What/who do you think caused your SA?

What factors do you think contributed to you suffering from social anxiety, or perhaps who do you think caused it? I know it's a tricky one to answer, and it's not always a single factor

For me personally, I think it was a mix of being overly attached to a parent and not experiencing the outside world as a child, as well as humiliation and ridicule at school.

I think mine was mainly caused by 10 years of being bullied at school and a lot of bad experiences with social situations.

simpsons2007 said:

I think mine was mainly caused by 10 years of being bullied at school and a lot of bad experiences with social situations.

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^ Same!
::

ahh... well... being bullied/ physically and mentally abused by most people I'd come in contact with-- and probably Genetics as well.
I've got all the same problems as my father and they developed around the same time, too.

There were 2 big events that pushed me to become agoraphobic. I don't think my phobia will ever go away... maybe fade slightly where I can have a semi-normal life... but it'll always come back and destroy everything.

Easy. Secondary school: bullies and teachers. I was shy before I went to that school, but I certainly didn't have any problems around people that I was familiar with. Bullies are obvious - they liked to beat up my friends and me because we were different to them. They wore hoodies instead of their full school uniform and had those so-called "tramline" haircuts (no offence to anybody here that might wear hoodies and have haircuts like that!), and we - well, we didn't.

The teachers are just as much to blame for allowing it to happen. One time I was hit by a bully, and having seen it a teacher did nothing. On another occasion, I was hit very hard indeed, so I had to go home. My parents were on the warpath, because they're great like that about bullies, and this is what the deputy head told them - if I took steps to change how I look, then I wouldn't stand out as a target. I didn't take his rubbish advice, why should I have? But that did make me feel absolutely awful about it, and I have ever since. I just don't want to change how I look to be like all the people that I've ever hated.

My favourite one of all, one time a popular girl didn't seem to want us within a 10 metre radius of her in the classroom, even though no other computers were working, so guess what? The teacher, to try and get in with the popular kids by picking on us, like most of the others, made us move instead of telling her to stop being so rude. What did I learn from that? Don't bother with people I don't like, and don't like people that don't like me. So now I keep myself completely to myself, I don't tell people in real life things about me, and I always worked alone in group projects, even if that meant I had to do four times the work.

The P.E. teachers were the absolute worst - they seemed to believe that because we were bad at P.E. and had no sporting talent whatsoever, that we must be terrible at every other subject. I'd like to think that there's no truth in that at all, but whatever. It's been a long time since I left that place. My brother goes there now, he has a tough time there. I think it's an awful school, and I would take the first chance to discredit it.

I don't blame my family, but it might also have something to do with my dad. He probably has social anxiety himself, and he was always my role model when I was growing up. I could have picked up certain things from him like not liking talking on the phone.

It's amazing the affect bullying can have, even years later. The thing is, the bully themselves have probably forgotten it, but we certainly haven't.

Every lesson, this boy used to continuously verbally abuse me and do impersonations of me. The teacher would leave, and he would start up. The rest of the class didn't care that I was being treated this way. What scares me most, is I have no idea what he used to say, I just remember it happening and me sitting there in silence, pretending I didn't care. My eyes showed how vulnerable I was. Each word, each laugh was chipping away at my soul. And guess who told me to ignore it? Mum

Whoops! Got a bit deep there.

"The school years are the best in your life." I laugh when people say that

Aaw that sucks, sorry to hear about the bullying. That's what I dislike most about bullies, that they won't do it in front of a teacher when they can avoid it. They make absolutely certain that there's nothing anyone can do about it. If they're confronted about it later, they deny it.

Several bullies made that mistake with my friend. To them he looked like an easy target, but they were wrong.

Scared of a telling off, maybe a detention. No regard whatsoever for the emotional distress that they cause.

Hero said:

"The school years are the best in your life." I laugh when people say that

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Couldn't agree more.

I don't know really. My childhood wasn't that easy. My dad died suddenly when I was 5. I became quite withdrawn after that (though I believe I was a quiet child already).

Teachers used to tell me off for not talking therefore making me scared of them and even less likely to talk. I was absolutely terrified of being told off and would always cry if I was. I still get teary eyed if someone says I did something wrong and I'm an adult now.

