I get a serious moment of despair occasionally when factors build up.
I don't mind tears - quite enjoyable. I never get to a zero hope moment - I have an inner bulkhead for that - never venturing to a jump off a bridge, in front of a train, or a desire to beat someone to a pulp.
Hospital has ruled my life. Waking up with various canulas and a central line inserted is an epic realisation that I might be at death's door. When a human face approaches, I shed tears, laughing, saying 'Thanks!'
Thinking of people who are dead makes me sad, because I can't tell them what I'm doing today, but I easily turn morbid thoughts into something optimistic.
In my sincere atheist denial, it's a big loss of hope that brings me to a classic 'what was your plan for me, Sir?'