I don't like my dad much

[recluse]

My dad has never been proud of anything i do. When i was young boy and i had friends from school coming around he'd treat them more like his son's.

When i was young i had a bit of problem with my weight, i wasn't massively overweight but i was what you call chubby, My dad and i used to go to our next door neighbour if we ever needed help o'r to borrow tools o'r something and our neighbour did the same. Whenever we saw our neighbour, our neighbour would blatantly comment on my weight saying things like ''you've gone fat haven't you!''......Not once did my dad defend me and stick up for me...Never! My dad even said i was fat once as a kid when my jeans would no longer close.

As i got older i had lost weight initially due to anorexia, but upon recovery i took up cycling as a sport. I did some racing and i was never the fastest cyclist in the club i was among the slowest, but my dad never praised me, instead he'd praise other boys in the club as if they were his own son's.

My dad spoilt me pretty much but i wish he would just have been more supportive and emotionally close.

 

[Anomaly]

Hehe, my parents take great care to point out the things others are better in than me.

 

[Lorraine Manca]

im sorry to hear you dont like your dad, but you ought to be proud you overcame anorexia!! thats extremely difficult to do.

 

[recluse]

I got over anorexia from being forced to go to a counsellor and i'm glad, i would have died otherwise. It hasn't changed much of my insecurities though::

 

[redski]

I have a similar father in ways. Sometimes I think my own father has SA/SP.
I also think that my fathers way has led to my low selfworth which is correlated to my SA/SF.

This scares me as if someday I have my own kids I am afraid I will treat them
as my father did me.

 

[Kinetik]

I can relate. When I was a kid, I was definitely a lot more sensitive than the other boys. I could tell that my dad sensed that I was somehow different all those years and to me it felt like he would subtly disown me at times, especially in public settings. I cried more than the other kids, was less confident and self-sufficient, and craved reassurance and security a lot of the time. I knew he wanted a more macho, put-together son, and it did feel as if I never lived up to his expectations in that regard. At home he was emotionally disconnected; always wrapped up in business and instead throwing money at me whenever there was a problem, but cash can never make up for parental ineptitude. I could never simply talk about what I was struggling with because to him, my worries would always be irrational, foolish, trivial, or some combination of the three.

To this day I still drive him nuts with my fears and paranoia. I think he often wonders where the hell he went wrong when I go off on yet another tirade or crack like an egg in front of him for no clear reason. Having said that, I am a little closer with him these days and I think he does have some semblance of understanding for the way I am. Ultimately, I don't think he's a bad guy or anything; the older I get the more I realize that we're just so opposite, and I think I'm a lot for anyone to handle, father or not.

 

[Rodney]

I too am not very fond of my father. He tries very hard to talk to me but I do not try very hard to talk to him and when I do talk to him I just ask questions that I really could care less what the answers to them are. I think I do this because I resent who he is and his personality. He has a much better physique than me and is the most talkative/friendly person I know (able to strick up a conversation with anyone he meets anywhere).

He played a very active role in my sports. He was the coach for my baseball team but I always found that my team mates liked him more than they liked me because he would be able to have conversations and jokes with them while I could not. So in a way you could say I'm jealous of him but to me it feels more like I'm disgusted at him.

 

[Luke1993]

Perhaps, now that you are older, should try and talk to your dad again? Maybe get things right between you two? My dad left me when I was five so I never really got to know him. But it doesn't bother me too much.

 

[Noca]

My father is an angry and unhappy man.

 

[Jake123]

All the best cowboys have daddy issues...

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

My dad has never been proud of anything i do. When i was young boy and i had friends from school coming around he'd treat them more like his son's.

When i was young i had a bit of problem with my weight, i wasn't massively overweight but i was what you call chubby, My dad and i used to go to our next door neighbour if we ever needed help o'r to borrow tools o'r something and our neighbour did the same. Whenever we saw our neighbour, our neighbour would blatantly comment on my weight saying things like ''you've gone fat haven't you!''......Not once did my dad defend me and stick up for me...Never! My dad even said i was fat once as a kid when my jeans would no longer close.

As i got older i had lost weight initially due to anorexia, but upon recovery i took up cycling as a sport. I did some racing and i was never the fastest cyclist in the club i was among the slowest, but my dad never praised me, instead he'd praise other boys in the club as if they were his own son's.

My dad spoilt me pretty much but i wish he would just have been more supportive and emotionally close.

I don't like him very much either.

