Texting my ex

[Falkor]

Hi,

I keep on texting my ex. Do you miss me and can I get a chance again? Or if she wants to meet up. It's not smart I know. But I started to like another girl and that's one of the reasons why our relationship ended, but also because another reason which is our different core values and another personal thing. She wants me to try out that girl first, if it's better for me, since my girlfriend and I have different core values. And she respects that I like someone else, but she broke up because of that. I did not cheat with that other girl, I only talk to her on facebook, I met her twice, once in a restaurant, once in a psychiatric centre, that's all. But we can talk good. And she likes me as well.

I only notice that I can't be without my ex, is it good that I text her, is it bad that I want her back? Or is she right that I need to be with that other girl cuz she has the same core values (not wanting to live separated, is more of a family person, and loves being together instead of rather want to be alone a lot of times)

But I just miss my ex so much, she is an amazing reliable person...

Is this bad of me, I can't let her go.

And the other girl wants to meet up tomorrow at my house, meet my parents and my brother and cats, and she really likes me, but I am afraid....

And she just told me she wants to work on her core values, but it might never change (like that she's scared of living in the same house)

But with emigration I really don't want to be thrown in the deep and live in one house totally by myself, that's the whole prob...

I'm so dramaticly in fear of losing my ex, that I am thinking about comitting suicide, all the time...

Tips?

 

[laure15]

I think you are confused about what you want. If you already know what you want in life, you would have made a choice already. If I were you, I would take a break from the dating scene and try to figure out what I want.

Your ex vs the new girl. Love vs core values. Which do you think is more important to you? Or can you have both love and core values?

 

[Silatuyok]

Eep. This is beyond my scope of relationship advice. Perhaps the best thing to do would be to take time away from both of them, and work on finding happiness within yourself first.

 

[Plan9]

It seems like you in a bit of an impossible situation, I think any one would feel the same in your possition. Theres just not an easy answer.

From my own experience I have found that being with some one with the same vaules is the most important thing and have had break ups because of that. It hurts a lot especially when you love that person but it stops hurting eventually and it's worth it when you find the right person.

It's only natural you want to still talk to her, you can't turn feelings on and off. So unless it's upsetting her I don't see how it could be bad, you probably still have a lot to talk about.

I bet that didn't help at all, please don't hurt yourself, you won't always feel like this.

Good luck.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Why doesn't your ex want to live in the same house? That's a really big problem I mean i understand wanting to be alone from your partner but you should be able to live together. She said she wants to work on it? If she works on it then stay with you ex especially since you love her. It's hard for me to fall in love over and over again but for others it's easier but i would try to save it. If she doesn't work on her values i don't think it would be right to stay with her because you should be able to live together.

 

[Falkor]

Why doesn't your ex want to live in the same house? That's a really big problem.

Because she needs a lot of 'alone time' and 'space'. She has Asperger's Syndrome. That's a mental disorder where you like to isolate yourself from people. And people with Asperger's Syndrome can't handle too many impressions during the day. That's the reason why I think. And she has fear of commitment.

But she does want to work on it, so that it would work out. But she requires an extra room in the house, where she can spent time, when she needs it. So if we ever move in together, she would need a house with one extra room.

Yeah, I don't get it like you, I am the opposite of what she wants. I rather spent time together and love be around my loved one, but I guess some people just need space.

But ehm, she is willing to work on it, but she does not want to get back together unless we have a solid plan how we can make our relationship work. I really need to think whether I can deal with the fact that we have different core values, and need to give her time and see if it's change-able. Or I go with another person, who can give me what I want. But I love my ex so much, that I am really considering giving her time..Because she's an amazing person despite of her unique struggles.

 

[Falkor]

It seems like you in a bit of an impossible situation, I think any one would feel the same in your possition. Theres just not an easy answer.

From my own experience I have found that being with some one with the same vaules is the most important thing and have had break ups because of that. It hurts a lot especially when you love that person but it stops hurting eventually and it's worth it when you find the right person.

It's only natural you want to still talk to her, you can't turn feelings on and off. So unless it's upsetting her I don't see how it could be bad, you probably still have a lot to talk about.

