Who we helping?

Darryl

Well-known member
Do our replies tell us more about ourselves?

Do we stand on our soapbox, and give advice, when were the ones who need the advice.

Books that we have read, experiences we have had aren't the answer to someones problems, how can they be- we only hear part of the story and our story has a different start and ending to theirs.

And what makes us an authority, when we can't fix our own problems?

We wish people were more considerate of us, yet were not considerate of everyday people... who do we think we are!

Someone might quote our comment and thank us for our words of wisdom.
Who has it helped, them by taking their mind off the problem, when realistly they would of found a solution and learnt a life skill... or us, reinforcing our place on SPW.

Do we need to have feed back all the time, to make us feel good about ourselves-
We all know being slient no-one will call your name.

We are not experts in the subject, we only know what effects us, were NOT qualified pyschologist's who have studied with various types of mental illness'

Is this impact to make us feel important, part of our problems and a expectation we can't meet?

Are we our own worse enemy?
 

Apotheosis

Well-known member
If a man born crippled has no cane, I will give him my shoulder to lean on.

I help when I can because I am human.
 
We often help ourselves when we try to help others, it makes us contemplate, consider. I believe our advice will sometimes hit, sometimes miss; its up to the recipient to sort through what we have to offer them - what may not be good advice for our intended listener may be just what another person needs. We are not experts individually, but as a collective consciousness we have good-enough advice, understanding, & community. :)
 

Darryl

Well-known member
We often help ourselves when we try to help others, it makes us contemplate, consider. I believe our advice will sometimes hit, sometimes miss; its up to the recipient to sort through what we have to offer them - what may not be good advice for our intended listener may be just what another person needs. We are not experts individually, but as a collective consciousness we have good-enough advice, understanding, & community. :)
So, its not really about the person who needs help.

The advice isn't directed to the intended listener then, who are we helping?

Is the person with the inital problem just the topic starter?
 
So, its not really about the person who needs help.

The advice isn't directed to the intended listener then, who are we helping?

Is the person with the inital problem just the topic starter?
Yes, the person with the problem is the topic starter and the advice is directed to them, but there is always a scatter effect that draws in others and includes the advice giver. We attempt to help to the best of our ability and understanding of the issue - we can only understand as much as how much information is given and how we interpret that information.

Right now I am attempting to answer your good topic and in doing so I am thinking about it and firming ideas in my head - so that feeds back to me; you will maybe have an "Aha!" moment or not; three other curious readers may be thinking all sorts of stuff - so its about everybody. :)

Is there a specific situation that it surrounds? PM me if you would like to :]
 
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Darryl

Well-known member
Sorry, if anyone was offended or hurt by my post as it wasn't my intention.

All my questions are really directed at me.

I haven't been doing well since Feb and now starting to questioning my advice.

How can I give advice and the advice mean so much when I can't help myself, this is reinforced when I see my name on the last post.


I wrote this last week or so then deleted it from my Journal thread on the AvPD page

Telling my niece about how I disagreed with someone, her reply was “that sounds like you, to stand your ground”

My mind was going WOW!! Not with her reply but the thought of answering avoidance with avoidance.
Something I never noticed before, this opened up more of my world to me.

I told her, “That’s the avoidance in me- and how Mr. Avoidance fears the rules being changed.

Controlling avoidance with avoidance- the Personality or the Avoidance and see it as controlling a large avoidance issue with a small avoidance decision.

This shows me the Personality in Avoidance, and then I realize there is no Mr. Avoidance only me.
There is no way to separate Mr. Avoidance and me, if there was I would be able to see me in the background and have a different point of view.
 
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hoddesdon

Well-known member
There are some pretty weird threads on this site, but this one is toxic. It should be buried in a nuclear waste dump. If I had the option to have one thread removed, this would be it. If that is what you think, then the whole site is a farce. The support\advice\information\whatever is not purely self-serving. What a cynical viewpoint. There are lots of insights here, and any one person would be unlikely to think of them all independently. You are lucky that you can not be banned for writing pseudo-intellectual rubbish.
 

Deus_Ex_Lemur

Well-known member
Of course there's truth in this - but is it a secret? No, I don't think most ppl even try and pretend to be experts either I've seen more ppl disclaim, "here' my experience or I'm no expert, I am struggling with too, but..." I know for a fact this place has helped me - and others - we all need human social support many here don't get what they need/should in RL, including me, a place like this STILL IS support it's vital.

Nothing wrong with seeking attention/wanting to feel important by others that's HUMAN. Many here are various ages but share one fact we are socially impoverished. I am. Not all have SA or AvPD here I know and are fine socially.

We are our own worst enemy but also eachother's saviors. If we didn't try and help when we are hurting too, this site wouldn't exist. Pay it forward. Not a reason to not lend a comment or be there for someone. We need to just know how to use information and stuff and it's just natural to be selective, it's natural to seek out those you know first. But I think ppl try to respond to others best they can. Nobody's perfect.

It's more what YOU make of it - same as life. =)

Anyways I get what you mean dealing with avoidance with more avoidance it's a vicious imploding cycle.
 
