Self Acceptance

[CeeJay1981]

Can you say "No matter how I feel about myself - I deeply and completely accept myself anyway"???

As you say that your mind may come up with all kinds of objections like "If only I was a bit thinner" "If only I was better looking" "If only I was more outgoing" "I am just not good enough the way I am."

What would it be like to really FEEL "Even though my life is not where I want to be right now I deeply honour and accept myself as a person anyway"

True liberation and freedom is when you can get to the place where you can say this and MEAN IT!

For me personally this was very difficult in the beginning but it is getting easier. The more I say it and mean it, the better I feel about myself and the more outgoing and open I am around others. This in turn makes them more amenable towards me and it creates a self reinforcing cycle.

One resource that has helped me A LOT is EFT (emotional freedom technique)

I want to recommend that you check the podcast on iTunes.com "Tap Talk Radio" with Carol Look and Rick Wilkes. It's really interesting.

As ever, take it easy out there and I will endeavour to keep you guys posted on any useful stuff I can find to help you.

Chris

 

[Anomaly]

I find it easier to accept myself when I consider not who I am, but what I've accomplished.

 

[Anubis]

Good post. #1 underlying problem is that we don't accept who we are. It's like we think that if we forget about our true selves enough (age, body weight, athletic ability, interests, intelligence, etc) and supplement ourselves with external markers of success, we can get rid of our shame and transcend into a state of bliss.

We've abandoned ourselves like an abusive parent, and we wonder why we hurt.

 

[SnowWolf]

I've been diagnosed with BDD so it feels like an impossibility to me. I detest what I see looking back at me in the mirror.

 

[doesit]

in theory every book,article,hypnosis,ACT,CBT therapies are teaching this stuff-accept the situation and the way you feel,but in reality you need to put a lot of effort of hard work and in most situations a professional help for it to even start making small changes in a persons mind.

 

[BlackKids]

I'm getting close to been able to say that and truely mean it. Alot better than I was. If somebody said something negative I would spend hours, days things about it. I can generally forget it straight away now

 

[PennyLane]

I'm soooo far from being able to say that! My life is actually really good....Its myself I hate.

 

[Blue Teardrops]

EFT....I need that. I need to learn how to accept myself without depending on others' acceptance of me. I don't like myself 99% of the time...my personality, my looks, my voice, etc. I am miles away from self-acceptance.

 

[Anubis]

I'm getting close to been able to say that and truely mean it. Alot better than I was. If somebody said something negative I would spend hours, days things about it. I can generally forget it straight away now

Yea, that's the power of shame.

----

I have found that whenever you feel shame, you are essentially identifying with the aggressor (the "inner" voice most likely originating from an authority figure or friend). You feel terrible that someone is saying mean things to you, but at the same time, you kind of see where your aggressor is coming from. So you begin to feel embarrassed at yourself for the flaw that your aggressor has pointed out. You don't want to be associated with someone who embarrassing, so you attempt to run away from yourself. That's that feeling of "embarrassing escape" you feel whenever you're shamed. But since you are that "embarrassing" person, you can't escape from yourself. That's why shame feels so inescapable. You literally can't escape.

You are cured when you stop, turn back around, and accept yourself no matter what you do. Most people keep running though. That's how depression starts.

 

[mdjww]

Right on, write on about whatever you feel best.

 

[JCS008]

I have no choice but to do so. Let's call it self-acceptance, with a consistant drive to improve drastically.

 

[Rxqueen]

Yea, that's the power of shame.

----

I have found that whenever you feel shame, you are essentially identifying with the aggressor (the "inner" voice most likely originating from an authority figure or friend). You feel terrible that someone is saying mean things to you, but at the same time, you kind of see where your aggressor is coming from. So you begin to feel embarrassed at yourself for the flaw that your aggressor has pointed out. You don't want to be associated with someone who embarrassing, so you attempt to run away from yourself. That's that feeling of "embarrassing escape" you feel whenever you're shamed. But since you are that "embarrassing" person, you can't escape from yourself. That's why shame feels so inescapable. You literally can't escape.

You are cured when you stop, turn back around, and accept yourself no matter what you do. Most people keep running though. That's how depression starts.