Years of bullying for not talking. I was also quite tall as a child though everyone has caught up with me now. I used to get bullied for being chubby as well even though looking at pictures I was never that big at all (though at the time thought I was enormous!)

I believe it's a mixture of losing my dad at a young age and genetic factors that caused it and the bullying worsened it over time by just chipping away at my self esteem.

Moo said:

I don't know really. My childhood wasn't that easy. My dad died suddenly when I was 5. I became quite withdrawn after that (though I believe I was a quiet child already).

Teachers used to tell me off for not talking therefore making me scared of them and even less likely to talk. I was absolutely terrified of being told off and would always cry if I was. I still get teary eyed if someone says I did something wrong and I'm an adult now.

Years of bullying for not talking. I was also quite tall as a child though everyone has caught up with me now. I used to get bullied for being chubby as well even though looking at pictures I was never that big at all (though at the time thought I was enormous!)

I believe it's a mixture of losing my dad at a young age and genetic factors that caused it and the bullying worsened it over time by just chipping away at my self esteem.

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I'm so sorry about your dad and about the bullying that you went through just for not talking. No one deserves that. The weight thing, that is so sad to hear that you had to think of yourself as enormous because of nasty comments from other people. It's tough to think that even children can be that cruel to others. I can tell that you were and still are a lovely person. I hope that you, and every single other person here, will find freedom from social anxiety.

Upbringing and bullying. I was sheltered. Up until college, I was driven to school and picked up. My father would throw a fit, if I requested to visit a place alone. My mother called me a whore when I was still with my boyfriend and insisted friends were unnecessary. Naturally, she denied saying these things and, up until high school, people mocked me about my height. If anything, I despise social situations more than I fear them.

Loss of loved ones, a particular stressful event or tragedy, bullying, and frequent negative social experiences are some factors I consider to be the main culprits in giving me SA. I've always been shy at heart, but when my dad died in a car accident when I was 7 I became even more isolated and basically grew up without having any knowledge on how to interact with guys since I lived with my mother and grandmother the majority of my life. I was also bullied a lot throughout my school life.

I was actually kind of the bully in first grade. I was so angry about my father's death that I would take out all that anger on my friends or people who tried to be nice to me and after that a lot of people hated me and I become a loner until about 4th grade. Once I reached jr. high, I wasn't expecting it to be much different than elementary and was still a kid at heart at the time and oblivious to the more mature people around me, especially the girls. Most girls were already wearing make-up at that time except me and I dressed kind of frumpy and boyish and girls started to poke fun at me for being a "lesbian". It got worse when I accidentally touched a girl's butt while trying to pass by through a narrow walkway in the classroom and rumors about me being a lesbian spread like wildfire and that made my jr. high life a living hell.

High school was the epitome of s*** in my school life. I was bullied, laughed at, trampled on, and knocked to the ground on purpose on several occasions. The one time I'll never forget was during Freshman year when I was bullied by a guy that sat next to me in Life Science. He would steal my pencils, make me share my work and test answers with him (never got caught luckily), and call me names like "emo kid". Halfway through the school year I grew the femmeballs to stand up for myself and when he asked me to let me copy some answers on the mid-term exam, I unintentionally shouted "Leave me alone and learn to do your ****ing work yourself!" All eyes were on me but I was so pissed I didn't care and he got in so much trouble when I told my teacher about everything he did to me.

I definitely think school played the biggest role in provoking my SA, especially high school as I mentioned before. It was overcrowded, the halls were narrow and practically shoulder-to-shoulder with the students who were total A-holes (most of them..), I always felt claustrophobic walking in-between periods with so many people around me, and I had about 5 panic attacks throughout those 4 years.

The part I hated the most was the first day of school. The teachers always make you do this introduction thingy where you have to tell the class really stupid facts about yourself. Honestly, what's the point? The students never give a flying fig to begin with. Seating charts sucked too. I was usually fortunate enough to be seated with the annoying b****y girls (cheerleaders were so UGH!) and obnoxious guys that always talked about how "lucky" they got with this one girl and how easy this other girl was and blah blah. Seriously? Is that really what the vast majority of guys in the world today care about? That's really appalling to me.

