Why Does Our Society Demonize Adults Living With Their Parents?

[Tomasso]

I'm working hard in school to increase my chances of getting a job like everybody else. It's expected that when I get the said job at the end of college, I will move out, get my own place and live my life.

But I love my family. I have 3 siblings all younger and my 2 parents. We are all close in age and I feel close to them. Since I am so isolated they have become my best friends as well.

If I could have things any way I wanted, I would have all my siblings continue living with my parents after we all go to school. Then we would get married and integrate them into our main family unit, we'd pool financial resources so that we could buy a bigger house and we'd all live together.

But because I'm an adult, this lifestyle is unacceptable.

Anybody have any opinions on this?

 

[dyingtolive]

some people all get houses next to each other or do similar to what u wanna do it..
its good that you know you want it that way and you are aware of the benefits of it

Maybe its more of an insecurity that its a 'bad thing'. It's a stereotyped image. Generally people who live with parents are not totally independent and cannot support themselves therefore are weak. You rely on them. And alot of people who do live w their parents are bums/unsuccessful, act like kids, etc. Yeah but it isn't always the case..

You justhave to share that reputation with the other people who do it..
Just the same as if you were glasses people will think ur a geek, its a price to pay

atleast u dont always have to bring it up not like ppl ask where u live all the time.. and u can say u live with your family, 'not ur parents' so that its better.. since you're not relying on anyone, but actually helping them also

 

[gustavofring]

Don't focus on what you think "Society" dictates.

Is Society an entity? Is there a book that spells out Society's opinion on everything? Aren't there members of this Society that fully understand your situation and don't judge it? Is there anything to be judged really? Let me tell you, it's mostly a mindmade entity.

You're working hard to get a more fulfilling life and so you can afford your own place. That's all that should matter. Be confident of your choices and your goals. And accept the situation as it is.

 

[cosmosis]

Oh this is such a big thing for me too! I wish so much as well that the full families could stay together and work together like that. Something about it feels so right, yet it is wrong by the standard of our society. It's like can only be happy and successful if you go it alone with your own family...its complete bull****. I would feel so much happier and less alone if all my family lived in some big house on a nice property and shared taskes and directly helps raise each others kids and so and so on. I know the idea of separate families is more of an american / western idea though. In the east, its much much more common and accepted to live with the entire family.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I'm working hard in school to increase my chances of getting a job like everybody else. It's expected that when I get the said job at the end of college, I will move out, get my own place and live my life.

But I love my family. I have 3 siblings all younger and my 2 parents. We are all close in age and I feel close to them. Since I am so isolated they have become my best friends as well.

If I could have things any way I wanted, I would have all my siblings continue living with my parents after we all go to school. Then we would get married and integrate them into our main family unit, we'd pool financial resources so that we could buy a bigger house and we'd all live together.

But because I'm an adult, this lifestyle is unacceptable.

Anybody have any opinions on this?

There's nothing wrong with wanting to do this, but it will raise eyebrows or prompt comments from some people because the societal norm is for adults to move away from living with their parents due to them wanting to assert their independence. That doesn't mean you have to do the same though. You should try to live your life in a way that makes you happy, not the way that makes other people happy.

 

[EscapeArtist]

I think it sounds beautiful, your dream to integrate them into your family like that, I wish it was acceptable, that is what I'm looking for too! A big, community of family/friends to live with and never leave (permanently I mean). Main goal in life is to find this place because I feel like any place without this cannot be Home. It's beautiful that you are so close to your family.

As for why society demonizes living with parents, it probably comes with nature and how naturally animals split off to find mates and start their own family. I suppose society sees it as a sign of strength to be able to pave your own way and be 'independent', your own leader and your only source of strength. It also is probably seen to be a strengthening experience to live on your own, that readies a person for 'real life', and so is looked upon as mature.

