the randumm nullness thread

FountainandFairfax

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
S_Spartan said:
It's too late for me. There is no going back.

Once you know how the illusion of the magic trick is made it's not exciting anymore.

But it does blow my mind that there are many people out there who will never even know what an existential crisis is let alone experience one.
Click to expand...

It's the worst. It's the only time in my life that I understood how someone could... you know. If there are people who live with THAT level of blackness everyday, then it's no wonder they look for the escape hatch. I honestly think it would take me about a week, if that.

I like to think that we give our lives meaning, which isn't much of a condolence when you have social phobia, true. But I can still appreciate the things I do have, even if the things I want don't want me. It's what you love, not what loves you, right?
 
MollyBeGood

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
Knowledge is power, though. I would rather be where I am now, even if it is dark and scary at times than a blind idiot. For me since I was very young I knew something was seriously wrong and I knew we were being fed lies. Massive lies and our parents and their parents. The web of deceit goes on for yrs.

Now that I am older I am understanding the actual scale and it is not something my inquisitive mind can just turn off. I have to know the truth of things no matter how "ugly" it might be. These lies we were fed are why I am the way I am socially. It makes sense to me now why I don't fit in. I find peace in that. I am glad I don't fit in if fitting in makes you dumb and a controllable slave,

This knowledge doesn't make me feel any more unhappy or more likely to off myself, quit the contrary, actually, it makes me more sure of my dream of wanting to live off the grid and away from it all.

Yes, there's plenty of information out there now-it's wonderful really.We can no longer play dumb with our lives. It was easier when we were younger because there was less information and that was a really good excuse but no more. Just take it in slowly and change what you can in yourself first. Like the foods you eat and the products you put on your body. Don't watch t.v. they don't call it "Programming" for nothing! That goes for the "news" too. Don't drink fluoridated city water either. Those are simple steps to start off if you want to. There is no going back once you peel one layer back of the onion.
 
S_Spartan

S_Spartan

Well-known member
FountainandFairfax said:
It's the worst. It's the only time in my life that I understood how someone could... you know. If there are people who live with THAT level of blackness everyday, then it's no wonder they look for the escape hatch. I honestly think it would take me about a week, if that.

I like to think that we give our lives meaning, which isn't much of a condolence when you have social phobia, true. But I can still appreciate the things I do have, even if the things I want don't want me. It's what you love, not what loves you, right?
Click to expand...


Well, it's like we are on a tightrope. If I pick an external thing/person/idea to give my life meaning, I will almost become a slave to that thing/idea/person and my neediness will poison the relationship with that thing/idea/person. HOWEVER, if I do not pick something external to give my life meaning then I won't have any identity because we rely on external things that other people can understand to give us an identity in this world.
So whatever process or being that set the human race into motion at the beginning of time did us no favors because we are kinda guaranteed to be unfulfilled since we can neither completely fulfill ourselves internally nor can we be completely fulfilled externally. We can really only walk the tightrope and try to get as much as we can from both.
BUT the fact that we have such need for fulfillment/meaning at all has caused so very much human misery.
 
S_Spartan

S_Spartan

Well-known member
MollyBeGood said:
Knowledge is power, though. I would rather be where I am now, even if it is dark and scary at times than a blind idiot. For me since I was very young I knew something was seriously wrong and I knew we were being fed lies. Massive lies and our parents and their parents. The web of deceit goes on for yrs.

Now that I am older I am understanding the actual scale and it is not something my inquisitive mind can just turn off. I have to know the truth of things no matter how "ugly" it might be. These lies we were fed are why I am the way I am socially. It makes sense to me now why I don't fit in. I find peace in that. I am glad I don't fit in if fitting in makes you dumb and a controllable slave,

This knowledge doesn't make me feel any more unhappy or more likely to off myself, quit the contrary, actually, it makes me more sure of my dream of wanting to live off the grid and away from it all.

Yes, there's plenty of information out there now-it's wonderful really.We can no longer play dumb with our lives. It was easier when we were younger because there was less information and that was a really good excuse but no more. Just take it in slowly and change what you can in yourself first. Like the foods you eat and the products you put on your body. Don't watch t.v. they don't call it "Programming" for nothing! That goes for the "news" too. Don't drink fluoridated city water either. Those are simple steps to start off if you want to. There is no going back once you peel one layer back of the onion.
Click to expand...


