what do you think - am i a 'nice guy'?

[bcsr]

"Nice Guy" has the connotation of being the push-over, clingy type. To me, anyway.

 

[coyote]

Even a good person can't please everyone all of the time, so I still don't see why it really matters what description 'coyote' fits.

well, the reason i'm curious is...

because there seems to be this notion that women don't go for 'nice guys' or that they prefer 'jerks' to nice guys,

and since i seem to have no trouble finding women who are interested in me

it must either mean that the notion is true and women think i'm a jerk

or that the notion is false and women are interested in me even if they think i'm a nice guy, or a 'nice guy'

or maybe it's that the guys who 'nice guys' think are jerks are the same guys who women think are nice guys

rather than speculate, i figured i'd just use myself as a test subject

 

[KiaKaha]

"Nice Guy" has the connotation of being the push-over, clingy type. To me, anyway.

That is exactly what the problem is. Who cares what words you use. It's all the same thing.
I would have thought describing yourself as nice was a good thing. I guess not - the word nice has such a huge stigmatization attached to it - it is almost vulgar.

Ho hum.

 

[KiaKaha]

because there seems to be this notion that women don't go for 'nice guys' or that they prefer 'jerks' to nice guys,

Some do - although not all of course. Be interested to know why. I am pretty sure women don't like being treated badly - but I do find it peculiar that quite often some do. I have my own thoughts as to why - I have tried to figure it out by asking my real life female acquaintances and have drawn some conclusions - however I am hesitant to express such conclusions in case it comes across as accusatory.

 

[bcsr]

That is exactly what the problem is. Who cares what words you use. It's all the same thing.
I would have thought describing yourself as nice was a good thing. I guess not - the word nice has such a huge stigmatization attached to it - it is almost vulgar.

Ho hum.

Who cares what words you use? Just about everyone. Words have the meaning we assign them, collectively.

Some do - although not all of course. Be interested to know why. I am pretty sure women don't like being treated badly - but I do find it peculiar that quite often some do. I have my own thoughts as to why - I have tried to figure it out by asking my real life female acquaintances and have drawn some conclusions - however I am hesitant to express such conclusions in case it comes across as accusatory.

The whole "women like jerks" thing is what "nice guys" say when they get rejected. Just being nice to a woman doesn't obligate her to have sex with you.

Call it whatever you want, but women, in general, are not attracted to push-overs.

 

[KiaKaha]

Who cares what words you use? Just about everyone. Words have the meaning we assign them, collectively.

What I mean is - we all know what 'nice' means. Here is a dictionaries definition of the term nice.

"pleasing; agreeable; delightful: a nice visit.
amiably pleasant; kind: They are always nice to strangers."

I am pretty sure there is not a dictionary in the word that describes the word nice as manipulative, pushover, passive aggressive, clingy, needy or insecure.

That is what I am trying to get at - I am not disagreeing that words don't assign meaning - of course they do - that is the purpose of having words in the first place.

 

[bcsr]

What I mean is - we all know what 'nice' means. Here is a dictionaries definition of the term nice.

"pleasing; agreeable; delightful: a nice visit.
amiably pleasant; kind: They are always nice to strangers."

I am pretty sure there is not a dictionary in the word that describes the word nice as manipulative, pushover, passive aggressive, clingy, needy or insecure.

That is what I am trying to get at - I am not disagreeing that words don't assign meaning - of course they do - that is the purpose of having words in the first place.

It's connotation. An older fellow might use the word "gay" to mean happy. A homosexual individual would use it to refer to sexual orientation. And then we have the younger generation who use it as a substitute for "lame."

 

[KiaKaha]

The whole "women like jerks" thing is what "nice guys" say when they get rejected. Just being nice to a woman doesn't obligate her to have sex with you.

Call it whatever you want, but women, in general, are not attracted to push-overs.

True - in some cases. No one is obligated to do anything for anyone. But some women *are* drawn to jerks, abusive relationships and manipulative men. Even other women acknowledge this - and as I have already said I think there is a reason as to why.

 

[Remus]

No they are not. Neither are nice women. Or nice people. What an absurd statement.

Nothing absurd about it, absolutely no one on this earth is that selfless.

 

[KiaKaha]

It's connotation. An older fellow might use the word "gay" to mean happy. A homosexual individual would use it to refer to sexual orientation. And then we have the younger generation who use it as a substitute for "lame."

Gay in terms of being happy is archaic and antiquated. Everyone still knows what the word nice really means.

 

[KiaKaha]

Nothing absurd about it, absolutely no one on this earth is that selfless.

Sure. Nice guys (people) are a myth.

right.

 

[Remus]

The whole "women like jerks" thing is what "nice guys" say when they get rejected.

1) Which is a misogynistic generalisation by them = Not nice.

2) She should like me, not him = Selfish = Not nice.

 

[Remus]

Sure. Nice guys (people) are a myth.

right.

It's a survival instinct, sometimes the most selfless acts also can be a survival instinct too.

 

[dottie]

some women *are* drawn to jerks, abusive relationships and manipulative men. Even other women acknowledge this - and as I have already said I think there is a reason as to why.

yeah, these are the type of women to avoid!

women want a man with a heart of gold but one who doesn't have to flash it around for applause... they are just a gentleman. this without expectation of affirmation or anything else in return.

 

[bcsr]

Gay in terms of being happy is archaic and antiquated. Everyone still knows what the word nice really means.

1
a : happily excited : merry <in a gay mood>
b : keenly alive and exuberant : having or inducing high spirits <a bird's gay spring song>

Still the primary definition in the current Merriam-Webster dictionary. Hardly archaic.
Regardless, the point stands. Our language changes and evolves, and "nice guy" currently carries a negative connotation. That's just how it is.

 

[twiggle]

women want a man with a heart of gold but one who doesn't have to flash it around for applause... they are just a gentleman. this without expectation of affirmation or anything else in return.

Spot-on dottie.

 

[AGR]

Of course girls like jerks,just as guys like jerks too(can you even use this word for girls),jerks make up most of the world population,if you cant see this I dont know what to tell you,also I'd hate to be a girl,yes it would probably be worse finding a nice guy....

 

[coyote]

What I mean is - we all know what 'nice' means. Here is a dictionaries definition of the term nice.

"pleasing; agreeable; delightful: a nice visit.
amiably pleasant; kind: They are always nice to strangers."

I am pretty sure there is not a dictionary in the word that describes the word nice as manipulative, pushover, passive aggressive, clingy, needy or insecure.

That is what I am trying to get at - I am not disagreeing that words don't assign meaning - of course they do - that is the purpose of having words in the first place.

i suspect that often, a man THINKS he is being pleasing and agreeable, but in reality he is coming across as manipulative and needy - probably because he doesn't know the difference

 

[Nathália]

yeah, these are the type of women to avoid!

women want a man with a heart of gold but one who doesn't have to flash it around for applause... they are just a gentleman. this without expectation of affirmation or anything else in return.

1+ There is no reason to keep bragging about things and telling others what to think about you, when they don't even know you well. That's not nice that's being forceful.

 

[MikeyC]

i suspect that often, a man THINKS he is being pleasing and agreeable, but in reality he is coming across as manipulative and needy - probably because he doesn't know the difference

Yeah...this would sound like me.

Also, you have not called me. Now who's the jerk? :crying: