And I know that in the past there have been helpful people like that on the forum too, genuinely trying to help others and certainly not going on power trips, as far as I could tell. And they would get attacked for it. Be told they are condescending, that they are full of shit and don't know what they are talking about for trying to help others. There's a huge difference between that and forcing one's ideas down the throats of others. There have been those users on here too. I hope I'm not one of them. I just wanted the people who do try to help to not be discouraged. It sounds like by a lot of what you're saying you'd like to offer helpful advice too. I think that's great. I worried your post was doing it at the expense of others though.
I understand what you are saying. When I see someone lashing out against kind advice I also feel like "What the hell, that person was kind to you and this is how you thank her?"
When it comes to people with social phobia though, we should be more patient and forgiving, because it's a very symptom of the disease to get very stressed with social interactions, which makes some irrational, deeply emotional responses possible.
(To be honest, I am not like that at all, social phobia makes me just want to avoid further interaction and that's it. I would never have the energy to argue with someone at the lower levels of how much it can bring me down. But I understand why people could react this way.)
Anyway, I took my time to explain what kind of attitude I'm talking about and why I made this thread.
No one, not a single member of this forum made any argument trying to prove me wrong. I keep being told I am the one being patronizing and offensive and how the OP is wonderful in their eyes, my arguments ignored. Everyone is obsessed with the flavor and ignoring the content.
You're basically saying that because I found the ideas in that thread helpful, my problems aren't real.
That's not true. The people who get harmed by that kind of message, and for who I'm making this grueling effort to represent, also believe in what he is saying.
Seriously, you are ignoring everything I'm saying and clinging to what you think makes you the target of this thread, and you are wrong. I think you should stop smacking yourself with my hand, this feels awkward.
That I'm just lazy. That I'm just shy. Unmotivated. You're belittling me, and every other person who was helped by the ideas in that thread.
People with Social Anxiety disorder will not be cured by that cake recipe PERIOD, and I have explained why.
And then you give a criteria for what it means to have SA.
Yes, because like Bipolar Disorder, it's very trendy, to the horror of those really afflicted by it.
By doing that, whether you mean to or not, are saying everyone who doesn't meet those criteria is lying, or doesn't understand. That, for example, if you don't have any physical symptoms, you don't have a mental health problem, or if you do it isn't SA. Try to imagine how that feels. Being told that some people have real problems, and what you go through is just a lack of effort or motivation. Oh wait! Isn't that what you were criticizing some people on here of doing?
The thing is, with enough information you can tell if anyone have social phobia or not.
The experience of everyone who agree with me here, and also the state of the art research on the subject, make a strong case for people behaving like that OP to not relly having this specific disorder.
Do you understand I'm not talking to a nice person? I don't care how people like him feel, they sound confident enough to get around this thread without any lasting trauma. I'm not trying to help them. I'm trying to make they think how harmful they are being for those with social phobia, and that's it.
Yeah, I'm agressive, how do you get into the head of the patronizing otherwise? I'm hoping they will think something like "You know what, this guy is a j£rk but maybe he has a point."
I agree he[shield, the OP] does come off very confident, maybe a little too much, but he doesn't put Lea down in the way you describe. He said she was wrong about him not suffering, and then (very confidently) stated how he found a solution, and how someone suffering similarly to it could too.
She asked if he really have the disorder, something he never made clear in the text in the first place and would be a very relevant question by itself.
He proceeds to claim she is just shy and lacking in one of his 6 steps.
Seriously, don't spin this around.
Just because it's not in a psychology office, doesn't mean it can't be effective. A lot of what he said could very easily complement CBT for that matter.
And I do hope you realize the hypocrisy of criticizing people for claiming to know how to solve the problem, and then filling the thread with claims that CBT is the best answer. And that anyone who isn't improved through that method obviously doesn't have the disease. Unless I'm missing something?
Yes, you are missing that random bits of CBT instead of the adequate treatment do more harm than good. That's why there are so many people claiming CBT doesn't work, they have never actually tried what works and sadly wasted their time with bad psychologists.
I'm not the one telling what works, it's decades of research among psychiatrists and all their patients living normally.
Don't get me wrong, I think CBT is a great tool. Especially it's ideas. Changing the way we think, and the way we behave, so that in turn the way we feel changes. I'd argue that that is actually something shield was doing. You don't need to go to a psychologist to apply those ideas. It can definitely help, definitely definitely. People can go through the same process in many different ways though. I don't think there's just one right answer.
The principles we find in the CBT can help with a lot of things, yes it can do wonders for anyone who would like to have more confidence and a clear mind, even for those who are healthy, but as a treatment to social phobia it must be done correctly, with the group therapy and everything else made specially for it.
