too nice or just masochistic?

[chibiXphantom]

so recently i've been finding out a lot of stuff about someone who i thought was very close to me.

i hate to sound complainy and like im making a list of faults on their part...
but they've lied to me numerous times, broken every promise ever made to me, stabbed me in the back, and asks more of me than i can give...

..and though i have found out every lie, discovered every broken promise... i still cant make myself stay away.. i never want to hurt them and want them to be happy... though everything they've done has sent me into a deep depression... i just cant stand the thought of them feeling like i do...

idk why i keep setting myself up to be hurt more... i just dont want to hurt them back

 

[Anomaly]

Don't take this the wrong way, but what will change if we say, "Yes, you are too nice"?

 

[Steppen-Wolf]

This is not about being nice, this is about low self steem.

If you were just being nice then you wouldn't really care about what they do or say, but the impression I get is that you're so overly accommodating because you want people to care about you but you don't feel worthy of it, so in your mind you need to act like a doormat hoping that such behavior will make people like you.

Of course, I say this based on reading six lines of text from you... So excuse me if I'm wrong : P.

 

[nicole1]

You are too nice... I can be the same way.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

You're just a good person.
Good people get **** on regularly- and we put up with it.
It's not really a bad thing... but you could always try practicing assertiveness and figuring out the invisible line where you can allow yourself to say no.

That takes alot of time and practice and I'm sure you'll hurt people's feelings, but they will get over it.
You can be happy either way, I'm sure.
It's up to you if you want to stay the way you are and continually get hurt by people but keep helping them anyway-- or become more assertive and sometimes hurt people but generally stay the same way as you are now.

 

[EnigmatiConduit]

so recently i've been finding out a lot of stuff about someone who i thought was very close to me.

i hate to sound complainy and like im making a list of faults on their part...
but they've lied to me numerous times, broken every promise ever made to me, stabbed me in the back, and asks more of me than i can give...

..and though i have found out every lie, discovered every broken promise... i still cant make myself stay away.. i never want to hurt them and want them to be happy... though everything they've done has sent me into a deep depression... i just cant stand the thought of them feeling like i do...

idk why i keep setting myself up to be hurt more... i just dont want to hurt them back

I understand this completely. "Too nice" is what i am going with. I've had depression for years and i can't stand the thought of cutting off a person i have cared about like many have done to me. Although it can be so hard to let go, it may be what you need to do. Have you spoken to them about this in great detail? Like a full on sit down and get everything you think/feel out? If you haven't - try it, see what you come to, but if nothing does change, try your best to leave them be.

 

[Lowlight]

Well lets break it down logically. A masochist would do something that causes them harm, and in return they receive some sort of pleasure from it. From what you have stated you are close to a person. This person has caused you many a grievance, and you feel bad because of it. You are no masochist, you are just being abused with no payoff (that you can think of at least).

So if you are not a masochistic then why affiliate yourself with the person? You say you don't want them to be as sad as you are. What if it were the other way around? Would it seem fair for you to abuse this person just so you could be happy? Of course not. What you need to do is distance yourself from this person. I doubt that your distancing yourself could ever make this other person as sad as you are now. You owe it to yourself to put your happiness above someone else's inconvenience.

 

[Newtype]

so recently i've been finding out a lot of stuff about someone who i thought was very close to me.

i hate to sound complainy and like im making a list of faults on their part...
but they've lied to me numerous times, broken every promise ever made to me, stabbed me in the back, and asks more of me than i can give...

..and though i have found out every lie, discovered every broken promise... i still cant make myself stay away.. i never want to hurt them and want them to be happy... though everything they've done has sent me into a deep depression... i just cant stand the thought of them feeling like i do...

idk why i keep setting myself up to be hurt more... i just dont want to hurt them back

You have to respect yourself Chibi. If you surround yourself with people like that, you will always feel this way. You know that. Leaving them is not hurting them, it's respecting yourself. Life is short, you deserve to be surrounded by people worthy of your companionship.