[Experiment] People sitting beside you in the public bus.
- Thread starter Newtype
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X-Rated
Well-known member
In my efforts to overcome my social anxiety, I've started doing the opposite of some things that I used to do. One of those things that I used to do is that I used to put my school bag on the seat next to me in order to prevent someone from sitting beside me. Of course, that's not a nice thing to do, lol.
Anyway, I go to school every day and I have to take the public bus to get there. Every other passenger in the bus are students too. There are more people than there are places available in the bus, so some people are standing sometimes. Since last August, I've been keeping my bag on my legs in order to encourage people to sit beside me. However, I've noticed something really strange.
Even with the seat beside me free, no one is sitting beside me. At first, I thought it was just a coincidence that on many occasions no one sat beside me, but now it's March and nothing's changed! That's when I decided to have a little experiment. Every day, twice a day, I leave the seat next to me free and I check to see if someone will sit beside me. It rarely happens, no matter who the person is. Whether the person is a guy or a girl, whether they are beautiful or not, they all react the same. They just don't sit beside me.
Even when the seat beside me is the last seat available, often they prefer staying up then sitting beside me. Every day it's the same pattern. It doesn't seem like people are trying to avoid me at all cost. They are! How else could I justify this? It's not my SA playing tricks on me, these are facts! Not only that, but there's nothing wrong with me. There's nothing wrong with my face, I don't smell bad either. Some might say that I'm a good-looking guy too.
Tonight, the seat beside me was once again available, and the guy on the other side, the seat beside him was available too. A drop-dead gorgeous girl entered the bus and she sat beside him, not beside me!!! WHY!!!??? This is mystery to me! I know this whole thing sounds funny, but for me it's serious. I want an explanation to this phenomenon. ::
Don`t worry about it !! Usually,when students go to school by bus they go with their friends.That's why nobody occupies the seat besides you.They don't want to leave their friends just to sit down. And it makes sense. When i go by bus and I'm with friends and don't want to leave them just to have seat either...
As for the hot chick, it was probably a coincidence or maybe the seat behind you was closer to you...There are endless reasons why she chose to sit besides that guy and not besides you.
Don't think about it ,as it makes your matters worse because you notice only the experiences that have had a negative impact upon you....
shybutsexy
Well-known member
Are you fat? because people go for wider spots so they can feel more confortable, i remember back when i was fat no one would sit with me, then i lost weight and they started sitting with me.
If thats not case then just sit and look out the window, and someone will sit besides you. Dont look at the people that are getting in the bus.
If thats not case then just sit and look out the window, and someone will sit besides you. Dont look at the people that are getting in the bus.
Newtype
Well-known member
The other guy was listening to his iPod, lol.
I would sit next to the girl that I find the most attractive. Why? Because... I dunno. I guess I secretly want her to talk to me, but they never talk to me, hehe.
No I don't. I actually thought about this, so every time I'm in the bus, I try to have a neutral face. Doesn't change anything.
I don't look like my avatar, lol.
I think instead of sitting by yourself and waiting for someone to sit next to you, that you should sit next to someone who is sitting by themself. Try that and let us know how that turns out!
I sit next to people sometimes. I'm rarely one of the last people to enter the bus, so I rarely have to sit next to someone. I don't have any problem sitting next to someone, no matter how they look. I always politely ask if I can sit, but I don't have to do that. I can't even imagine someone here saying that they don't want you to sit next to them.
It's not possible. All the people in the bus are new people that weren't there when I used to do that.
No, I'm not fat. Also, I'm already looking out the window. That's what I did with the girl, didn't work.
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Your replies are certainly interesting guys. I don't know if I'll ever find the answer to this riddle. I'm still thinking about it.
DespairSoul
Well-known member
Good thread. Well this is one of my SA bad experience where i start feel first time the strongest anxiety was a bus, people did to me exactly what is happening to u. Later i start putting bag there coz i was upset they don't want seat beside me and i wasn't wanting they will do it anyway coz i would be yet more nerves. Often i pretended i'm sleeping (i was awake) to not look at people which neither stand around as seat next to me. I think was coz of my extremely serious tensed face or just they decide im to weird or ugly whatever *sigh*. Well i agree with people what say keep u busy may help, is true. Also if u looked them a lot like "please mate seat beside me" or "like ??? in eyes" then they wont never do that. I agree also with opinion that girl was feeling better if she sat to the average man as to really good looking one. I would do the same coz i will feel better. If u would seat next to much good looking person i will feel uncomfortable coz im insecure about myself and next to some "miss of universe or idol of the october" i would feel like piece of crap.
