That GIANT four-letter word..

[Courtney27S]

LOVE.. what is it, exactly? :idontknow: Okay, I know what it means to love a family member or a friend, because I experience that all the time. But when it comes to a romantic relationship, how do you know you are in love with the person, as opposed to just being close friends? And also, do you think it's possible to really love someone you only know online? Or, if you haven't experienced love like this, what do you imagine/hope it would be like? Any advice or comment is appreciated!!

 

[Quietguy11]

Love is a strange emotion. But it is the most beautiful emotion that a human can express. Love is two sided. Actually it coexists in the relationship of self and others. If we learn to love ourselves, we will then be able to love others. But if we put ourselves second or even third to other people we will not truly have a sincere love for others because we are not loving ourselves. Wow I'm beating that point down to the ground, aren't I? XD

I believe love can be penetrated into the heart through what words are fed to us. There might be a characteristic about someone or a personality trait that attracts you, or maybe something was said to you that really touched you warmly in some way. All these things can generate feelings of love toward other people. However, when someone falls in love it's usually because they have connected in intimacy with one another. Intimacy must be developed through both the good times and the bad times, it is not something that you automatically feel, but that's not to say either that it can't be quickly founded.

I strive every day to discover what love is, I am only speculating and theorizing for the most part. But I believe love is spread upon truly loving yourself.

 

[Flanscho]

The romantic love you talk about is, in my opinion, the feeling you have towards a person you are strongly attracted to, due to stuff like body language, looks, pheromones and the like. If you do get into a relationship with that partner, it will transform over time from the romantic love to a different way of valuing each other. If you don't get into that relationship, it will transform either into a very strong desire that might become quite nasty, or will weaken over time.

 

[Courtney27S]

Thanks for the thoughtful answer! I totally agree about needing to love yourself before you can learn to love others. And, about the intimacy.. yeah, that probably is needed before you can call it "love". Or maybe it isn't, who really knows, right? I guess I'm mainly just confused about whether or not it is wise to "fall for" someone you only know from online. Do you think it's worth the risk that they aren't who they say they are? I mean, there's always that risk with someone online.. but, do you think it's smart to invest yourself emotionally into someone you may not "really" know? :question:

 

[MikeyC]

People do fall for other people online, for better or worse. It's up to you if you want to take a risk like that, but be aware of the dangers!

Love is a wonderful feeling, but the flipside is heartbreak, which is one of the worst. However, love makes you feel happy and important, assuming the other party loves you back.

 

[Quietguy11]

Thanks for the thoughtful answer! I totally agree about needing to love yourself before you can learn to love others. And, about the intimacy.. yeah, that probably is needed before you can call it "love". Or maybe it isn't, who really knows, right? I guess I'm mainly just confused about whether or not it is wise to "fall for" someone you only know from online. Do you think it's worth the risk that they aren't who they say they are? I mean, there's always that risk with someone online.. but, do you think it's smart to invest yourself emotionally into someone you may not "really" know? :question:

It really depends, using me as an example. I am very introverted, and don't have the greatest social skills irl so for me to be as confident and articulate as I am online, that would be somewhat of a challenge. But over all people who express themselves online for who they are are sharing who they want to be, but have a harder time expressing those feelings because of anxiety. Anxiety actually imprisons you. For me, when I get anxious I'm not the type that will say a lot because I'm anxious, that would be the reaction of a nervous impulse, which is slightly different. Instead I become really quiet and I don't feel as sharp as I would if the anxiety wasn't there.

For people with social anxiety I think using the world of online communication is a smart way of hooking up with someone, but I think that those feelings should be taken with special care because feelings can be fragile, and the littlest upset can change them (the way they feel for the person they have feelings for.) Just with people with social anxiety don't expect them to be as socially comfortable as they appear to be online. But that's pretty obvious.

I think that if you truly have feelings for someone, and that feeling of love is mutual and shared by the one you have feelings for, then I think that it can work, and that through time, continuing you chat over a course of time, emailing whatever means to stay in touch, it can definitely work out, and is worth investing in if that's where your heart leads you.

