Twiggle's Tales

[DeadmanWalking]

Nah, you hit it right on the head, Miss twiggle. It's great that your mind still functions normally, even when tired though. I'm barely able to form coherent sentences and words when I get sleepy::.

 

[Opaline]

If you don't say much, there'll be somebody out there cursing you for not saying enough.
If you're too loud, there'll be somebody out there cursing you for not listening enough.
If you do something nice for somebody, there'll be somebody out there thinking you did it for reward.
If you refuse to do something nice for somebody, there'll be somebody out there thinking you didn't do so because you're rude.
If you look pretty, there'll be somebody out there hating on you for your looks.
If you don't look pretty, there'll be somebody out there hating on you for your looks.
If you are weak in confidence, there'll be somebody out there yelling at you for not having a backbone.
If you have more confidence than a fly, there'll be somebody out there thinking you're arrogant.
If you enjoy popular activities there'll be somebody out there thinking you lack imagination.
If you don't enjoy popular activities there'll be somebody out there thinking you're an outcast.
If you're right, there'll be somebody out there thinking you're a smart-ass.
If you're wrong, there'll be somebody out there thinking you're an idiot.
If you're popular, there'll be somebody there thinking you must be fake.
If you're not popular, there'll be somebody out there thinking you must just be strange.
If you cry, there'll be somebody out there thinking you're doing it for attention.
If you don't cry, there'll be somebody out there thinking you don't care.

My point? Merely that there is always 'somebody out there,', whatever the situation. No matter what you say and do, somebody won't like it, but somebody else will. You cannot please everybody; so you have a choice - spend your life in a pair of flashy heels trying to please everyone, or to instead pull on a pair of comfy trainers and just enjoy things for what they are.

This is something I often try to convince myself off. I'm the girl who could have 10 friends but if I had one enemy it would send me into paranoid overload. I need to learn to let go of that.

All the whilst we're focusing on trying to 'win' people, the further the prizes we've already won float by.

(Alternatively I could be speaking a heap of rubbish. It's late, I'm tired).

Not rubbish at all, this makes perfect sense and I totally agree. Especially the part about the prizes we've already won.

I should reference this post when I start obsessing about negative interactions.

 

[MikeyC]

If you don't say much, there'll be somebody out there cursing you for not saying enough.
If you're too loud, there'll be somebody out there cursing you for not listening enough.
If you do something nice for somebody, there'll be somebody out there thinking you did it for reward.
If you refuse to do something nice for somebody, there'll be somebody out there thinking you didn't do so because you're rude.
If you look pretty, there'll be somebody out there hating on you for your looks.
If you don't look pretty, there'll be somebody out there hating on you for your looks.
If you are weak in confidence, there'll be somebody out there yelling at you for not having a backbone.
If you have more confidence than a fly, there'll be somebody out there thinking you're arrogant.
If you enjoy popular activities there'll be somebody out there thinking you lack imagination.
If you don't enjoy popular activities there'll be somebody out there thinking you're an outcast.
If you're right, there'll be somebody out there thinking you're a smart-ass.
If you're wrong, there'll be somebody out there thinking you're an idiot.
If you're popular, there'll be somebody there thinking you must be fake.
If you're not popular, there'll be somebody out there thinking you must just be strange.
If you cry, there'll be somebody out there thinking you're doing it for attention.
If you don't cry, there'll be somebody out there thinking you don't care.

My point? Merely that there is always 'somebody out there,', whatever the situation. No matter what you say and do, somebody won't like it, but somebody else will. You cannot please everybody; so you have a choice - spend your life in a pair of flashy heels trying to please everyone, or to instead pull on a pair of comfy trainers and just enjoy things for what they are.

This is something I often try to convince myself off. I'm the girl who could have 10 friends but if I had one enemy it would send me into paranoid overload. I need to learn to let go of that.

All the whilst we're focusing on trying to 'win' people, the further the prizes we've already won float by.

(Alternatively I could be speaking a heap of rubbish. It's late, I'm tired).

Great post! Something I always need to remind myself of, no matter how difficult that can be.

 

[twiggle]

I'm glad you guys appreciated the post.

I just feel that sometimes, somebody will express an opinion or say something (perhaps negative) about us (or more probably, we will think they have) and we will take that opinion as fact. But to do so is like saying that all 7 billion people in the world think the same way - which of course isn't true.

Accepting that some people will like us and others won't is the first step towards inner-peace. As soon as you stop putting pressure on yourself to not be disliked by anybody, that's when you start really being yourself. And by being yourself you are more comfortable and that's the sole condition which confidence needs in order to bloom - forget how much money you have, what you do or what you look like. Those things may seem important but they're not the staple in your diet which you really need, whereas confidence (aka self-respect) is.

I think of myself and know that like the majority of people out there, I'm far from perfect. There are surely people who aren't keen on me just like there are people I am not keen on either. That's because we are different people with different expectations and different ideas. But that doesn't mean that I'm going to start trying to shoehorn myself into their mindset and change the way I am just to be liked by one more person. I've done that in the past and it only left me feeling even more confused. I didn't really know who I was and other people probably couldn't decipher me either.

