 
S

silent k

Well-known member
yes i close-answers all the time mainly because i cant think of anything to say . if i do want to say something i usually don't because if i do, i worry obsessively about how they feel and think about what i said. on top of that, now that i am known for being quiet what will people think if start talking all of a sudden
 
twiggle

twiggle

Well-known member
"hello, how are you?"
"i'm fine thanks, and you?"
"i'm good thanks"
"cool, what you been up to"
"this, that and this"
"ahhh, cool"
....
...
....
....
....
....
....


basically how all convos I have seem to go.
 
eternalnewb

eternalnewb

Well-known member
One of the classes I had to take in college was Communicating with others. We did a lot on using open ended questions and stuff. For one of our main projects we split into groups of six and had to take turns leading a conversation for at least 45mins. It also had to be filmed and we then had to watch it with our instructor and group to see how effectively we used open ended questions to keep the conversation going. The whole thing was a nightmare. I ended up doing okay, my Instructor said that although I mainly asked closed questions I asked them in a way that invtited people to elaborate or something like that. The worst part was that one of my group member accidentally taped over my interview so I had to do it all over again.
 
Hottie

Hottie

Well-known member
I have been told i am good at small talk...but i dont feel that i am. After the normal few sentances i feel like i freeze up and go blank.

I think this is common tho, even for people without SA.

I think we think about the little things too much. We feel that we are different because we have SA (i know we are because we cant relax).

What i mean is 'normal' people have these struggles to, we just get physical sympotoms too...
 
D

Duraldo

Well-known member
eternalnewb said:
One of the classes I had to take in college was Communicating with others. We did a lot on using open ended questions and stuff. For one of our main projects we split into groups of six and had to take turns leading a conversation for at least 45mins. It also had to be filmed and we then had to watch it with our instructor and group to see how effectively we used open ended questions to keep the conversation going. The whole thing was a nightmare. I ended up doing okay, my Instructor said that although I mainly asked closed questions I asked them in a way that invtited people to elaborate or something like that. The worst part was that one of my group member accidentally taped over my interview so I had to do it all over again.
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That sounds like the worst nightmare I have ever had. I had to take a Speech class too, but it wasn't anything like that, at least it was like solo work. I hate having to group with others. Either 2 things happen, I get left out of everything and just sit there acting like I have nothing to contribute, or I have to do all the damn work. We did have to film one of our speeches, god it was awful, I think the only way I could get thru your class is being under the influence :|, hell I had to be for some of the speeches just to get through them. Either 2 things happen, I get left out of everything and just sit there acting like I have nothing to contribute, or I have to do all the damn work.
 
Hottie

Hottie

Well-known member
oh i would like to add in...i work in a helpline which is really tough for me due to have to say open ended questions...but i have learnt to do it there (on the phone) but in person it is waaaaaaay more difficult
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
Hottie said:
oh i would like to add in...i work in a helpline which is really tough for me due to have to say open ended questions...but i have learnt to do it there (on the phone) but in person it is waaaaaaay more difficult
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yes, that was one of the most difficult things for me to learn, too

i worked as a 911 operator/dispatcher for over 10 years

you can't let the conversation die when it means the caller might die
 
Hottie

Hottie

Well-known member
coyote said:
yes, that was one of the most difficult things for me to learn, too

i worked as a 911 operator/dispatcher for over 10 years

you can't let the conversation die when it means the caller might die
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So true coyote, so true.... :)

I have had practise in college, from counselling practicles i have had to do but it hasnt made it any easier. I am good on the phone now and still imprving, but in person...not so good (thats how i feel, but i am told differently!)
 
Shant

Shant

Well-known member
Lonelykitsune said:
Some times ill reply 'Im ok,you?' they go 'fine' then I go 'thats good'.Coversation over lol
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Yeah, I'd have to go with this too, haha.

For politeness I'll end up following up with "how are you?" or something else that becomes automatic after a while. I'm doing that more and more often. But really continuing any conversation with others? Quite rarely.

Only if it's awkward and it's me and the other person and we're both just kind of not doing anything else, I'll probably go for the clichéd "so, about that weather today...", or look around the room for something to briefly talk about. I'm sure this just makes me look even more awkward, but it's not like they're doing anything to contribute to the conversation, lol.
 
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Darryl

Well-known member
See, that's why you need AvPD!

We get the final word in which is something trying to make them feel better... can't have them walking away and worring that we made a bad impact!!


Put that down in the AvPD vrs SA differences..
 
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