Worries...

[Anti Matter]

My dad is drinking himself into oblivion every weekend, almost every day. He's been through 2 bottles of red wine, 1 bottle of rose wine, 6 beers and a few shots of vodka. He does this every saturday and it will be the same tomorrow. I can't stand this anymore. I go round to see him every weekend to just find him wasted off his face.

He's not an angry drunk by himself it just annoys me to see this, both my parents always used to drink when I was a kid, always waiting for the arguments to happen on a weekly routine on a saturday or sunday morning. This is prolly why I hate to see him drink so much. Did they both drink because I was too much work? I dunno but it feels like this way.

Is it down to me or life in general?

I did screw up their intentions by not joining the military so this makes me think that it is my fault.

I hate seeing my dad like this now, my mum passed away thanks to alcohol poisioning and I don't want the same thing to happen to my father. It's screwing me up inside.

Rant over.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

I can only say sorry - and it's not your "fault" - you can't burden and shoulder all the responsibility as reasons for someone's drinking. It sounds to me they drank long before you were a kid - have you tried to express to your dad? When is isn't drinking... prob hard thing to do.

 

[Anti Matter]

I can only say sorry - and it's not your "fault" - you can't burden and shoulder all the responsibility as reasons for someone's drinking. It sounds to me they drank long before you were a kid - have you tried to express to your dad? When is isn't drinking... prob hard thing to do.

I have, he tells me it's because life isn't "fair" and he drinks to escape it. Then he comes back with "Do I tell you to stop your addiction"? (Games, drawings etc etc). Aparantly it's the same thing. Always lays a guilt trip on me about how broke he is and how everything was his fault (which it wasn't). So he drinks to "escape". He gets annoyed at me when I show any anger or concern. I don't know how to approach this situation gently. Otherwise I will prolly end up not speaking to him for months or years. That has happend before.

Yes they both drank but it got worse when I was growing up I could see them both drink more and more which makes me think it was my doing.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

That sounds exactly like my Uncle. Who I was close with. Different then father but I dont have many close family members other then folks, brother and this uncle and aunt who aunt passed (for different reasons).

It takes a lot - my Uncle still hasn't stopped. You have any siblings or family who can help?

 

[Anti Matter]

That sounds exactly like my Uncle. Who I was close with. Different then father but I dont have many close family members other then folks, brother and this uncle and aunt who aunt passed (for different reasons).

It takes a lot - my Uncle still hasn't stopped. You have any siblings or family who can help?

I'm sorry about your uncle it's difficult, I know. Unfortunately my family and I don't really get along, so they have cut him and me out of the picture. (Family was pissed off at me that I didn't join the military). I haven't spoken to them in months and my dad despises all of them because he thinks it was their fault that my mum passed away.

It's a sticky situation....

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

I feel ya mate too. Esp for your situation even more. Just curious if not too personal why family so pissed you didnt join? Is it a family tradition thing?

 

[joyce]

My dad is drinking himself into oblivion every weekend, almost every day. He's been through 2 bottles of red wine, 1 bottle of rose wine, 6 beers and a few shots of vodka. He does this every saturday and it will be the same tomorrow. I can't stand this anymore. I go round to see him every weekend to just find him wasted off his face.

He's not an angry drunk by himself it just annoys me to see this, both my parents always used to drink when I was a kid, always waiting for the arguments to happen on a weekly routine on a saturday or sunday morning. This is prolly why I hate to see him drink so much. Did they both drink because I was too much work? I dunno but it feels like this way.

Is it down to me or life in general?

I did screw up their intentions by not joining the military so this makes me think that it is my fault.

I hate seeing my dad like this now, my mum passed away thanks to alcohol poisioning and I don't want the same thing to happen to my father. It's screwing me up inside.

Rant over.

That's very sad but don't blame your self/

 

[BlackPuma]

Sorry to hear that man, but it's definitely not your fault. No matter what their intentions for you were, they're still not your own.

Raising a child with predefined ideal (fantasy) future in mind for it takes more after creating a product then it does after raising a person. However disappointed they were because of it, wasn't your fault. You're not your parents, and can therefore not blindly copy their intention they had for you. And still, disappointing due to personal philosophy/plans is not a good reason to just start drinking all the time. There are other ways to handle it. You're not responsible for their thoughts, and also not for how they handle those thoughts.

There are a few thing you can do to help your dad, but in the end he the one that is going to have to do the work. I don't know what your relationship with him is like, so it's difficult to give advice on how to proceed. Telling him that you're worried about his drinking would be one thing I guess.

 

[philly2bits]

First off, it's not your fault. The blame for your dads drinking can all be rightly placed on him alone. It's his inability to cope with situations that is causing it, not the situations themselves.

Second, you need to help. Either from family or whomever, but you can't go at it alone. Going at it alone only looks like you are attacking from his point of view and he will resist as hard as he can and the problem will get worse. Even if it's just one other person there can make a huge difference.

 

[Anti Matter]

I feel ya mate too. Esp for your situation even more. Just curious if not too personal why family so pissed you didnt join? Is it a family tradition thing?

Yeah, it's a big thing in my family. Even most of the girls join logistics in the military or something. I was in the army cadets as a kid and they had plans for me to be an officer. So yeah, I basically just told them to stick it and piss off. Was fed up of it being rammed down my throat, my dad was in the military also. Ex paratrooper, he says he isn't disappointed with me but I get a sense he is sometimes.

That's very sad but don't blame your self/

Thank you, I'm trying not to.

