too many issues for a love relationship

[da_illest101]

Anyone else feels like they have too many issues to have a relationship with anyone?

I seriously feel like i'm too unstable to have one.

I'm most of the time depressed, I could be happy one minute and sad the next, I can care a minute and not the next min. I let people come close, but once they get too close I push them away. I fear meeting other people's entourage, I over think things way too much. I'm unhappy in life, except for my job, I don't really know why. I pretty much live in a fantasy world ( computer, video games) since I have a hard time coping with real life

Also I see that I tend to love pretty much any attractive girl that give me attention, but I'm just in love with the attention and what I say to them feels more like i'm saying it for them to stay around me. After a while they get fed up of me not doing anything else than saying things but not doing them ( I say things online of course, face to face I can't do anything)

 

[this_portrait]

Sometimes, but I want one anyway.

 

[Eristelle]

All the time, but I foolishly think someone would go far enough to even try to fall in love with me. Unfortunately that's unrealistic.

 

[The Lost]

Yes, although I'm actually wanting one, I still cannot feel even comfortable at the thought of getting close to someone enough for this to happen. Something to work on before it's too late.

 

[antihistamine]

Anyone else feels like they have too many issues to have a relationship with anyone?

I seriously feel like i'm too unstable to have one.

I'm most of the time depressed, I could be happy one minute and sad the next, I can care a minute and not the next min. I let people come close, but once they get too close I push them away. I fear meeting other people's entourage, I over think things way too much. I'm unhappy in life, except for my job, I don't really know why. I pretty much live in a fantasy world ( computer, video games) since I have a hard time coping with real life

Also I see that I tend to love pretty much any attractive girl that give me attention, but I'm just in love with the attention and what I say to them feels more like i'm saying it for them to stay around me. After a while they get fed up of me not doing anything else than saying things but not doing them ( I say things online of course, face to face I can't do anything)

If you maintain the same attitude and feelings about yourself, nothing will change..that's for sure.

 

[Aletheia]

I think I have way too many issues for a relationship and that it's not fair to the other person or even to me and I swear off them for a while but then I meet someone and....

 

[UnOccupied]

I have a good example of this happening. I was together with a girl at my school last year. We had a great night, but at the end of the night(alcohol made things worse), i got mad about something she said. Then it got kind of awkward, and she said, "look, i know you think you have something wrong with you, but that doesn't matter to me. Just forget about it for a minute. I like you, lets just go have some fun."

It was like she saw right through me. A belief of mine whenever i was with her was, i'm so messed up inside, i don't deserve her. And, it was like she saw right through to my mind when she said that.

 

[antihistamine]

I have a good example of this happening. I was together with a girl at my school last year. We had a great night, but at the end of the night(alcohol made things worse), i got mad about something she said. Then it got kind of awkward, and she said, "look, i know you think you have something wrong with you, but that doesn't matter to me. Just forget about it for a minute. I like you, lets just go have some fun."

It was like she saw right through me. A belief of mine whenever i was with her was, i'm so messed up inside, i don't deserve her. And, it was like she saw right through to my mind when she said that.

what a great story and a gorgeous thing to say to someone...so reassuring!

 

[Felgen]

Sometimes, but if I found someone else with Asperger's syndrome (or bipolar, AD(H)D or Tourette's--for that matter), things could be different.

 

[lurknomore]

I honestly don't know whether I have "too many" issues for a relationship. Most people have issues of some kind, but whether mine would hinder a relationship more than any other issues remains to be seen- as my biggest relationship issue at the moment is that I don't know anyone or have anyone showing any interest in being in any kind of relationship with me.

 

[planemo]

My biggest issue is that I'm too much of a wimp to begin a relationship.

 

[Agent_Violet]

having a lot of issues can hurt a relationship and the other person involved. But with that said, if people waited until their issues were 100% ironed out, the human race would come to an end.

I think you have to wait until you get better at coping with your issues...not until your issues are solved. It's all about coping really when it comes to having issues and being in a relationship.
The most important part of a good relationship is communication...I think as long as you can learn how to effectively communicate with your partner,you're going to be ok.

 

[antihistamine]

having a lot of issues can hurt a relationship and the other person involved. But with that said, if people waited until their issues were 100% ironed out, the human race would come to an end.

