what'z a girl to do.

[LycraPantiies92]

when she is as ****ed in the mind as me?:
i was at a gig the other week and then i realised hw outa touch i was from society..
i stood alone and they were all taking in their wee groups. tears actually came into ma eyes and i had to turn round coz i could have started crying.

i felt so annoyed at them all..for being able to have friends and talk to people without struggling. how were they all better than me/ i mean i know im a bitch that nbody would want to know but if thats true then why havnt i killed myself already. how can they all have friends and i can't, we are all people, none of them are any better than me. i just was a outcast and i didnt want to conform to that society..and they will outcast me for it. but let them. i wonder if i'm actualy happier this way (well since i'm breakin down depressed so much it would seem not) but if nobody will ever want me and i actualy want them back then why bother.
::
no i won't bother anymore. i'm not meant to be here..i avnt got the right skills. surely sum people must ahve genuinely liked me b4 yet i can't even recall it bein true. they were all users. i know that..
i'd rather be alone, cz even people who say they are like me i can't get on with i must be pretty wrong. and i maybe am..but if i am just kill me now. stab me..coz i shukdnt be here. i amnt even a person. people dn't treat me like a person they ignore me and can't get on with me :: an i dont know if it'z all my fault or not.... i need to know but i think i will ust go and drink my vodka coz itz not worth bothering about is it. if peopole have never wanted me till now they arnt gona. i wasnt put on this earth 4 people to ignore and hate and bully..itz not fair that i am so alone at my age and spme people have it all! LUCKY LIL SHXTS. How do they gt it n i don't.. i am just scum like peoplle have said 2 me before. i'm scum, whether i have 'sa' or not . i am. scum.

 

[Remus]

I remember this so much in my teens, no wonder I got into the group The Smiths


There's a club if you'd like to go
you could meet somebody who really loves you
so you go, and you stand on your own
and you leave on your own
and you go home, and you cry
and you want to die

My teenage isolation was the worst time for me, trust me it gets better, you kind of adapt and adjust,this took me a very long time but I've heard people turn it around much sooner.

And yeah people use you ....FACT!.... but this also happens to normals

but you now what, theres people you meet who are awesome too

I'm not freinds with any people I knew in my teens,they were shallow ****s who cared nothing about anyone but themselves, I made better freinds (though few) in my 20's,I'm sure you will too

 

[FOR REAL]

i know the feeling of being used by people whether it be by so called friends or girlfriends, it makes you feel lower than low, and no matter how much you try to figure out the reasons for why people are like that towards you, you just cant.
human nature sucks!
i spend a lot of time on my own these days, mostly because i wont allow people to walk over the top of me. i would say i probably have 2 friends who are genuine, the trouble is they have partners and kids now so they dont have as much time for me, which is completely understandable.

like remus mentioned above though, you are still young, there are genuine people out there its just not so easy to find them, but i think you will.

 

[thor01]

I know how you feel there too.

 

[FOR REAL]

a classic version of being outcasted when i was younger would be that my so called friends would walk past my house to get to the other friends house and vice versa (it was a small village) without chapping on my door to see if i wanted to join them.
it hurt really bad at the time, but when i think back now, FK THEM!

 

[iamthenra]

Yeah, I would agree that the "teen" years are probably the worst... It does get better in your 20's... I get used all the time, because I let them. I know that they are using me before I am ever being used... I do it, because it makes me feel better about myself because I am doing something for someone else. So I give them things, I do allot of work for allot of people, because it makes me happy doing things for others... I guess that is my point... Find something that brings you happiness and do it no matter what anyone says... Just so long as it isn't dangerous or unhealthy to you... You're wrong about one thing, there are people here that do care about you. Every time you say you don't think anyone cares, I am going to keep writing back to you and tell you the same thing... I care about you! I will keep reminding you.... if that's what it takes. Trust me, things will get better the older you get. Hang in there!

 

[Phobologist]

when she is as ****ed in the mind as me?:

Well, how much would you like to bet that you don't have one major fault or problem in your behavior or personal life that isn't the direct cause of your Social Anxiety Disorder? Let's try it out...list what makes you "scum", and I will tell you why each item is a typical symptom of an illness that tens of millions of people suffer from. Youre going to have a hard time justifying why YOU are special and the symptoms of a recognized mental illness with a neurological basis, don't apply to you. If they do apply to you, then obviously you aren't scum since your entire reasoning for thinking this is FLAWED Now, mate, that's some serious shit. Give me a pm or we can do it here, if you like. It's up to you if youd like to work on it.

i was at a gig the other week and then i realised hw outa touch i was from society..
i stood alone and they were all taking in their wee groups. tears actually came into ma eyes and i had to turn round coz i could have started crying.