I just wish people, especially those around my age, were more open-minded and considerate to the fact that a lot of antisocial people exist in this world and that life isn't all about being the most popular person in a social setting, being good in bed, having lots of money, being with the most people at once, and all that nonsense. There are actually people out there in the world who may be shy and different but they actually care about a fellow person's feelings and don't like to judge others the way they are unjustly judged based on how they interact with the world.

It's just really sad how apathetic people are towards others' feelings.

MaliceInWickedland said:

I just wish people, especially those around my age, were more open-minded and considerate to the fact that a lot of antisocial people exist in this world and that life isn't all about being the most popular person in a social setting, being good in bed, having lots of money, being with the most people at once, and all that nonsense. There are actually people out there in the world who may be shy and different but they actually care about a fellow person's feelings and don't like to judge others the way they are unjustly judged based on how they interact with the world.

It's just really sad how apathetic people are towards others' feelings.

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I'm so glad you said this and I agree to the fullest extent I can. I've started noticing more and more how many conversations are centered around how "weird" or "crazy" other people are. I can't stand gossip.

For me SA came originally from genetics (I had a talk with my Mom about this recently). But in 7th grade I lost the only best friend I ever had to Montana. I never could get very close to people after that in case they left me also. The same year I managed to s**t my pants during school. In a fit of denial I stayed the rest of the day...
My first year of college, last year, I had three of the people I felt closest to leave. I think this has helped ruin my relationship with my new stepsisters. One of whom I currently live in the same house with. The other is across the street. I get the feeling everyone here thinks I'm a complete d-bag.

MaliceInWickedland said:

I just wish people, especially those around my age, were more open-minded and considerate to the fact that a lot of antisocial people exist in this world and that life isn't all about being the most popular person in a social setting, being good in bed, having lots of money, being with the most people at once, and all that nonsense. There are actually people out there in the world who may be shy and different but they actually care about a fellow person's feelings and don't like to judge others the way they are unjustly judged based on how they interact with the world.

It's just really sad how apathetic people are towards others' feelings.

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I couldn't agree more. I'm sorry Malice, you've had a tough life and it's not fair at all. Life should be about so much more than wearing nice clothes, and being popular. Nobody should be bullied for being shy or even a bit different, but to the bullies we're the easier targets, because most of us lack the self-esteem to stand up for ourselves. Another thing that I disliked in school was how people new to the school would be instantly judged; they would either be embraced immediately by the popular crowd, or they'd end up with my friends and me. That's how we bonded in the first place.

I'm sorry that you had to go to such a horrific school; I often wonder whether these schools really care about bullying at all, because they don't seem to do a thing about it. My school got a new headmistress during my final year there, and she came in with promises of stamping out bullying. Three years have passed and it's still as bad as it always was: my brother goes there, and he gets bullied even now.

Many thanks Lostinthemusic and James. Glad to know that people actually bother to read my rambles ::

Nicer to know that there are still people around who genuinely care and walk in a similar light.

ANNomaly said:

Upbringing and bullying. I was sheltered. Up until college, I was driven to school and picked up. My father would throw a fit, if I requested to visit a place alone. My mother called me a whore when I was still with my boyfriend and insisted friends were unnecessary. Naturally, she denied saying these things and, up until high school, people mocked me about my height. If anything, I despise social situations more than I fear them.

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I can empathize and relate to disliking social situations more than fearing them. Although a sense of fear does exist, I'm more than comfortable with just having a few close people in my life. I dismiss many things that society generally centralizes their focus on and I don't feel abnormal because of it. It is not my fault that I am disinterested; I'll just proceed with embracing and fortifying my own strengths and enjoy the company of those that enjoy my company.

But having said that, I have no problem with the rest of society or how it operates. The people who go out to clubs, indulge in celebrity tv, planking(?) and the like, as long as it is not hurting anybody, are just doing the same thing I am doing - which is engaging in what interests them.

