What to do when your stuck in life.

[voodoochild16]

I know a lot of people these days that go through social anxiety can get stuck in their lives. I am in that position right now. I created a poll just to get a good idea of how many people really are stuck like me.

To get past the point of being stuck, it would probably take motivation that most people going through chronic depression and severe anxiety, don't have. It's not our faults at all but, what would it take for you to do this and could you do it?. If you did do this, successfully, what did it take?, what inspired you?.

I unfortunately am someone who challenged his depression and tried to keep being motivated and I stayed being lonely to stay focused and did everything I could to try to achieve my goals. But depression, loneliness, anxiety, all got in my way and stopped me like walking into a brick wall.

I at least went back and got my GED for one, and that took a lot of energy and I honestly didn't even go to the grad party and didn't admit to anyone that I had graduated. I didn't even go out for dinner or anything. It's ten times different when you graduate late.

But the amount of focus I had put into achieving that goal of graduating is one to remember. I knew, and thought in my head, "I have to do just this one thing, and I will be able to do everything else right after". It was the only thing I needed to do to shut everyone up that was judging me. After I finished, it was like 1 ton of bricks taken off my shoulders.

I dedicated my life to that one thing, to just graduating, and achieve just that in about 4 months. On Christmas day I was even on the computer trying to finish a course.

But any ways, I picture the mindset of achieving all my future goals as being the same as how I achieved graduating. Dedicating my life to something has never been the so rewarding and you really learn how hard things are in life once you get to the place you want to be for any specific goal.

 

[Xervello]

I admire your positive attitude, voodoo, and congrats on the GED! Thanks for sharing.

 

[voodoochild16]

I admire your positive attitude, voodoo, and congrats on the GED! Thanks for sharing.

Thanks, well, I guess I should feel proud but.. deep inside it's just something I know that most people won't congradulate me for in real life. It was just like "oh, you graduated, uhuh..". Any ways, it happened about 2 years ago so, it's been a long time since the first day I was relieved that it was finished.

So the same mindset I used for that will be used for future goals. I just wasn't able to switch over to that same state of mind right after graduating. I guess I needed a huge break. Any one else thought like this?.

 

[Rawz]

To get past the point of being stuck, it would probably take motivation that most people going through chronic depression and severe anxiety, don't have. It's not our faults at all but, what would it take for you to do this and could you do it?. If you did do this, successfully, what did it take?, what inspired you?.

Yeah, depression can prevent you from doing anything if it's strong enough and lasts long enough.

How long it will take, and what it will take, to get you inspired and productive, working towards different goals and making a lot of progress, depends on a lot of things.

For me personally, it took medication, a great therapist with months of therapy, and helpful/motivational videos/resources, to get me "fixed" enough, inspired, and motivated enough to start taking charge of things, becoming productive and working towards goals.

With the therapy, obviously there was a lot of talking with my therapist. But in the beginning there were also exercises and reading. I did a lot of things on my own, things she suggested, things I thought up. Meditation, writing, and being more aware of my thoughts, feelings/emotions, were the biggest things that helped.

Working on your thoughts, beliefs, and what I like to call "thought habits", is really important. After what I've experienced with myself and things that I've read, I believe your thoughts and beliefs are very important, and a lot of things start there.

The more you think negative thoughts, whether it happens just anytime or after certain external stimuli, the more it starts to become a habit. Then they become thought habits and/or beliefs. The can become almost instinct and become deeply ingrained in you. And the longer this goes on, the deeper it gets, the harder and longer it is to get rid of it. I've been at it for 2 years or so now and I'm still not done.

Despite how well I am doing now, compared to how I used to be. Despite how optimistic I am and how I am working hard (for me). I still have negative beliefs/thoughts deep inside of me. And I still sometimes think a negative thought in reaction to something, without realizing it until after I've done it. I still have more work to do.

If your depression/anxiety is so bad that you can't bring about any significant change by working on your thoughts, beliefs, though habits...then you need to get something to help you and bring you to a place where you are able to.

If this long post isn't enough for you, ask me whatever else you want.

 

[voodoochild16]

Yeah, depression can prevent you from doing anything if it's strong enough and lasts long enough.

