Would your SA matter if you were a multi-billionaire who was very attractive?

[tooshytosay]

In saying this I'm not trying to be "superficial";

But I just feel that a lot of our efforts to overcome SA is hampered by society itself.

You see it kind of goes like this: if you were just a random joe no-body it's difficult for you to get "practice" being with people because well, there is no reason for people to be persistent with you. They'll be like, "hey, there are plenty of people in this world without SA, let's go hang out with them instead". Or just deal with you with the attitude of "ugh, yet another socially incompetent jerk, quit wasting my time".

But if you were a multi-billionaire and was very attractive, granted people will flock to you for all the wrong reasons -

But still, the point is that all the while you get plenty of constructive social "practice" and exposure, curing you of your SA. People won't trample you down as you slowly crawl out of your shell - because they would have a vested interest in you being social with them. You would "learn the ropes", in a "supportive" environment, so to speak.

 

[EasySkanking]

SA means you have a ****ed up brain

Neither being attractive nor a billionaire would change that. You would just be an insecure attractive billionaire. Though I can see that you could use that money to help your SA situation.... but maybe not, who knows - I'll let you know when I become one (though I plan to get rid of SA by then)

 

[PunkRotten]

Turn off the TV. Why would this theory even be relevant in the 1st place? Also attractiveness is subjective. You can be a trillionaire and still be lonely and shy.

 

[PunkRotten]

SA means you have a ****ed up brain

Neither being attractive nor a billionaire would change that. You would just be an insecure attractive billionaire. Though I can see that you could use that money to help your SA situation.... but maybe not, who knows - I'll let you know when I become one (though I plan to get rid of SA by then)

SA doesn't mean you have a ****ed up brain. And why try and "get rid" of SA, why not accept it? Its part of you and makes things much easier really when you don't struggle with it. Want to get over SA? Try going out and doing things, be yourself, accept yourself, work to be more independent. All these ****ing theories that everyone throws up makes it more complicated.

 

[Jake123]

If I had that much money my SA would be nonexistant lol

 

[EasySkanking]

I think you're wrong Punk,

SA does mean you have a ****ed up brain... because that's all SA really is - your wiring of your brain, not even your confidence or your believes/ideas.

Personally, I am very confident - I am confident about every single aspect of myself - my intelligence, my looks, my height, my weight, my knowledge, my savviness/etc. Yet, my "****ed up" (pardon the obscure choice of words but I feel like being direct and simple) brain wiring is designed to make me feel like the opposite of how I see and 'know myself.

I won't accept my SA ever because it makes me feel lonely, insecure, anxious, and depressed (feelings that I don't like). Thus my goal is to get rid of those feelings by getting rid of my SA. I have achieved that 'status' (100% SA free) before, so I know that it can be done... it's just that I ****ed up and fell back again. I'm 100% sure that I can do it again and do it permanently.

Sure, it's easy to give in to "SA" and just accept it... and it's complicated to fight it and understand it.... hard as **** (may I add). But I think it's up to everyone individually to decide what is good for them personally. I "accept" my SA (and it does make things easier), but I don't "accept" that I should keep it - so I fight it

 

[PunkRotten]

You are so wrong. If you are truly confident, attractive and all that, how come you don't think it? Ever wonder why you are lonely, insecure, anxious and depressed? I just don't think alot of people here understand what acceptance really is. Unfortunately they will suffer for many years.

You can't began to discover yourself and become confident, less anxious, less depressed until you use acceptance. Most SA is a result of circumstances, beliefs, upbringing, abuse, and lack or experiences. Until you start changing those things you will remain, depressed, anxious and lonely.

The belief about having a ****ed up brain has to do with your belief system. Too many people compare themselves with others and try to be something they are not. Many times ignoring the GOOD things going for them and the good things in life. And continue to remain unhappy and insecure.

 

[PunkRotten]

And for the most part, I think most people here just have a ****ed up belief system. Your anxiety is your own doing. People here question and over analyze everything and come up with all these ridiculous theories. This whole site is nothing but people throwing out their theories. Most poeple here are young and so concerned with impressing people and comparing themselves to people on TV. Again, your SA is mostly your own doing.

 

[EasySkanking]

You are so wrong. If yo are truly confident, attractive and all that, how come you don't think it?

Exactly. I don't think it, because as I said, my conscious part of my brain is automatically wired to "process"/produce a thought of the opposite of how I really see myself. Basically, I feel the same about myself as I did a few years ago, yet my SA is sooo much better now than it was then. Why? Because I worked on the 'automatic thinking' (again being obscure and straightforward) of my brain. Being judged, embarassed doesn't scare me.... what happens when I get socially anxious is that my brain automatically starts to freak out. I tell you this "****ed up" brain theory from personal experience, as I said this is how I have approached it - re-wiring my brain and it is how I have seen results, so I know it's true .

If i manage to stop my brain from automatically freaking out/thinking too much (by distracting it) and go through a social situation where I do something stupid or embarassing, I don't care at all - it doesn't affect me at all (I have done this) because I am confident with every single aspect of myself. It's just my "****ed up" brain wiring/chemistry/etc. that make me feel otherwise sometimes.

