Twiggle's Tales

[MrJones]

Good to see your thread back, especially with a post like this

Somebody stopped talking to me once because I booked a holiday, and she didn't think that was fair, because she wasn't going on one.

That is just so silly it even made me laugh. I hope you were not really hurt, that somebody sounds like someone I wouldn not want as a friend

 

[ohheybbyitscorixx]

I think it's great you acknowledge not everyone will like you. Sometimes it's so hard not to want to please everyone. And sometimes people really just don't like you, not because you did anything, they just don't. It's amazing what allowing yourself to just be..yourself can do!

 

[ohheybbyitscorixx]

I feel like my head is completely rational and positive and knows exactly what to do and say all the time, and even feeds me words of comfort when I'm down, but that my heart and mind send it all off-kilter.

I started this journal at a really bad time. If I'd started writing a few months ago it would have been full of positivity. Thank you to anyone who reads this pessimistic stuff lol.

Conflicting thoughts and emotions are TOUGH to deal with. The way I look at it, the mind tells you to do one thing, but a lot of people ACT with their emotions. Emotions can seem to overpower even the strongest positive mind. As humans, we can only be happy for so long. Even the most positive, optimistic people have varying emotions during the day. I tend to think of the state someone is in by what is in their mind, not in their heart. If you can feed yourself comforting words from your mind even when you feel distress, I think you are in a pretty good place.

 

[MikeyC]

some even see niceness as a vulnerability, and they'll manipulate it.

This is a constant struggle for me but I've only recently become aware of it and I'm trying to change (I don't know if it's working).

Good to see you resurrected the thread, twiggle. I think you're right with anxiety giving us a bigger insight into our feelings, but I also think that can be a double-edged sword at times.

 

[twiggle]

It's been many months since I wrote in this thread.
I was just about to post in the 'Post Your Random Thoughts...' thread when suddenly I remembered I had my own private space to blab in that people need read only if they want to....
Where to start? To fill in on the past few months? They've been fine. Good. Most notably, I had a nice holiday - I took a great memory from the past back into the present by re-visiting some friends in a faraway country, and I'm doing really well at a job I love. Earning lots of praise from my boss and feel very comfortable around my colleagues. It takes time for me to feel comfortable around others but now, I finally do - to the point where I can be myself around them and tease them etc.
Anyway. I'll put my own horn away for now.
But the past couple of weeks... wow. I've been emotional. It's like... every day I question so much.
I'm not sure what it is about anxiety. Maybe it's the fact you're so aware of your emotions that you notice every single thing you think and feel.
I'm doing a job where every single day I'm reading about dozens of victim's cases. Real cases. Ones in which the majority don't always make it to the news. Real people, being hurt and victimised - and nobody knows about it because it all goes on behind closed doors. And because, for some stupid reason, people feel as though their suffering is something to be ashamed of.
It makes me sad to know that so many people are suffering as result of the actions of others. And what's worse is knowing that they're going through it alone.
My best-friend is going through it all too. She is hurting and suffering at the hands of the man she loves. But you'd never know it judging from her Facebook profile picture, of them sitting happily in a gondola.

Why do we never appreciate life until a tragedy occurs elsewhere? I'm so sick of hearing people saying stuff like, "this puts everything into perspective" bla bla. Yes, good, but ACT on that beyond this moment/day!

And why do we occasionally allow ourselves to conflict with the people we care about most?
Just get over it and get on with it!!
I'm trying to adapt to the mindset that we should (sorry, a cliche is about to enter) live every day like it's our last, and speak to everybody like we may never see them again. Because the reality is - there's no guarantee that we will. I don't mean this in a morbid way, actually I mean it in a positive one. If only we just appreciate, appreciate, appreciate rather than let these silly worries over-rule us.


Life is so damn fragile.