In the end, nobody out there is right. Nobody can claim that their opinions are fact. I just wish myself and others on here would realise that each time we feel flattened by a comment, or a look somebody gives us, or a paranoid feeling we get about something.

Just focus on your existing loved ones because if you start chasing the acceptance of others they will be the ones who start feeling as though they're not as important to you and will drift away from you.

Be comfortable. Be you. Be happy.

 

[MikeyC]

Accepting that some people will like us and others won't is the first step towards inner-peace. As soon as you stop putting pressure on yourself to not be disliked by anybody, that's when you start really being yourself. And by being yourself you are more comfortable and that's the sole condition which confidence needs in order to bloom

I think of myself and know that like the majority of people out there, I'm far from perfect. There are surely people who aren't keen on me just like there are people I am not keen on either. That's because we are different people with different expectations and different ideas. But that doesn't mean that I'm going to start trying to shoehorn myself into their mindset and change the way I am just to be liked by one more person. I've done that in the past and it only left me feeling even more confused.

Yeah, I agree with these. I have bent over backwards trying to please too many people, and I still do it today, even though I'm totally aware of how futile and self-destructive it is. I can't get past it, but one day I will.

 

[BlueDays]

I'm glad you guys appreciated the post.

I just feel that sometimes, somebody will express an opinion or say something (perhaps negative) about us (or more probably, we will think they have) and we will take that opinion as fact. But to do so is like saying that all 7 billion people in the world think the same way - which of course isn't true.

Accepting that some people will like us and others won't is the first step towards inner-peace. As soon as you stop putting pressure on yourself to not be disliked by anybody, that's when you start really being yourself. And by being yourself you are more comfortable and that's the sole condition which confidence needs in order to bloom - forget how much money you have, what you do or what you look like. Those things may seem important but they're not the staple in your diet which you really need, whereas confidence (aka self-respect) is.

I think of myself and know that like the majority of people out there, I'm far from perfect. There are surely people who aren't keen on me just like there are people I am not keen on either. That's because we are different people with different expectations and different ideas. But that doesn't mean that I'm going to start trying to shoehorn myself into their mindset and change the way I am just to be liked by one more person. I've done that in the past and it only left me feeling even more confused. I didn't really know who I was and other people probably couldn't decipher me either.

In the end, nobody out there is right. Nobody can claim that their opinions are fact. I just wish myself and others on here would realise that each time we feel flattened by a comment, or a look somebody gives us, or a paranoid feeling we get about something.

Just focus on your existing loved ones because if you start chasing the acceptance of others they will be the ones who start feeling as though they're not as important to you and will drift away from you.

Be comfortable. Be you. Be happy.

Totally agree with this and how important it is for people like us to stop constantly changing ourselves to be accepted/liked by everyone. It is hard though especially if we have suffered trauma along with not being liked eg. bullied etc.
You are right that we need to learn to accept that there will be people that don't like us because we are different to them. I think the hard part is learning to not take it personally.

 

[coyote]

i really like this thread =^]

 

[twiggle]

Yeah, I agree with these. I have bent over backwards trying to please too many people, and I still do it today, even though I'm totally aware of how futile and self-destructive it is. I can't get past it, but one day I will.

Me too. There's just no pleasing some, and then it makes you think - why would I want to be friends with somebody like that anybody? If we're working too hard to make somebody like us, we are in effect only ever chasing our own tail - the friendship, even if it happens, is false and built upon shaky foundations.

Totally agree with this and how important it is for people like us to stop constantly changing ourselves to be accepted/liked by everyone. It is hard though especially if we have suffered trauma along with not being liked eg. bullied etc.
You are right that we need to learn to accept that there will be people that don't like us because we are different to them. I think the hard part is learning to not take it personally.

Quite right BD. Past trauma, particularly involving bullying, will always make it harder to not take things personally. If we have been accused of the same thing by multiple people it is hard to forget. Sometimes we can use their criticism in a good way, because we recognise that perhaps we've made a mistake - such as if something we said came across as rude, for example. Other times though, we just have to believe in ourselves. If somebody accuses you of doing something, but you know 100% that you didn't, their accusation is easier to deal with - there is no guilt gnawing away at us.

i really like this thread =^]

Thank you coyote

 

[Srijita52]

i really like this thread =^]

Me too.

I'm glad you guys appreciated the post.

I just feel that sometimes, somebody will express an opinion or say something (perhaps negative) about us (or more probably, we will think they have) and we will take that opinion as fact. But to do so is like saying that all 7 billion people in the world think the same way - which of course isn't true.

Accepting that some people will like us and others won't is the first step towards inner-peace. As soon as you stop putting pressure on yourself to not be disliked by anybody, that's when you start really being yourself. And by being yourself you are more comfortable and that's the sole condition which confidence needs in order to bloom - forget how much money you have, what you do or what you look like. Those things may seem important but they're not the staple in your diet which you really need, whereas confidence (aka self-respect) is.