Then of course there are the other stereotypes/stigmas, for instance that living with your parents means that you can't get a job or that you are overly attached and dependent upon your parents and hence have not grown up yet, have not matured. The stereotypes of being lazy, immature, childish and spoiled, probably because there are a few people out there who do have to resort to living with their parents if they don't have a job, and there are even less out there who end up leeching off of their parents and living a rather self-consumed lifestyle. OF course this doesn't apply to everybody, but I guess that's how all stereotypes develop, from small cases that, when they do occur, occur in the same fashion as usual so they become so laughably predictable that people attach a whole bunch of random and inaccurate assumptions to it

 

[twiggle]

I think "demonized" is slightly too strong a word. I don't think it's disapproved of that much, particularly given the rising costs of rent and housing. More and more people are staying at home. I don't see that it's a bad thing. You can live at home and be independent. I live with my parents but apart from the washing and a few meals I mainly cook for and look after myself. My parents like having me here as they appreciate the company. I'm saving money. I've lived out at Uni, and I've also travelled alone a lot so resent anybody suggesting I don't know how to look after myself just because I'm not living out at the moment.
Also - remember - in many cultures its the norm for families to all live together just like you wish you could. Don't worry about what people in society say, to be honest if they dig at you for living with your parents its probably just their way of trying to make themselves feel better about their own lives. Most people content with their lives wouldn't need to find fault with others'.

 

[Waybuloo]

I'd love to have a loving family to stick with for the rest of my life; I think that should be the natural order of things. From studies to anecdotal evidence, tight-knit communities who look after and support eachother are often the most happy and fulfilled. After all, that's how we used to live, and I believe modern societal conventions created the expectation to break away from your familial and emotional ties but we haven't evolved to deal with the ramifications. I think its great that you feel the way that you do, people like me who want to get away and don't miss the parents have something wrong with them. If ever people ridicule you just tell them you love your family and you are lucky to have a great family who love you. Smile and walk away.

 

[Golden Beam]

I'm working hard in school to increase my chances of getting a job like everybody else. It's expected that when I get the said job at the end of college, I will move out, get my own place and live my life.

But I love my family. I have 3 siblings all younger and my 2 parents. We are all close in age and I feel close to them. Since I am so isolated they have become my best friends as well.

If I could have things any way I wanted, I would have all my siblings continue living with my parents after we all go to school. Then we would get married and integrate them into our main family unit, we'd pool financial resources so that we could buy a bigger house and we'd all live together.

But because I'm an adult, this lifestyle is unacceptable.

Anybody have any opinions on this?

I'm assuming you have expressed this desire with your family, ergo they don't see it the way you do to live together. Sure it may logically & financially make sense, though they may feel you need a bit more of an independant adult. In my understanding, many 3rd world families often live together, and it is culturally accepted. The nuclear family is an invention of developed nations in the 19-20th centuries. Too bad many parents separation from their children often ends up in the senior care home, when they would rather desire to return to live with their children to be cared for when they are elderly.

 

[coyote]

in the rural american midwest, it's pretty normal for several generations to live on the same property

when the next son/daughter is ready, the family often puts another home up in another corner of the family land

they often all end up working and sharing in the family farm/business

 

[Waybuloo]

I'm assuming you have expressed this desire with your family, ergo they don't see it the way you do to live together. Sure it may logically & financially make sense, though they may feel you need a bit more of an independant adult. In my understanding, many 3rd world families often live together, and it is culturally accepted. The nuclear family is an invention of developed nations in the 19-20th centuries. Too bad many parents separation from their children often ends up in the senior care home, when they would rather desire to return to live with their children to be cared for when they are elderly.

I guess I don't understand people who send their parents to care homes. As much as I hate my mum for being so horrible to me and people I care about, I find it hard to imagine dumping her in the care of someone else when she is old and frail and vulnerable to abuse. From my experience, siblings take turns to care for and be with their elderly parents, doing errands, cooking, and talking with them. It's just something you do, if you don't then it's kind of shameful and unacceptable. I think if I find it hard to cope (as I'm an only child), I will definitely hire a help at home. There would be carers allowance and such to take care of expenses. Parents also save money on not spending on a care home. To send them there would be a last resort.

 

[O'Killian]

Just a heads up, I don't exactly have a degree in this sort of thing. In fact I may just be repeating something I heard on the Internets.

