Trustworthy People

[hexagon_sun]

I'm just curious what everyone's thoughts are on trust. What kind of people do you find easier to trust vs. people you might get along with better? Do you shy away from people who are blunt and to the point? Do you prefer to interact with people who don't offer any kind of ctriticism fearing that your feelings will be hurt? Has anyone felt that sinking feeling when you suspect people are talking about you behind your back? Tell me what tipped you off that this was going on?

 

[Silatuyok]

I distrust anyone who gossips about other people to me. Venting about something is one thing, but there are several people I know who always have something to say about everyone else. I much prefer to receive constructive criticism to my face, rather than hear about it second or third-hand, which is entirely not constructive. Blunt and to the point is much better than passive aggressive.

 

[A86]

trust is earned

I initially don't trust anyone

 

[hexagon_sun]

I distrust anyone who gossips about other people to me. Venting about something is one thing, but there are several people I know who always have something to say about everyone else. I much prefer to receive constructive criticism to my face, rather than hear about it second or third-hand, which is entirely not constructive. Blunt and to the point is much better than passive aggressive.

I agree! Gossip is not "productive" that's why I NEVER engage in it myself. You end-up hurting people in the long run and losing there trust.

 

[hexagon_sun]

trust is earned

I initially don't trust anyone

I'm in agreement with that. Been burned far too many times myself.

 

[hexagon_sun]

I probably would like to see less sidebar, snarky, clicky, inside humor type communication on the public threads. Considering this forum is for people with SA, that's like throwing a grenade in a china shop! I don't appreciate, and I'm sure other's don't either. No one is perfect. I've let a couple sarcastic comments slip but I apologized to those people afterward. The point is, if our goal is to help each other, we can't regress to a high school cafateria mentality! "Hey Chunk! I see you got the tater tots again today!" If people want to use this as a regular chat forum, you probably have out-lived the need for SPW. Yes... there are a lot of sad people on this forum. That's what it's for. I wish I had some crazy conspiracy wack-nut with a BIG HEART throw all sorts of life changing ideas at me long ago. I probably would have been better off by now.

 

[Opaline]

I probably would like to see less sidebar, snarky, clicky, inside humor type communication on the public threads. Considering this forum is for people with SA, that's like throwing a grenade in a china shop! I don't appreciate, and I'm sure other's don't either. No one is perfect. I've let a couple sarcastic comments slip but I apologized to those people afterward. The point is, if our goal is to help each other, we can't regress to a high school cafateria mentality! "Hey Chunk! I see you got the tater tots again today!" If people want to use this as a regular chat forum, you probably have out-lived the need for SPW. Yes... there are a lot of sad people on this forum. That's what it's for. I wish I had some crazy conspiracy wack-nut with a BIG HEART throw all sorts of life changing ideas at me long ago. I probably would have been better off by now.

You could be referring to any number of things here, so I think it would be hard to know exactly what you're trying to say.

As for coming here to chat and socialize, I see nothing wrong with it. It's a support forum, yes, but on any forum people make friends, there are regulars. You get to know people. The Chatbox is... well, to chat in. I'm not going to stop asking about people's lives and sharing personal stories and stick to strictly SA topics that are meant to be therapy aides or something. There is no rule saying we can't socialize. In fact I think for some people here, it's the only form of interaction they get - are you saying they should knock it off?

If you're feeling left out (not saying you are, but IF you are), why not join in the chatbox conversation or IM someone or something?

A lot of people here are really lonely, and having cyber friends to talk to now and then can help alleviate some of that (although it probably shouldn't be one's ONLY source of interaction, but if it helps for a while, great).

 

[Lea]

I definitely prefer when people are direct and to the point. Not that they have to be rude or insensitive, but just open and tell everything how it is. I can´t stand passive aggresiveness and talking behind the back.

 

[Kiwong]

I trust very few people. I live in an office which has a culture of gossip, and it is damaging and has contributed to the worsening of my anxiety. I know people have talked behind my back. I much prefer my own company.

 

[Opaline]

As for the subject, I think I'm a little quick to trust people. But no doubt time/age will fix that problem for me

 

[hexagon_sun]

You could be referring to any number of things here, so I think it would be hard to know exactly what you're trying to say.

As for coming here to chat and socialize, I see nothing wrong with it. It's a support forum, yes, but on any forum people make friends, there are regulars. You get to know people. The Chatbox is... well, to chat in. I'm not going to stop asking about people's lives and sharing personal stories and stick to strictly SA topics that are meant to be therapy aides or something. There is no rule saying we can't socialize. In fact I think for some people here, it's the only form of interaction they get - are you saying they should knock it off?

If you're feeling left out (not saying you are, but IF you are), why not join in the chatbox conversation or IM someone or something?

A lot of people here are really lonely, and having cyber friends to talk to now and then can help alleviate some of that (although it probably shouldn't be one's ONLY source of interaction, but if it helps for a while, great).

It seems in tone, you are disagreeing with me but the substance of your reply is in agreement with what I'm saying. The chatbox is for... chatting. There are also IMs and private messages. The public threads revolve around a topic. I'm not saying people should not socialize on SPW. I'm just reminding people that there are appropriate places for every type of communication. It may not seem like a big deal, but the newer members get intimidated when people publicly "fratronize." Imagine your on your own walkinging home from school and a group of friends are carrying-on and having a good time. It's bosterous, loud and a lot of laughing and obscure comments are being thrown around. You ask yourself - "What are they laughing at?" "Are they laughing at me?" It's probably harmless fun, not directed at you, but you can't help but feel insecure. That's any person, not just people with SA. Get it now?