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coyote
Well-known member
probably
unless the seat next to the "average girl" was facing the "hot girl" - then I'd sit there so I could gaze longingly at her
if I sat next to the "hot girl," I would spend the whole trip simultaneously hoping and fearing that she would interact with me
[Note: IMO most often average girls are more attractive than hot girls - so replace the above scenario with "attractive girl" vs "unattractive girl"]
miss_amy
Well-known member
I'd feel just as nervous sitting next to anyone, whether they were hot or not. I would chose the nearest seat because the walking down the bus would be more uncomfortable to me than being seated. If I'm on a long bus trip I tend to do 'leave me alone' behaviour like read or listen to music but if someone does talk to me I chat just fine and end up feeling happy that they did talk to me. People do chose to sit in empty seats next to me, I must look unthreatening.
eso
Well-known member
There may be something about you that you don't notice at all that is giving off the wrong vibe.
Like the other guy said, i also have a pissed off face all the time, it's stuck like that, even though i am usually happy most times.
But your problem could be anything. There's no way to know until you ask a lot of people to give their opinion on what they think of your "look".
Like the other guy said, i also have a pissed off face all the time, it's stuck like that, even though i am usually happy most times.
But your problem could be anything. There's no way to know until you ask a lot of people to give their opinion on what they think of your "look".
DespairSoul
Well-known member
Very good said, ya exactly it's authority figure and this make me seat somewhere else, the same about female, if i see some really attractive female i wouldn't seat there.
Edit>Insecurity and avoiding contact with people where i don't feel safe, i feel not in danger but i have to thinking all the time they compare me to person what seat next to me. Mostly so attractive people judge a lot because they think they can do anything what they want if nature was so generous to them.
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LonelyWonders
Well-known member
Mabey it's because you put your bag there for so long, if the people are usual people they may have seen that you were doing that and just decided to leave you alone, or mabey it's a routine type thing. They just mark that seet as unavailable. If it's new people then they might see that your nervous about it or something and don't want to bother you.
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People rarely sit next to me on the bus or anywhere else (not that I've taken a bus in years) but I suspect it's because I've developed a kind of eff-off face that I tend to adopt when out in public. It suits me because I don't actually like being around people. I'm certainly not craving attention from strangers so it doesn't bother me in the least if they don't sit by me. Plus, I love my personal space.
If I see a hot woman in a situation like that then I simply figure "wrong time, wrong place" because really, the only time I'd be inclined to approach her is if I was wasted at a bar or something anyway.
If I see a hot woman in a situation like that then I simply figure "wrong time, wrong place" because really, the only time I'd be inclined to approach her is if I was wasted at a bar or something anyway.
JamesSmith
Well-known member
I don't know about all of you, but I hate the bus with a passion. I spend way too much money on car insurance and gas just so I don't have to ride the bus. I'd rather be broke than ride that thing.
To the OP, you are mad because people don't sit next you? You should be very happy people don't sit next you. I hated it when people would even sit near me on the bus. I would always put my bag on the seat next to me. There are so many smelly, trashy people on buses. So many weird, abnormal people too. I thought I was a weirdo until I rode the bus for a year and found out how many creepers and shady people live in my city that ride the bus. I'm normal compared to a lot of the people on buses, which is saying a lot considering I have extreme SAD.
I have rode the University bus before, and it was a lot different. Students are much more clean than the people on public buses. So I guess all buses aren't total hell, although i still hated the University bus because it was even more busy with lots of loud kids on there.
Another thing to the OP, part of the reason people aren't sitting next to you is because people can sense anxiety, and it makes them nervous. They may be feeling what happens in this quote:
“The shy man does have some slight revenge upon society for the torture it inflicts upon him. He is able, to a certain extent, to communicate his misery. He frightens other people as much as they frighten him. He acts like a damper upon the whole room, and the most jovial spirits become, in his presence, depressed and nervous.”-Jerome K. Jerome
To the OP, you are mad because people don't sit next you? You should be very happy people don't sit next you. I hated it when people would even sit near me on the bus. I would always put my bag on the seat next to me. There are so many smelly, trashy people on buses. So many weird, abnormal people too. I thought I was a weirdo until I rode the bus for a year and found out how many creepers and shady people live in my city that ride the bus. I'm normal compared to a lot of the people on buses, which is saying a lot considering I have extreme SAD.
