The story of a shy man's life

OceanMist

Well-known member
Hey, I just was thinking about a party I had been to about 6 years ago. I know, it was a while ago, but something that happened there just resinated with me and told me a lot about what a shy guy has to go through.

Anyway, I was at this party and was walking around scouting everyone and saw an open recliner chair so I decided to take a break as I'm not a big social person and then in my viewpoint I see a decent looking blonde right across from me sitting down and she literally waves at me and says "hi."

Like many other people, not just men, would assume, I figured she wanted to talk to me. I did not know her, and figured either she was hitting on me or just wanted to talk to me for whatever reason. I walk up to her and state my name and ask what her name is, and she immediately says "Oh no, I'm sorry, I didn't want to talk to you, ugh."

I ask, then why did why did you wave at me? She says that she just wanted to say hi because I'm (as in me) shy....and that's it.

Then of course there is a long pause, I'm like, um ok?

I just wanted to say that is the story of a shy man's life. Just at the moment we think a woman finally wants to talk to us, to show a genuine interest in us, she's just using us to feel better about herself.

Let's face it, that's all that woman wanted to do was feel better about herself by giving the shy guy a second of attention and then move on to talking to more social people, which is exactly what she did. She fondled her way on to talking to another guy that was more outgoing while they both just laughed at me, and I kind of just sat there feeling bad about myself.

Most other times it was just silence and people ignoring me.

I just don't understand it. Why would anyone, man or woman for that matter, do that? It's so shallow, conceited and self serving.

I just thought it was funny because it's the story of my life. A woman I might actually be interested in just toys with me and then wants nothing to do with me when I actually have the courage to show attention in her. This isn't the first time this has happened. I've been on dates with two women I've been attracted to and both were first dates that never became second dates because the woman just ended it with me.

It gets to a point where I look at myself and don't see anything substantially wrong with me. It gets to a point where I start asking, what is so great about these other men? That's the question that keeps coming up for me lately.

What do these guys bring to the table that is so much better than me? The only things I can think of are social status and money? Are these women really that shallow? They don't care about my character? It's all about status and money?

Sorry if I offended anyone, this is just a vent. I'm also trying to figure out why women that are attractive never are interested in me.
 
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gummybear22

Well-known member
that girl and whoever she laughed with about you, all of them are WADS. most people seem to be, which is disheartening. since I can only speak properly for myself, I don't care about money/status. Besides those things not mattering at all, they can go away in a jiffy, and then what do you have? If all someone is interested in goes away, then they go away too to look for their next victim.
Who the person is is what matters, not what they have. People ought to like other PEOPLE, not their Stuff.
there's some vent from me.
 

jaim38

Well-known member
This is one of the reasons why I don't go to parties; parties can be tough for people like us who are not so attractive and have SA. It sucks to be treated like this. I know the feeling because back in 2009, I attended a formal event at a hotel on campus. Back then, I lived on campus and was a student. The speaker was giving a speech about environmental issues, and one of my assignments was to attend a lecture related to this topic. So, I did. And I felt really awkward because when I got there, I see people dressed in business casual outfits, and I was one of a few people who had jeans and a backpack on. I didn't fit in. Afterwards, there was a social event where we gathered outside the courtyard and socialize with other attendees. To avoid looking awkward, I managed to speak to some men (all older than me). However, I remember very clearly there was this blonde chick who didn't like me for whatever reason (maybe because I didn't fit in with my jeans, t-shirt, and backpack). I swear I don't know her. But she kept on looking at me like she's a hound and I'm her prey. I was eating and when I had breadcrumb stuck to my lip, I heard her say loud and clear to her group of companions, "She has stuff on her lip" and her companions turned to look at me. I was scared and didn't want any confrontation so I just ignored her and went to get a paper napkin to wipe my upper lip. Then I heard her say things like "I don't like her" and just kept on hounding me. I also heard another woman say "Don't say that" and I think she was trying to end all the negativity.

Other people were drinking wine and alcohol but I didn't. I remember going up to the "bartender" guy and asking him for a cup of water. For some reason, the blonde chick and her companions laughed at me.