I think you have to wait until you get better at coping with your issues...not until your issues are solved. It's all about coping really when it comes to having issues and being in a relationship.
The most important part of a good relationship is communication...I think as long as you can learn how to effectively communicate with your partner,you're going to be ok.

Great answer!!

 

[OceanMist]

Actually, I believe I'm capable of having a relationship. Yeah, I have issues with shyness but I think I'd be able to connect well with a woman that wants to be with me and vice versa.

 

[LoneWarrior]

Hi just joined been lurking for years . Sorry for the long post nut ........
I can relate to this completely.

I'm 24 I got diagnosed with anxiety / depression / social phobia at 17 and since childhood never had a girlfriend.

Long story short when i turned 23 i met a girl 1 year older than me , we got together and the relationship moved really quick , It was everything i dreamed it would be next thing i know we are living together ( her living with me ) and it stayed this way for 1 year and 4 months which is a damn good record for me seeing i haven't been in a serious relationship before.

Last week i told her i couldn't do it any longer . i couldn't keep it up . I really love her to bits and she still loves me two but i couldn't continue the daily mental torture of feeling like i was in performance mode , thinking i have to keep her smiling , bring her out of her mood-swings .

I felt that along with my own mental issues it was too hard to keep up the " perfect boyfriend " image . Even when we were together we wouldnt go out much obviously because of my issues . she said she didnt mind that an that she wanted to be with me forever no matter what , that she loves me for who i am etc etc.

I just couldn't accept this as i know im not happy with it myself i want to be able to go out to restaurants and show off my woman etc but cant so unfortunately i had to let her go last week .

It is real hard , I cant see myself getting a next girl because of the same reason it took me to meet A girl at 23 after 7 years of wishing i had one .

I think if i ever do get into another relationship the same problem will eventually arise . Alas i will just carry on where i left off at 23 sat here on my own through the "jolly " season .......

I do miss her ... But i have to be strong for both our sakes ( god bless her)

Peaceout Warrior::

 

[Fen]

Yes, too many are the right words.
To begin with, I'm ugly, I don't know how much, but just the thought is enough to torture me. I'm scared of girls, and with the passing of time it just get worse. I feel inferior than others, above all when the other is a nice girl/guy.
Maybe this is an obsession but I can do nothing about it.

Anyway, even if I were in a relationship, I wouldn't know what to do, what to say or whatever.
I think I'm not fit for relationship... not anymore, by now.

 

[Kiwong]

Yeah I've got heaps of issues. I've learnt to deal with them, not sure I need the complication of someone finding out about them.

 

[BlueDays]

As I see it, everybody has issues. Just a different mix of them.
What constitues "too many" issues? in you or in anyone else?

I think we need to find someone where an opportunity exists between both of you that enables both to say to each other "I am able to put up with your issues if you are able to put up with mine".

As Agent Violet mentioned, humans would have died out ages ago if couples weren't prepared to put up with each others issues. No human is issue free, you just have to find someone who's issues may be compatible with yours.

 

[Eristelle]

The problem is, my issues are the hardest to deal with. I should know, I can't even deal with them. I also have a habit of pushing people away when they try to help me. I've been dumped for that reason, and the fact that I'm too depressed. :/ I have horrible trust issues, I have a theory that if I don't push them away they'll leave me because I'm too damaged, but the truth is me pushing them away is causing it.

Not everyone will put up with others problems if they can put up with theirs. I'm always hearing About if you're depressed or negative people will avoid you. :/

 

[Arthur_Dent]

I don't think it would be an issue per se, but I think my absolute lack of experience will be huge problem; I just don't have the slightest idea of how carry on a relationship, which probably will lead me to never take the initiative or always asking what to do next.

Also after the years of loneliness I'm guessing I'll turn out to be very clingy, or with my lots of insecurities being prone to get jealous. All that makes me think of myself as a "damaged good", which only will be accepted by someone very, very understanding, and although women with SA may relate and understand my problems, the very nature of our condition makes look as a practical impossibility a working and healthy relationship, and a person with just moderated SA or none of it willing and capable of understanding seems for me to be a extremely rare gem, that with my average luck I don't have many hopes to find.