So who here feels like an outcast

[KiaKaha]

I got this theory you see... I think, the reason why people are so uncomfortable around me is because I dont engage with them. I am like that guy... that you kind of see around, but dont really know because you have never spoken to him, but he wont speak to you first, so you never speak to each other and its just this constant wariness and hesitance and general awkwardness... I mean, why bother with someone if they dont bother with you..... thats how things go right? Meh... I dont know.

Then...stage two is... you are so used to seeing that guy (or girl) that you accept that they are here to stay, but by this point, you opinions have been formed...or rather presumptions which further increase the liklihood of never approaching this person because there is a feeling that you know what kind of person they are. Perhaps even further down the track there is even a feeling animosity... I mean its been all this time and you STILL have no idea what kind of person they really are.

I guess the key is to engage - but how do you do that? It would seem that someone would have to give up a little bit of themselves first to open up dialogue. What happens when two people are just as shy.

You know...as an afterthough... I dont think people truly understand just how much of a handicap shyness really is. It can affect nearly every area of ones life on so many levels. It takes away so much, and the grip that has on some people is truly awe inspiring.

I am just rambling, I was thinking about it today why I dont seem to be able to connect with people, or why I find it so hard to make friends. That is what I came up with. Perhaps the crux of my problems... is just plain old lack of confidence and shyness.

 

[Kat]

This is from a perspective of the outside looking in. From what I have observed you are definitely not what I would consider to be an outcast on here. It annoys me a little when people whine about being ignored and then they go do it to others but they are able to talk fine with certain people.

I have questioned if its happen intentionally on here or not but I do acknowledge some people may find certain people more intimidating than others. I don’t talk much on here and I worry about showing favoritism and others may feel left out so I try and be very non directive with my responses. You never know when you step on someone’s toes though. I’m divided with how I feel about it but I think it is semi normal to be annoyed if you feel left out and like it’s been done on purpose but I recognize why it can happen as well.

 

[Kiwong]

People approach me, then they notice my anxiety, and some react with hostility to it. I have been able to engage with some other people, I get along with them. They also approach me. I get called names often, and it breaks me a little more each time, until I get to the point I just don't want to talk to people.

 

[MikeyC]

I don't feel like an outcast. If anything, I want to socialise less because it's taking up too much of my time and I'm getting more anxious about everything.

ShyKiwi, you're not an outcast here, if that helps. You seem incredibly shy in real life and it does seem to be impacting negatively on your life. If only there was something I could do to help you out, mate.

 

[KiaKaha]

This is from a perspective of the outside looking in. From what I have observed you are definitely not what I would consider to be an outcast on here. It annoys me a little when people whine about being ignored and then they go do it to others but they are able to talk fine with certain people.

I have questioned if its happen intentionally on here or not but I do acknowledge some people may find certain people more intimidating than others. I don’t talk much on here and I worry about showing favoritism and others may feel left out so I try and be very non directive with my responses. You never know when you step on someone’s toes though. I’m divided with how I feel about it but I think it is semi normal to be annoyed if you feel left out and like it’s been done on purpose but I recognize why it can happen as well.

Yes, the thing with being left out is that its often not intentional, but it happens because the people who are inadvertantly leaving people out dont realize it, they are too busy enjoying the moment. Thats why I have a lot of respect for people on here who go out of their way for inclusivity like Mikey, Deadman and Shyangel (among others - thyre just the first to come to mind) I would do the same myself if I had more courage (and less paranoia) - I would rather make non directive comments much like yourself which wont bring too much attention to me. You know... I could go on and on and on about this stuff... I really could. I can be terribly impractical at times with it though. What makes people like one another? And why only some people and not others...particularly if they dont know anything about them.

People approach me, then they notice my anxiety, and some react with hostility to it. I have been able to engage with some other people, I get along with them. They also approach me. I get called names often, and it breaks me a little more each time, until I get to the point I just don't want to talk to people.

I think I know what you mean. You give up. Whats the point in trying. You get beaten down so often that its easier to just not bother. I cant understand why people would act hostile towards anxiety.... I mean everyone feels anxious at some point so you would think that a bit of understanding would come about instead. Being called names is not cool either.

I don't feel like an outcast. If anything, I want to socialise less because it's taking up too much of my time and I'm getting more anxious about everything.

ShyKiwi, you're not an outcast here, if that helps. You seem incredibly shy in real life and it does seem to be impacting negatively on your life. If only there was something I could do to help you out, mate.

I can be quite shy... sometimes its not so bad it really depends but most of time I feel very uncomfortable. I sit there llike a gnome not saying anything not moving, and scared that if I do everyone will stare at me. It kinda blows. But dont get me wrong, I have been known to function quite normally and hold a conversation in person too. Thank you Mikey.

 

[powerfulthoughts]

trust in yourself, and trust in others.

 

[KiaKaha]

I'm trying to engage people more at work this year, I've starting by smiling more, which does not come naturally for me. Its only been a couple of days but it seems to be working.

People seem to like happy people. I am doomed. But good luck phocas, I can feel the awkwardness for you just from your words..

