Trouble with hanging out with people

dannyboy65

dannyboy65

Well-known member
My mom told me I have to get out more and hangout with more people. I've rarely been going out or hanging out with anyone since last May. I have a lot of friends at college my age and they are very nice. The only thing is I'm to nervous to hangout with them outside school.

A popular place would be a bar for people at my school but it would be pointless for me to go (I can't drink pop or alcoholic beverages) I also don't like being around people who are drinking as I don't drink or do drugs.

I do hangout with some guys from the autism foundation, but we never really go out. We usually play dungeons and dragons which is fun! It's that I want to go out and have fun with other friends too. Yet I don't know how to get ask them to hangout.

We are all busy with different things because of school and I'm in a different course then a lot of them.

Any tips? I'd love to hear some.
 
Diend

Diend

Well-known member
you have to have an event in mind first. what around your house is there to do? eat at a restaurant?
 
dannyboy65

dannyboy65

Well-known member
See I live 30 minutes from town. Most of my friends live in town and want to do things in town. So it's not really an option to have them at my house.

I am also not much into drinking or partying I've never been to a party. Not because I couldn't go it was more of that I just don't like being around people who are intoxicated.
 
fate12321

fate12321

Well-known member
You could always invite them to hang out at your house and play games online with them, order pizza, and just talk about life.
 
lucifersam

lucifersam

1
D&D sounds like hanging out to me... that's what people usually do, either play games or sit around and talk or something, unless they're working on something serious.

Also a 30 minute drive kinda sucks to do on a regular basis but say once a week I think you could make it. All of the people I know these days live at LEAST 30 minutes away, some more like 50. Well, some more like 90, but that's a bit too far.
 
theoutsider

theoutsider

Well-known member
Sacrament said:
What happens that's so negative?
Click to expand...

For starters I usually end up being all but ignored and I feel invisible. My input is never listened to or appreciated. At some point my SA will kick in and I'll start to feel (and probably act awkward). I then become quiet because I don't want to continue being ignored or say something to embarrass myself. Since I have no input into the group, I become bored.

Even when that doesn't happen, there's usually some pettiness going on within the group. Either people talking behind others' backs or an argument/disagreement over something totally unimportant. I find myself beginning to count down the minutes until whatever event is over and I can go back to being by myself.
 
theoutsider

theoutsider

Well-known member
Sorry dannyboy65, I neglected to offer a suggestion. Maybe instead of meeting at a bar where there's no benefit for you, you can arrange something like an outing to a beach. Maybe you guys could go hiking together. Do you guys play recreational sports? Maybe you could put together a casual volleyball, basketball or frisbee football game.
 
N

nicole1

Well-known member
Pick the place that's comfortable for you. Don't skip out on their suggestions, but only go where you are comfortable.

What worked for me then was being up front. That eased some of the tension.
 
Bronson99

Bronson99

Well-known member
theoutsider said:
For starters I usually end up being all but ignored and I feel invisible. My input is never listened to or appreciated. At some point my SA will kick in and I'll start to feel (and probably act awkward). I then become quiet because I don't want to continue being ignored or say something to embarrass myself. Since I have no input into the group, I become bored.

Even when that doesn't happen, there's usually some pettiness going on within the group. Either people talking behind others' backs or an argument/disagreement over something totally unimportant. I find myself beginning to count down the minutes until whatever event is over and I can go back to being by myself.
Click to expand...

I agree, "socializing" is like being around mindless pack animals who just don't have the capacity to think for themselves.

Do things on an individual 1-1 basis or in a group of 3 (including yourself.) Still I have found with groups of 3, I will usually be the third wheel.
 
PugofCrydee

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
I refuse to go out to pubs and clubs because it's just not who I am. I don't want to mix with those sorts of people either.

You can't get them to come to your house, so arrange to meet a couple of people somewhere in town. Do something that you all are likely to enjoy. Eventually when you are familiar enough and comfortable enough with each other you can invite them out and if they are decent people they will make the effort to come out - at least once in a while.
But otherwise yea, arrange to spend time together in town. Ask if they want to go see a movie and then get a bite to eat after. Hang out a bit beforehand.

Good luck mate :)
 
S

Sam_9XS

Member
If you ever are not comfortable with drinking, but want to go to the party/social event, I have a trick that would help you "fit in". They offer you a beer, and you accept, drink the single beer, but then keep refilling that same bottle/can with water. So, you don't become intoxicated, but they think you're continuously drinking!
 
L

Lostkiddo

Member
dannyboy65 said:
My mom told me I have to get out more and hangout with more people. I've rarely been going out or hanging out with anyone since last May. I have a lot of friends at college my age and they are very nice. The only thing is I'm to nervous to hangout with them outside school.

A popular place would be a bar for people at my school but it would be pointless for me to go (I can't drink pop or alcoholic beverages) I also don't like being around people who are drinking as I don't drink or do drugs.

I do hangout with some guys from the autism foundation, but we never really go out. We usually play dungeons and dragons which is fun! It's that I want to go out and have fun with other friends too. Yet I don't know how to get ask them to hangout.

We are all busy with different things because of school and I'm in a different course then a lot of them.

Any tips? I'd love to hear some.
Click to expand...

YO. Its crazy how we much your situation is like mine. I havent hung out with anyone for a while too, i guess for the same reason. but its come to the point where it doesnt even matter anymore. And im around the same year in college and most people do drugs and drink and i dont. Well it is nerve wracking to get out your comfort zone but its worth it. I felt like my friends always had to call me to hang out, and that i would come across as desperate if i was the one calling them, but thats not true at all. If anything these friends you have at college probably feel the same way. So dont be nervous or scared to make the first interaction. Be honest about how you feel about drugs and alcohol and just let them know if you guys do end up hanging out so you wont feel pressured if anyone one of them do drink or do drugs. So a sort of respect is built. I mean you guys can literally meet up anywhere. Go to a park, or eating place in town. Be willing to go the extra mile to meeet up. I guess thats all i have to say for now. But keep me updated. I can relate to this alot!
 
L

Lostkiddo

Member
theoutsider said:
For starters I usually end up being all but ignored and I feel invisible. My input is never listened to or appreciated. At some point my SA will kick in and I'll start to feel (and probably act awkward). I then become quiet because I don't want to continue being ignored or say something to embarrass myself. Since I have no input into the group, I become bored.

Even when that doesn't happen, there's usually some pettiness going on within the group. Either people talking behind others' backs or an argument/disagreement over something totally unimportant. I find myself beginning to count down the minutes until whatever event is over and I can go back to being by myself.
Click to expand...

I feel you on this! Wow. Its crazy how people actually experience the same things i do. i honestly believe that if you experience this. Your just not hanging out with the right group of people worthy to be called your friends. You should just be optimistic and look for people who value your input and dont ignore you. its a two way street though. You should value theirs and they value yours. SO YEAH! Just look for a different group of friends. Making new friends is hard especially if this group of friends your talking about is OG. Like theyve been your main social group for a while. But change is sometimes necessary. Especially for personal growth! I believe in you man! you can make better friends and enjoy hanging out again! if you ever did before...
 
L

Lostkiddo

Member
Sam_9XS said:
If you ever are not comfortable with drinking, but want to go to the party/social event, I have a trick that would help you "fit in". They offer you a beer, and you accept, drink the single beer, but then keep refilling that same bottle/can with water. So, you don't become intoxicated, but they think you're continuously drinking!
Click to expand...

Why would you do that. Thats being fake. No point it trying to change yourself for others who you dont even know you. It might not seem like a big thing but it is.
 
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