I know what you mean. I've come to the conclusion recently that growing up with anxiety and popularity centered lower school with only untrustworthy friends to be found, has left me with a strongly cemented "me".
This "me" is more or less built on egoism, jealousy and grudges, and self-criticism and comparison with others (instead of acknowledgement from people) for self-development.
Between the "me", growing up with healthy principles of threating others well, and always having tried to fit in (occasionally trying out being an *******, to appear loud and outgoing, etc), Im now a pretty sad character.
In the recent years I have tried to stop using facades, to just be "me", whenever Im with people - but that plan has backfired since the real "me" is not a person you would want to hang out with. Maybe its not as bad, but between the real "me" not being very good at meeting new people, my own bad perception of "me" and my avoidance, I dont feel good or confident about it.