This was a really random post, and a rather deep one. I apologise but... best to let it out

 

[coyote]

I'm doing a job where every single day I'm reading about dozens of victim's cases. Real cases. Ones in which the majority don't always make it to the news. Real people, being hurt and victimised - and nobody knows about it because it all goes on behind closed doors. And because, for some stupid reason, people feel as though their suffering is something to be ashamed of.

i spent many years trying to assist people who had suffered to the point where they couldn't anymore and had to call for help - and dealing with the aftermath of violence and depredation, trying to help pick up the pieces

that can be very weighing emotionally, and it can really cause you to have a dismal view of the world.

but if you let it, it can also really help you to appreciate the good things that life has to offer

 

[twiggle]

^ You're right on all accounts, but I already do appreciate all the good things life has to offer.

That's why I get so angry when people take that same thing (the ability to appreciate life) away from others with their selfishness.

 

[MrJones]

Bad things will always happen, but at least there are good people like you who care about others and try to help, even making a living out of it. You should be really proud of what you're doing, you have to stay strong and accept that those things happen, and they always will, but thanks to people like you this world is a better place.

 

[twiggle]

^ That's a very sweet thing of you to say, Mr J. Thank you. In my particular role, I don't have much direct contact with these people though. But the other day a lady phoned. She was crying having suffered DECADES (i can't fathom how that feels) of suffering. Alone. She had a glimmer of hope in her voice at the mention of a service that's on offer to people in her situation and it was so great to hear.
I just worry about who or how many people aren't at that stage yet. Don't feel yet as though it's 'okay' to ask for help.
The world is a horrible place at times, but its also very loving.

 

[twiggle]

Tonight I spent some time with my best-friend. The one with the douche of a boyfriend who emotionally abuses her. She lives some distance away and we don't get to see each other that often.

It was eye-opening to me. I know she's been unhappy, but didn't know just how depressed she was. Over the past few weeks I was getting towards the point of irritation with her, thinking that she just couldn't be bothered with us anymore because her bf consumed all her energy. Truth is, she's really depressed. Depressed in exactly the same way I was last Summer - refusing to commit to future social plans on account of how miserable she may feel when the actual date arrives. I understand it so much. I told her that such periods help you to learn - to become stronger - to appreciate. But of course, she won't realise that yet.

She knows her relationship is bad for her, but he's abused her so much that she doesn't have the confidence within herself to end it. She needs to be her own team - in support of herself. Then she'd have the courage to go through with the break-up. I hope this happens. She is somebody who's drive, focus and ambition always inspired me and I am sick to see that horrible boyfriend of hers take it away because of his anger problems.

The day she becomes herself again, I'll buy a bottle of champagne. Seriously.

And the reason I feel all this apt to SPW is just because for me, it's like looking in a mirror from one year ago. And only now have I learnt - and become stronger from that - to say to her that she will, eventually, be all the better from having gone through this.

I guess that's why they say time is such a great teacher.

In lighter news, I think I'm going to go to bed, and watch a film. I have an Olympics Closing Ceremony to attend tomorrow! Look out for me peeps, I'll be wearing exactly the same outfit as in my avatar

 

[DeadmanWalking]

twiggle, if your friend is going through what you went through, then you should help her. Guide her and be her "counselor" in a sense. Help to free her from her shackles and be there to support her and help "rebuild" herself after it's over.

 

[twiggle]

I'm trying to do that Deadman, I've told her everything tonight, I just think she's not at the stage yet where she can believe that things can ever be okay again. I understand that feeling of hers, but I also feel from my own experiences that it reaches a point where you just have to force yourself to do things. Even if you don't want to go somewhere, just focus on moving your legs so that you get there. I know she'd feel heaps better if she stuck to all the social plans she can have.

I've told her I'll always be there. It goes without saying, there are three of us and we're a tripod even if occasionally a leg needs re-oiling

 

[DeadmanWalking]

Has she gone to therapy, Miss twiggle? And maybe you could come to her house sometimes and "kidnap" her for some fun times.

I didn't know that you had formed your own "Three Caballeros" though.

 

[twiggle]

Haha. I just have two very best friends. The two I have the most faith in being there forever, in whatever shape or form, and we are rather a threesome haha. What's a caballero??