I bet that didn't help at all, please don't hurt yourself, you won't always feel like this.

Good luck.

Yes that's exactly what I realized, that's why I thought about breaking up. Because I do want my core values to be coming true, one way or another I don't want to give up all of my wishes, and yes she has different one's so it's hard to make a compromise. But if you really love each other, it might be possible....?

But you are right. I should really think about it. All though my love will never be gone for this girl who've i had wonderful 2 years with. It's heartbreaking.

 

[sullyS25]

Sometimes we dont really appreciate what we have until it is gone. But, on the other side of the coin, sometimes just the fact that we lose something and cant have it makes us want it back simply because we lost it and in reality dont care much for it but the fact that it is something we dont have anymore makes us want it back! If that makes any sense at all and if it doesn't, I apologize.

This situation sucks though because you had a girlfriend and lost her because you were attracted to a girl you have never met in person and only talk to on Facebook. I don't know, if you were initially ok with the break up due to this attraction you have to on Facebook, that would lead me to believe your attraction to your ex wasnt that strong.....maybe im wrong though. All I know is that I would never let a girl I've only talked to on Facebook come between me and my girlfriend.

 

[Silatuyok]

Because she needs a lot of 'alone time' and 'space'. She has Asperger's Syndrome. That's a mental disorder where you like to isolate yourself from people. And people with Asperger's Syndrome can't handle too many impressions during the day. That's the reason why I think. And she has fear of commitment.

But she does want to work on it, so that it would work out. But she requires an extra room in the house, where she can spent time, when she needs it. So if we ever move in together, she would need a house with one extra room.

Yeah, I don't get it like you, I am the opposite of what she wants. I rather spent time together and love be around my loved one, but I guess some people just need space.

But ehm, she is willing to work on it, but she does not want to get back together unless we have a solid plan how we can make our relationship work. I really need to think whether I can deal with the fact that we have different core values, and need to give her time and see if it's change-able. Or I go with another person, who can give me what I want. But I love my ex so much, that I am really considering giving her time..Because she's an amazing person despite of her unique struggles.

When I first moved in with my boyfriend, my one stipulation was that we get a place that had an extra room for me, just so I would have a place to go to get away from him (he was a bit clingy at the time). It worked out well, and now we have learned how to cohabit the same house without stepping on each others' toes. I can fully understand her hesitation to share a living space, so I would encourage you guys to try to find some sort of compromise in that regard.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

I don't know, if you were initially ok with the break up due to this attraction you have to on Facebook, that would lead me to believe your attraction to your ex wasnt that strong.....maybe im wrong though. All I know is that I would never let a girl I've only talked to on Facebook come between me and my girlfriend.[/QUOTE]

I agree with this too.

 

[Falkor]

I don't know, if you were initially ok with the break up due to this attraction you have to on Facebook, that would lead me to believe your attraction to your ex wasnt that strong.....maybe im wrong though. All I know is that I would never let a girl I've only talked to on Facebook come between me and my girlfriend.

I agree with this too.[/QUOTE]

Yeah I know what you guys mean. I don't want someone to be between us, I just wanted to be happy with my ex, but we always discussed separated living, and she wants to emigrate to the other side of the world, and we had a fight during old years eve.,and those are things I really am worried about. The emigration thing is a big step ya know. But I do want to! It's just that I want to move in if we emigrate, because it's feeling better for me (sorry for my English) Then I can for sure emigrate....

And this girl, i met her twice, in real life. my ex she was capable of being with me, tell her family I have SA, help me through my mood swings of borderline, yes we are a couple Borderline vs Asperger, I am wanting her all the time, She wants space, we are so different he he. I am very depending on people, she is independent. And she is very romantic and me too, we talk about all the stuff in life like we are philosophers, it's amazing how we can talk without a problem...I love being with her, holding her, she makes me feel so peaceful.

maybe i should go back together with my ex and hoping she would wanna share one house. I just don't want to be an intruder at all, I want to give her romance and loving, not be taking away her space...

