Still Devastated After a Long Episode of Change

[Honda]

I dont know what to do anymore.. I feel depressed and frustrated even after almost a year of radical change in my attitude, body, appearance, everything..

I am a whole different animal now.. More confident, more charismatic and more successful than ever.. I am able to focus on my future plans, life, health...

Its been some hell of a journey this year with alot of change.. It makes me proud to know I went this far..

But unfortunately, the fact I dont have a life lately due to the fact all the good friends from college went and ventured into their personal lives.. Everyday I wake up go to work, hit the boxing gym after work and go to bed... On the weekend I dont have anything to do and all I do is nothing really...

This is taking a toll on me and I feel like I need to hang out with people and do stuff and meet girls but theres nobody there and I cannot do anything about it..

I have sunken into another vicious cycle of depression, insecurity and self-doubt once again... After all this much change, I would love to rid myself of such misery and I dont know how anymore.. I cannot take the fact, I cannot control myself or life.. It impacts my decisions, judgement and people around me.. I need to get rid of this horrible demons..

Please Help me.. And I will help you back oneday..

 

[coyote]

perhaps the changes you made were merely superficial

you treated the symptoms, but not the root cause of the illness

putting on makeup over a pimple won't make it go away - it just covers it up a little bit, until it festers and gets even worse - eventually the makeup won't even hide it

all the changes you made are positive ones, no doubt - so don't beat yourself up

you have proven that you CAN make changes in your life, that you ARE in control of your own destiny

you just need to dig a little deeper

 

[JamesSmith]

I'm in the same exact boat, feel the same way. I've lived both sides of the social world (with friends and w/out friends) and can say that both suck.

I may go back to hang out with friends because I may have to. It would be because I'm human and unfortunately we need human connection to feel full instead of empty inside. Of course, in order to achieve that one must successfully connect with others on a consistent level, which definitely wasn't my specialty.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

It sounds like you're doing pretty well... aside from the social aspect, right?

I suggest this to everyone and I mean it when I say: volunteer.
It can really change your life.
You meet new people, help people, feel needed and wanted--- and if your weekends are free, you could start small and perhaps make a couple new friends to spend time with?

Life is always evolving.
I'm sure you know that...
It's hard to let go of old friends but things change, people move on and you need to too- even if it's just a little bit.
You can do something good for yourself and for others if you have the time and the will to make it happen.

Other than that, I don't really have any suggestions.
Perhaps you could invite some people you work with/see most days to go and do something some day? Hang out casually? See how that works out?

 

[Honda]

Time to man up... All people have insecurities and problems... My sin is I let these problems interfere with my life and judgement..

I guess its time to man up and be bold.. Im tired of living a life of regret, shame and anger... If I intend to live in this world, I would want to live with a clear mind..

People are driven with the negative feelings of fear, regret and anger to become better individuals and earn their place in this world.. I think my sin is that I surrender to those feelings and let go of the control on my life and this makes me feel like a coward giving up... Because I start to feel threatened and insecure from people around me.. If someone comes down the corner, insults me or disses me in any way I start to get panicked and find it hard to stand for myself..

I dont want to fall or surrender to pain ever again but sometimes, it just collapses.. But I wont let it fall down on me again..

Coward dies a 1000 death.. I dont want to die anymore..

 

[Feathers]

It sounds like you maybe just need to meet some new people?

Like McGee said, volunteering is a great way to meet new people.
Also, how about take a course or class in something that really interests you? (Where there are new people, some girls or guys you could go out with?) Meet people online to get together in RL?
Or check out some interesting events locally? Anything of interest?

Could you go to events or to clubs with anyone from the gym etc? Or maybe go take a class at another gym where there are more girls? (probably not so many girls are into boxing, maybe more into pilates or kung fu/karate or other martial arts? Not sure how it's where you live though..)

It's normal that people grow apart after college and see each other more rarely...
Usually people meet other friends at work or similar, or at other activities as above... Or can your friends maybe introduce some nice girls you could date? (If they are 'coupled up', their girlfriends maybe have friends?)

All people have 'negative' feelings and days sometimes, we can learn from that and improve our lives... Also, it's not all 'black and white'... You may think in very dramatic terms right now, sometimes in life the wise thing is to also roll your eyes, shrug your shoulders and walk away from a conflict... It may take a strong man to walk away and not get into a fight, in some cultures non-confrontational leaders who prefer to avoid conflict are actually more appreciated...

 

[Honda]

Well what devastates me is the fear I have..

This fear of facing social situations, fear of standing up for myself, fear of looking at strangers, fear of rejection or failure.. I still have these fears and they impact/cripple my judgement and decisions..

People can sniff my insecurity from a distance and that is a problem i want to put an end of..

 

[Ms Cloud]

( deleted )

 

[Honda]

All right here's my story so far...

The fact you are avoiding social situations or opportunities means you are potentially missing out on things in life.. This motivated me to venture into asking some guy about a business opportunity with him, he ended up being interested and approaching a girl, impressing her & getting her number.. These 2 things happened to me in the past 3 weeks and I the pain and misery is what motivated me to make a move.. Because of these I feel like a different person with different character and attitude that I want to be..

I believe the key is not to think of why you are like this, as in the end of the day people have the same feelings and emotions, perhaps we met alot of the wrong people in the past that are nothing but a bunch of hypocrites and *******s that really clouded our judgement.. Regardless its focusing on what you miss in the future than how the past affected you is what keeps me moving forward.. I dont care about mistakes of yesterday like I used to before and I will keep moving forward cuz I believe if I dont then I will never get anywhere..

Thank God, I quit my last job and got my current crappy one, otherwise I wouldnt have realized or taken certain decisions that impacted my life positively..

In the end of the day, you have be grateful that you know yourself and accept it no matter what.. Awareness is important..

Keep fighting and good luck..