Hi everyone, what if social phobia isn't really about other people? Remember how there are many specific social PHOBIAS, and how apparently, each person has a main phobia which is causing their problem? For example my fear is atelophobia - fear of being defective. Other folks have fear of being stupid, ugly, foolish, blushing, a failure, etc. Even if all your other fears went away, youd still be anxious around others until you abrogate this fundamental fear. Now, this is going to be a little bit shocking but I believe that.....
YOUR MAIN FEAR HAS NOTHING TO DO DIRECTLY WITH OTHER PEOPLE.
Okay, you probably are entirely lost by now and perhaps offended. What we need to realize is that our fear is about us, not about others. We have phobias of being defective, stupid, ugly, lazy, failures, blushing, and so forth. We believe these "faults" make us worthless human beings who don't deserve to live. Others scare us simply because...
IN YOUR MIND, OTHER PEOPLE CONFIRM YOUR PRE-EXISTING FEAR.
The answer to our problem is not to try and figure out HOW others can like us, or WHY they don't want to be friends or date us. The answer is to...
CONVINCE YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE ACCEPTABLE IN YOUR OWN EYES, EVEN IF NO-ONE ELSE LIKES YOU.
I know this seems like an insane statement, but the fact is that it's not rejection we fear, its the confirmation of our worthlessness. Without the existing belief in our own inferiority, there is no grave threat from rejection by other human beings. Furthermore, consider that we may not allways be likeable people. Some of us (ahem, moi) may even have a tendency to rub people the wrong way. But even the biggest douche-bag can make friends with other douches, and let's not forget even the columbine kids were friends with one another
. Everyone can find people they truly relate to. I know it seems unthinkable but it is not. There is hard evidence this is true, for YOU. There really is no reason not to have friends other than a Phobia. No matter what kind of a dispicable person you may be, you can allways change. Therefore, the real issue is not whether or not we are great people, or whether or not others will want to be friends or date us,
WHAT MATTERS IS ELIMINATING YOUR PHOBIA, NOT WHETHER OTHERS LIKE YOU.
By focusing constantly on how much other people like us, we are consistently reinforcing the same negative thinking processes and beliefs which uphold our phobias. It may be helpfull to an extent to think about how to be more appealing, but it's not the solution. We must avoid this trap. We must focus our energies on finding the beliefs which make our fear seem reasonable, discovering the evidence supporting those beliefs, and DEBUNKING IT.
Feed back is greatly appreciated!
YOUR MAIN FEAR HAS NOTHING TO DO DIRECTLY WITH OTHER PEOPLE.
Okay, you probably are entirely lost by now and perhaps offended. What we need to realize is that our fear is about us, not about others. We have phobias of being defective, stupid, ugly, lazy, failures, blushing, and so forth. We believe these "faults" make us worthless human beings who don't deserve to live. Others scare us simply because...
IN YOUR MIND, OTHER PEOPLE CONFIRM YOUR PRE-EXISTING FEAR.
The answer to our problem is not to try and figure out HOW others can like us, or WHY they don't want to be friends or date us. The answer is to...
CONVINCE YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE ACCEPTABLE IN YOUR OWN EYES, EVEN IF NO-ONE ELSE LIKES YOU.
I know this seems like an insane statement, but the fact is that it's not rejection we fear, its the confirmation of our worthlessness. Without the existing belief in our own inferiority, there is no grave threat from rejection by other human beings. Furthermore, consider that we may not allways be likeable people. Some of us (ahem, moi) may even have a tendency to rub people the wrong way. But even the biggest douche-bag can make friends with other douches, and let's not forget even the columbine kids were friends with one another
WHAT MATTERS IS ELIMINATING YOUR PHOBIA, NOT WHETHER OTHERS LIKE YOU.
By focusing constantly on how much other people like us, we are consistently reinforcing the same negative thinking processes and beliefs which uphold our phobias. It may be helpfull to an extent to think about how to be more appealing, but it's not the solution. We must avoid this trap. We must focus our energies on finding the beliefs which make our fear seem reasonable, discovering the evidence supporting those beliefs, and DEBUNKING IT.
Feed back is greatly appreciated!
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