I think that if people were told from birth that human reality is basically absurd they would be able to grow up and maybe feel a little bit better about themselves.
But they don't tell us that. They can't tell us that because they need people to believe in the system. So we are given the Disney-fied version of reality, then the educational system gives us their version of reality, The media gives us theirs, corporations give us theirs, religion gives us theirs...
And we are expected to live within this narrow spectrum of behavior and above all else always be optimizing for fitness.
You are either in or you are out, pretty or ugly, rich or poor, smart or dumb, strong or weak. Classifications for everything.
I might not have a problem with any of this if human beings had a lifespan of 1000 years, but we don't, we are very finite, and we are supposed to sit around spending our lives grading ourselves, grading others, and being graded by others? THAT'S ABSURD!
 
MollyBeGood

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
S_Spartan said:
I think that if people were told from birth that human reality is basically absurd they would be able to grow up and maybe feel a little bit better about themselves.
But they don't tell us that. They can't tell us that because they need people to believe in the system. So we are given the Disney-fied version of reality, then the educational system gives us their version of reality, The media gives us theirs, corporations give us theirs, religion gives us theirs...
And we are expected to live within this narrow spectrum of behavior and above all else always be optimizing for fitness.
You are either in or you are out, pretty or ugly, rich or poor, smart or dumb, strong or weak. Classifications for everything.
I might not have a problem with any of this if human beings had a lifespan of 1000 years, but we don't, we are very finite, and we are supposed to sit around spending our lives grading ourselves, grading others, and being graded by others? THAT'S ABSURD!
Click to expand...

Well said. Imagine the world we'd have if people didn't believe the BS and actually loved themselves for who they are instead of made to feel like "freaks" because they didn't want to conform to a insane society. I suppose it's a survival thing to a degree to keep your mouth shut and conform but damned if I will ever be able to do that without wanting to slit my wrists for sure. I'd be so drugged up right now and have spent yrs in the shrinks office IF I could afford such luxuries. All to fit in and the Hope one day to be "normal".
I remember the last time I ever took anti depressants my abusive ex loved them because in his words they "made me more submissive more controllable." That pretty much sent chills down my spine and I never touched them again!
 
S_Spartan

S_Spartan

Well-known member
"Gia Is Weaving"

Gia is weaving,
Tales of lost love,
Stories of lonely bed sheets,
Of restless nights,
Sleeping on a pile of spent lottery tickets,

She could never come to terms with the scale of things,
Or the fact that she had scales,
Grotesque scales all over her body,
She used to pick at them constantly,
Then one day the scales fell off on their own,

She felt so free,
And her friend list grew instantly,
People were calling and texting a lot,
Now things are getting weird,
And she has to get ready for work.
 
S_Spartan

S_Spartan

Well-known member
Girl walking stoically,
Now staring straight right out looking determined,
She must be about 10 or 20 feet ahead of me,
We have reached for you God,
We have reached for your leg or your foot,
Or the hem of your gown,
But we can't,
We can't.
 
S_Spartan

S_Spartan

Well-known member
Hmmm...not much to say really. What can I bore you with? Let's see...oh yeah...I've been thinking about selling off most of my stereo equipment and buying a really nice set of headphones and headphone amp since I mostly listen to music through headphones now. Why have a closet full of old gear that I don't use anymore when I could have a few really nice pieces of gear like a single ended tube headphone amp and a pair of AKG701s?
 
S_Spartan

S_Spartan

Well-known member
^^^hahah funny and true!

Speaking of parents and children, I watched this really creepy documentary last night from 1975 about an eccentric and reclusive mother and daughter living in this run down old mansion in the Hamptons.
They were surrounded by cats, filth, and raccoons(they actually had raccoons living in the attic that they were feeding!).
And I gotta say, the daughter really managed to keep her figure for a woman 56 years old!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GP2KjNge1FY
 
MollyBeGood

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
Grey Gardens what a story...yucky w/ the cats though... I did love the location of that mansion on the beach. Perfect reclusives dream.


I agree, she did have an amazing figure for her age and lifestyle. :)
 
MollyBeGood

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
<random thoughting/ranting on your thread since you are gone>

ambitious people are about 95% the biggest most self centered a-holes in the world AND YET we are taught from birth to copy and idealize that way of being. I think this is why I am a chronic under achiever. I really dislike those humans and the fact they are worshiped by all of society makes me feel ill inside.
Also... everyone worships the God "Money". Hardly anyone has the balls to question anything anymore either and if Jesus forbid they DO they must be a paranoid conspiracy theorist. Get me outta the freak show! Teleport me to another galaxy where people don't exist.
 
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