I think my own father did the same to my brother, though not as bad.
My brother & I were usually ahead of others in class, but anything less than exceptional and we were wasting his time.

When my illnesses started getting stronger, he lost it completely with me. He wanted to kick me (15, no money) out of the house, because I was struggling mentally. But my mother wouldn't allow it.
What was that he called me? Oh yes. A failure.

"Oh boy, I want to be a failure when I grow up!"

 

[dreamdoll]

luckily he died before ı killed him

 

[Cal]

I have major problems with my dad, and I honestly feel he's the core of ALL my problems. Growing up, I was constantly a witness to my dad's destructive and abusive behaviour, and was usually the one person who was on the receiving end of his deepest, darkest thoughts (like about suicide or his drug/alcohol addictions), whenever I saw him.

I want to ellaborate further, but there's so much to say I don't quite know where to start, or how to put it into words. All I can say is, my main aspiration in life has been to not turn out like him at all.

I don't want to sound cruel, but my dad deserves to be in prison for his actions, and he's damn lucky he isn't. I haven't had anything to do with him in 5 years.

 

[PennyLane]

I think my mum sees me as really weak for being this way. She tries so hard to help and be understanding but I think she reaches a point of frustration and is like "other people deal with these things too (eg general life stuff)....but they get on with it....your weaker". She tried to think of another word but couldn't.

Weak is now in my mind.

I also told her last night that I was embarrassed around my flatmates. She said "to be fiar they probably don't understand and dont think it's normal for someone to always be in their room...well its not normal"

so not normal is now in my mind!

 

[redski]

I think my mum sees me as really weak for being this way. She tries so hard to help and be understanding but I think she reaches a point of frustration and is like "other people deal with these things too (eg general life stuff)....but they get on with it....your weaker". She tried to think of another word but couldn't.

Weak is now in my mind.

I also told her last night that I was embarrassed around my flatmates. She said "to be fiar they probably don't understand and dont think it's normal for someone to always be in their room...well its not normal"

so not normal is now in my mind!

This won't be popular but sometimes I think of myself in that way.
That is, "Howcome I cannot function in the world like everybody else does..."

 

[PennyLane]

This won't be popular but sometimes I think of myself in that way.
That is, "Howcome I cannot function in the world like everybody else does..."

Yeah I do too, I think thats why its hard to hear it said to you.

I think all the time, why can't you just deal with things. Everyone else does.

Its a vicious cycle.I hope that it is all in my head the awful things I think about myself which cause my SA, but then the SA makes me behave in an unusual, isolating and unfriendly way...so people don't want to talk to me...which then reaffirms the negative thoughts about myself.

 

[redski]

Yeah I do too, I think thats why its hard to hear it said to you.

I think all the time, why can't you just deal with things. Everyone else does.

Its a vicious cycle.I hope that it is all in my head the awful things I think about myself which cause my SA, but then the SA makes me behave in an unusual, isolating and unfriendly way...so people don't want to talk to me...which then reaffirms the negative thoughts about myself.

Here is the recurring pattern again SA/SP is correlated to self esteem.
I have sent you a PM. This thread was about something else originally.

 

[Lorraine Manca]

As far as I know, there's only one solution to dealing with people your stuck with. I had horrible problems getting along with my step father as a kid. he looked scary to me when i was a kid,lots of tatoos, so i acted very strange around him. this set me up for years of living with someone who hated my guts and thought i didnt deserve to breathe. he actually pressured my mother to get rid of me when i was young, threatened divorce otherwise. now i'm on friendly terms with him and he started referring to me as his daughter, a complete 180. because i figured him out. he was a certified selfish bast_rd. most people with zero empathy are. when you talk to your father, make the conversation all about him. focus all of the attention on him, what he's doing, what he plans to do in the future. act intensly interested in his life, and he will treat you worlds better. the way people treat you is NEVER a reflection of you, it is a reflection of them.

 

[redski]

...the way people treat you is NEVER a reflection of you, it is a reflection of them.

Very smart words. Thank you!

 

[Mikefly]

Recluse yeah that's tough my Dad was/is kinda the same way but you sound like alot more nice guy than me. My dad criticized me mulitple times infront of other people and after a few times , i had enough and beat the hell out of him. I'm my own man ill do what i want and that mfer isn't gonna bring me down not unless he wants another beat down.... i mean me and my dad are good now but he used to belittle me and do stuff like your dad did, straighten his ass out or either ignore the mother ****er.