:( so depressed

[Falkor]

Hey. I'm crying, I can't handle this world. I think of the times people have been bullying me, and I'm afraid of going to school again and living with house mates/coaching. and going to therapy. I'm such a weak person.
My mom says I should stop whining, I can't take this. I wish she could understand me. We were about to go cycling but now we aren't anymore.
I don't know what to do anymore, i really want to escape from this boredom.
My life is full of misery, all my life i have been anxious and I cannot cope with it. and people make fun of me, don't take my seriously and I'm afraid of every social happening. I can't even have dinner with more than a few people around.
I'm 1000 % agoraphobic. I can't leave the house and it makes me feel so worse.
I feel stuck in this house, I beg the lord to help me out of this situation, I really want to be a strong woman But I have no life. I never been lucky.
I want happiness, But i'm so depressed , i didn't go to school since 3 years. It makes me feel worse.
I really want to change , but nothing changes. only singing makes me happy... but i cant do anything only youtube
I even quit singing in a band cuz of anxiety... threw everything away.. cuz i just cant face my fears..

Btw my cat is hugging me, he understands me, but still i'm really emotional

 

[DespairSoul]

awww Flowerly, i wasnt expecting those posting of you i was thinking u are going do better now, fight for better live and live with housemates have counching and everything?
U will not go there? U should go i think will help u a lot! 3 years of school is long break, thats why u cant cope with it good. Im sorry to hear this everything, depression is a biest what slowly piece by piece eat your brain, chain that biest and try focus honey. U have hope and big future in front of you. Cry your emotions out this help and fight hun! I can relate to your words for me leaving house is hell on the earth and im so depressed if im home, trough i feel safe in my house and outside not. Agoraphobic i believe that my Avpd or whatever i have case this too.

 

[kihira]

Big hug. It will pass, so focus on puss purring and slowly let go of all the other thoughts. Don't hold on to them as they will only sadden you. Calm, deep breathing and let your waves of feeling settle. Come back to that center point where all is ok.....

 

[Falkor]

awww Flowerly, i wasnt expecting those posting of you i was thinking u are going do better now, fight for better live and live with housemates have counching and everything?
U will not go there? U should go i think will help u a lot! 3 years of school is long break, thats why u cant cope with it good. Im sorry to hear this everything, depression is a biest what slowly piece by piece eat your brain, chain that biest and try focus honey. U have hope and big future in front of you. Cry your emotions out this help and fight hun! I can relate to your words for me leaving house is hell on the earth and im so depressed if im home, trough i feel safe in my house and outside not. Agoraphobic i believe that my Avpd or whatever i have case this too.

Thank you for your kind words, Yeah people think I'm doing much better right now, It's true. 'Cuz I don't have many down moments, but still. Sometimes I feel like my world is tumbling down. But I know everything is in sight, better times are coming my way, because of the right help, the right people, the right support. Ur right, it's a good thing to do it. I'm just so afraid of the big changement, Just the thought of living with house mates and have to be around them 24 hours a day.. and going to college, standing in the middle of all those huge crowds, and being afraid :/. But tomorrow I have 2st intake with my therapist, So I hope the therapy sessions will start soon...

But it's just frightenin', but at the same time I know how bad I want to be like that.. Not avoiding the things I want. It's hard, but I have to.
Cuz I push myself

Thanks for ur post despair soul :]

 

[Falkor]

Big hug. It will pass, so focus on puss purring and slowly let go of all the other thoughts. Don't hold on to them as they will only sadden you. Calm, deep breathing and let your waves of feeling settle. Come back to that center point where all is ok.....

Thanks Phocas, I hope I'll get to that center point. I'm fighting ahead it.
I'll take a deep breathe for now.

 

[Kamen]

phocas said it very well: Focus on that neutral central point where everything is OK - no bias to good and bad, don't judge, just flow. Go to that calming state in your mind, that central point of peace and harmony when there is no good and bad; breath in harmony, breath out worries and troubles. You've already been through this and nothing happened, it's just temporary. The simple thought that this will pass, too, as everything does, is already comforting. Dwelling on it and getting too involved with it is like pushing someone and not allowing them to pass by you, or holding them back and not allowing them to leave, which leads to complications. Don't judge, just witness it and know that it is not You.