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coyote

Well-known member
There are some pretty weird threads on this site, but this one is toxic. It should be buried in a nuclear waste dump. If I had the option to have one thread removed, this would be it. If that is what you think, then the whole site is a farce. The support\advice\information\whatever is not purely self-serving. What a cynical viewpoint. There are lots of insights here, and any one person would be unlikely to think of them all independently. You are lucky that you can not be banned for writing pseudo-intellectual rubbish.
i, for one, did not find this particular response to be helpful at all
 
There are some pretty weird threads on this site, but this one is toxic. It should be buried in a nuclear waste dump. If I had the option to have one thread removed, this would be it. If that is what you think, then the whole site is a farce. The support\advice\information\whatever is not purely self-serving. What a cynical viewpoint. There are lots of insights here, and any one person would be unlikely to think of them all independently. You are lucky that you can not be banned for writing pseudo-intellectual rubbish.
This thread is obviously Darryl's way of exploring his particular thoughts and feelings about a problem that he's been having. You are completely of the mark with your comment, which itself comes across as toxic and should perhaps be removed.
:)
 

EscapeArtist

Well-known member
There are some pretty weird threads on this site, but this one is toxic. It should be buried in a nuclear waste dump. If I had the option to have one thread removed, this would be it. If that is what you think, then the whole site is a farce. The support\advice\information\whatever is not purely self-serving. What a cynical viewpoint. There are lots of insights here, and any one person would be unlikely to think of them all independently. You are lucky that you can not be banned for writing pseudo-intellectual rubbish.
There are some pretty weird posts on this site, but this one is toxic. It should be buried in a nuclear waste dump. If I had the option to have one post removed, this would be it...

No i'm kidding, but proving a point really. Everybody has the right to their own viewpoints.

I think Darryl's thread explored a lot of things to think over.

Sure, everything that you do somehow benefits you, it's impossible for anything not to. In fact, everything IS you, becuase you know nothing else. So it might be true that you help the ones that you can relate to more, and in the end it may be a reflection of helping yourself. Mankind is one big functioning animal where we all have to work together, and to me this is just a survival method. Sometimes, if you are not 'walking the talk', then as you try and help others you WILL be helping the same part of you that you can relate to without even knowing it. For instance, if you are a good parent to your child, it will affect how you treat your inner child. And other times, when you don't need the help because you've walked the walk, we're there to help others who we can understand. The satisfaction of assisting somebody may really be an echo of a lesser-feeling of helping that part of ourselves partly, and partly it is a spectacular feeling of knowing that you have sent positive energy that will travel into events and people and possibilities unknown!

Inherently, we ONLY want to help what is US. Yes, this is true, but it is the very blueprint of our base, and an important part of our actions. We want to keep the earth, air, water, animals, and others of our kind safe and do every thing we can to, because it IS us... Without these things we cannot be, and that is the importance of survival tactics like this one. The only thing that is not us that I can think about are things that man makes. All of those things we cannot relate to or 'feel' on any level because they do not have the most basic element that we are and that is life.


If that makes it a selfish act then every act in the world is selfish, I believe selfishness is actually quite close to close mindedness. It is the INABILITY to UNDERSTAND what you are, leading to an inability to see your relation with said person or thing, and thus leading to treating such things with neglect.
 
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NathanielWingatePeaslee

1
Staff member
Do our replies tell us more about ourselves?
Sometimes, probably. But learning about yourself can also be helpful. Just articulating your problem into words can be helpful.
Do we stand on our soapbox, and give advice, when were the ones who need the advice.

Books that we have read, experiences we have had aren't the answer to someones problems, how can they be- we only hear part of the story and our story has a different start and ending to theirs.

And what makes us an authority, when we can't fix our own problems?
Many of our experiences will be different. Many will also be quite similar, and different people may be at different stages in wrestling with their problems--thus able to actually pass on useful advice.
We wish people were more considerate of us, yet were not considerate of everyday people... who do we think we are!
We aren't? Who's we? :confused:

Anyway, sometimes even knowing that someone cares enough to respond, or that knowing you aren't alone in having your sort or problem--sometimes that in itself is helpful.

There really is much help to be found here if you are open to it.
 
I for one applaud this very philosophical topic.
I'm not smart enough to add, but have loved all of the responses. EscapeArtist just blew my mind.
 

Darryl

Well-known member
There are some pretty weird threads on this site, but this one is toxic. It should be buried in a nuclear waste dump. If I had the option to have one thread removed, this would be it. If that is what you think, then the whole site is a farce. The support\advice\information\whatever is not purely self-serving. What a cynical viewpoint. There are lots of insights here, and any one person would be unlikely to think of them all independently. You are lucky that you can not be banned for writing pseudo-intellectual rubbish.
I'm sorry that I have offended you, I was in need of a understanding from my self and by struggling I hurt others along the way
Truely sorry.
Darryl
 

Darryl

Well-known member
How do you ask a question when you don't know what's wrong.

I wrote how I felt, I wrote the questions in my mind... Isn't this what we do to find an answer?

There was one person who voiced his disapproval to my content- which is totally fine, he wrote what he was feeling, just like what I did.
He questioned me like I questioned you.

I do see two pages of aid, so maybe it's collectively the love and support I needed.

Darryl.
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
I seriously want the best for people on this forum. I really think that I've got to know some of the posters on here, through the stories they tell. I want to help those going through similar battles to me.

I replied to a post from someone who was suicidal last week. I really wanted to help, to at least listen, and give hope. I might've said the wrong things. The posts were removed, but I still think about it.
 

hoddesdon

Well-known member
I'm sorry that I have offended you, I was in need of a understanding from my self and by struggling I hurt others along the way
Truely sorry.
Darryl
Actually it was written at 3 am and when I woke up the next morning I thought it was over-the-top. That is why I have been absent for the last week.
 

Darryl

Well-known member
It was mean't to be a deep subject.

And it means different things to different people, intead of being replies with stories -like was usually happens, the replies came from deep thoughts and emotions.

I Needed more than stories, I needed strong emotions with conviction and reasoning to help me find my own answer.

I answer other SPW members questions this way, so you can see my own questions are going to be asked in the same manner.


That aside I glad your back.
 
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