I think of myself and know that like the majority of people out there, I'm far from perfect. There are surely people who aren't keen on me just like there are people I am not keen on either. That's because we are different people with different expectations and different ideas. But that doesn't mean that I'm going to start trying to shoehorn myself into their mindset and change the way I am just to be liked by one more person. I've done that in the past and it only left me feeling even more confused. I didn't really know who I was and other people probably couldn't decipher me either.

In the end, nobody out there is right. Nobody can claim that their opinions are fact. I just wish myself and others on here would realise that each time we feel flattened by a comment, or a look somebody gives us, or a paranoid feeling we get about something.

Just focus on your existing loved ones because if you start chasing the acceptance of others they will be the ones who start feeling as though they're not as important to you and will drift away from you.

Be comfortable. Be you. Be happy.

I totally agree with this and its something I need to keep reminding myself as well. Great post twiggle.

 

[JuiceB]

See? I was right when I called you intelligent.

 

[MikeyC]

Me too. There's just no pleasing some, and then it makes you think - why would I want to be friends with somebody like that anybody? If we're working too hard to make somebody like us, we are in effect only ever chasing our own tail - the friendship, even if it happens, is false and built upon shaky foundations.

True, but that doesn't really pop into my head. I have always hated people hating me, because then it makes me feel like a failure. I will admit that I'm better at this than I was, particularly when I was at school, but I have a ways to go.

Quite right BD. Past trauma, particularly involving bullying, will always make it harder to not take things personally.

Unfortunately, I know this the hard way.

(I'm sure others can relate.)

 

[twiggle]

It's been some time since I wrote in my thread, but this evening, sat here feeling somewhat fluey and finally having some time just to sit and think, I fancied writing a ponder or two.

I've noticed that almost all of my anxiety surrounds the feeling of LOSS.

I worry about the...

Loss of family
Loss of friends
Loss of love-interests
Loss of my job
Loss of my health

and, well...mainly those five things.

I've noticed that I am anxious about those things only because I fear losing them. The things that make me the most anxious, also happen to be the things that I am most fearful of losing. Funny, that...

And then I wonder - is it such a bad thing to be anxious about these things? To make the most of people and things in light of the fact they may not always be there?

I sometimes contemplate what I'd be like if I didn't have anxiety. More free of worry - certainly. More confident? Sure. But then again, what kind of friend/relative/lover/employee would I be if I didn't care for what the people closest to me thought? If it was so easy for me to just dispose of anything that once held meaning, what would it say about not only those things, but myself as well?

I know people who have real, "I couldn't give a ****" attitudes in life. It wouldn't matter if you were their closest friend, if - in their eyes - you hurt them, they "wouldn't give a ****, okay?!"
Sometimes, I think it must be bliss to be like that. To be so unperturbed by anything of the kind. I guess those people don't have to worry about anything.

But then again, maybe I'm better off for the fact I do worry about these things. Because even if things don't go the way I plan, if I do end up losing people and things, it won't be because I didn't try to make things work.

Maybe anxiety does have a benefit.

Just maybe ;-)

 

[MikeyC]

I sometimes contemplate what I'd be like if I didn't have anxiety. More free of worry - certainly. More confident? Sure. But then again, what kind of friend/relative/lover/employee would I be if I didn't care for what the people closest to me thought? If it was so easy for me to just dispose of anything that once held meaning, what would it say about not only those things, but myself as well?

I know people who have real, "I couldn't give a ****" attitudes in life. It wouldn't matter if you were their closest friend, if - in their eyes - you hurt them, they "wouldn't give a ****, okay?!"
Sometimes, I think it must be bliss to be like that. To be so unperturbed by anything of the kind. I guess those people don't have to worry about anything.

Not having anxiety wouldn't make you completely unperturbed about everything. You would still be who you are, but you would have more confidence around doing things (although you seem to be quite confident from what I can tell), and be more willing to throw yourself into difficult and arduous situations.

Of course, I'm speaking in the sense of you getting rid of anxiety after already having it, and not from never having anxiety in the first place. The former gives you a reminder of how you used to be and can work from there. (Trying to find the right words and I'm failing, but I hope you see what I mean.)

 

[twiggle]

Yep, you're right there Mikey. It's definitely possible to be anxiety free without being complacent. I just think that sometimes, worrying isn't as terrible a thing as we think it to be. The other side of the coin - not worrying at all - isn't necessarily better.

Hope all is still going well for you btw... if you get what I mean haha

 

[MikeyC]

Yep, you're right there Mikey. It's definitely possible to be anxiety free without being complacent. I just think that sometimes, worrying isn't as terrible a thing as we think it to be. The other side of the coin - not worrying at all - isn't necessarily better.

Hope all is still going well for you btw... if you get what I mean haha

Worrying isn't bad. Worrying too much leads to health issues. A good, healthy balance is needed.

Haha, yes, things are going fine. I'm still chatting to her. But that's a discussion for another thread: this one is about you.