Why do girls mistake jerkiness for confidence?

[Argamemnon]

Why do a lot of women confuse the asshole characteristic in men with the confident characteristic they like so much? Why do they mistake jerkiness for confidence; is it that hard to distinguish between the two?

This is a serious question. I seriously want to know, since I'm very capable of seeing people for what they are, and can't believe how naive other people can be.......

 

[Danfalc]

What makes you think most women do?? cos thats a pretty broad assumption...Is this from personal experience or or are you just going off somthing you feel happens?.

Maybe there is a fine line between being confident,and then crossing that line and being confident but knowing it and having an ego which gets on peoples nerves.

 

[SickJoke]

Why do a lot of women confuse the asshole characteristic in men with the confident characteristic they like so much? Why do they mistake jerkiness for confidence; is it that hard to distinguish between the two?

This is a serious question. I seriously want to know, since I'm very capable of seeing people for what they are, and can't believe how naive other people can be.......

Because they are confident. They're jerks, but at least they're also confident. Someone who is confident and also a likeable guy will have better results than the jerk.

 

[Argamemnon]

So being confident is absolutely crucial; as long as you're confident, it doesn't really matter if you're an asshole who treats women like shit, since they will like you for being confident.

 

[Argamemnon]

What makes you think most women do?? cos thats a pretty broad assumption...Is this from personal experience or or are you just going off somthing you feel happens?.

Maybe there is a fine line between being confident,and then crossing that line and being confident but knowing it and having an ego which gets on peoples nerves.

I didn't say most women do.... only 99% of them (just kidding)

I know girls who got treated like shit and dumped by those player/thug/bad guy types, and yet they keep prefering such assholes. They can't get enough of them. I have to admit sometimes I wish I was an asshole

 

[Satine]

Initially it can be difficult to tell the difference between arsehattery and confidence. Someone who is confident may disagree with you over some issues, state their own opinions, and so on. An arsehole will do these things but take them further.

Confidence is attractive, but it might take a while for a woman to work out whether someone's confident or has crossed the fine line to obnoxious.

 

[Lea]

All you can do Argamemnon is being yourself, you can´t be anyone else therefore why the constant comparing. I guess this pushes the women away if the man is insecure AND therefore only angry and jealous, comparing himself with others and thinking they´re better.

I think even shy people can be attractive if they are just nice and themselves, with good values and have sense of humour and lot to talk about with.

On the contrary confident and selfish peole are unlikely to be succesfull at least in the long run, or if they end up in marriage and don´t change, they will be a hell for their wife and besides, selfish or jealous people can never be happy.

Confident and humble at the same time is the best combination in my opinion. And "confident" doesn´t need to mean extraverted or partyperson, it means just being himself and not pretend anything.

 

[mndigi]

Who the f*** cares about girls/women. Are you a slave to them? Do you want to be a slave to them? If any girl will want to like you, she will like for what you are. Otherwise she can go pi** herself. I think bothering with what girls think puts a thousand prison bars in front of sociophobics.

Edit:- Lest girls/women on this forum get the idea that I am being against them, they can apply what I said to guys too. My point is caring about romantic/sexual relationships shouldn't become a source of frustration! I don't see them as a priority over becoming comfortable with yourself at all!

 

[Argamemnon]

All you can do Argamemnon is being yourself, you can´t be anyone else therefore why the constant comparing. I guess this pushes the women away if the man is insecure AND therefore only angry and jealous, comparing himself with others and thinking they´re better.

I think even shy people can be attractive if they are just nice and themselves, with good values and have sense of humour and lot to talk about with.

On the contrary confident and selfish peole are unlikely to be succesfull at least in the long run, or if they end up in marriage and don´t change, they will be a hell for their wife and besides, selfish or jealous people can never be happy.

Confident and humble at the same time is the best combination in my opinion. And "confident" doesn´t need to mean extraverted or partyperson, it means just being himself and not pretend anything.

What's so attractive about confidence? I'm not attracted to confident girls. I could care less if she is confident or not, as long as she is a good person !!!

