Is anybody here dreaming to be the best?

Diend

Diend

Well-known member
Does trying to be the best at everything cause social anxiety? Your hopes are so high that you want to be the best at everything-- top everything!

"I do," says my Id.

"That's impossible though," says my ego.

"Or is it just your human instincts kicking in?" says my super-ego.

I think perfectionism is setting yourself up for misery and maybe even social phobia when you realize that being perfect isn't easy. This is just my story, forumers do you relate?
 
NathanielWingatePeaslee

NathanielWingatePeaslee

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Staff member
No. Crap no.

You know what happens when you're the best? All eyes are on you. Massive attention is focused on you. Pressure hits from all directions all the time because people expect you to be the best all the time.
 
Diend

Diend

Well-known member
NathanielWingatePeaslee said:
No. Crap no.

You know what happens when you're the best? All eyes are on you. Massive attention is focused on you. Pressure hits from all directions all the time because people expect you to be the best all the time.
Click to expand...

This is just my mind giving a sudden response: "Yeah when all eyes are on you, you're Superman...you're Spiderman...you're a hero!"

Sounds like my Id talking. >.< Or my naive teenage self talking. Forgot to tell you I was a teen.
 
S

seaturtle

Active member
Not the best, but I would like to make a some type of contribution in my field. However my lack of self confidence really impacts my productivity and motivation to even try.
 
Social_Monstrosity

Social_Monstrosity

Well-known member
In a way it does.

My parents always set ridiculously high expectations for me and I never met them. Thus I was berated for being "lesser".
 
worrywort

worrywort

Well-known member
hmm....yea I like to strive for perfection. I want to discover the truth about the universe and find out the right way to live, and then conform my life as close as possible to it, so yea in that sense my goal is to be the greatest I can be.

But I think it's very important to accept the fact that we WILL fail, we WILL fall short....and to be able to forgive ourselves for these imperfections, but continue to strive nonetheless.

The use of the word "best" however, I think raises a slightly different issue as it implies competition. To desire to be the best that you can be I think is fine, but to desire to be better than others I think invokes comparison issues such as greed and envy which can be a bit more dangerous, and may very well increase social anxiety. If you draw your sense of worth from your standing or "rank" amongst your peers then you're gonna feel worthless when you're last and worthy when you're first. So the solution is probably to draw your sense of worth from another source. [for me it's knowing that we're all created by God for a purpose].

But it's an interesting topic that I probably need to think about a lot more cause I'm definitely still guilty of competitiveness and social comparisons.
 
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moni10

Well-known member
Yes, I've tried to be the best in my class and this is what I got after getting good marks and taking part in school competitions: I got bullied a lot, so that I had to change school in the last year of high school, now I suffer from anxiety, panic attacks and PTSD.And all these involve: lack of concentration, eating disorders,I became coke addictive,I got difficulty in socializing, I'm always scared and worried.Only cause I wanted to have great achievements.
 
L

livinglife

New member
Diend said:
Does trying to be the best at everything cause social anxiety? Your hopes are so high that you want to be the best at everything-- top everything!

"I do," says my Id.

"That's impossible though," says my ego.

"Or is it just your human instincts kicking in?" says my super-ego.

I think perfectionism is setting yourself up for misery and maybe even social phobia when you realize that being perfect isn't easy. This is just my story, forumers do you relate?
Click to expand...

Maybe everyone has them. That's the nature of the ego I think. That's the effect of too much materialism and selfishness.

Of course, perfectionists are the ones who are very prone to anxiety disorders. In my case, I am suffering from too much perfectionism and this has caused my social anxiety. I'd been aware through readings that setting higher standards for yourself never bring success but total failure. I was wrong and now I realized.

NathanielWingatePeaslee said:
No. Crap no.

You know what happens when you're the best? All eyes are on you. Massive attention is focused on you. Pressure hits from all directions all the time because people expect you to be the best all the time.
Click to expand...

I can relate to this. My perfectionist attitude brought me a lot of honors at first but I can sense that I'm really feeling burnout. I never realized or foreseen that my perfectionism will lead me to total failure and misery as I am experiencing right now. I'm suffering from too much anxiety and I don't know how to get out from this misery.

worrywort said:
The use of the word "best" however, I think raises a slightly different issue as it implies competition. To desire to be the best that you can be I think is fine, but to desire to be better than others I think invokes comparison issues such as greed and envy which can be a bit more dangerous, and may very well increase social anxiety. If you draw your sense of worth from your standing or "rank" amongst your peers then you're gonna feel worthless when you're last and worthy when you're first. So the solution is probably to draw your sense of worth from another source. [for me it's knowing that we're all created by God for a purpose].
Click to expand...