Anyways, this was one of the horrors of attending social events, and I'm glad I don't go to parties anymore.
 

gummybear22

Well-known member
i've never been to a party other than birthday parties, and I don't want to. They're just a bunch of mess, and it's not my scene. I'd much rather lie down on my couch and watch tv-that's alot funner to me than going to a party, where I'd just stay by the snacks or wander around looking at stuff in the house or sit somewhere out of the way.
Same thing with dances. I've only been to three, I think, and I disliked all of them.
I'd rather be where I'm comfortable, which is no place where I feel like a third wheel trying to make a tricycle when everyone just wants to keep to their bikes.
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
This is one of the reasons why I don't go to parties; parties can be tough for people like us who are not so attractive and have SA. It sucks to be treated like this. I know the feeling because back in 2009, I attended a formal event at a hotel on campus. Back then, I lived on campus and was a student. The speaker was giving a speech about environmental issues, and one of my assignments was to attend a lecture related to this topic. So, I did. And I felt really awkward because when I got there, I see people dressed in business casual outfits, and I was one of a few people who had jeans and a backpack on. I didn't fit in. Afterwards, there was a social event where we gathered outside the courtyard and socialize with other attendees. To avoid looking awkward, I managed to speak to some men (all older than me). However, I remember very clearly there was this blonde chick who didn't like me for whatever reason (maybe because I didn't fit in with my jeans, t-shirt, and backpack). I swear I don't know her. But she kept on looking at me like she's a hound and I'm her prey. I was eating and when I had breadcrumb stuck to my lip, I heard her say loud and clear to her group of companions, "She has stuff on her lip" and her companions turned to look at me. I was scared and didn't want any confrontation so I just ignored her and went to get a paper napkin to wipe my upper lip. Then I heard her say things like "I don't like her" and just kept on hounding me. I also heard another woman say "Don't say that" and I think she was trying to end all the negativity.

Other people were drinking wine and alcohol but I didn't. I remember going up to the "bartender" guy and asking him for a cup of water. For some reason, the blonde chick and her companions laughed at me.

Anyways, this was one of the horrors of attending social events, and I'm glad I don't go to parties anymore.

In response to your first sentence, I don't consider myself unattractive. I consider myself about a 6 or 7 on a 1-10 scale. I know that's not super hot but it's also not that bad and should definitely be good enough for many women's desire in the looks department.

I do think, though, that my shyness makes me severely more unattractive to women than anything else by far, and that has an impact on why many women ignore me and talk to other men.

About your story, I read all of it and I'm sorry you had to go through with that. I've had worse experiences, for instance one time in a fraternity house the president of the house stopped in mid conversation and pointed directly at me and shouted that, "Don't worry about him (me), he's (me) just got a small penis!" And everybody laughed, and no, I'm not exaggerating that.

I've also had another experience where a woman told me the minute she met me that I'd never have sex with any woman ever because I'm shy. She was wrong it turns out because I've had sex b4, it was just not something you want to hear, you know? I mean, who says something like that? Especially when they first meet someone. Of course, that was the same type of thing as the other one because she kind of just made this disgusting face after she said it and never spoke to me again.

Anyway, water under the bridge, right? Life goes on for us.
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
i've never been to a party other than birthday parties, and I don't want to. They're just a bunch of mess, and it's not my scene. I'd much rather lie down on my couch and watch tv-that's alot funner to me than going to a party, where I'd just stay by the snacks or wander around looking at stuff in the house or sit somewhere out of the way.
Same thing with dances. I've only been to three, I think, and I disliked all of them.
I'd rather be where I'm comfortable, which is no place where I feel like a third wheel trying to make a tricycle when everyone just wants to keep to their bikes.

Well, the problem with never going to those events is that it stops us from ever meeting anyone. I had been avoiding social events for years until of late due to having absolutely no friends and no g/f. I practically have nobody in my life besides my brother.