The only thing is, does she want me....She says yes but with a solid plan... :/

The most painful thing is, she wants to emigrate with or without me, she does not like The Netherlands, so If I can't be accepted I still lose her in the end.. I love Canada, so I sure wanna go with her, but I don't have any certificates :/ because of SA.
And I would miss my family, it's hard to see them with a plane ticket of 1000 dollars per person, I wish there was an Orb function, like in the series charmed, or a magic machine to go to my family and my girlfriend.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

I agree with this too.

Yeah I know what you guys mean. I don't want this girl to be between us, I just wanted to be happy with my ex, but we always discussed separated living, and she wants to emigrate to the other side of the world, and we had a fight during old years eve.,and those are things I really am worried about. The emigration thing is a big step ya know. But I do want to! It's just that I want to move in if we emigrate, because it's feeling better for me (sorry for my English) Then I can for sure emigrate....

And this girl, i met her twice, in real life. But I odn't know if she can compete with the strong person my girlfriend (ex) was, she was capable of being with me, tell her family I have SA, help me through my mood swings of borderline, yes we are a couple Borderline vs Asperger, I am wanting her all the time, She wants space, we are so different he he. I am very depending on people, she is independent. And she is very romantic and me too, we talk about all the stuff in life like we are philosophers, it's amazing how we can talk without a problem...I love being with her, holding her, she makes me feel so peaceful.

I think I should go back together with my ex, and hoping she would wanna share one house. I just don't want to be an intruder at all, I want to give her romance and loving, not be taking away her space...

The only thing is, does she want me....She says yes but with a solid plan... :/

The most painful thing is, she wants to emigrate with or without me, she does not like The Netherlands, so If I can't be accepted I still lose her in the end.. I love Canada, so I sure wanna go with her, but I don't have any certificates :/ because of SA.
And I would miss my family, it's hard to see them with a plane ticket of 1000 dollars per person, I wish there was an Orb function, like in the series charmed, or a magic machine to go to my family and my girlfriend.[/QUOTE]

Aww i wish there was an Orb function too I think you need time to think about it. If she doesn't move in with you after you move that far (if you decide to do that) she isn't worth it tbh. It's up to you (duh ) and no matter what you do you can change your mind if your unhappy with the decision later.

 

[Plan9]

Canada is really nice, I always thought I would like to live there myself.

It seems like your girl friend is not that willing to compromise (though many people I have met with Aspergers are also a little like that). However like lazyhermitcrab (like that name ) implied she has to compromise on some thing, thats part of being in relatioship.

 

[Sial Axetder]

Falkor, I'm going to be a blunt SOB right now. Go with the other girl. Let's face some proverbial music here. Your love for this girl with aspergers is a fear of loss, abandonment. There are red flags for you with her from your other thread I think. She is not always there for you, doesn't recognize or acknowledge your affection.

This other girl, I recall in the other thread where she said she could give you what the asperger girl couldn't. Pretty sure that was your thread. Though am not sure. The fact your ex (asperger girl) wants you to try the other (FB) girl, go for it.

Side note: I may be mixing two different threads by two different people. My brain is kind of fuddled at the moment.

 

[Lea]

Go with the other girl and when it fails, maybe get back together with your ex. In the meantime she will have time to work on her core values. It seems like you both need a break to get in a proper perspective and to realize, what is the most important.

 

[Falkor]

Okay there is some news.

I just decided to go for L. She is the girl I met twice, and now three times. She is a great person and she accepts the fact that I am 'masculine'.. That's something I did not tell you guys yet, but that's another thing. And other few reasons that me and my ex broke up, is because M could be afraid of living together, has different core values, and isn't core values the most important thing to share? Else wise I would always not be totally happy because I live her life.

So what happened is, I met L this Saturday, it was an amazing time. We are taking things slow, because I just stepped out of a relationship, but yet we are getting to know each other more and more and we know we have a lot of same dreams, so I chose for L.

So I actually followed your advice, I am still afraid of rejection, but I think I should really be not sticking with someone just because I am afraid to be alone, and I surely would have gotten amazing love from my ex, but love isn't enough when you don't share the same dream..

Both parties should be happy in the end..

So Thanks all, and I hope I have an amazing future with L.

 

[laure15]

^Good on you falkor. Best of luck!