Why is it that guys have the burden of meeting and approaching girls?

[UnOccupied]

So, as i have been feeling better, i have been thinking about how there are sooooo many girls in my school who are looking for good guys, but just can't seem to find them. THEN, i thought, well i know soooooo many guys in my school alone who are looking for good girls...

Well, this is where i am confused. I feel like it is very rare for a girl to approach a guy she is interested in, and this makes for an infinite amount of failed meetings between a man and woman who are interested in eachother.

And, i feel that the few girls who do approach guys and talk to them are either in a relationship, not many guys types, or have been with a lot of guys(just my opinion, sorry if its harsh).

So, i would love to hear some suggestions. WHY is 99% of the burden on meeting girls lay in the lap of the males? Did it used to be this way 50 years ago also? 100 years? 1000 years? Or, are us guys just so shy and into our video games and pornography now that we don't care about approaching girls?

 

[UnOccupied]

Hey, SO SORRY, i meant to post this in a different forum thread. I would change it myself, but i don't want to have a double post, and get booted from the forum Can an admin or someone change it for me, if they get a chance? Thanks, and sorry for the inconvenience.

 

[EasySkanking]

I dunno, but maybe because we are the dominant sex? Really I have no idea.

But what if a girl did approach you? Don't you think that as a social phobic, you'd still end up screwing it up. For us, it's not a matter of who approaches who, but it's about us overcoming social anxiety (or at least controlling it to a good extent) to experience the good things in life (such as relationships.) Just my opinion...

I have had girls "approach" me, but my shyness always ends up screwing it up. So them approaching has nothing to do with us being able to get into a relationship. Unfortunately!

**** you Social Anxiety! lol

8)

 

[UnOccupied]

I very much have to disagree. If a girl came up to me and approached me, i think i would do just fine. Maybe not 4 months ago, but NOW, i think i would do fine.

But, i am not even talking about us SA people. I'm talking about all the so-called normal people out there. Why do so many of my fellow guy and girl acquaintances go around single all day, when there are so many of them who just want a guy or girl friend?

It makes no sense at all, and i think a lot of it has to do with people just being shy and reserved in general. I personally think it is my backround. I am white, catholic , and i feel that we are very shy people. I look around at hispanics, blacks, jewish people. I'm sorry if i'm offending anyone, i am trying to say my point as objectively as possible. But it seems so many cultures are more outgoing and social.

I think i tend to compare myself to these people, and put myself down frequently because i can't communicate as well as i "assume" they do.

But, back to my point. Why don't people just come out of there shells, and stop being so shy!? I don't understand. Does everyone have social anxiety or something?? Why does it have to be such a huge deal to approach the opposite sex!?

 

[Felgen]

So, as i have been feeling better, i have been thinking about how there are sooooo many girls in my school who are looking for good guys, but just can't seem to find them. THEN, i thought, well i know soooooo many guys in my school alone who are looking for good girls...

Well, this is where i am confused. I feel like it is very rare for a girl to approach a guy she is interested in, and this makes for an infinite amount of failed meetings between a man and woman who are interested in eachother.

And, i feel that the few girls who do approach guys and talk to them are either in a relationship, not many guys types, or have been with a lot of guys(just my opinion, sorry if its harsh).

So, i would love to hear some suggestions. WHY is 99% of the burden on meeting girls lay in the lap of the males? Did it used to be this way 50 years ago also? 100 years? 1000 years? Or, are us guys just so shy and into our video games and pornography now that we don't care about approaching girls?

I get the impression that girls today are more old-fashioned when it comes to this than they were 30 years ago. The reason why men are the one's doing "all the work" in this aspect, is partially because it's a socially constructed standard and partially because young men outnumber young women.

 

[coyote]

Women are the ones doing all the work.

They go through the whole process of studying fashion, coordinating a wardrobe, arranging their hair, applying makeup, accessorizing with jewelry, walking in heels, learning to dance, going out and placing themselves in a potentially dangerous environment where she can be seen, make her self available, send out suggestive signals to attract the right mate, etc....

All the guy has to do is walk over and grunt.

Seriously, it's the woman's game - we guys are just pawns in it.

 

[Feathers]

lol coyote you got some of it right!!

Women do have to do a lot of work (sometimes) to attract someone half decent.. And if she has SA (or has read too many romances where heroes always come get the girl) she may escape from him again, lol!!

It's mind-boggling how anyone ever marries or gets partnered up, isn't it?

Two shy people together - this could possibly work if one of them is not so shy..
There have been threads on this... I think that usually it just works better if the guy approaches.. Opinions on this may differ, I'd be happy to hear of a long-lasting relationship that went well where the woman approached first.

Being Catholic may have something to do with it, dunno.. all the emphasis on sin and such.. Lots of Hispanic people are Catholic too, so hm?

I know that my Dad scared both sis and me that guys 'only want one thing' (which was maybe true when we were that age, but it's a huge exaggeration...)
So if the girls are shy, it may also be that their parents scared them too much (to prevent any teenage pregnanicies or such, to get them to finish school first, etc.) It may have nothing to do with the guys as they are...

Maybe your school needs activities where girls and guys can get to know each other in peace? In primary school, it was often 'girls vs. guys', at least in some ways and at some ages... If you're in high school, maybe you can join a club with both girls and guys where you can get to know each other? eg theatre club or sports club or whatever you are interested in...? (that has both girls and guys there)
I'm not sure if parents would endorse a school 'dating agency' though
Well, maybe you could start one, if you know soo many good girls and guys? Some good matchmaking sometimes comes through friends.. You can just invite people to come to a party or trip together, and things can just happen...? (Never did it on purpose, sometimes it just sorta happened though..) Many people meet through mutual friends, it's sorta 'safer'.. you at least know someone else knows them and likes them, you can get a second opinion..
There can be different opinions of what's 'good' and some one-sided crushes though too..