Sorry to hear that man, but it's definitely not your fault. No matter what their intentions for you were, they're still not your own.

Raising a child with predefined ideal (fantasy) future in mind for it takes more after creating a product then it does after raising a person. However disappointed they were because of it, wasn't your fault. You're not your parents, and can therefore not blindly copy their intention they had for you. And still, disappointing due to personal philosophy/plans is not a good reason to just start drinking all the time. There are other ways to handle it. You're not responsible for their thoughts, and also not for how they handle those thoughts.

There are a few thing you can do to help your dad, but in the end he the one that is going to have to do the work. I don't know what your relationship with him is like, so it's difficult to give advice on how to proceed. Telling him that you're worried about his drinking would be one thing I guess.

My relationship is....kind of on and off, we arn't that close anymore. Only for the simple reason when I try to engage conversation about anything that is important to me or a concern he will just turn to anger. He can't help himself, I need to help him. He's been like this for years. He's the only person left I care about now and I need to do something for him, I just don't know how to approach it. I feel guilt mainly because I didn't live upto expectations and caused more pain for them both. That's the only reason why I really think it's my fault. I know I'm not responsible for what they wanted of me but it messes me up knowing I could of done something to avoid all of this.

First off, it's not your fault. The blame for your dads drinking can all be rightly placed on him alone. It's his inability to cope with situations that is causing it, not the situations themselves.

Second, you need to help. Either from family or whomever, but you can't go at it alone. Going at it alone only looks like you are attacking from his point of view and he will resist as hard as he can and the problem will get worse. Even if it's just one other person there can make a huge difference.

I know it isn't my fault completely I just feel I could of done a little more in some areas. Maybe I contributed to the whole situation. Since family is out of the picture because he hates all of them and blames them for my mothers passing. I will try some of his friends see if they can help, problem is most of them drink also....

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

If others drink - it's hard then for them to help - the military thing tradition in any family or culture and not doing "what is expected" of you - Ive always seen that fracture occur. But some ppl gotta live their own life. Im sure you father understands that sounds like, but maybe he I mean if no clear future otherwise - Ive felt that disappointment myself from my folks due to my SA and other issues kept me idling by and stretching school long as it could go - I dont have a clear plan.

Anyways just keep realizing it isn't your fault and even seek outside help.

 

[agoraphobickatie]

it is 100% not your fault.. alcoholism is a disease in itself, and has nothing to do with people around you.. i feel your pain as my mom is an alcoholic, too.. when i lived with her from age 11-18 she would get horribly drunk almost every night, it was such a nightmare for me to go through, so i know how painful it must be for you =/ i wish i could make you feel better, but i know there wasn't much that could make me feel better either... just know that you are not responsible for the life of anyone but your own, even if it's family.. other peoples issues are no problem of your own, and you should have to bear that weight on your shoulders =/

 

[coyote]

i highly recommend going to a support group for family members of alcoholics

such as Al Anon

your dad doesn't have to attend or know anything about it

it's just for you - dealing with his problem is a problem of it's own

you can get help with it - there are alot of other people dealing with the same thing

 

[Bustn Justin]

Hey, sounds like your dad's drinking was a problem way before you are born. Sounds like your dad wants to make excuses for his drinking rather than facing his problems and deal with them.tary

As for not being in the military; its your life and you need to live it. If you like to draw or play games that is who you are. Even if you did that to please your dad, would that stop him from drinking? If you do things to try to keeep others happy, you never will.

As well you are not the only person who is affected by your dad's drinking. If you want him to realize that he needs to stop and are worried, talk to other family members and all sit together and tell him how you feel.

Hope this helps,
Take care.

 

[Anti Matter]

I appreciate all the replies and apolagize for the amount of time I was away from the forums. I have seeked help and advice from AA, I am happy to say that without the help and support from this forum I would prolly have just not got in contact with my dad for months/years and would of just let the problem persist.

Thanks for the support.

 

[token_asian_friend]

Glad to hear you've taken steps to get yourself and possibly your dad help. It sucks when the people who are supposed to be the stabilizing influence in your life can't even take care of themselves; it makes you feel like you're all alone in the world.

 

[Anti Matter]

Yeah, we will get back on track. I'm sure he knows deep down he has to stop.

Stange thing is my pet Siberian husky is closer to me than my own dad now. Lol. I'm still going to see it through with my dad till the end though.

 

[Stewart]

It seems like your father is an old drinker when you were just a small kid and dude you are not responsible for his drinking habit and I agree with the member above that its not your complete responsibility to handle all the burden on your shoulders....

 

[Anti Matter]

It seems like your father is an old drinker when you were just a small kid and dude you are not responsible for his drinking habit and I agree with the member above that its not your complete responsibility to handle all the burden on your shoulders....

Yeah, I am coming to the conclusion now after a few years of doubt that it wasn't really my fault, after discussing this situation with the AA and reading a few posts on this thread, it has helped my concerns to do with myself and my dad.

I still have thoughts of what could of been if I did something else but whats done is done.

 

[Dronee]

Man, first off, it's not your fault and it's not a rant... rather a genuine concern. Is there anything at all that your father used to like? Maybe hiking? Something that's not as destructive as drinking?

It's one possible way since it can hopefully replace drinking as a coping mechanism. Then, if you really love your dad or just want him to stop drinking, you can join in the activity as well... Drinking is not only psychological, it's also physiological in some ways. If you somehow can break the patterns, even for a while, that would be useful.