We have World War 2 to blame for this. More-or-less prior to that, everybody did live with their family, at least until they married, and even then they typically remained near them. Then the war ends, both partners in a relationship have cash to spare, economy's booming, and bam! The 1950s nuclear family. Build that up for a few decades and add in the stereotype of the neckbeard living in mom's basement and there we have a stigma!

That said I think twiggle has a point. In these times you've got a lot more folks living with their parents - and most of them likely aren't just leeching, either. And a lot of folks who are trying to be independent just get student loan debt up to their eyeballs and have to move back in anyway. It's easy to be ashamed of given pop culture and (likely) outdated societal expectations, but at the end of the day either we're psyching ourselves out or the folks judging us are having a hard time being realistic.

 

[Aletheia]

^ That was what I was about to post, only O'Killian did a better job of it.

 

[Kiwong]

I don't think society demonize adults for living with their parents at all. Perhaps for living in gay relationship, living with a mental illness, living alone or on the streets. Living with parents is certainly not a job selection criteria.

 

[Section_31]

most of those doing the demonizing seem to be well established baby boomers.

My FIL loves to pick on me for this. and brags about his house in 1983 cost him under 50 k.....same place today is well over 350 k...............and wages wont rise of course....

I think basically the system is being set up to collapse. People cant keep up. so what else are we supposed to do?

The old mindset of leaving home is pretty much next to impossible now and will only get worse. Its time society grows up and changes its mindset to match the times.

If i have kids, i for one intend to encourage them to stay home as long as they need. theyre going to need all the help they can get,

 

[Tomasso]

I don't plan on being financially dependent on my parents in this dream of mine. Myself and my siblings would all presumably have jobs and we'd go to our separate workplaces and at the end of the day, come back home and have family dinners like we do now. Then we'd watch a family movie and just hang out. It would be a dream. Then we'd build our families and pool our money together to keep expanding the house.

 

[AGR]

Doesnt make sense to me,I would think that its better to keep the people who I am the closest emotionally as nearest as possible,if/when I move out it will probably be very near them,right now I live with my father as it makes sense because I am in another country,I would be alone otherwise.

 

[KiaKaha]

I think demonize might be a bit too strong a word - looked down upon? For sure. We are expected to be independent and strong - to never falter. It would seem, that if you live with your parents that it is a sign of either laziness or weakness. When as its already been expressed in the thread, its not.

Here in New Zealand I feel a sense of shame, its not something I like to admit, especially when I feel there is a strong stigma attached to it - I am 33 and I live with my parents and the reasons I do is wide and varied, which I dont particularly feel like going into. Suffice to say, I have moved out before... being a single guy with no dependants and a small social network, I dont have the luxury of opportunity of independence that so many others have.

I pay board, I do most of my own cooking and am fairly independent in every other way... I just simply cannot afford my own place....and its as simple as that.

However I can only take so much, it can be awkward... and I am trying to do something about it.

My other rationalization? If someone is going to judge me so harshly to the point of rejection because I live with my parents.... then they can go get screwed. Nuff said.

 

[hidwell]

I think demonize might be a bit too strong a word - looked down upon? For sure. We are expected to be independent and strong - to never falter. It would seem, that if you live with your parents that it is a sign of either laziness or weakness. When as its already been expressed in the thread, its not.

Here in New Zealand I feel a sense of shame, its not something I like to admit, especially when I feel there is a strong stigma attached to it - I am 33 and I live with my parents and the reasons I do is wide and varied, which I dont particularly feel like going into. Suffice to say, I have moved out before... being a single guy with no dependants and a small social network, I dont have the luxury of opportunity of independence that so many others have.

I pay board, I do most of my own cooking and am fairly independent in every other way... I just simply cannot afford my own place....and its as simple as that.

However I can only take so much, it can be awkward... and I am trying to do something about it.

My other rationalization? If someone is going to judge me so harshly to the point of rejection because I live with my parents.... then they can go get screwed. Nuff said.

I am in a very similar position to you Kia, and I agree with you if people don't like it they can go ..... themselves.