thoughts on "online friendship"

[21NZ]

Note: this post could have been structured much better then it is... i kinda just put some thoughts down and blended them together.

I really like the ideal of trying to make friends online and there are heaps of advantages, people are generally more open online (via any medium, actually other the thin air) and its easier to find people with similar interests to you and best of all for a lot of us you don't even have to leave the comfort of your own home... but sometimes i wonder if there is even any point trying to make friends online.

to me an online friend should be same as a real friend, the interesting thing is even though that's what i want it to be like, the fact is, even in my wording it says something very different: "to me an online friend should be same as a real friend" real friend? where did that come from? opposed to a fake one?

i think a lot of people online when corresponding via email/commets/forums etc... forget that there actually talking to a real person and if you compare online situations to offline ones you start to see a real difference in manners

"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth. Oscar Wilde"

& for me personally the internet is the perfect mask, where complete anonymity, from even the fbi can be gained for less then a fiver a month.

This also reminds me of a cyber bulling assignment i did at high school where kids whom of which wouldn't tease/bully anyone in person, would however.. bully others online without a second thought, apparently because of lack empathy online most youths have online.

the reason for this post is i was trying to think, how i could encourage someone online (& i only know them online and not very well) with more then just a few words and i was thinking o.k, i could get them something like chocolate as kinda a reward but then i'd need their address which would be really weird to ask for and doesn't seem right, to me.. so i thought hang on I'll get a voucher for the chocolate with some website and send them the code via email or something, awesome! but the morei thought about it the more i saw sense, whats this going to look like to them? will they feel i'm treating them like a child ? and are they going to misjudge my intention for some more sinister... there are a lot of weirdos & sick people online & to them i could be one of them...

It's not just with things like this, it's also with kind words and more so compliments, compliments even offline are hard to tell if there sincere.

I hesitate so much on posting anything, because i want to be totally sincere, i would only say something that i would have said offline too.... i also try to avoid compliments online all together.. because a lot of us have that "what do they get out of it" attitude and fair enough its a good thing to keep in mind, helps filter out the psycho's/stalkers but it really cuts down potential friendships

*note by compliments i don't mean "that's cool" or "love the hair style" i mean like " Your eyes are so beautiful, They sparkle like the reflection of the sun off the ocean at dusk"

what i would like to know is should i just be myself but watch what i say... or just be my-offline-self full stop.

Does anyone else worry about people getting the wrong idea online, from what you have said, since it is impossible to really tell the mood/tone something was said/meant in and a emoticon or two doesn't always cut it

assumptions, misinterpretations, suspicion, and even duplicity the troubles of online correspondence i loathe thee.

p.s hope there's no big mistakes it pretty late :/ so i hope you can forgive me
Also should mention: if i had the chance i would love to meet every online friend i have! not that there's that many

 

[MNM322]

the only "friends" i have these days are online but i still dont trust them. i know people can be fake or lying online as well as in person. case in point, had a great online friend, knew her over 6 years, we chatted on the phone even and swapped christmas cards/gifts and it was awesome, we got along so well. we met in person and never talked since.

i am very cautious "meeting" new people, period. i am just tired of the lack of honesty and trust you find in your fellow man these days. its very frustrating. i would not give out my addy to anyone online unless you know them quite a bit of time and possibly online webcam chat or phone chat

 

[21NZ]

the only "friends" i have these days are online but i still dont trust them. i know people can be fake or lying online as well as in person. case in point, had a great online friend, knew her over 6 years, we chatted on the phone even and swapped christmas cards/gifts and it was awesome, we got along so well. we met in person and never talked since.

i am very cautious "meeting" new people, period. i am just tired of the lack of honesty and trust you find in your fellow man these days. its very frustrating. i would not give out my addy to anyone online unless you know them quite a bit of time and possibly online webcam chat or phone chat

I wouldn't ever ask anyone for there address i know want you mean m&m ;3 I'm not the most trusting person either! and i know people in the know.. could pull my home address, name, phone number etc.. from the internet which doesn't please me... with just a few details, the perils of being a cheapskate when buying website domain names, im afraid.

Aww im sad to hear about you friend! what happened? (sorry i know i probably shouldn't ask!)

What scares me is how easy it would be to find out where someone lives i can think of a lot of ways...of doing it, i can only assume they would work though.

Don't give up there are nice people out there! a lot of them are on this site too your one of them!

 

[laure15]

"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth. Oscar Wilde"

& for me personally the internet is the perfect mask, where complete anonymity, from even the fbi can be gained for less then a fiver a month.

Yes I am more honest online than offline because of the anonymity, usually, but depends on what is being revealed. If someone asks me for my age and birthday online, I would usually lie or refuse to share. I don’t reveal identifying info online for fear of identity theft. But when it comes to sharing personal experiences and releasing emotions, I am more honest.