Unfortunately just hanging out in just pairs is practically impossible to do all the time considering the majority of people want to socialize with other people eventually. That's something I've learned. No matter what person we hang out with, they always want to add more people to the "wheel."
 

gummybear22

Well-known member
Well, the problem with never going to those events is that it stops us from ever meeting anyone. I had been avoiding social events for years until of late due to having absolutely no friends and no g/f. I practically have nobody in my life besides my brother.

well i've got a shy core and am outgoing just some of the time. i might talk more once I've gotten to know the person/people well enough, but i'm just a quiet keep to myself person with others in general. however, I do get loud and nutty sometimes :p

i think my bike analogy was wrong; what i mean is that I'm more like some random tire and everyone already seems to have completed their vehicle, however many tires it has.
 
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JackOfSpades

Well-known member
That was really awful of the girl to act like that to you. But I wouldn't have taken the thought as far as to say she waved to feel good about herself. I think that's almost too venomous and resentful a conclusion to draw. I don't know.
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
Hey OceanMist thanks for posting. I think that life goes on, but these ordeals would bother anybody. The way that you were treated doesn't have to be water under the bridge per-say. Especially if these memories are upsetting. I just hope that nobody continues to talk to you like that. How you were treated was extremely uncalled for and tactless.

Please excuse my French and my strong beliefs.
Screw fraternities. I absolutely hate all of them. They're all miserable degenerates to associate with. Each house has nothing but hoes and bros who only care about getting plastered, going to parties, and taking advantage of unconscious or drunk freshmen. My local four year college is filled with the stereotypical frat boy or bros along with hoes in sororities. There are roughly two to four documented rapes per month. It isn't surprising to me that the President of one house insulted you.

You see the thing is we generalize people. Although water under the bridge, poor experiences make us create generalizations. Just like how I have my generalizations for fraternities, other people generalize women. The only advice I have for you today is this: It was for the best.

There are some truly horrible men and women out there. If only they all hold a sign over their heads telling you to stay away. If I ever politely introduce myself and a person won't even give me their name; they aren't worth giving the time of day.

Well, I have mixed beliefs on fraternities. My brother went to a fraternity and he's a good guy and so were many of his buddies so I can't say fraternities are bad.

I will say that some fraternities have an immature way of going about their business though.

I don't want to generalize people, I just want to meet others and find out who they are b4 I judge.
 
There are some truly horrible men and women out there. If only they all hold a sign over their heads telling you to stay away. If I ever politely introduce myself and a person won't even give me their name; they aren't worth giving the time of day.

^So agree with this:thumbup:
There are a few really nice/not shallow and genuine people out there. Just because you have had a lot of bad luck in terms of coming in contact with many shallow people, it does not mean it is not possible to find some decent ones eventually.
You are still relatively young OceanMist, don't give up on finding someone decent yet, there are some out there, you've just unfortunately only come across some really bad ones so far. The bad ones are not worth your time and effort, keep looking and hopefully you will find one who will appreciate your effort.
 

THeCARS1979

Well-known member
That why I never would go to one of those kind of parties. Im sorry to hear about all that bro. you never mentioned how you got invited or whos house it was though.
 

Richey

Well-known member
Same thing happened to me at the last party i went to, near the end i said hello to this friend of the family who's birthday it was, then i stood there talking to my auntie for a bit. I had done alot of talking at the start of the party and was just out of conversation and i didn't know many of the people there at all so its not like i can confidentally present myself in that situation. most wouldn't have..

So he says "Well, I didn't even know you are here, you are just standing over there with your drink, don't you mingle?" in this mean voice ....Yet he is sucking up to everyone esle in the meantime...This was infront of everyone because the banter had gone quiet before that...

Anyway it was really awkward and uncalled for, i had said hello to everyone, started quite a few conversations, and i turned up, i was there for the celebration.

That has put me off parties, the reason is because out of the 50+ people that were there, everyone seemed to have this smoothness and a connection and I was the one who had to go through that awkward moment, not anyone else.

