very frustrated and need to vent. (Warning, extreme rant post)

[Section_31]

Im feeling pinched between 2 mountains right now.

Im sick and tired of society's BS stigmas of people who live with SAD, and depression, and everything else out there. Tired of people who dont understand these issues, present solutions, when they dont even realize what the problem is. Tired of them telling others to "buck up" or "quit acting like that" or "quit making up illnesses as excuses for your being sad!".

Just had the chernobyl of arguments with a family member, and i have to say it was a bombshell....as this was someone ive always brought all my problems to, always confided in, and they exposed how they feel about me supporting my wife with what shes going through.

The gyst of it is that i got told i shouldnt have married her, that she just acts the way she does for attention, ect ect ect. There was an argument on the phone, and this relative couldnt believe i was sticking with my wife over them. I reminded them of the vow i took to stick with her through thick and thin....i just am disgusted at how much of a convenience divorce is now, and how some people are utterly suprised and shocked that some of us choose to work through marital problems instead of just running away.

Needless to say im sure this is going to cause fallout in my family. I see some troubling days ahead. For some reason in my family when i stick to my convictions im seen as immature and stubborn, instead of simply being listened to...and maybe being understood.

Add to that i have a very depressed hunny to pick up tonight. She had a bad day at the uni and just doesnt have the energy right now to even get on the train to come home so im going to go get her in a few hours. Usually when she gets like this the best thing to do is give her time and space.

Im dreading her finding out about this right now, because she honestly doesnt need to deal with it. Im just very frustrated ni all directions right now and id like to be a little cooled off when i go to get her.

Just angry at my family, angry at society, angry at everything. I love her and will NOT leave her over this....because i know the real woman thats within her, the person she is when its just the two of us.

seriously...family, F off, mind your own business, and if its not good enough for you then i guess we have nothing left to say!!!!

ok...sorry guys...i needed to get this off...tonight has not been a good night...

ill post again later

 

[Blaze]

Being 20, my input is very limited. But I wanted to thank you for being as supportive as you are. There are not enough people with your kind of mind frame. People would rather abandon their so called loved ones than wade through all the BS to get to the other greener side.

Like you said, F off. This is your decision, and you choosing to be a good husband and more importantly, a good human being. Family should be able to express how they feel, but when you start saying things that DO NOT involve their marital status, shaddup and mind your own business! I just wish my father would display the same kind of support and devotion towards my mother.

 

[panicsurvivor]

Ah that wasn't that extreme. I personally think that you are a hero. People always want to sweep us crazy people under a rug don't they. They don't get it and it's uncomfortable so they want to make it go away. "Just getting attention" is one that I have heard before. Keep it up, like I said you are a hero, and I am sure you are HER hero. I do have one question, do you have sa too or is it just her?

 

[Section_31]

Thanks for the replies guys. Helps me keep things in perspective. Good to know im not alone in having these feelings.

Panic, to answer your question. Im not sure if i do or dont have SA...if i do its certainly not nearly as bad as my wife...but there are certain times i have a nervous reaction to a social situation, but those are extremely rare for me.

I consider myself more of a misanthrope. I dont like the way society views people with SA or other issues like it because of human nature. As a result of how i feel ive always typically been a loner, being very picky about who i call a friend. I have a very select few but most of them all live in other cities so we dont see eachother often. Its never bothered me though, ive been actually quite happy making a go of things.

I DO have depression, for which im on medication and its helped alot.

 

[panicsurvivor]

She's got it pretty bad huh? Well like I said that makes you a pretty awesome person in my book. I always have a deep respect and admiration for those who help and love the ones who are wounded and frightened. Its easy to love a person who is happy and beautiful and brightens the room. It takes a thoughtful person to love someone who requires care and difficulty. Someone who might be considered a "downer". Like I said your real life hero as far as I am concerned.

 

[Section_31]

What further irritates the situation is her and my frustrations with her parents lack of understanding, or empathy.

