"You're Shy"

[ScaredToBreathe]

Does it bother any of you when people tell you you're shy? I know most people don't know about SA so they mistake it for shyness, and it is similar to shyness, but it always annoys or irritates me when someone makes a comment about me being shy.
It may sound weird but I'd rather someone say "she has a social disorder" than "she's shy". It's just that shyness is more a personality trait, and I don't consider myself shy at all, however I am socially anxious. SA is much more intense than shyness, and more of a disability than a quality. That's just how I see it.
And also, for those of you with SA, do you consider yourselves as "shy"?

 

[Waybuloo]

I was having this conversation the other day. I do not want the label of shyness on my head. I don't come across as shy at all online, or on the phone, so it's a social anxiety/inhibition in physical interactions. I don't think i'm like other people who are shy. To me shy people don't give out much information but they don't look nervous either, they just seem reserved or reticent. I am nervous as hell, but I like to share myself with other people and participate. It seems there is a stigma attached to being shy, and like you said it is associated with a personality trait which is more permanent and innate than a disorder which carries with it the connotation of being fixed someday. I'd much prefer to say I have a disorder, but that probably will scare people off. I just feel that if they think i'm shy they will condescend.

 

[Quiet Angel]

I consider myself both shy and socially anxious. Many people are unable to make a distinction between the two but there is a tremendous difference.

To be honest, nobody has brought up how quiet I am because they want to be polite. Of course, they're aware of how silent I am around others.

 

[pinata]

I feel exactly the same way. I have this one particular friend who really annoys me. She always says I'm so shy and she compares me to characters who don't talk much. I explained to her my personality isn't that of a timid person, and I'm suprised she doesn't see how feisty I am. I said just because someone doesn't have to talk and talk about their mundane lives that means that they are timid.. I say things like I might be getting a tattoo for my birthday and she said "YOU, a tattoo? Lol ok, random.." It's so frustrating. And I did karaoke when I was drunk once, and she told this friend of mine about it, and this other friend was like "Wow can't imagine her singing!" And it's so annoying! I sing all the time at home even though I'm bad at it, and I can be quite blunt and almost the opposite of what anxiety makes me act like. Bleurgh.

 

[Waybuloo]

I feel exactly the same way. I have this one particular friend who really annoys me. She always says I'm so shy and she compares me to characters who don't talk much. I explained to her my personality isn't that of a timid person, and I'm suprised she doesn't see how feisty I am. I said just because someone doesn't have to talk and talk about their mundane lives that means that they are timid.. I say things like I might be getting a tattoo for my birthday and she said "YOU, a tattoo? Lol ok, random.." It's so frustrating. And I did karaoke when I was drunk once, and she told this friend of mine about it, and this other friend was like "Wow can't imagine her singing!" And it's so annoying! I sing all the time at home even though I'm bad at it, and I can be quite blunt and almost the opposite of what anxiety makes me act like. Bleurgh.

Yeah if you are shy you are supposed to also be a bookworm who likes sci fi, computer games, wear glasses, don't shop for clothes, don't wear jewelry, don't swear, don't smile, don't have preferences, don't like spicy food, have a quiet voice, don't like to sing, don't like to dance, don't like to laugh....Maybe have some fun and do lots of outlandish stuff, and when they pigeon hole you just say what are you talking about, I never said I didn't do that, you don't know me at all.. make them look like the idiot, which they are.

 

[pinata]

Yeah if you are shy you are supposed to also be a bookworm who likes sci fi, computer games, wear glasses, don't shop for clothes, don't wear jewelry, don't swear, don't smile, don't have preferences, don't like spicy food, have a quiet voice, don't like to sing, don't like to dance, don't like to laugh....Maybe have some fun and do lots of outlandish stuff, and when they pigeon hole you just say what are you talking about, I never said I didn't do that, you don't know me at all.. make them look like the idiot, which they are.

Haha, I know. I don't think being quiet or having anxiety really reveals that much about your personality, you can be anything really. It's just so frustrating because the people I hang around with the most have this perception of me which I'm sure I don't actually uhhh project, if that's the right word. But yeah! At least we know what we're like really, I guess. One day we'll do something like BAM and they'll feel shy in comparison. Uh maybe anyway ::

 

[withlove]

It used to, because I know im shy and when people say that, It doesnt sound like it suppose to make me smile. But now I am not botthered.

