True Friendship

[P+G]

Finding true friendship is hard. I'm twenty-one and I found him almost two years ago. I think I was very lucky. It was completely unexpected and happened when I was feeling very, very low. At my worst.

Having a true friendship means that you care for the other person. Both of you get along very well and can be completely comfortable with each other. But it also means that you're able to grow and learn with a good companion and resolve any arguments in a good way. You find out a lot about yourself. Nobody wants to be alone. If the right person came you'd want to be with them.

In order to find a friend you have to spend a lot of time with someone. I wonder if that's easier for a boy and a girl rather than two girls or two boys. (Assuming that the boys and girls in this example are heterosexual.) I've always wondered that if I were a boy, would my friend (who is now my boyfriend) have still spent all that time talking to me?

My boyfriend and I became friends at first and I think neither of us throws around the term friend that easily at all so this was important. I think being a girl and my friend being a boy we easily became girlfriend/boyfriend. I still consider him my best friend but he's also my boyfriend.

I wonder if this is why I can't talk to people and make friends because the only way I know how to do that is to spend a lot of time with them. And no one seems to do that. They make 'friends' so easily. But I've noticed that they aren't true friends. Maybe I'm expecting too much?

I'm trying to write this but it's coming out all confusing and long. I think I'll post this and maybe add more later. I hope something makes sense.

I think the main thing is, if you've found a boyfriend or girlfriend who works with you so well, how are you going to try and make other friends when it's so difficult and you've already found a great one?

Have one true friend or a handful of people you might see or talk to? Might.

 

[MikeyC]

In 2009 I had a really good friend and we would do everything together. She was a girl, too. I wanted to make the step to boyfriend but she didn't. Besides that, she was a lot of fun to hang out with and we did pretty much everything together.

I now have a "best friend" who, without him, I wouldn't be half as social as I am.

I don't know if I'd call either of them "true" friends because it can be hard to discuss certain things. The girl I don't see anymore (she's in the Navy), but with the guy he can be quite patronising occasionally. Finding a true friend is quite difficult, and even I am guilty of not being a true friend, so who am I to judge, really?

I'm glad you and your boyfriend started off on friendship terms and it grew from there. Sounds like you have a wonderful person in your life.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I had always had a difficult time making friends.
I make acquaintances easily enough- but was unable to call anyone my 'friend', as for years I would make a 'friend' only to have them betray me less than a week later- beat me and make a mockery of me at school for actually trusting them.

My ex and I were on friendly terms. By that age, I hadn't considered anyone to be my 'friend' but when we started dating- I thought I could maybe trust someone enough to give them that title.
Years passed and I held so much importance on our relationship and when I lost him, the world ended.

I suppose the moral of the story is... friends should be interchangeable.
Don't count on any one person being there 'forever' because they probably won't be.
And if your whole world depends on that one person being there, then when they disappear one day, you'll be left in ruins.
Enjoy your time together 'in the moment'.

 

[Srijita52]

I had a best friend for ten years and we did everything togther, I trusted her completely and I thought she was my 'true' friend. But she left me for being a loser, it wasn't entirely her fault though, I had some insecurities myself.
I've a few friends now, I don't think they're true friends though, I wonder if there's any such thing as true friendship. Maybe I just haven't found it yet.

 

[Srijita52]

I suppose the moral of the story is... friends should be interchangeable.
Don't count on any one person being there 'forever' because they probably won't be.
And if your whole world depends on that one person being there, then when they disappear one day, you'll be left in ruins.
Enjoy your time together 'in the moment'.

^I couldn't agree more.

 

[Opaline]

I suppose the moral of the story is... friends should be interchangeable.
Don't count on any one person being there 'forever' because they probably won't be.
And if your whole world depends on that one person being there, then when they disappear one day, you'll be left in ruins.
Enjoy your time together 'in the moment'.

So true.

It doesn't matter how close and inseparable you think you are with someone, or how well you get along with them. The hard truth is, people often change and lose interest or want something different, or move far away and you lose touch. It happens to the closest of people. It happened to me, as I'm sure it's happened to many others here.