 

[MikeyC]

Thats why I a lot of respect for people on here who go out of their way for inclusivity like Mikey, Deadman and Shyangel (among others - thyre just the first to come to mind)

I hate having people hating me, so whenever I meet people I always try to be friendly and act like they're my best friend. To get to this level, I'll say stupid things, I'll use insult comedy on myself, and I'll laugh at things that are barely funny. This is not a good trait. I'm working on not being so full-on and accepting that people are not always going to like me.

I have been known to function quite normally and hold a conversation in person too. Thank you Mikey.

I think this shows you can be social, if in the right situation and frame-of-mind. There's a social guy in there somewhere.

 

[Kat]

Yes, the thing with being left out is that its often not intentional, but it happens because the people who are inadvertantly leaving people out dont realize it, they are too busy enjoying the moment. Thats why I have a lot of respect for people on here who go out of their way for inclusivity like Mikey, Deadman and Shyangel (among others - thyre just the first to come to mind) I would do the same myself if I had more courage (and less paranoia) - I would rather make non directive comments much like yourself which wont bring too much attention to me. You know... I could go on and on and on about this stuff... I really could. I can be terribly impractical at times with it though. What makes people like one another? And why only some people and not others...particularly if they dont know anything about them.



.

Yeah, it’s hard to know how much of certain behaviors that happen on here translate into real life. If people are bothered by you they may be noticing you can talk to some people and not all and don’t understand why. I think a certain point you have to take ownership of your actions if you want things to change as well. I think you seem friendly enough and are capable of making friends.

 

[Kat]

[/I] like Mikey, Deadman and Shyangel (among others - thyre just the first to come to mind)

And yes those kinds of people that show that support deserve a medal; they probably put way too much on their shoulders.

 

[Feathers]

Well, people may sometimes simply be too overwhelmed with something/other things/own life/problems... to reply or respond or initiate... or might have sa (sometimes 'specific sa') or grief or other problems to deal with...

When I first came here I felt like an 'outsider' too, and it may be so in many new environments - it can take some time to get to know people, their values and what is important to them, their ways of functioning... how things are done in that system... in RL and/or online...

I'll confess that it's sometimes easier to speak with 'new people' about 'random things' than with more-known people (especially those I admire & value, or especially if it seems their life might be going soo much better) about more important things... again, specific sa's or such...

If it's something very important, I also like to take time to research/look at things/write it well, so it may take a while to hear from me... I know I possibly neglected some really cool & very wonderful people - both online and/or in RL, usually it was for a number of causes, mostly to do with overwhelm or a bunch of other stuff happening or such... and/or the inbox may be full, etc!! Still due some PMs, I know! When I write, I like to write 'from the heart', and sometimes life is just not really inspiring enough or such! (Sometimes I'd like to make some clones of myself to reply to everyone everywhere too, still no go!! I'm against GMO, so probably not the best idea anyway!! )

 

[Kat]

Well, people may sometimes simply be too overwhelmed with something/other things/own life/problems... to reply or respond or initiate... or might have sa (sometimes 'specific sa') or grief or other problems to deal with...

When I first came here I felt like an 'outsider' too, and it may be so in many new environments - it can take some time to get to know people, their values and what is important to them, their ways of functioning... how things are done in that system... in RL and/or online...

I'll confess that it's sometimes easier to speak with 'new people' about 'random things' than with more-known people (especially those I admire & value, or especially if it seems their life might be going soo much better) about more important things... again, specific sa's or such...

If it's something very important, I also like to take time to research/look at things/write it well, so it may take a while to hear from me... I know I possibly neglected some really cool & very wonderful people - both online and/or in RL, usually it was for a number of causes, mostly to do with overwhelm or a bunch of other stuff happening or such... and/or the inbox may be full, etc!! Still due some PMs, I know! When I write, I like to write 'from the heart', and sometimes life is just not really inspiring enough or such! (Sometimes I'd like to make some clones of myself to reply to everyone everywhere too, still no go!! I'm against GMO, so probably not the best idea anyway!! )

Yes your writing and advice belongs in books

 

[MrJones]

I've always felt like and outcast, and the few times I didn't it was just a temporary feeling, usually due to someone taking advantage of me.

I really don't know how to connect with people, and there are some people out there who I really like, but no matter how hard I try to build a friendship between us it just doesn't work.


About those users who always help everyone, I just want to applaud them as they've helped me too and I respect them a lot. I wish I could try to help, I used to try it, but sometimes life makes it harder to even read stuff, let alone try to help... I know those people who help have their own problems, but I'm too weak and tired to even try at the moment... I know it's not the goal of the thread, but not being able to support people in a support site has been an important me to deal with lately, I wish I could be like them.

 

[Feathers]

Yes your writing and advice belongs in books

Aww, thank you! I wish!!

I've been trying to sit down regularly and work on the book/s etc, to gather all my wisdom (and silliness ) it can be hard to be in so many places at the same time sometimes... (both online & in RL) and/or gather some kick-ass self-discipline yikes!!