A history of this runs in her moms family, in fact her mom even had some of the same issues she does, and still has them, but she (my MIL) refuses to acknolwedge any of it, its always everyone elses fault. Apparently the grandmother was the same way, always avoiding phone calls, ect.

What gets me is how much more obvious do you need to get that theres a problem?. It just makes me shake my head. Shes angry at her parents for not helping her get the help she needed when she was younger, and thinks life might have been much more different if she had. Luckily now that we are getting help, for both of us, not just her, things have gotten easier.

I Guess when you look at our parent's generation, and their "treatment" of mental illness, maybe they dont necesarily see SA as a disorder because the person experiencing it isnt institutionalized or somthing. I dont know.

Im sure everyone on here shares these frustrations though.

 

[MollyBeGood]

Lone Gunman-what a great man you are to stick by your wife and support her and not take the easy road and leave her. There should be more men like you out there. She's lucky to have you from the sounds of it.
families can be really hindering to ones progress when they refuse to acknowledge someones real pain-mine is the same...why is that? They are supposed to help.....

 

[twist3d]

First of all, you are definitely doing the right thing. Ignore all those idiotic opinions.

Fact is, society doesn't accept mental illnesses. It's all either made up or your own fault. I'm sure most people here have dealt with these opinions.
It has a lot to do with the fact that science doesn't yet understand human brain, human mind and mental illnesses in depth. If your arm is broken, everyone believes it because they see it. But usually there is no other way to prove social anxiety disorder other than person's own words.

So people don't get it. They think about times when they were anxious or shy or feeling down and think that that's what this is. Because if you haven't experienced it, you can't really know (although you CAN try to understand and support).

Or they think it's he easy way out. Like with depression - some people always think that "oh, it's so easy to just lay there all day long, too lazy to even take a shower" but if they were in that situation and felt what it is, they would never say that again.

Maybe your family feels that you are sacrificing yourself for her and they are worried and scared. It's true that it's very important not to exhaust yourself. But as long as you love her and don't get too "lost" in her problems (i.e. have your own life and aren't afraid to be happy and do things she might not be able to), you should be fine.

 

[mozart87]

The Lone Gunman you're like my favourite hero oh god we have some disorder.... but oh my, a lot of people don't search to find out their disorders...
it's like they aren't happy with their lives and they wanna make sure that you won't be relaxed and happy about your life as well.

 

[Kat]

Yeah, most people have no clue. I can definitely relate to your frustration and it’s a horrible burden to have. I keep trying to tell myself when I hear such closed mindedness well there’s no instruction manual to this. If they want improvement they could keep their destructive opinions to themselves.

 

[Section_31]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I appreciate the feedback...but really, i dont see myself as any kind of hero or anything like that, im just committed to sticking to the vows i took. And i took them very seriously.

The fallout has already occurred in the family a little bit. When i talk to some of my family i can tell theyve withdrawn a bit, hold some parts of themselves back. Then there are a select few who actually DO understand and support us...thank god. But those few are like drops of water in the desert.

Ive gone through being angry, frustrated, tired, and apathetic about the whole thing, and just decided that instead of giving them any energy off this id just expend it on the hunny instead...to that end we went out to dinner and actually had a nice night last night, not at all what i was expecting considering everything else. Not all things that start badly end badly.

We have our next psychiatrist on Nov 30th. Im looking forward to going. Anything i can take away to help her is worth any time, and luckily ive got a very understanding boss who makes sure im able to slip away from work for a few hours to attend these sessions.

Really, im hoping to pass my mindset on to my kids and others, maybe to start to reverse the rediculous, bigoted, ignorant mindset that so many have towards mental illness, and maybe in that way accelerate further discoveries which may lead to new ways to help people, with SA, depression like myself, and who knows what else.

 

[JamesSmith]

One of the most far-off statements is the one that "we're just doing it for attention." What these ignorant people who say this don't realize is that we are actually getting less attention than any1 else because we don't talk to as many people as they do. Less people are paying attention to us than "normal" people. If i was getting all this so-called "attention" they think I'm getting, then I wouldn't be so freakin lonely and depressed.