I hesitate so much on posting anything, because i want to be totally sincere, i would only say something that i would have said offline too.... i also try to avoid compliments online all together.. because a lot of us have that "what do they get out of it" attitude and fair enough its a good thing to keep in mind,

My compliments can be shallow both online and offline. Sometimes, I don’t want to break the other person’s feelings so I just say something positive to make that person feel good. I’m not good with compliments.

*note by compliments i don't mean "that's cool" or "love the hair style" i mean like " Your eyes are so beautiful, They sparkle like the reflection of the sun off the ocean at dusk"

I wish I can be more honest offline with compliments like these, but I will probably end up freaking people out if I say this. In contrast, I can post this online without worries.



what i would like to know is should i just be myself but watch what i say... or just be my-offline-self full stop.

Online is probably the only place where I can reveal thoughts, feelings, and personal experiences without fear. I would say, just be yourself online, but be careful not to reveal too much info about yourself. Leave out the identifying information (real name, age, address, phone number), but feel free to talk about your thoughts, emotions, etc.

 

[MNM322]

Thanks.... and I still talk to people sometimes but I can never fully trust again. I did that too much recently and it backfired everytime. I just don't believe many honest people exist anymore.

I have no idea honestly... we got on great initially, the first few days, then we went to her house and I felt out of place because she was so busy with her young siblings and it was a super small town.... I just asked if I could stay in a slightly bigger city, I'd pay for the hotel and then we could meet up each day, she said it was ok but once she dropped me off, never heard from her again. I had to find my own expensive way to the airport and it suked. She never even asked if I got home ok. I refused to "cave" and apologize. I do that too much and nothing has happened since, this was late april

 

[21NZ]

My compliments can be shallow both online and offline. Sometimes, I don’t want to break thhttp://www.socialphobiaworld.com/misc.php?do=cchatboxe other person’s feelings so I just say something positive to make that person feel good. I’m not good with compliments.

that's ok as long as it's not too extravagant, they shouldn't get the wrong idea and will understand what your doing and appreciate it for the gesture opposed to the compliment

I wish I can be more honest offline with compliments like these, but I will probably end up freaking people out if I say this. In contrast, I can post this online without worries.

too be totally honest I've never said that to anyone.... all my current friends are guys... so it would be weird if i did! have said somethings similar tho.. my last friend whom was a girl stopped talking to me about 2 months ago because she was starting to trust me too much apparently.. and me not being christian and all she decided to ditch... pretty lame really


Online is probably the only place where I can reveal thoughts, feelings, and personal experiences without fear. I would say, just be yourself online, but be careful not to reveal too much info about yourself. Leave out the identifying information (real name, age, address, phone number), but feel free to talk about your thoughts, emotions, etc.

I always try and tell people online that my name is benjamin, just so i seem more sincere, haha im starting to think my quest for sincerity will be my undoing i think because im a guy i'll have like 99% less stalkers to worry about... i think it's really good you can talk about all that, without fear .. i still haven't really said what problems i have... even here.

Thanks.... and I still talk to people sometimes but I can never fully trust again. I did that too much recently and it backfired everytime. I just don't believe many honest people exist anymore.

I have no idea honestly... we got on great initially, the first few days, then we went to her house and I felt out of place because she was so busy with her young siblings and it was a super small town.... I just asked if I could stay in a slightly bigger city, I'd pay for the hotel and then we could meet up each day, she said it was ok but once she dropped me off, never heard from her again. I had to find my own expensive way to the airport and it suked. She never even asked if I got home ok. I refused to "cave" and apologize. I do that too much and nothing has happened since, this was late april

before i comment let me just get this straight, she dropped you off and she didn't come to pick you up ? and you guys never spoke since that?

 

[21NZ]

Thanks, both of you for your comments btw i know it was a long post and i really do sincerely (haha) appreciate it

 

[MNM322]

Yep thats correct. I tried texting and calling her to make plans and nothing came of it. I had to get a cab ride to the local bus station so I could get the bus to the airport. It really suked

 

[coyote]

i try really hard to be the same person online that i am offline

but there is no reason to mention that i'm sitting here in my underwear eating cheetohs

after all, i wouldn't show up to work without wiping the orange crumbs off of my belly, either

it's natural to put your best foot forward - which means that even in real life, you don't always know exactly what's going in people's lives that they don't want you to see

we encounter the world through the filter of our mind - so when we meet people, we're not really meeting THEM at all - we're meeting our own perception of who WE think they are

and that might be more or less accurate depending both on what THEY choose to display and on what WE choose to believe

 

[knowledgeofself]

i've tried ,for me it doesn't feel the same as actually knowing someone in the real. I used to use msn messenger for people I actually had met irl and things were fine, since I started adding people from online i've become quite avoidant with using it.
I have talked online with some great people and I seem to meet more nice people online than off.

 

[knowledgeofself]

All the people I've chatted with online have been on here. On SPW we all share our problems, so it feels really insincere and over-caring. Nobody's going to be harshly honest really.

yea I do think that sometimes, people often don't give others reality checks for fear of offending, sometimes although it can seem harsh it can help.