 

[Alistair]

UnOccupied,

I agree with some what the others have said, but it also relates to what grade you are in? I know I had trouble with girls, unless they approached me as well, while the few friends I did have in school usually ended up taking them, or someone else.

Granted, now that I look back at it, this is how things work since I've grown older and matured. While I know it's easier said than doing, but take your time until you find the right one, or the right moment. Anything can happen! That's when it least expect it, it happens. Cliche, but truth for a lot of folks.

Cause if you try to hard, you'll scare away prospects.

 

[lurknomore]

Women are the ones doing all the work.

They go through the whole process of studying fashion, coordinating a wardrobe, arranging their hair, applying makeup, accessorizing with jewelry, walking in heels, learning to dance, going out and placing themselves in a potentially dangerous environment where she can be seen, make her self available, send out suggestive signals to attract the right mate, etc....

I don't do any of these things... I guess that's why I never get approached ::

But I think I do agree that the woman does have to be sending out signals and making some kind of effort to attract and/or show guys they're interested. It is a dual effort- no matter who is doing the approaching. I'm just way too shy, and don't even know how to send the right signals to the right people.

 

[Felgen]

There have been threads on this... I think that usually it just works better if the guy approaches.. Opinions on this may differ, I'd be happy to hear of a long-lasting relationship that went well where the woman approached first.

My maternal grandparents have been married for more than 50 years. My grandmother did most of the chasing.

 

[mismeek]

I think that even though we are in a new age, theres still an underlying stigma of the "assertive girl" Girls who approach men first are usually seen has promiscuous and/or bitchy.

 

[Felgen]

I have never heard of a woman being labelled as anything like that just because she was the first one to show interest, the first one to ask for a date and so on.

My ex-girlfriend made the first move on me. The reason why it didn't work out was because she was a sociopath.

 

[BlueDays]

I think that even though we are in a new age, theres still an underlying stigma of the "assertive girl" Girls who approach men first are usually seen has promiscuous and/or bitchy.

Spot on mismeek!

 

[Pookah]

Just because two people are looking for a good person to end up with doesn't mean you can stick em together and they will magically be compatible. It is a bit complicated really for both sexes trying to put themselves out there.

 

[UnOccupied]

Some great ideas here everyone. Very interesting to hear the point of views of everyone, especially because EVERYONES is different! lol, but i thought it was very interesting the person who said women do all the work, they do their hair, makeup, fashion, haha thats so funny to think about. It really is rediculous in my opinion that women put themselves through all of this, just so they don't have the burden of going after a guy with their personalities...i guess we just live in a somewhat shallow civilization.

Anyway, I have actually been doing pretty good with the ladies lately. Not to brag or anything(although i probably am a little but, but i don't want to admit it, haha. Hey, i'm only human), but ever since i have felt "better" for the most part, i have been very successful with my SA. And, success with the ladies has just come natural for me as i have gotten better.It really just comes easy when you learn to manage your SA.

But, i thought of the topic when i was talking to a friend of a girl i was seeing last weekend. She was telling me how she can't seem to find a descent guy, so she has been going to other colleges over the weekend just to meet some. I was like, "WOWWWW, you are sooo good looking, how in THE WORLD could this be possible!?"

So, that is where my question came from...why could a girl who is so good looking not manage to get a guy?? I think it's just all about expanding your social circle with activities like those that Feathers had mentioned. Well, if you want to meet a respectable match of course. If you are looking for a one night thing that means nothing, then just go to the bar. Even that can be challenging though for those of us with SA.

Good posts everyone, keep up the good conversation! Good night all, i am pooped!!! Night!

 

[Felgen]

Women are the ones doing all the work.

They go through the whole process of studying fashion, coordinating a wardrobe, arranging their hair, applying makeup, accessorizing with jewelry, walking in heels, learning to dance, going out and placing themselves in a potentially dangerous environment where she can be seen, make her self available, send out suggestive signals to attract the right mate, etc....

All the guy has to do is walk over and grunt.

Seriously, it's the woman's game - we guys are just pawns in it.

When it comes to signals, most men aren't that good at reading them. A girl who knows how to dance, needs someone to dance with (thus making it just as necessary for men to learn it). Furthermore, women care about looks as much as me do.

If you walk over to a radom woman at the grocery store, the library or whatever and grunts at her, you'll be labelled as "creepy". A guy doing so over and over again, will be banned from the place for scaring away customers.

 

[Kinetik]

It's not a burden. I like being able to approach who I want without ever being hassled myself. I'm avoidant so I don't like being accosted, which also means I prefer interactions with women to be on my terms so I can plan it out in my head first. Plus when I see how creepy and lecherous guys are in general, I often think "I'm so glad I'm not a woman, because I'd be really turned off if things were reversed." There's also something to be said for the thrill of the chase, and the ultimate reward if and when it all works out. Granted, in my case the chase is often liquor-fueled, but it still feels like an achievement if I meet a nice girl. It's just important to roll with the punches and not take the occasional rejection personally.

 

[coyote]

If you walk over to a radom woman at the grocery store, the library or whatever and grunts at her, you'll be labelled as "creepy". A guy doing so over and over again, will be banned from the place for scaring away customers.

maybe that's what I'm doing wrong....