tough love or coddled ?
- Thread starter nafadda
- Start date
sullyS25
Well-known member
While I do prefer to be told the truth and not have things sugar coated, there is a fine line between constructive criticism or advice and attacking....Some people do not know that line and when they cross it I don't hear anything they say because I am busy lashing back at them. When I am blunt with people I try and do it in a way where it exposes the elephant in the room but also lets them know I am not trying to insult them. My experience is that no one will listen to a word I say if they feel insulted....I think there is an art to being blunt without coming off as insulting.
Lea
Banned
I like the posts of Nafadda.. in fact it reminded me of my own thoughts that I have sometimes. What IMO is wrong is when people twist the truth (facts, reality) out of fear of not hurting other´s feelings. They think they´re being nice and considerate when instead of being upfront they resort to telling white (or even black) lies, or twisting the facts no matter how subtly. If this becomes a custom with everyone and the truth is not in the first place but other´s feelings, then the whole society falls into lies and becomes untrue and fake, hypocritical and therefore weak.
Even an "innocent", white lie like telling people that we´ve fallen from the stairs when in fact someone had beaten us. These people think they´re being nice or considerate towards other´s feeling, not wanting to shock them or so. But still, this is a lie. I can imagine my mother, who lies all the time, in everything, some might say she does so in order to protects others from bad news etc., but what she achieved with doing this in her life is that she lives with a rude violent man and instead of standing up against him, getting angry and telling him to stop, I won´t take this behaviour of yours anymore, she is getting out of his way, and behaves as his servant, attending to his every wish. Then her children (me) also suffer as a consequence of her not being honest.
Sadly so many people prefer to live in their illusional world of lies and hate people who make them to face the truth. And I learned if you´re the only honest person in a corrupt workplace for example, your fault leading to dismissal can be solely the fact that you are honest, which they hate, as they want people who are similary corrupt to play according to their hypocritical rules. This happened to me once, when I was fired despite the fact that I was the only person who actually worked, even stupidely and naivelly well.
Even an "innocent", white lie like telling people that we´ve fallen from the stairs when in fact someone had beaten us. These people think they´re being nice or considerate towards other´s feeling, not wanting to shock them or so. But still, this is a lie. I can imagine my mother, who lies all the time, in everything, some might say she does so in order to protects others from bad news etc., but what she achieved with doing this in her life is that she lives with a rude violent man and instead of standing up against him, getting angry and telling him to stop, I won´t take this behaviour of yours anymore, she is getting out of his way, and behaves as his servant, attending to his every wish. Then her children (me) also suffer as a consequence of her not being honest.
Sadly so many people prefer to live in their illusional world of lies and hate people who make them to face the truth. And I learned if you´re the only honest person in a corrupt workplace for example, your fault leading to dismissal can be solely the fact that you are honest, which they hate, as they want people who are similary corrupt to play according to their hypocritical rules. This happened to me once, when I was fired despite the fact that I was the only person who actually worked, even stupidely and naivelly well.
cheese rock!
I used to be brutally honest. With age and maturity I learnt tact.
sullyS25
Well-known member
cheese rock!
I used to be brutally honest. With age and maturity I learnt tact.
Amen! That is the word I was searching for thanks you!
MikeyC
Well-known member
Lea
Banned
cheese rock!
I used to be brutally honest. With age and maturity I learnt tact.
A dog who barks, doesn´t bite, and sometimes on the contrary.
So external politeness if you´re evil inside is of no use. But better than nothing
.Just purely theoretically, it wasn´t aimed at anyone here
.
coyote
Well-known member
coddled eggs
in order to guard against possible Salmonella infection, the U.S. Department of health and Human Services recommends that eggs be cooked until both the white and the yolk are firm:
Eggs and Egg Products | FoodSafety.gov
in order to guard against possible Salmonella infection, the U.S. Department of health and Human Services recommends that eggs be cooked until both the white and the yolk are firm:
Eggs and Egg Products | FoodSafety.gov
nafadda
Well-known member
cheese rock!
I used to be brutally honest. With age and maturity I learnt tact.
I am not sure what 'cheese rock' is..you have to excuse me I am a bit out of the 'loop' these days,
but yea silly bands like THE EAGLES that have only been around almost 40 years..prob just a 'flash in the pan'...
Kat
Well-known member
I think the truth only needs to be said if something can be done about it. I don’t like when people tell me this is what I should be doing and only see their own truth about it. I can be pretty stubborn being blunt with me doesn’t have the results some people may be hoping for when they feel they are being honest.