How long it will take, and what it will take, to get you inspired and productive, working towards different goals and making a lot of progress, depends on a lot of things.

For me personally, it took medication, a great therapist with months of therapy, and helpful/motivational videos/resources, to get me "fixed" enough, inspired, and motivated enough to start taking charge of things, becoming productive and working towards goals.

With the therapy, obviously there was a lot of talking with my therapist. But in the beginning there were also exercises and reading. I did a lot of things on my own, things she suggested, things I thought up. Meditation, writing, and being more aware of my thoughts, feelings/emotions, were the biggest things that helped.

Working on your thoughts, beliefs, and what I like to call "thought habits", is really important. After what I've experienced with myself and things that I've read, I believe your thoughts and beliefs are very important, and a lot of things start there.

The more you think negative thoughts, whether it happens just anytime or after certain external stimuli, the more it starts to become a habit. Then they become thought habits and/or beliefs. The can become almost instinct and become deeply ingrained in you. And the longer this goes on, the deeper it gets, the harder and longer it is to get rid of it. I've been at it for 2 years or so now and I'm still not done.

Despite how well I am doing now, compared to how I used to be. Despite how optimistic I am and how I am working hard (for me). I still have negative beliefs/thoughts deep inside of me. And I still sometimes think a negative thought in reaction to something, without realizing it until after I've done it. I still have more work to do.

If your depression/anxiety is so bad that you can't bring about any significant change by working on your thoughts, beliefs, though habits...then you need to get something to help you and bring you to a place where you are able to.

If this long post isn't enough for you, ask me whatever else you want.

Well I do highly appreciate that long post and didn't expect it, and thank you. Just wondering what general things you have achieved?. Even if it's small goals, I'm not only expecting you to say you've only gotten as far as me. I guess one thing you've claimed so far is getting over S.A.

For me, I tried many things to overcome my S.A., but the amount of work that I put in caused me to crash and burn, and lose all motivation completely. So for now, I just cope. I see a couple family members of mine going through the same thing, and that they have many similarities to how I act with S.A., which makes me wonder if there is really any more change to the most severe symptoms of S.A. like eye contact and such and such. My eye contact is good, but the fear of judgement, impatience, and other stuff just doesn't ever seem like it's healthy to be hopeful for change.

 

[Rawz]

Well I do highly appreciate that long post and didn't expect it, and thank you. Just wondering what general things you have achieved?. Even if it's small goals, I'm not only expecting you to say you've only gotten as far as me. I guess one thing you've claimed so far is getting over S.A.

I haven't completely gotten over S.A. Like I said, I'm not done yet.

As far as S.A related accomplishments. I have become much more comfortable when going to stores, etc, and just generally being out in public. I don't worry about how I look anymore or if anyone will say anything about my appearance (like if my hair is messy or something). I've also become more comfortable work and more comfortable talking with co-workers. I once even went to the restaurant where I work, sat at a table with my boss and his family, and ate lunch while we watched a football game. I've also played golf with a co-worker once too (I was nervous the whole time though).

I still have trouble with eye contact, at least with most people. And I still have work to do with becoming comfortable around women and going on dates. Still never been on a date.

I've lessen my non-social anxiety a lot, and most of the time I don't have depression anymore.

 

[MikeyC]

Congratulations on your GED, even if it was two years ago!

My main obstacle for improvement has always been depression, but anxiety about change liked to play its part, too, just because. I think there'll come a point where you're just so sick of being stuck that you'll put yourself out there and do something completely different. That's what's happening to me right now after about eight years of the same crap, so I'm trying something new.

I know anxiety and depression hinder your ability to move forward, but if you're really dedicated to something, like you were when you got your GED, the world is your oyster. :thumbup:

 

[Kiwong]

Congrats on graduating. That is a big achievement with anxiety. One dream at a time, one step at a time.

 

[goblin]

I've noticed that it becomes easier when I can minimize depression, which is easier said than done. It's true that it saps the motivation and joy out of many things. When I was younger I was on medication for a little while which allowed me to gain some ground, and later on another two big steps forward came when I removed myself from unhealthy environments that were keeping me pinned down.

 

[voodoochild16]

I haven't completely gotten over S.A. Like I said, I'm not done yet.

