I had deleted this thread because I felt like it was descending into one in which I just moan and write negative things, but I'm feeling back to normal now so I'm going to resurrect it and just continue with sharing my feelings and thoughts; particularly those which I feel I've learned from having this thing called 'social anxiety'.
I hate it when my anxiety hits me hard like it did recently. I was alright... nowhere near as bad as I was last Summer which shows I must be getting stronger... but whilst I was maybe crying a lot less, I still wasn't feeling like my usual self. A couple of things have made me feel back to normal now though and for those I am grateful.
But I'm wondering if, in a very strange way, having anxiety does me a favour from time to time? You see... I hate how much it makes me worry about things. I am sensitive and emotional... but I am also very in touch with my feelings, even if I don't always understand them. Sometimes when the anxiety hits me hard I find myself striving harder to look at all of the individual pieces that make up 'me' and try and work out the jigsaw; to work out what it is I want, and to try and gain that inner peace that makes me less 'scared' of things.
What other people think has always been the thing that holds me back. It's not in a superficial way. I'm not shy about the fact I listen to 'weird' music or watch 'weird' films or wear 'weird' clothes and whatever else people have mocked me for in the past. I don't care what people think about my tastes, but I do care about what they think about what I do - and by people, I mean more specifically - those in my networks (friends, colleagues, even acquaintances etc etc). I alluded before to the fact I had a couple of bad friends in the past, who made me realise that even if you're a nice person, there are still people who'll find a reason to dislike you, some even see niceness as a vulnerability, and they'll manipulate it. (Btw, I'm not saying I'm a wholly nice person, I'm not, I make mistakes too sometimes if my negative emotions take over me, but with these particular friends I don't recall ever doing anything out of turn and one even said to me, "I was a ***** to you because I knew you'd put up with it").
^But those examples were very long ago and really I should get over it, largely I have done, but I feel as though they were the things that set all of this off, and once it started... the more ingrained those feelings became.
I feel as though this kind of sensitivity is something that is not only a part of me, but part of the majority of people on here. And to get to the point, I just want to say that I don't even think it's that bad a thing. I'm not necessarily saying it's a great thing either, just that I would far rather take being like this than being ignorant and taking my problems out on other people just like those ex-friends of mine did.
But having said that, if there's one thing life has taught me is that you can't let other peoples' opinions hold you back. No matter what you do in life, somebody will disapprove of it. I missed out on a couple of great opportunities because I thought too much about what others may think and now I realise how messed up that was. There are just some nasty people in the world. Somebody stopped talking to me once because I booked a holiday, and she didn't think that was fair, because she wasn't going on one.
And going back to my point, it's when my anxiety hits me the most that I care less and less about what other people think. I become apathetic towards it and find myself realising what it is I want, and becoming more determined. And now, even though I'm feeling a lot better, I still have those goals in mind. So let's do this thing.
One of the biggest things my anxiety has taught me is also something that would probably be taken as common sense by most people, but it's something I've struggled to put into practice. It's that famous saying, "Do what you want and say what you feel because the ones those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter". I think it's so true (Within reason of course. Some people take it too far, which essentially leads to selfishness)
I've rambled now and I'll probably look at this later on and cringe but... it needed to get off my chest. I wish everybody here including myself could just be happier with ourselves and not feel bad for having this 'anxiety' or whatever you want to call it.
Think, do and go go go!
I'm not unhappy. 