I've not suggested therapy, but now that you've mentioned it... might be a good idea. I think she could benefit from spilling out about this - to somebody 'neutral'. I know she's reluctant of telling too much to her friends in case they always associate her with such sadness.

Thanks for the suggestion DMW

 

[MrJones]

That's good you talked to her. When she is ready to do somethig about it and get better, hopefully soon, I'm sure you'll be a great help

And yeah, therapy can help!

PS: caballero means knight

 

[KiaKaha]

I think you have responded with nothing but resiliency, support and insight when it has come to dealing with your friend and her emotionally abusive boyfriend.

There is only so much you can do - but as you say, it takes a lot of strength to leave someone who you have emotionally invested yourself in. I do believe though, that it will happen eventually. It must be difficult to watch in the meantime though.
I can sense your love for your friend - and I think that is probably going to be something that will pull her through and the end result is that you will have a stronger friendship than before.
From what I can tell you have done everything right.

 

[Srijita52]

You're a good friend twiggle, I'm sure your friend appreciates this. I know you're trying your best to help her, it might take her a while to move on though. Its great that she has a friend who understands.

 

[twiggle]

^ Thank you for the above comments, I read them and liked them at the time as well but just didn't want to bump up my thread again


I can't sit still anymore.

I really don't know how I managed last Summer when I had nothing to do.
Oh yeah, that's right - I didn't manage. I was thoroughly depressed and miserable and clinging on to the past.

I really hope I am never, EVER in that position again. I was afraid to make plans because I didn't think that I would be able to face them. Now, I'm more afraid of the days when I don't have plans because I'm worried I'll just sit and find things to feel anxious about.

The more crowded our minds are by a wider variety of stuff, the less space there is for anxieties.

Not saying I don't ever feel anxious anymore, of course I do, sometimes big style, but now I'm more than happy to keep throwing myself out there and making chances for myself. The sky is the limit and even when I am hurt I just try to keep going because that's the only way I can get over things.

Keeping on going. Forcing one foot in front of the other if I have to... Just keeping on going...

 

[MikeyC]

That's a wonderful attitude, twiggle. I hope one day to be like that, too.

 

[twiggle]

If you don't say much, there'll be somebody out there cursing you for not saying enough.
If you're too loud, there'll be somebody out there cursing you for not listening enough.
If you do something nice for somebody, there'll be somebody out there thinking you did it for reward.
If you refuse to do something nice for somebody, there'll be somebody out there thinking you didn't do so because you're rude.
If you look pretty, there'll be somebody out there hating on you for your looks.
If you don't look pretty, there'll be somebody out there hating on you for your looks.
If you are weak in confidence, there'll be somebody out there yelling at you for not having a backbone.
If you have more confidence than a fly, there'll be somebody out there thinking you're arrogant.
If you enjoy popular activities there'll be somebody out there thinking you lack imagination.
If you don't enjoy popular activities there'll be somebody out there thinking you're an outcast.
If you're right, there'll be somebody out there thinking you're a smart-ass.
If you're wrong, there'll be somebody out there thinking you're an idiot.
If you're popular, there'll be somebody there thinking you must be fake.
If you're not popular, there'll be somebody out there thinking you must just be strange.
If you cry, there'll be somebody out there thinking you're doing it for attention.
If you don't cry, there'll be somebody out there thinking you don't care.

My point? Merely that there is always 'somebody out there,', whatever the situation. No matter what you say and do, somebody won't like it, but somebody else will. You cannot please everybody; so you have a choice - spend your life in a pair of flashy heels trying to please everyone, or to instead pull on a pair of comfy trainers and just enjoy things for what they are.

This is something I often try to convince myself off. I'm the girl who could have 10 friends but if I had one enemy it would send me into paranoid overload. I need to learn to let go of that.

All the whilst we're focusing on trying to 'win' people, the further the prizes we've already won float by.

(Alternatively I could be speaking a heap of rubbish. It's late, I'm tired).