For example, in dreams (where somehow my automatic thinking doesn't happen) - probably because we don't use that part of our brains while dreaming, I am very confident, outgoing and have no SA... so it makes me believe that it must be some part of our brians that is responsible for that "automatic thinking". And as I said, I have approached it in that sense, and have gotten positive results supporting that idea.

 

[EasySkanking]

And for the most part, I think most people here just have a ****ed up belief system. Your anxiety is your own doing. People here question and over analyze everything and come up with all these ridiculous theories. This whole site is nothing but people throwing out their theories. Most poeple here are young and so concerned with impressing people and comparing themselves to people on TV. Again, your SA is mostly your own doing.

Hmm, to be honest, I think you are wrong again. I have perhaps the clearest/widest belief system than 99% of people, yet this still doesn't affect my anxiousness enough to clear it. I'll be honest, it does help it - but it doesn't fix it.

Like I said, I have beaten SA before, so I know that all that I say is true... I'm not just "spouting out" theories .

Edit: Mind sharing your "belief system" regarding Social Anxiety? Like a nice, thorough, complete summary? It'd be interesting to see what you mean, since you're just stating things right now.

 

[PunkRotten]

Well keep believing that. I don't know how you will "overcome" SA if your brain is wired wrong, as you say. If thats what you believe, why don't you accept you have a "****ed up" brain?

You can accept yourself and quit fighting. All these social problems are your own doing by trying to be something you are not. People wont accept themselves, cause they think lowly of themselves, and don't want others to think/feel the same. That's really all it is in a nutshell, its all about what others think.


When you get a little older you will realize people don't give a **** about you like you think. Also you will realize you never need to impress people. Accept yourself for what it really is, and follow your values in life.

 

[PunkRotten]

Hmm, to be honest, I think you are wrong again. I have perhaps the clearest/widest belief system than 99% of people, yet this still doesn't affect my anxiousness enough to clear it. I'll be honest, it does help it - but it doesn't fix it.

Like I said, I have beaten SA before, so I know that all that I say is true... I'm not just "spouting out" theories .

Dude, you are making yourself look stupid. Drop your ego.

 

[EasySkanking]

Lol, what ego? Why are you getting upset bud? To be honest, I think you have an anger management problem because you are unable to accept other's ideas because you think you are always right... but you're wrong, no one is ever always right. We always have to be open to new ideas, in order to learn. Your 'upsetness' shows this simply. Why else would you get upset if I am just sharing my opinion with you?

Anyway...

I do accept that I have a ****ed up brain, but I try to fix it... it's hard to re-wire a brain that has been so hard-wired over the years.

... realize people don't give a **** about you like you think. Also you will realize you never need to impress people. Accept yourself for what it really is, and follow your values in life.

That is true...

 

[EasySkanking]

Something that I find interesting from reading this thread and thinking about the opinions/ideas expressed is that SA manifests differently for different people. Meaning, one thing/approach may cure/help it for me while another may do the same for you - though your particular approach might not work for me.

For example, the original poster gives the impression that he/she believes that being attractive and rich would cure his SA. Jake seems to think that money itself would cure it. Punk thinks that just accepting yourself will do it (and a good point/approach btw)... and I think that just by simply having a girlfriend (at this point in time with my fight with SA) would cure it for me... it is what I am most insecure about atm - being good enough for a female I find attractive.

Interesting find!

 

[Kiwong]

Money and appearence has nothing to do with the way I feel about the world

Social anxiety bothers me because it stops me from being the real me. And I am neither rich or attractive.

 

[nuclear_guru]

As the old adage goes, money can't buy you happiness.

 

[Honda]

When im in such a position i need to be strong and powerful to protect and maintain my wealth.. I would be asking myself what SA? never heard of it..

 

[lunaticbinge]

As the old adage goes, money can't buy you happiness.

No offense to you but that is complete bull****. I wish this saying would just die. If someone just handed me a duffel bag full of cash I would be happier than i've been in about a decade.

 

[Rodney]

For the most part I agree with PunkRotten. People used to not like me when I was my old real self and I took a lot of **** but I didn't let it bother me because I didn't care what they thought, plus there were a lot of people that liked me as well. Now a days people don't not like me or like me because no one knows who I am because I don't let them. As for getting a gf curing your SA, that's hard to believe. There are people out there that have gf/bfs and still struggle. Plus, starting a relationship is very hard, even if you were rich and attractive. You'd have all these thoughts like is she really into me or is she just in it for the money? And you would probably end up pushing them away (I've done this to someone even though they constantly told me that they wanted to go out with me. They even dumped their bf for me. not cool)

 

[N0D]

If I had a billion dollars my SA would get worse 10 fold because I could afford to have zero contact with the outside world and just live a big castle by myself...it actually sounds like paradise to be honest...accept that when I got there I'd realize I'm alone and it sucks...but at least on the way there I'd be really happy and looking forward to it.