Yup, if I'm more online I may not be so tempted to write more 'serious stuff' (fiction OR non-fiction, articles/songs or whatever...)

MrJones, you HAVE BEEN of help to many people!! You've brought laughter & happiness!!
It may be exam time or winter time now, there will be time again when you will be more full of energy etc, I'm SURE!!
(For me, it's about at least 1x a month I can get 'overwhelmed' and then later 'ok to go' and help people etc!)
Maybe plan some serious people-helping and jolly-fering for the summer/after exams/after classes or some other time when it's vacations or such?
I'm SURE other people are happy to help too!! When someone can't, someone else CAN!! And they/we can learn a lot in the process!! Sometimes it can be hard to keep track of it all a bit hmm!!

7 billions of people on this Earth, 1 billion with time to make a difference & help!!!
I'm sure everyone can find a 'tribe' of like-minded people with similar problems & issues to lament to and complain - and/or solve problems together!!

Take care everyone!!

 

[OceanMist]

You know...as an afterthough... I dont think people truly understand just how much of a handicap shyness really is. It can affect nearly every area of ones life on so many levels. It takes away so much, and the grip that has on some people is truly awe inspiring.

Yes, most of the general public doesn't understand this. It's kind of rare for someone to have a true understanding of how much pain and failure an SAD person experiences throughout their life. I believe the biggest reason for suicide is anxiety.

I believe it's an achievement just to live a full life with an anxiety disorder. It shows massive strength in character. Most people will never know how much courage a person has to have to stay alive when they have SAD.

 

[starimmanuel]

I always feel like i don't belong anywhere ::::

 

[Griffin]

Sometimes. At work, I'm not really a part of 'the group'. Whilst I'll go along to meals and the occasional social outing, it feels like I'm on the outside looking in.

There are people there that have been working there for a fraction of the time I have, yet they slot in nicely with others.

I can see that part of it is my approach to dealing with others; my social skills are lacking. The other part of it is my own self-esteem (which is fairly low).

 

[MrJones]

I always feel like i don't belong anywhere ::::

Yeah, same here ::

 

[MikeyC]

And yes those kinds of people that show that support deserve a medal; they probably put way too much on their shoulders.

I certainly don't deserve a medal.

Yes your writing and advice belongs in books

That is the truth. Feathers has an uncanny ability to convey great moods through posts.

 

[Nathália]

You know...as an afterthough... I dont think people truly understand just how much of a handicap shyness really is. It can affect nearly every area of ones life on so many levels. It takes away so much, and the grip that has on some people is truly awe inspiring.

I am just rambling, I was thinking about it today why I dont seem to be able to connect with people, or why I find it so hard to make friends. That is what I came up with. Perhaps the crux of my problems... is just plain old lack of confidence and shyness.

Yes, most of the general public doesn't understand this. It's kind of rare for someone to have a true understanding of how much pain and failure an SAD person experiences throughout their life. I believe the biggest reason for suicide is anxiety.

I believe it's an achievement just to live a full life with an anxiety disorder. It shows massive strength in character. Most people will never know how much courage a person has to have to stay alive when they have SAD.

Anxiety is normal until it comes to the point where it consumes daily life and thoughts for a long period of time. As humans we've all felt really anxouis at some point. I've been told that I am not the only one with anxiety by a few people.

Some do not understand the servirity because they've experinced it and can live a healthy life. I've been trying to "bounce back" for years. It's the point where we all just shut down because the fear is overwhelming.

It can be hard to portray how deeply rooted the problem is. You're not an outcast even though I understand why you feel like one. Many people try to understand 'their place' because we gravitate to those like us or we try to fit in with different types of people. That causes deppression in a large amount of people because they feel outcasted and don't know the right things to do or say.

There is no right things to do or say someone says suspicious stuff all of the time like: Phew digging that hole was alot of work, I can't push the stuff down into the hole, how do you pack stuff under dirt?

Or like. I watch her when she's sleeping and hold her picture to my chest, I love her so much. I even made a corn sculpture out the hair I got from her brush.. Wanna see it? You can't tell herrrr *wink*

Or unless you are attacking people and have a bad attitude.

Not just one person is different, we all are different from each other. When we feel like we can't fit in with the majority we do feel strange. You know because you're a girl you don't have to like sparkley things even though it's okay and just because you're a boy you don't have to love cars. When we go agaisnt 'the norms' or have what is considerd deviant behavior to one group.

You don't fit in or feel like you don't fit it's not because you need to change or people need to change. There will always be somone that won't like us. I feel like as a person I need to accept that, it is just hard to deal with put downs and when you hit that wall it's hard to climb over it and try something eles. I know for me it's hard to "climb over" because I fear of making a fool out of myself and have people be negative.

I have the logic of it but no matter how hard I try I can't put it into practice.

I want to be like somedays *slap slap* Yeah ima do this! Ain't no one gone break me! I do that and that, so what this and that....... Then once I do and feel the feelings of embarrassment or whatever stoping me from being headstong I am just so senstive and I crawl back and avoid it.

( I don't really slap myself ) I really try to pull myself together though and fight it.