 

[Courtney27S]

It really depends, using me as an example. I am very introverted, and don't have the greatest social skills irl so for me to be as confident and articulate as I am online, that would be somewhat of a challenge. But over all people who express themselves online for who they are are sharing who they want to be, but have a harder time expressing those feelings because of anxiety. Anxiety actually imprisons you. For me, when I get anxious I'm not the type that will say a lot because I'm anxious, that would be the reaction of a nervous impulse, which is slightly different. Instead I become really quiet and I don't feel as sharp as I would if the anxiety wasn't there.

For people with social anxiety I think using the world of online communication is a smart way of hooking up with someone, but I think that those feelings should be taken with special care because feelings can be fragile, and the littlest upset can change them (the way they feel for the person they have feelings for.) Just with people with social anxiety don't expect them to be as socially comfortable as they appear to be online. But that's pretty obvious.

I think that if you truly have feelings for someone, and that feeling of love is mutual and shared by the one you have feelings for, then I think that it can work, and that through time, continuing you chat over a course of time, emailing whatever means to stay in touch, it can definitely work out, and is worth investing in if that's where your heart leads you.

Yeah, I agree that meeting someone online is smart if you have social anxiety. That way, you can have a more direct connection than if it were an in-person meeting.. :shyness:
And yes, I do think it is worth investing in :thumbup:

 

[scattereddays]

I guess I'm mainly just confused about whether or not it is wise to "fall for" someone you only know from online. Do you think it's worth the risk that they aren't who they say they are? I mean, there's always that risk with someone online.. but, do you think it's smart to invest yourself emotionally into someone you may not "really" know? :question:

I would say if you really do feel that you have a strong connection online, then it's worth a shot, but have the intention of meeting in real life in the near future. If you fall in love with someone online you're never going to meet, then it's not worth the time and emotional investment, because it's not going to become "real". If they feel the same way for you, I say go ahead.

But keep in mind that the reality is going to be quite different from how it is online, which could be good/bad, so don't be expecting too much. I once fell madly in love with a guy from a dating site, and we met in real life after messaging everyday for a week, we couldn't wait to see each other. Let's just say he didn't look as good as in the photo, and was a lot shorter than he claimed haha... It could have been a lot worse though.

 

[Courtney27S]

I would say if you really do feel that you have a strong connection online, then it's worth a shot, but have the intention of meeting in real life in the near future. If you fall in love with someone online you're never going to meet, then it's not worth the time and emotional investment, because it's not going to become "real". If they feel the same way for you, I say go ahead.

But keep in mind that the reality is going to be quite different from how it is online, which could be good/bad, so don't be expecting too much. I once fell madly in love with a guy from a dating site, and we met in real life after messaging everyday for a week, we couldn't wait to see each other. Let's just say he didn't look as good as in the photo, and was a lot shorter than he claimed haha... It could have been a lot worse though.

Oh man Yeah, I definitely wouldn't stay in the "relationship" without the promise of someday meeting in-person.
And those expectations.. it's so hard not to have them! :kickingmyself: haha, oh well

 

[coyote]

i have fallen in love with someone i met online before

 

[Kiwong]

When it aches to be apart, when you feel connected even when you're miles apart. To leave them for a while you go through a grieving process , and feel a sense of loss. When you speak out loud, you often speak their name, as if they are still there, because communicating your thoughts to them is like a 2nd nature. You worry about their well being even more than your own. When they are sick of suffer it hurts too much. You begin to develop a fear of losing that love.

 

[Silatuyok]

Something I underlined in the book I'm currently reading:

"Could fulfillment ever be felt as deeply as loss? Romantically she decided that love must surely reside in the gap between desire and fulfillment, in the lack, not the contentment. Love was the ache, the anticipation, the retreat, everything around it but the emotion itself."
~Kiran Desai, The Inheritance of Loss

Love is a tricky thing. Love can make you leave someone if you think they are better off without you. Love can be temporary, like any emotion. Loving someone can be a choice you make, rather than something you feel.

I think it is very easy to become infatuated with someone online, mainly because you have to fill in so many blanks about who this person is and how they act and in the end you build up a picture perfect idea(l) that may or may not be true. Meeting someone in person doesn't guarantee that you will get to know their true self, but it will get you a lot closer than any online interactions will.
I once exchanged long, involved conversations with a man through email for three months. We seemed perfect for each other. When we finally decided to meet in person, it was a disaster. I had built up so many hopes and expectations, and the reality of the situation was extremely disillusioning. Not to discourage anyone from meeting someone in real life if you have met online, but I would just say: proceed with extreme caution.