I don't like my dad much

[Why]

my dad always had a temper and argued with my mom and brother alot but atlesat there was no physical violence. He was a genuine nice person but a recluse as well, probably what shaped me and my brother. I think all his life he dealt with his personal issues and never could express them to get it fixed. Sadly he is not here nemore because of that.. ill miss him

 

[CharleneProst]

I used to fall into the trap of blaming my parents for how I turned out. Here is why I say blaming is a trap:

When you blame you give your power away. By taking responsibility for how you think and act now you become the creator of your own life. So long as you play the victim role you will never have the life you want.

I know it's hard at times and sometimes it can feel really good to blame our parents but trust me, in the long run you need to let it go.

Our parents did the best they knew how, and their parents the same and on and on. We could go all the way back to Adam and Eve and even then we won't feel any better.

My advice is to disengage from the blame game.

 

[lost90]

well my dad is an angry compulsive gambling thief, recently found out when i checked my bank account that he had stolen over £1,600 out of my account i hide my bank card for this reason but he searched for it and found it and he had gone through all my bank documents to get the pin and all the money he stolen which i had needed for my driving lessons and getting my license he had gambled away all £1,600 of it im seriously fked off about it but theres nothing i can do he never had any intention of telling me i had to find out for myself.

 

[Noca]

I used to fall into the trap of blaming my parents for how I turned out. Here is why I say blaming is a trap:

When you blame you give your power away. By taking responsibility for how you think and act now you become the creator of your own life. So long as you play the victim role you will never have the life you want.

I know it's hard at times and sometimes it can feel really good to blame our parents but trust me, in the long run you need to let it go.

Our parents did the best they knew how, and their parents the same and on and on. We could go all the way back to Adam and Eve and even then we won't feel any better.

My advice is to disengage from the blame game.

I don't think most of the people here with bad father's are giving excuses for how their life turned out, instead they are giving reasons why their life turned out the way it did. In order to move on from something you cant be in denial of it, you have to accept how it is and then forgive, forget, and move on with your life.

 

[recluse]

To be honest i resent the fact that possibly my parents gave me sa. Although i do love them, seeing my mother being neurotic and insecure through my childhood was never confidence inspiring. My mother is very insecure, and she accuses my dad of having affairs. As a child i would see my mother cry on many occasions just out of the blue with no apparent reason.

 

[Richey]

The problem with some parents is that for the first thirteen years of bringing up their children they are literally controlling and conditioning that childs behaviour in some way. then suddenly BAM!! that child starts to rebel and becomes more independent and alot of parents go about handling it the wrong way. they dont see it as a positive veering off, instead they see it as rebelling against the parent rather then being independent. certain parents take the role of nags rather then trying to be a positive influence, nagging is more of a guilt trip method of parenting. so i find alot of parents lack people and proper communication skills for parenting to begin with which can then cause their kids to become very bitter and parnoid simply being around them.

I remember when my sister would go out to a party and she was an hour later then what she said she'd be(this was before mobile phones around 1998). as soon as she came home my dad had his bags packed with clothes and threatened to move out and leave everyone, divorce mum. alot of game playing like that and psychologically inflicting guilt upon us as kids happened all the time. Dad was the all conquering leader and you did as he said. every house hold chore had to be perfect otherwise you were lectured for hours.

Unfortunately alot of people who were born in the 1940's/50's have that really old fashioned and conservative authoritarian method of parenting. its the parents from the 1960's/70's who are more likely to be easy going and friendly towards their kids. of course that is generalising but it seems to be a factor in conditioning.

Both my parents had dysfunctional family upbringings, neither had fathers, one left and the other died young so my parents were conditioned and took the role of the authoritarian father figures for their brothers and sisters.

so i grew up paranoid at high school from the bullying then i'd go home and feel paranoid that any miniscule or trivial action would cause my mum or dad to yell for an hour. it was a very negative and fearful environment to grow up in.

however i know that dad has a geat sense of humour and at work around his work friends he is a different person where he feels the most comfortable. he just has temper problems and tends to be arrogant with tunnel vision, people like that are hard to get on with especially living with them, because its his way or the highway sort of thing.

 

[redski]

To be honest i resent the fact that possibly my parents gave me sa. Although i do love them, seeing my mother being neurotic and insecure through my childhood was never confidence inspiring. My mother is very insecure, and she accuses my dad of having affairs. As a child i would see my mother cry on many occasions just out of the blue with no apparent reason.

I feel the same sometimes. My mom has mental problems of her own but far more severe
then what I have with my SA. So growing up with a mother with such problems was probably
not good for me as a kid and I think this still haunts me to this day. My father traveled a lot in
my youth and left me alone with her, I have no brothers or sisters, no family in this country which we live in.

 

[redski]

The problem with some parents is that for the first thirteen years of bringing up their children they are literally controlling and conditioning that childs behaviour in some way. then suddenly BAM!! that child starts to rebel and becomes more independent and alot of parents go about handling it the wrong way. they dont see it as a positive veering off, instead they see it as rebelling against the parent rather then being independent. certain parents take the role of nags rather then trying to be a positive influence, nagging is more of a guilt trip method of parenting. so i find alot of parents lack people and proper communication skills for parenting to begin with which can then cause their kids to become very bitter and parnoid simply being around them...

You got some good reasoning there and I fully agree with you.

 

[Kien]

I have thought of killing my dad in the future a few times. I never liked him. Never like when he's home, when I have to sit next to him at the table, when I have to talk to him. Scared of him being angry. Made me fear him. Always had the picture that a father isn't the parent you really like. No kid can like their father much. That's what I thought always was natural. I have always wondered if other kids felt the same. Both me and my brother wonder if he ever wanted to have kids.

Thanks to this and poor social skills I became pretty much a mama's boy. I only speak to my dad when necesseary. I never ask him for help if my mother is nearby. I don't want to have anything to do with him. His bare presence here in the house bothers me. I want him to stay longer at work. I like when he and his work friends go out some rare time to have fun so he won't be home much of the evening.

My father hasn't beaten me or such. No typical horrible father. Just a grumpy always angry serious face looking old man. No one you want to have a conversation with. No one you expect to make you smile our share any interrest with. Easy to anger he always were. Shouting at me, I however was weird no so good kid though, and I'm sure that's because I have some minor personality dissorders ( like why I am here ). I am always very hurt whenever someone shouts at me angry or tells me I have done something wrong. I think it can be partly because of my unpleasant dad.

Sometimes I have thought if I should show the family how much I liked him by not coming on his funeral. Anyhow, I won't say much words about me missing him on that day.