Why are you depressed at the moment?

My post from November 2012:

Last week I met my former highschool mate on the way home. Back then she had a boyfriend, then with another she had a baby. 10 years ago she had my phone number, since we went to lunch once (studying in the same town). So last week we chatted and we went each one in its own direction. About 10 min later by phone rang; I didn't have the number stored, and it was she. I normally do not exaggerate, but my the shock I received because of that call was monumental. She told me that she tried the number to see if it still works. And-she was interested where am I; and if I could wait her or come back there so we could walk together to home(town). I said that I am far away (i was about 500m), and maybe next time...

I know it is stupid to think of anything (she has a baby, she probably still has a boyfriend) but I just want to say that in 10 years of my life this was really a heart-breaking moment for me. I experienced that one girl not only phoned me but asked for a walk. I am now waiting me to calm down and to return to "normal". To wait for 2022.

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And so yesterday her friend told me... that this girl was in love with me.

I pretty much heard this sequence of words and my name in it. I didn't dare to ask here when, probably in high school? But she had boyfriend then.

It was a shock and disbelief and I can't sleep for 2 days now. Especially since I liked her too. I always thought it is impossible that a girl likes me and vice-versa.

An hour ago I was reading a book and just looked through the window. I saw the sun wanting to beat the rain; but when looking at the landscape, it looked unreal, like seeing it for the first time. Like just before waking up when your head is clear and you feel no fears, no pessimistic thoughts. This moment lasted maybe for ten seconds. Even if it was short, it meant a lot to me, maybe it wanted to show me, how life looks through new glasses.

The glasses are gone now, and instead there is a little worm in my stomach, thinking what it could be, if I could visit the past again.

depressed because i dont know how to talk to people, and always say the wrong thing or respond to something a little wrong. even my boyfriend. and im worried itll push him away.
im just too socially awkward =[ and hate myself for it

I have no friends, I have no life, I have no job, I have nothing. I'm trying to find myself but Idk what to do...

I'm in my 20's. Never worked, never will.

Drop uni.

0 GFs, 0 friends.

Afraid of social situations. Even if I weren't I wouldn't like people at all. I am introverted, being around people drains my energy so fast.

No future, no one to care. Probably gonna be dead in 5 years or so.

Just ended another relationship, same pattern - first two, three months are great, then a steep decline until I feel nothing..
Everytime I see a couple in love I feel like I was not give the tools to enojoy this life..sometimes only the fear of the unknown world that awaits beyond this life prevents me from moving forward..

I don't know what to do with my life, society is sick, people are animals, the world is just tragic.

bluebells said:

I don't know what to do with my life, society is sick, people are animals, the world is just tragic.

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Aye. Here, here. Ah feel the same way...

There is not one day that I am not depressed I am depressed every min of every waking day and I always will be .. its not my fault I am like this the world made me angry and bitter .. all people do is laugh and stair at me like I am some 1920s bloody freakshow I hate people I hate the world twice as much as hitler hated the Jews I had hopes dreams goals and wishes and I lost everything them my south conference my self a stream my self worth .. people made me the person I am today I am always going to be depressed angry and bitter with a chip on my shoulder till the day I live .. I am recreation of the world around me I lost everything thanks to people treating me like I am some kind of freak bloody show .thanks people thanks world ... Every day of my life for the past I don't know 5 maybe 7 yrs I have been depressed and it WILL NEVER CHANGE they made me like this sadly and I am left mopping up the pieces ......... Thanks cruel world for nothing for making me a empty shell of a man

I don't have a paying job, my younger brother is considering getting married and I'm still a 24 year old virgin, my number of friends is dropping like flies. The only way to get a job is to network and socialize. And the cycle continues indefinitely, creating a purposeless void in my life.

Good thing some good sake and video games act as a decent substitute for a sense of purpose.

My mother hates me. I hate my mother. I'm young and will probably remain dependent of her financially for some more time. Until then, I can't leave the house and escape her emotional abuse. I was thinking about several ways in which I could kill myself a few days ago, but I'm not sure if I'm suicidal or it was just some intrusive thought product of my OCD.

Every time I think about the damage she's done to me (lower my self-esteem to the ground, make me loathe my personality and myself overall because of the things I'm interested in, make me have a really bad temper like she does, force her religion into me, insult my obsessions and deny I need psychological help) I want to run away from home, but I just can't...

And I have to see and listen to her every single day.

I can't seem to connect either. Yesterday I spoke with my uncle on the phone. He's one of my favorite uncles so I feel comfortable speaking with him, but I coudn't add vitality to the conversation. He asked me questions and I replied with “yes”, “I agree”, “that's right”, “you're right,” etc. Basically very short answers, not even complete sentences. And the whole time my mind was telling me, “stop being so boring! Say something!” But my head is empty and I couldn't think of much (is this one of the side effects of meditation?).

PLus, my cousin wanted me to add another cousin on FB! She just got married but I'm not very close to her. I thought it was weird how she told everybody except my mom that she's getting married. My mom only found out about this through an uncle. Plus, whenever I ask my mom about her relatives, she doesn't tell me much about them anymore. Sometimes, she would cut me off and say "hush, don't talk about this..."

Anyways, I'm not active on FB so I'm not going to add the cousin because it will just be a waste of time. If she wants to connect, she's welcome to find me on Google+.