MaliceInWickedland said:

I definitely think school played the biggest role in provoking my SA, especially high school as I mentioned before. It was overcrowded, the halls were narrow and practically shoulder-to-shoulder with the students who were total A-holes (most of them..), I always felt claustrophobic walking in-between periods with so many people around me, and I had about 5 panic attacks throughout those 4 years.

The part I hated the most was the first day of school. The teachers always make you do this introduction thingy where you have to tell the class really stupid facts about yourself. Honestly, what's the point? The students never give a flying fig to begin with. Seating charts sucked too. I was usually fortunate enough to be seated with the annoying b****y girls (cheerleaders were so UGH!) and obnoxious guys that always talked about how "lucky" they got with this one girl and how easy this other girl was and blah blah. Seriously? Is that really what the vast majority of guys in the world today care about? That's really appalling to me.

I just wish people, especially those around my age, were more open-minded and considerate to the fact that a lot of antisocial people exist in this world and that life isn't all about being the most popular person in a social setting, being good in bed, having lots of money, being with the most people at once, and all that nonsense. There are actually people out there in the world who may be shy and different but they actually care about a fellow person's feelings and don't like to judge others the way they are unjustly judged based on how they interact with the world.

It's just really sad how apathetic people are towards others' feelings.

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You express yourself very well and I can relate.

I won't go into the details but I was a complete mess and dropped out. I studied and earned my GED and am now planning to attend college in the near future.

James_ said:

I'm so sorry about your dad and about the bullying that you went through just for not talking. No one deserves that. The weight thing, that is so sad to hear that you had to think of yourself as enormous because of nasty comments from other people. It's tough to think that even children can be that cruel to others. I can tell that you were and still are a lovely person. I hope that you, and every single other person here, will find freedom from social anxiety.

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Thanks very much, you seem a lovely person too.

I still think I'm enormous at times even though I'm now well within a healthy range! It's a label I can't shake in my head. It's kind of like with any progress I make with anxiety, I'll always just be that freak who doesn't (or didn't) talk.

Also, it was really interesting reading about your experiences Malice. I hated seating charts too and especially when we had to get into groups of people we never usually worked with. I remember this one time I was paired up with one of the popular boys who thought it was acceptable to let out a loud "ugggh.." when he was told he had to work with me. Simple things like that can really impact on how people feel. It makes me wonder why a lot of people lack basic manners and consideration for other peoples' feelings.

I really don't know. As long as I've know myself I was always shy. Whenever I'd go to visit friends of parents, I would be so afraid of them. I don't know why. I won't look them in the eye, won't say "Good evening" and just shake my head or shrug my shoulders when asked a questions.

In school I'd always be afraid to ask the teacher a question, although I got no problems with that now.

Also when I was younger and I'd go to birthday parties I'd just sit in a corner and play by myself. I've always kept to myself and was a loner from as long as I've known myself.

I don't have any clear view either, I could easily tick 6 of these answers. It mostly feels like a so many things have been another brick in the wall.

Genetics, dad, and some bullying. I'm pretty sure my grandpa had SAD as he generally stayed at home all the time when he wasn't working. He also self-medicated with alcohol and cigarettes.

My dad never had many friends and wasn't very social, but he wasn't as bad as my grandad or I. He also was an OCD/Control-Freak. So I blame his genes and his overbearing controlling. I wasn't allowed to do a lot of things other kids could do, because my dad was excessively controlling and abnormally worried that something would happen.

I also had glasses, was fat, and wore braces in middle school + I liked science. Therefore, I was a typical geek and was teased and bullied about everyday. Towards the end of middle school, I got contacts, got my braces off, lost weight, and started fighting back and won every fight when I fought back. Nobody wanted to mess with me anymore and I wasn't teased or bullied in H.S. or from then on. I was however scarred emotionally and still am.

Later on in H.S., I just always felt akward, due to my experiences in Middle School. At around 17 I kind of came out of my "shell" for awhile, girls were very interested in me because of my looks and probably awkward/rebel personality, I dunno, but girls were always around me staring, etc. That made things much worse, because I became very self conscious about any little defect about my appearance. Eventually, I just automatically started tensing up around anybody, especially in any performance-related situation and it has been happening since then.