It has made me realise that if he picked me out and had to make a scene out of that many people then maybe its best i dont go to many in the future, because obviously there is a reason for it ...that someone would target me...

i'd be happy to go to a party with friends i know or closest family, but as far as just general parties, from now on, nope !!!!!

i'll still go to gigs and festivals and out to restaurants but that's it for big parties andn clubs, i never enjoyed them anyway and obviously being nice and trying your best isn't enough because if you are looked at as a bit weaker or not hip/cool enough, energetic enough then you just get targeted at some point ....not always, but that was enough for me...

so i know how you feel about this. I have been to quite a few parties where it felt like alot of people were just more into trendiness, gossip, being the coolest etc...where it feels like some college drama ...
 
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OceanMist

Well-known member
^So agree with this:thumbup:
There are a few really nice/not shallow and genuine people out there. Just because you have had a lot of bad luck in terms of coming in contact with many shallow people, it does not mean it is not possible to find some decent ones eventually.
You are still relatively young OceanMist, don't give up on finding someone decent yet, there are some out there, you've just unfortunately only come across some really bad ones so far. The bad ones are not worth your time and effort, keep looking and hopefully you will find one who will appreciate your effort.

To let you know, I'm 28 years old.

To quote Wedding Crashers, I may be young but I'm not that young.

I don't want to have to wait until I'm 55 to find a woman that works for me.

Will i ever find someone. I don't know. I look at what I've done with my life and who I am and wonder if I'll ever even find the motivation to keep trying to find someone (keep going out enough to find someone).
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
That has put me off parties, the reason is because out of the 50+ people that were there, everyone seemed to have this smoothness and a connection and I was the one who had to go through that awkward moment, not anyone else.


All your post was great, and I want to focus on this part because this really hit home.

What is it with parties and bars for that matter, that every single f'n person has so many people that they are totally comfortable with and they always have someone to talk to??

I just don't get it. I've gone to a table and sat down at a bar and I look around and every freaking person is totally comfortable chatting it up big time with groups of people. I don't understand how everyone is that socially connected.

Even when I've been with friends I wasn't like that. I don't get how everyone is that popular. Am I really that much of an outcast that I'm always the only freak at a party or bar?

And please don't give me the sympathetic reassurance crap like "You are a good person" or whatever. Socializing isn't about being good or nice. It's all about talking.

I just don't get how everyone is that good socially. I'm sorry, but I really don't.

It just baffles me at every social event that everyone is with someone and they always have a social partner. I'm always the only lone wolf. It actually doesn't even make logical sense to me that 99.9% of people are that socially in tune with someone at all times.
 
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ImNotMyIllness

Well-known member
That’s because: 1. Most of the “SAs” made and excuse and skipped the party 2. The “SAs” that are there are either in the bathroom or uncomfortably listening or nervously laughing while the others speak.

All your post was great, and I want to focus on this part because this really hit home.

What is it with parties and bars for that matter, that every single f'n person has so many people that they are totally comfortable with and they always have someone to talk to??

I just don't get it. I've gone to a table and sat down at a bar and I look around and every freaking person is totally comfortable chatting it up big time with groups of people. I don't understand how everyone is that socially connected.

Even when I've been with friends I wasn't like that. I don't get how everyone is that popular. Am I really that much of an outcast that I'm always the only freak at a party or bar?

And please don't give me the sympathetic reassurance crap like "You are a good person" or whatever. Socializing isn't about being good or nice. It's all about talking.

I just don't get how everyone is that good socially. I'm sorry, but I really don't.

It just baffles me at every social event that everyone is with someone and they always have a social partner. I'm always the only lone wolf. It actually doesn't even make logical sense to me that 99.9% of people are that socially in tune with someone at all times.
 

OceanMist

Well-known member
That’s because: 1. Most of the “SAs” made and excuse and skipped the party 2. The “SAs” that are there are either in the bathroom or uncomfortably listening or nervously laughing while the others speak.

What you said is often true, but I was also talking about everyone for that matter.

I'm also talking about the average joe and jane that go these events. How is there not a break time? I don't get how everyone knows so many people that they never are alone?

I mean even outgoing people can be shy at times. A study was done at UCLA I believe, and 90% of students reported feeling shy at times.

I don't see how there is so much consistency socially....with everyone.
 
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