That's absolutely true. Being the best is not wrong as long as you do not compare yourself and your experiences from others. We are born unique and we are told to believe that each one of us has unique purposes that God wants us to discover.

moni10 said:
Yes, I've tried to be the best in my class and this is what I got after getting good marks and taking part in school competitions: I got bullied a lot, so that I had to change school in the last year of high school, now I suffer from anxiety, panic attacks and PTSD.And all these involve: lack of concentration, eating disorders,I became coke addictive,I got difficulty in socializing, I'm always scared and worried.Only cause I wanted to have great achievements.
Click to expand...

I can relate to you. I'd tried my best to be the best among my peers but I never foresee the danger. I didn't know that I am actually doing the wrong thing. I never noticed that my drive to be the best is due to my perfectionism.
 
vj288

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
Diend said:
Does trying to be the best at everything cause social anxiety? Your hopes are so high that you want to be the best at everything-- top everything!

"I do," says my Id.

"That's impossible though," says my ego.

"Or is it just your human instincts kicking in?" says my super-ego.

I think perfectionism is setting yourself up for misery and maybe even social phobia when you realize that being perfect isn't easy. This is just my story, forumers do you relate?
Click to expand...

It's not the strive for being the best, but how you see yourself in terms of where you should be. Let's pretend you want to be the best tennis player in the world. If you lose your first match and think "I suck what was I thinking" that may lead to SA. With perfectionism one needs to incorporate imperfection into it. And be vague, the more specific the harder it is to meet expectations.

On a personal note I can relate, and tell you it first led to a feeling of complete worthlessness, which led to depression an SA. Make being perfect realistic, please, and give yourself credit for the good stuff.
 
Sinar_Matahari

Sinar_Matahari

Well-known member
Perhaps not the best, but exceptional at least in one way. Perfect in at least one way, but it would be impossible to be the best. At least with what I have in mind.
 
Dronee

Dronee

1
I don't think that deep down many people want to be 'the best' per se... just to be recognized as a worthwhile human being. Instead of just another wheel in the cog or a statistic.
 
M

moni10

Well-known member
livinglife said:
Maybe everyone has them. That's the nature of the ego I think. That's the effect of too much materialism and selfishness.

Of course, perfectionists are the ones who are very prone to anxiety disorders. In my case, I am suffering from too much perfectionism and this has caused my social anxiety. I'd been aware through readings that setting higher standards for yourself never bring success but total failure. I was wrong and now I realized.



I can relate to this. My perfectionist attitude brought me a lot of honors at first but I can sense that I'm really feeling burnout. I never realized or foreseen that my perfectionism will lead me to total failure and misery as I am experiencing right now. I'm suffering from too much anxiety and I don't know how to get out from this misery.



That's absolutely true. Being the best is not wrong as long as you do not compare yourself and your experiences from others. We are born unique and we are told to believe that each one of us has unique purposes that God wants us to discover.



I can relate to you. I'd tried my best to be the best among my peers but I never foresee the danger. I didn't know that I am actually doing the wrong thing. I never noticed that my drive to be the best is due to my perfectionism.
Click to expand...

Why do you say you did the wrong thing?Do you wish you weren't a perfectionist person?I really don't think the perfectionist ones have to change themselves.
 
sam89

sam89

Member
I definately relate to that... I always look for perfection in both myself and others, and neither is acheived. Inaccuracies in people around me, especially in speech and their sense of appreciation-which is always naturally violated- create inside me feelings of frustration. In myself, I know want to be blameless, striving to to get accpetance from all sides, which comes out to be practically impossibe.
 
arsenalwa

arsenalwa

Well-known member
sam89 said:
I definately relate to that... I always look for perfection in both myself and others, and neither is acheived. Inaccuracies in people around me, especially in speech and their sense of appreciation-which is always naturally violated- create inside me feelings of frustration. In myself, I know want to be blameless, striving to to get accpetance from all sides, which comes out to be practically impossibe.
Click to expand...

This pretty much sums it up for me.
 
EscapeArtist

EscapeArtist

Well-known member
that's exactly it for me. Yes, even after years of knowing that my perfectionism is the one ruining my life, I still have hopes to be "the best" at whatever I choose to do... because it's hard to let go of that dream and I don't know what I'd do without it, I guess I'd have to learn to value my own happiness and eventually I will forget about being perfect in the eyes of everybody else. In a sense I think our dreams of perfectionism give us something to live passionately for when we don't see ourselves as deserving of happiness, love or life
 
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