 

[Opaline]

It seems in tone, you are disagreeing with me but the substance of your reply is in agreement with what I'm saying. The chatbox is for... chatting. There are also IMs and private messages. The public threads revolve around a topic. I'm not saying people should not socialize on SPW. I'm just reminding people that there are appropriate places for every type of communication. It may not seem like a big deal, but the newer members get intimidated when people publicly "fratronize." Imagine your on your own walkinging home from school and a group of friends are carrying-on and having a good time. It's bosterous, loud and a lot of laughing and obscure comments are being thrown around. You ask yourself - "What are they laughing at?" "Are they laughing at me?" It's probably harmless fun, not directed at you, but you can't help but feel insecure. That's any person, not just people with SA. Get it now?

Okay yes, I can understand the insecurity, but I still think making a playful comment to someone you're familiar with in a thread not specifically for socializing should not be disallowed. I think that is a part of interacting in any forum, even one for social anxiety. I can see where it would be a problem if people were making passive aggressive remarks or rude jokes that sound like they could be about people here, and if that is what you are specifically referring to, then yes I agree.

(Not sure why you threw in the "get it now?" seems a little patronizing. If I came across as rude or something in my reply, wasn't intending to, I was just disagreeing. And if you didn't mean anything by it then disregard.)

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

It seems in tone, you are disagreeing with me but the substance of your reply is in agreement with what I'm saying. The chatbox is for... chatting. There are also IMs and private messages. The public threads revolve around a topic. I'm not saying people should not socialize on SPW. I'm just reminding people that there are appropriate places for every type of communication. It may not seem like a big deal, but the newer members get intimidated when people publicly "fratronize." Imagine your on your own walkinging home from school and a group of friends are carrying-on and having a good time. It's bosterous, loud and a lot of laughing and obscure comments are being thrown around. You ask yourself - "What are they laughing at?" "Are they laughing at me?" It's probably harmless fun, not directed at you, but you can't help but feel insecure. That's any person, not just people with SA. Get it now?

She invites you to join her in chatting and socializing, and you react with hostility and condescension? Nice.

Also, 'reminding people' how they should behave here? Not your place. You aren't a mod, nor do you own this board. Second, let he who is without sin and all that. Oy.

 

[hexagon_sun]

It's why we don't eat supper in the bathroom and why we don't urinate in a pool... There's a reason why we have designated areas for certain functions. I've traditionaly been an easy going kind of guy in the past, but I realize that rules are necessary to guide out energies in a productive manner, not to restrict us, but to keep us from bumping into each other. There are some rules that are no good, though. And that's usually because they were created by some eilitist prick wanting to sheperd and exploit people at his/ her whim. (another topic)
Not all rules are good or bad just like not all people are good or bad. I hate to come across as a stickler, but "good" rules are designed to protect the innocent. That's a good thing in my opinion.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

These are the rules.

http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/site-rules-26660/

If you want to make some new ones, feel free to create your own website.

erfect:

 

[hexagon_sun]

She invites you to join her in chatting and socializing, and you react with hostility and condescension? Nice.

Also, 'reminding people' how they should behave here? Not your place. You aren't a mod, nor do you own this board. Second, let he who is without sin and all that. Oy.

That wasn't intended to be condescending...

 

[awkwardamanda]

I probably would like to see less sidebar, snarky, clicky, inside humor type communication on the public threads. Considering this forum is for people with SA, that's like throwing a grenade in a china shop! I don't appreciate, and I'm sure other's don't either. No one is perfect. I've let a couple sarcastic comments slip but I apologized to those people afterward. The point is, if our goal is to help each other, we can't regress to a high school cafateria mentality! "Hey Chunk! I see you got the tater tots again today!" If people want to use this as a regular chat forum, you probably have out-lived the need for SPW. Yes... there are a lot of sad people on this forum. That's what it's for. I wish I had some crazy conspiracy wack-nut with a BIG HEART throw all sorts of life changing ideas at me long ago. I probably would have been better off by now.

I don't even know what posts you're referring to here. I can't recall seeing any particular posts that have come across as snarky or clicky. I don't know what's so wrong with sarcasm. It isn't a high school mentality thing. It's a form of humour and often is not intended to be offensive. I think a lot of us here could use a good laugh sometimes. And if I happen to see a comment directed at a certain member, and I don't get what they're talking about, I don't care. I don't feel out of the loop. As far as I can tell, people aren't making off-topic, chatty posts in random threads. Many of us come here to socialize because we don't have much else. This place is going to be no fun if we have to start walking on eggshells and worrying about the hundreds of ways a harmless comment could be misinterpreted.

In regards to the original question, people aren't worth trusting. My ex-boyfriend had no respect for my privacy. He blabbed very private things about me to his friends and thought nothing of it. He cheated on me too. That's enough to learn never to trust people. I've always been gullible. I fall for stupid crap easily. Too many people just like to take advantage of others. Most just don't deserve to be trusted.

 

[hexagon_sun]

Scientists have never directly observed black holes but know they exist because of the effect they have on matter in their vicinity. In an interconnected universe, nothing really escapes detection. You just have to be observant. Anyone notice anything?

 

[coyote]

this forum is whatever the users make it to be

nothing more

nothing less

 

[awkwardamanda]

Scientists have never directly observed black holes but know they exist because of the effect they have on matter in their vicinity. In an interconnected universe, nothing really escapes detection. You just have to be observant. Anyone notice anything?

It's also possible that while you think you're being observant, you're actually reading too much into something or taking it the wrong way.