As far as S.A related accomplishments. I have become much more comfortable when going to stores, etc, and just generally being out in public. I don't worry about how I look anymore or if anyone will say anything about my appearance (like if my hair is messy or something). I've also become more comfortable work and more comfortable talking with co-workers. I once even went to the restaurant where I work, sat at a table with my boss and his family, and ate lunch while we watched a football game. I've also played golf with a co-worker once too (I was nervous the whole time though).

I still have trouble with eye contact, at least with most people. And I still have work to do with becoming comfortable around women and going on dates. Still never been on a date.

I've lessen my non-social anxiety a lot, and most of the time I don't have depression anymore.

Thanks for answering those questions for me. But I am curious, if, your depression has gone away because of overall life quality?. I mean like, after getting into a relationship, and stuff like that?. The things we lack because of what SA did to us, is why we are depressed, so that's why I'm depressed, so achieving those things we normally don't have is what I picture has somewhat defeating depression. Thanks.

Congratulations on your GED, even if it was two years ago!

My main obstacle for improvement has always been depression, but anxiety about change liked to play its part, too, just because. I think there'll come a point where you're just so sick of being stuck that you'll put yourself out there and do something completely different. That's what's happening to me right now after about eight years of the same crap, so I'm trying something new.

I know anxiety and depression hinder your ability to move forward, but if you're really dedicated to something, like you were when you got your GED, the world is your oyster. :thumbup:

Cool, thanks man, good to know man, just curious though, what did you do completely different?. Did you achieve something you would of normally done 8 years ago?.

Congrats on graduating. That is a big achievement with anxiety. One dream at a time, one step at a time.

Thanks, it's great to get it overwith.

I've noticed that it becomes easier when I can minimize depression, which is easier said than done. It's true that it saps the motivation and joy out of many things. When I was younger I was on medication for a little while which allowed me to gain some ground, and later on another two big steps forward came when I removed myself from unhealthy environments that were keeping me pinned down.

I guess you can remove yourself from depressing environments to get rid of depression sometimes. Like when I moved out and lived on my own (and to this day), I felt ten times more depressed than while I was living with my parents. I wanted to go back, but that is not an option. But I noticed that living with someone made things better, because I wasn't alone.

Any ways, I know that when we get stuck in life like this, even people without anxiety, and when it's because we didn't do the things we should of done earlier in life. We live in an apartment, work at a gas station, are single, etc...

You are stuck, and getting out is almost impossible. I am not working at a gas station myself but, there is advancement available in my job, so there is hope.

But, just breaking free from that chronic state of life, where you can't normally do any thing because it takes immense motivation, is questionable. It depends on the person?, yes. But what are your guys's opinion on this?. Are you guys currently stuck?. Or have you guys gotten some where?. I don't feel I am completely stuck, I know I can do this, but I just like to hear from other people. Thanks.

 

[Rawz]

Thanks for answering those questions for me. But I am curious, if, your depression has gone away because of overall life quality?. I mean like, after getting into a relationship, and stuff like that?. The things we lack because of what SA did to us, is why we are depressed, so that's why I'm depressed, so achieving those things we normally don't have is what I picture has somewhat defeating depression. Thanks.

I wouldn't say it's gone awaybecause of any increases in overall life quality (I don't think there have been any increases in overall life quality not caused by my own actions). For one thing, I had to lessen my depression, anxiety, negative thoughts, and negative beliefs about myself and my body first, before I could do anything to get better life quality. For most people, their life isn't going to just magically get better. If I'm really depressed and hiding in my room in the dark and am not doing anything to make anything better, it's most likely that nothing is going to improve.

And this is where you can get stuck in a vicious cycle and it looks like there is no where out and your life will never get any better. You keep having all these negative emotions and thoughts and your depression and anxiety gets worse and so you can't seem to do anything to improve it, and then because your life isn't getting any better you get more depressed, etc. It could go on forever.

So I believe it all starts in your head. Whether you are causing all your problems yourself due habits (beliefs about yourself/you life you've convinced yourself of, etc), past experiences, etc, or due to a chemical imbalance--whatever it is, whatever combination of different things it is. It can be lots of different things all to different degrees.

You just have to start small. And you can't let frustrations about how slowly it is going, the times when you backslide, and etc, stop you.