I have rode the University bus before, and it was a lot different. Students are much more clean than the people on public buses. So I guess all buses aren't total hell, although i still hated the University bus because it was even more busy with lots of loud kids on there.
Another thing to the OP, part of the reason people aren't sitting next to you is because people can sense anxiety, and it makes them nervous. They may be feeling what happens in this quote:
“The shy man does have some slight revenge upon society for the torture it inflicts upon him. He is able, to a certain extent, to communicate his misery. He frightens other people as much as they frighten him. He acts like a damper upon the whole room, and the most jovial spirits become, in his presence, depressed and nervous.”-Jerome K. Jerome
Silentknight
Well-known member
If I was unable to stand (since that's most likely what I would do) I would sit next to the one I'm least attracted to (doesn't necessarily mean the average girl) I tend to avoid putting myself in a situation that might force me to socialize since I'm too nice to just ignore a person.
Social_Monstrosity
Well-known member
When I rode my school bus for a very short period of time I remember nobody sitting next to me.
In the classroom is where I really felt alienated. I always had an empty seat next to me.
In the classroom is where I really felt alienated. I always had an empty seat next to me.
Hottie
Well-known member
IMO i think you are thinking about this to much..... People dont really care where they sit or not...al they really care about is if they get a seat or not.
If people were not to sit beside certain people it would only be becase they either found them imitating, looking dangerous, drunks, drug addicts or a group of people taking up space.
I dont think it i something to worry about....
But as someone before mentioned...why dont you sit beside someone?
If people were not to sit beside certain people it would only be becase they either found them imitating, looking dangerous, drunks, drug addicts or a group of people taking up space.
I dont think it i something to worry about....
But as someone before mentioned...why dont you sit beside someone?
AsTimeBurns
Well-known member
Yeah I tend to sit on my own as well, and put a bag on the seat if it's a bus or a coach or something, but usually that's because it's uncomfortable shoving it under the chair.
I do remember once at school I was sat at one desk, with a spare seat next to me. Then two other guys on the other side of that one, and one of their girlfriends came in and refused to sit next to him as they would have to sit next to me as well, so he had to switch seats so she wasn't next to me.
Pretty harsh :s
I do remember once at school I was sat at one desk, with a spare seat next to me. Then two other guys on the other side of that one, and one of their girlfriends came in and refused to sit next to him as they would have to sit next to me as well, so he had to switch seats so she wasn't next to me.
Pretty harsh :s
Surrogate
Active member
From the initial information you gave, it's quite hard to explain why they don't wish to sit beside you. It could be because of the impression you give (how they judge you), negative energy (like someone said earlier.. or I would like to call this 'body language'), or just plain bad luck.
We have to be honest that we're living in a world that's full of imbalance and impurities, so not everything will be 'righteous' like how it's written on the paper. But I'm not implying anything because I don't personally know you.
Of course, if it's none of the above, then that's quite a puzzling question! I honestly can't explain it with the limited information you've provided.
We have to be honest that we're living in a world that's full of imbalance and impurities, so not everything will be 'righteous' like how it's written on the paper. But I'm not implying anything because I don't personally know you.
Of course, if it's none of the above, then that's quite a puzzling question! I honestly can't explain it with the limited information you've provided.
Welcome to my life. On the bus, in class--people will stay out of my way everywhere I go. It almost feels like a gift. I've been going to school for some time now and semester after semester, people will avoid me. I have seen people, on the first day of class, prefer to stand in the back of the classroom as if there weren't any more seats available rather than sit next to me. In my med terminology class last semester, every row was filled to the brim except mine. A couple people sat in my row across the room; there were like 5+ empty seats between us. In my entire time at this school, I have only gotten into one conversation with another student.
I have very good hygiene and am not horribly offensive to the eyes. My guess is I subconsciously have the body language and maybe the expressions of someone who wants to be alone and people react to it very strongly.
I have very good hygiene and am not horribly offensive to the eyes. My guess is I subconsciously have the body language and maybe the expressions of someone who wants to be alone and people react to it very strongly.