I know exactly what u mean by identifying with the aggressor...i feel like that all the time. Someone will say something so cruel and mean to me and instead of putting that on them and their lack of self confidence in themselves I just say, "They're right." Its really hard to get out of that state of mind, but I think I'm getting slightly better at it. I'm one of those people that's always wondering what others are thinking and am constantly anxious of what other people think of me, so this is one of the hardest things I think I'll have to get over. Accepting yourself is ten times harder than what people say because of all the negativity that you're constantly bombarded with from others and especially from yourself.

 

[2Crowded]

I think im fairly well at this lately... because i just did have someone call me every negetive thing you could possibly think of today in an email...& after I thought about it for a bit I just had to laugh it off because I know that everything they said was basicly un-true & spewed in anger to try to ruin my day..(It didnt..I had a good day)..& even if it was true..I really could care aless what this person thinks about me because they really dont matter to me...I only care what people that are close to me think..the people that really care about me...those are the only people that matter really....everyone else can talk to the hand.

 

[Blue Teardrops]

Yea, that's the power of shame.

----

I have found that whenever you feel shame, you are essentially identifying with the aggressor (the "inner" voice most likely originating from an authority figure or friend). You feel terrible that someone is saying mean things to you, but at the same time, you kind of see where your aggressor is coming from. So you begin to feel embarrassed at yourself for the flaw that your aggressor has pointed out. You don't want to be associated with someone who embarrassing, so you attempt to run away from yourself. That's that feeling of "embarrassing escape" you feel whenever you're shamed. But since you are that "embarrassing" person, you can't escape from yourself. That's why shame feels so inescapable. You literally can't escape.

You are cured when you stop, turn back around, and accept yourself no matter what you do. Most people keep running though. That's how depression starts.

Wow, very well stated.

 

[CeeJay1981]

Wow. Some amazing responses there. Thanks guys

 

[Jake123]

When someone insults me or says something negative or whatever (no matter how cruel), I always take it to heart and it affects me. I figure why would they say it unless it was true? I feel that unless they really thought those things there would be no point in saying it so I give them a benefit of the doubt, and I believe them. I pretty much believe anything anyone tells me about myself, even if it's one random person from the internet who means absolutely nothing to me, it's added to my list of "things I hate about myself"
It's hard to imagine people coming up with things out of thin air just to hurt me, so I accept it and I absolutely hate every single aspect of myself.
I don't accept myself in any way. The only way I could ever accept myself is if I was someone else.

 

[cobalt_bluester]

i can't really accept myself, as I don't accept the way I am and the fact that I am just too sensitive and neurotic. If I felt good (fat chance of that) then I am sure I would accept myself a whole lot more than I do.

 

[cobalt_bluester]

I think im fairly well at this lately... because i just did have someone call me every negetive thing you could possibly think of today in an email...& after I thought about it for a bit I just had to laugh it off because I know that everything they said was basicly un-true & spewed in anger to try to ruin my day..(It didnt..I had a good day)..& even if it was true..I really could care aless what this person thinks about me because they really dont matter to me...I only care what people that are close to me think..the people that really care about me...those are the only people that matter really....everyone else can talk to the hand.

2Crowded, I think this is a very healthy way of looking at things i.e. only caring what the people close to you think. I will have to bear this in mind as I think it could certainly help a bit. Thanks.

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

I find it easier to accept myself when I consider not who I am, but what I've accomplished.

For me it's the opposite. I find it easier to accept myself when I consider who I am as opposed to what I have achieved. I know I have many positive points to myself but I just haven't done shit with my life. Scratch that out. It may not take a genius to start a family, sometimes it's easy to raise a family and sometimes it is a challenge. Having a family may not mean much of anything to college students or single people who have a great career, but it's what I've always wanted for myself. It's what I wanted before anything else. Other than bettering myself as a person, when I think about what I have, there is nothing else that I want in the world.

 

[this_portrait]

I find that it's easier to accept myself in all my insecurities and screwed up personality, instead of trying to be someone else. I'm actually finding that accepting myself is making me feel better about myself as well.