I know some people who seem to be making this fatal mistake, of relying too much on one person for company, having only one best friend. I always only thought you could ever HAVE only one best friend, that is why they're your BEST friend, right? But really, that label only means you share more, that isn't going to stop them from feeling human and wanting change.

This hasn't happened to me often, I'd say maybe twice. Depending on exactly what we're talking about. I've had good friends who I became more distant with but we still talk, and I've had a couple people close to me who disappeared from my life. Pretty harshly, too.

It's hard not to put all your eggs in one basket (I almost said person, heh). When you find someone you get along with you want to believe it will always be that way. It rarely is, though. Even for the closest of friends, even the ones who seem like the perfect companions.

The cliche is true. Nothing lasts forever.

 

[Feeling_Nothing]

I now have a "best friend" who, without him, I wouldn't be half as social as I am.

I don't know if I'd call either of them "true" friends because it can be hard to discuss certain things.

I completely agree and relate to this Mikey, I have 1 friend and without him I wouldn't even leave the house. However talking about how I feel etc isn't there, I'm just not comfortable expressing my feelings to someone else face to face.

 

[Boby]

I have one person that I could call him best friend,I know him for almost 16 years.
I met him in my first day of school and after one week we became friends (he was probably the first friend I ever had).We did a lot of crazy sh!t together,the entire neighborhood was basically our play ground,there was no place safe from us,we had a lot of fun together.
This lasted for 4 years when he moved but we still remained friends ,he was visiting his grandparents(who live very close to me) very often and would pass by house.
As time pasted and school became more demanding and we had more responsabilities ,our friendship became a bit cold and also in that time I found a bunch of other new friends and ultimately I tried to end the friendship with him.
Although I even tried to push him away he still tried to maintain the friendship and only recently I realize how precious his friendship was,because a lot of so called friends came and go while he always was there to talk,help me etc.

 

[P+G]

I know that you can never predict what will happen in the future, things do change however I've learnt that it's important to keep talking if you want to work things out. It can be easy to just leave. If one person keeps trying to talk then maybe the friendship will stay strong. If both people give up then it's definitely gone.

The bad thing about me is that I stop talking and I keep saying that I want to be left alone. I think that I'm fine alone. This is hard for me but I'll come back, apologise and talk later.

I realise that without my friend I'd be in a really bad place. I'd have no one to talk to. It's so miserable being like that. But I also feel like I've grown and become more confident because of him so if anything happened in the future I'd be better than how I was before I met him.

 

[SilentBird]

I have trouble nurturing friendships. I have been fortunate that people have been tolerant of the distance I create.

 

[Eristelle]

True friendship doesn't apply to me. I'm notorious for destroying any friendship I'm involved in.

 

[1BlackSheep]

It doesn't matter how close and inseparable you think you are with someone, or how well you get along with them. The hard truth is, people often change and lose interest or want something different, or move far away and you lose touch. It happens to the closest of people. It happened to me, as I'm sure it's happened to many others here.

Yes, this is quite true! I remained friends with someone I'd know since high school for many years afterwards, but we both changed to the point where the friendship became strained and eventually ended. It was hard letting go of a friendship that had lasted so many years. It takes time to get to know a person that well and have so many shared experiences. I think that's what forms the bond between people.

 

[Ambere]

maybe it's true that most or maybe all things don't last but then what would be the point of working so hard on a relationship if you thought it would fail. I've been friends with two girls who have been my best friends since fifth grade and now one of them is getting married. I'm fairly certain I'm still gonna be in their lives no matter what changes. And certain friends will bring out certain sides in you that you didn't know you had, one of my friends makes me the most outgoing person on the planet, I sort of lean on her and without her I'd have a hard time even being social. She makes me more confident in myself and I love her for that.

 

[EscapeArtist]

I don't know what to say but I think you're really onto something posting about true friendship on the SA forum. I agree with you that a lot of people don't have true friends. The way I see it, true friends are people who would act the same alone in a dark room with no means of distraction as with you. If they're sad and thinking about things, they won't put on a happy face, etc. I think that really has to do with people having SA, people not being authentic, and thus people not having true connections, and thus ... what do you really get out of them if you don't have much social energy? anyways this is totally unrelated! And I don't know how to help you my friend, but i thought i'd spew my thoughts on your page... LOL