I have felt that before. Then starting a few days ago I became one of them, without acting or pretending or keeping secrets - just being my retarded self! You can and will get there. I felt so hopeless before, that I would never be able to be myself around others and still be liked. I know its possible now. If it's possible for me then it's possible for you. We both have SA.

...i just was a outcast and i didnt want to conform to that society..and they will outcast me for it.

Well you can't blame people for excluding you if you don't make an effort to fit in. You have to realize that other people aren't obligated by the cosmic laws of fairness to accept you without some effort on your part.

i'd rather be alone, cz even people who say they are like me i can't get on with i must be pretty wrong. and i maybe am..but if i am just kill me now. stab me..coz i shukdnt be here. i amnt even a person. people dn't treat me like a person they ignore me and can't get on with me :: an i dont know if it'z all my fault or not....

This is very harsh and Im sorry to hear you feel that way. I understand because I feel the same way and it was much worse before. It's not your fault. Its a mental illness with a strongly heritable neurological basis. Blaming yourself for that would be like blaming yourself for developing melanoma with a family heritage of extremely pale skin.

if peopole have never wanted me till now they arnt gona.

That's not true in the slightest. Some of the most unlikeable people on earth can change their lives around and be liked later on. Also, you are likeable. People don't even know you because you are never yourself around them. They are responding to your anxiety and you can't blame them for that. Don't blame other people for feeling uncomfortable and avoiding you, BLAME YOUR ILLNESS. Other people are only responsible for their attitudes towards your illness, and unless you tell them about it, you cannot hold them accountable.

i am just scum like peoplle have said 2 me before. i'm scum, whether i have 'sa' or not . i am. scum.

Even scumbags have friends, so that's not an excuse. Can you find me one person on earth who isn't mentally ill, and who doesn't have any friends?

By the way, you are gorgeous!!! And you were one of the people that brought me to this site. I was looking for proof that other good looking cool people had social phobia. So, Im one of YOUR admirers. I don't know if that means much, but I hope it helps.

 

[Nack]

I hate that feeling, that's why i don't really go to family gathering and such anymore, i feel so out of place with my cousins and such.

 

[meatcake]

:: i remember many nights like that. i was so jealous of the people who had friends to go to clubs with, and hang out with. i'd just stand there alone, hoping alcohol would turn me into one of them somehow, but it never did. i thought that was what it was supposed to do!? hah!

i don't go to clubs alone anymore. not even if my favorite band was playing - it's too depressing. going out is supposed to be FUN, not torturous!

 

[Nack]

Loneliness is a bi/ch...

 

[Remus]

crikey!

locking and editing time

 

[Remus]

ok done, move along nothing to see here

 

[Phobologist]

Hey Unison is that you in the pic because if so youre f****ng fine!?

 

[Cynic]

My teenage isolation was the worst time for me, trust me it gets better, you kind of adapt and adjust,this took me a very long time but I've heard people turn it around much sooner.

Well fuck me! I'm in my 30's, and am still largely isolated. I can no longer even connect with anycunt and life largely seems something alien to me. I don't really encounter bullying any more, but only because I stay off the radar and keep out of everyone's way. Am like a lifeless zombie these days.

i would say i probably have 2 friends who are genuine, the trouble is they have partners and kids now so they dont have as much time for me, which is completely understandable.

That's another thing. There's no point even trying to make friends any more as they all have their own lives and little to no time for you. If you don't have a life of your own then tough shit.

it hurt really bad at the time, but when i think back now, FK THEM!

I do think people genuinelly know when they're hurting you and do it because they enjoy inflicting pain on others.

Yeah, I would agree that the "teen" years are probably the worst... It does get better in your 20's

Not for me it didn't. My 20's weren't much different to my teens, except that I just became more indifferent and distant towards people.

 

[LycraPantiies92]

Hmm i reckon will be the same with me as cynic.
Then again maybe (if) i go to uni, and work maybe i'll meet people nicer
that haven't got the mind of a nasty 15 year old. But i suppose college has taught me i can't chnage that much, if i'm not willing to change people may never see the real me :|
and i want them to..
Thanx for everyone's replies.

 

[Remus]

I'm in my 30's, and am still largely isolated. I can no longer even connect with anycunt and life largely seems something alien to me.

I'm in me 40's mate, still time

 

[Cynic]

^I'm sure you said things improved for you in your 20's?

If anything I become more detatched, disconnected and distant from others.

 

[Remus]

its a long road with ups and down, I hit 30 and crashed again, was really a PTSD thing though, climbed out of that hole and it's been uphill since

 

[Phobologist]

o thnks, i wud say da same bt i cant see ur pic

You can go look at my pic on the picture thread. Its like the 15th page from the last.

 

[recluse]

I feel lonely in crowds too. On last new years eve i went to Poland to meet my friend for the celebration in Krakow and i felt i let her down for being so stiff. If i would have had the chance to get drunk first i would have been fine but i got there late and had no time, also she doesn't drink.