 

[Opaline]

Eh, I don't know anymore. It seems to me that every time I make an online friend I end up losing them. PROBABLY my own fault. What's that saying, that the only constant variable in all your failed relationships is you? Yeah.

Also, it scares me that it's so easy for your online friend to cut you off and never speak to you again. This can be done in real life as well, but it's different somehow. In cyberland it seems so final, like the person may as well have died. Except it's worse than that because you know they're still out there, they just don't want anything to do with you anymore. And this hurt is magnified when you see them on social media or elsewhere, interacting with others, going about their business like they never knew you.

I still talk to some people online, and I have to moderate my feelings of attachment. It's the only social interaction I get these days aside from my family and sometimes going out to the store. That will change once I have a job, of course, and am back in college.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

This poll is confusing... haha
I generally don't trust people online or off-- especially not online... based on my own personal experience, perhaps people are more genuine online than they are off but it's so much easier to lie when they're not looking you in the eye.

That is one of many factors that leads me to not trust anyone. Online or off.

 

[Chess]

I think some level of miscommunication online is a given. Text doesn't have tone and it doesn't have body language, so it's harder to pick up on what someone's trying to say. That's just the way it is, and the more you worry about it the more it becomes a matter of "trying to please everyone," and not speaking naturally.

As for online friends and real gifts, I know a lot of people on other forums who do it. They're more tight-knit communities with smaller circles of friends, though. They've chatted at length and feel as though they kind of know each other (many even go on to Skype), so the offer to treat them to some chocolate wouldn't be too strange, even if some people would be more uncomfortable about gifts from online friends than others. Sometimes "online friend" is just someone you exchange messages with, but sometimes "online" is just the medium through which you first met a friend.

Even if you share a belief, a condition, or a problem with someone else online, that doesn't necessarily make you close. I only seem to see that attitude in niche communities where people are struggling to find a place to belong, so I think it's more an attempt to reach out. It's not really a friendship without knowing the person beyond a label and a few brief chats. I feel like maybe misjudging closeness accounts for a a fair portion of hurt from friendships that just disappear, though there's always the fact that real-life often takes precedence.

where complete anonymity, from even the fbi can be gained for less then a fiver a month.

You can do a lot to get more anonymity, but chances are the way you're accessing the Internet you're just not showing your identity to other forum civilians.

 

[xDreamseller]

Firstly, I would like to say, feel free to send me all the vouchers for chocolate you want!

Over the years, I've had quite a few friendships online, all through my online gaming habits. I think online games are a great way to make friendships online. It gives you both a common talking point, something to do together while online and ways you can introduce each other to other online friends you have. Much easier than a simple chat room.

I get what people have said about their online friends disappearing without a trace. I lost 2 people who I thought were good friends as I simply never saw them again after they logged out one day. I knew them for a couple of years and chatted online almost everyday. Oh well, we only ever really talked about the game and not our personal lives.

I've only got 1 current online friend who I am somewhat close to. We became friends at the start of this summer, playing a game called "DayZ". (A multiplayer zombie survival game) We both played that a lot and chatted about the game over microphone, not just text as my previous online friends had been, which I felt really helped. We've since then both stopped playing that game, but keep in touch almost daily on skype using voice chat and text through Steam.

I much prefer talking online. I can be who I feel I really am, without worrying about appearing shy or nervous, as online I feel perfectly fine communicating, whether that's through text or voice.

In regards to what others said about giving complements and seeming sincere about it, I'm not sure, I've never really given anyone a complement in real life as I always felt really awkward about it when I tried, so I just gave up trying. Online, I don't mind complementing people, however it's usually in relation to some minor achievement in a game, so it doesn't really matter if it comes across poorly or not. ("Wow, nice shot!" That type of thing)

I would really love to meet the guy I'm friends with online, but he lives in the Netherlands, so that's not really possible. It would be great to meet someone online who lived within driving distance so we could meet every so often, even if it was a couple of hours journey. Anyone else here from Ireland? Haha

 

[Lonelyguy20]

Online friendships are stupid and Facebook is the worst. All of my facebook friends are people I care about and when something goes on in their life I feel like I am one of those outcasts who watches other kids on the playground play together

 

[hoddesdon]

... we encounter the world through the filter of our mind - so when we meet people, we're not really meeting THEM at all - we're meeting our own perception of who WE think they are

and that might be more or less accurate depending both on what THEY choose to display ...

and the closer who they choose to display and who they really are is, the more worthwhile they are

 

[xDreamseller]

I really wish Facebook would hurry up and die...it's long overdue.

 

[Hellhound]

I consider online interaction the same as "real life" interaction, minus face to face talk. It can be painful though, if the person you talk to is someone you've grown attached to. You want to see and hug them, but it's not possible.

 

[Opaline]

It can be painful though, if the person you talk to is someone you've grown attached to. You want to see and hug them, but it's not possible.

Yes, I forgot to mention this too.