 

[da_illest101]

people used to call me shy before, but now that improved my ability to look people in the eyes and say what I think, they only say i'm quiet.

I remember a girl at work screaming that I'm too anti social and I told so what's your point and she couldn't say anything. I seriously don't get people like that, not everyone wants to or like talking all the time. They should shut the f up and mind their business.

 

[*Amy*]

Hah! Well, I think I am both shy and SA. Maybe I have some differences with average shy people, i. e. as mentioned before, they don't look anxious or insecure, but they talk very little, while I can talk quite much once I'm relaxed and if I like the conversation topic. But yeah, it pisses me off when they make that comment "you're shy". It's like as if they were reminding me my flaws, when I am actually trying to tell myself that it's not such a big deal and that there's nothing wrong with being shy.

 

[ScaredToBreathe]

But yeah, it pisses me off when they make that comment "you're shy". It's like as if they were reminding me my flaws, when I am actually trying to tell myself that it's not such a big deal and that there's nothing wrong with being shy.

yeah I know, I agree with that and I can relate. It's like you said, they are reminding us of our flaws, most of them probably don't realize it's kind of rude to do that. There are 2 situations which really annoy me:

1. im not talking a lot and someone calls me shy or says im really quiet. and then i just think to myself "hmmm yea, i didnt notice that at all. thank you for freaking pointing out the obvious. it sure makes me feel a lot better to know i suck at conversations." [sarcasm]

2. im in a good mood and talking more than usual (less than everyone else, but more than just saying nothing) and feeling a bit more confident because im actually participating in the conversation for once, feeling like im on a roll and belonging in the group and then someone says "you're shy" or "you don't talk much" and all my confidence just drains away and i feel embarrassed because i still wasnt talking enough even though i thought i was, and i usually just end up staying silent then.

 

[Phoenixx]

I don't mind being called shy, because it's true. It's the assumptions people make and the comments they say that annoy me. Because of my shyness, a lot of people have called me "boring", assumed I was stuck up, thought I had no sense of humor (I'm the complete opposite), etc. Then when I do say something or do something unexpected, people have this sense of shock that really irks me. Like they're seeing a dog walk on its hind legs.

 

[EscapeArtist]

The definition of shy is apparently "not at ease in the company of others, easily frightened; timid" and definition of timid is "Lacking self-confidence; fearful and hesitant" so yeah, i'd say they all have to do with fear and self confidence. I'm not actually shy inside i'm simply fearful when it comes to attention and other peopel

 

[dead24]

yes. i hate it when called shy, it embarrasses me especially when called shy in front of other people.

 

[zoulaykha]

no i don't consider myself shy, i consider myself socially disabled =P

 

[Squidward]

I hate when people say things like, "your really quiet" or "you don't talk much". Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[nicole1]

It bothers me more when they say, "There's nothing to be scared of." I know that... I've tried to do that.

 

[Shawnzie]

I don't care if people call me shy or not, but I really don't think I'm shy. If I'm around friends that I've kept from before I started getting social anxiety, I'm pretty much the life of the group. I'm extremely outgoing around a few close friends, but if someone new, or someone I don't know is hanging out with me and my friends, I'm very reserved. And the only reason I can think of, is because of my SA.

 

[Glitch]

Well I kind of think of shyness as the most mild form of SA. I don't mind being called shy, I just shrug it off. I'd rather be called shy than admit that I have a phobia/disorder, that would send most people running unfortunately. Just annoying that being quiet is usually seen as a negative trait.

 

[A86]

Just annoying that being quiet is usually seen as a negative trait.

hmm i guess because the people that are not shy speak their mind and communicate more which then dictates what is 'normal' in society because they can spread their idealism. in reality im sure there is lots of shy people and they are just as important to contributions of society, but due to their nature, they are not realy heard and often misrepresented.

 

[IGotSeoul]

"Hey you're shy."

brilliant observation, did you pick up that I'm asian as well?