 

[Riiya]

A confident person is just someone who's comfortable with himself and has no intention of changing himself to please other people. You can be a player, a nerd, or that unnoticeable guy in the back row - your level of confidence doesn't define what high school stereotype you are.

Of course, boys and girls alike tend to notice those who are the loudest and possibly the most obnoxious yet. Could be the reason we are all confusing jerkiness for confidence.

 

[Xavier91]

women go for the cocky/funny guys cause most of them are attracted to the alpha male of the group

 

[Lea]

What's so attractive about confidence? I'm not attracted to confident girls. I could care less if she is confident or not, as long as she is a good person !!!

What is a good person? There are genuinely good people and then people who are convinced they are good and moral which they think gives them right to judge the bad and immoral. There are many cases for example, (esp. in the muslim countries), when the husband kills his wife for alleged unfaithfulness (be it true or not) and for destroying honour. Or they want a wife who is submissive to have control over her.

Do you want a woman who is an equal partner to share your views, thoughts and interest or just someone who does what you say and has no mind or life on her own?

 

[SickJoke]

So being confident is absolutely crucial; as long as you're confident, it doesn't really matter if you're an asshole who treats women like shit, since they will like you for being confident.

It does matter. Confidence is attractive. Being an asshole is a turnoff, but if the guy is confident enough, that can outweigh the fact that he's an asshole, depending on the situation.

So if you just say "I'm going to start being an asshole to get women"... probably won't work.

But if you say "I'm going to work on myself and be more confident"... that could help.

What's so attractive about confidence? I'm not attracted to confident girls. I could care less if she is confident or not, as long as she is a good person !!!

Men and women are attracted to different qualities.

 

[kayelle]

****in hell. I try to aviod these threads that lump "women" into categories, but this is just stupid. I'm attracted to shy guys. And NOT just cos I have SA. It is completely ridiculous to say 'women are attracted to x, y or z'. Maybe you guys are after a particular kind of girl or a particular personality type, and in that case maybe they are attracted to similar guys, but women are just as diverse as guys are, and they all want something different in a guy. Every girl that I've known has been attracted to different guys and different types of guys.
So stop putting girls into categories, and very broad categories at that, and acting like you know exactly what girls want. It's ridiculous!

 

[Argamemnon]

Someone who is confident may disagree with you over some issues, state their own opinions, and so on. An arsehole will do these things but take them further.

I have no problem with expressing my opinions or disagreeing with others over some issues, in that respect nobody is more confident than me. See below my reply to Lea's outrageous post

 

[Argamemnon]

What is a good person? There are genuinely good people and then people who are convinced they are good and moral which they think gives them right to judge the bad and immoral. There are many cases for example, (esp. in the muslim countries), when the husband kills his wife for alleged unfaithfulness (be it true or not) and for destroying honour. Or they want a wife who is submissive to have control over her.

Do you want a woman who is an equal partner to share your views, thoughts and interest or just someone who does what you say and has no mind or life on her own?

What the hell does this have anything to do with me or what I said?

A good person is someone who is reliable and respects all people. Someone who isn't selfish, someone who doesn't break his promise and so on....

From what you have said, you certainly don't seem to be one of those good people; in fact you seem like an ignorant and judgmental person. I honestly wouldn't want to have anything to do with someone like you.

 

[recluse]

I'm confident in some things but is still have horribly low self esteem especially when it comes to talking to women, and men for that matter! Really i feel inadequete and inferior to most people and it's painful for me to live this kind of existence.

I have seen girls who are with jerks who treat them bad. For example my sister has been in relationships with horrible men because my sister is a soft person and i guess easy to manipulate, her ex-husband whom she was married to for a year turned out to be a paedophile and is now in prison! A girl who i was in school with is with an older guy who refuses to work, and at one time she had two jobs to make ends meet. I saw them together once and i did not like the way he seemed to boss her around. All this makes me a bitter person because i know i am a nice guy who treats people with respect yet i don't get a chance to show girls this.

 

[Argamemnon]

Maybe you guys are after a particular kind of girl or a particular personality type

Yes, I'm after 'good' girls. Not people like Lea who pass judgments on people they don't even know, for example. Those are the kind of people that make me vomit. Disgusting.