 

[StupidWiz]

It's ok to cry once in a while, sometimes it'll make you feel better afterward. Keep fighting and hang in there...

 

[Feathers]

Hey Saskia ((hugs))

Everyone has a setback now and then.. I was doing so well too, going for a walk every day, and now all this talk of renovation and some things ahead is making me sorta flip out too..

When I was moving to a different dorm, different roommate... I made a list of situations that could be 'horrible' and places I could go to if I wanted to be alone or such.. eg the park, for a walk, the library or study room to study, etc
Or you can come back home or to granny to visit, or even stay a night or two..

Luckily I mostly had really nice roommates and flatmates.. they usually went to uni too, and were absent some of the time, or they worked.. and went home on all or some weekends.. so there was some alone time too..
I really liked some of my roommates and flatmates so I was happy when we were hanging out together, talking.. kinda like the people here, many were really really nice..

So I'm hoping you'll get really really nice flatmates and classmates too!!
Maybe you can get to know some of your future flatmates online? Maybe they have a blog or go to some forums too?

Some musicians move in together as a band too.. maybe you could even do something like that?

Hope things get better!!

 

[panicsurvivor]

It's ok to cry once in a while, sometimes it'll make you feel better afterward. Keep fighting and hang in there...

Yeah, he's right. I actually cried when I read your post. I know exactly how you feel, and so do a lot of people on here. I really think that you need to do some exposure therapy. Talk to agoraphobikatie, she has had a lot of success with it, and can tell you more about it than me. She is also a very sweet and understanding person, and I am sure would love to help in any way she can.
As for me I can tell you that whatever you do, you need to start now! When you are trapped in your house things can start to go really downhill pretty fast. I know you don't need me to tell you that. I know that it doesn't feel like it, but it actually might be good that you feel this low right now. It means that you are not complacent in you despair. You can't take it anymore, so your gonna have to do something about it. One of my favorite quotes from Fight Club is, it's only after lose everything, that we are free to do anything. Those are words of wisdom. I really wish that I was nearby so that I could hug you, and help you, and try to make you feel safe. Please PM me if you need to talk. When you feel your lowest try to remember that I care about you, and so do a lot of other people on here. Its corny to say this, but it is true, "the night is always darkest before dawn"
Please try to keep you chin up.

 

[Falkor]

Thank you Feathers, You always have some great ideas!
Your posts are really inspiring, helpful,uplifting.

It's funny, 'Cuz I was thinking about Calling a band-coach who gets musicians together to move in as a band, I would love to be the singer of a band.
But still, I would be terrified of meeting new people, But I know that's a thing I should go through, it's a thing of the day, everyone has too.
But i'm even afraid of making the phone call. Damn anxiety.
But one year ago, I did this! And it was an amazing experience!
But still, I canceled 2 repetition days. It won't happen this year if I'll decide to sing again.
But I know it would offer more oppurtinities in my passion for singing!

It's good that you have nice flatmates, I know a guy who lives in the place where i'm about to go, so that's a good thing. He was very happy to see me, when I viewed the place. And the groupleader (yes we have coaching there)
Told me a girl lives there, with social anxiety. they support her. :]

It's nice that you make lists, I will make a list too of places I could go, and things I want to accomplish this year. I will not make it too big, cuz I know I should take it easy.

Thanks, Feathers!!!

 

[Falkor]

Yeah, he's right. I actually cried when I read your post. I know exactly how you feel, and so do a lot of people on here. I really think that you need to do some exposure therapy. Talk to agoraphobikatie, she has had a lot of success with it, and can tell you more about it than me. She is also a very sweet and understanding person, and I am sure would love to help in any way she can.
As for me I can tell you that whatever you do, you need to start now! When you are trapped in your house things can start to go really downhill pretty fast. I know you don't need me to tell you that. I know that it doesn't feel like it, but it actually might be good that you feel this low right now. It means that you are not complacent in you despair. You can't take it anymore, so your gonna have to do something about it. One of my favorite quotes from Fight Club is, it's only after lose everything, that we are free to do anything. Those are words of wisdom. I really wish that I was nearby so that I could hug you, and help you, and try to make you feel safe. Please PM me if you need to talk. When you feel your lowest try to remember that I care about you, and so do a lot of other people on here. Its corny to say this, but it is true, "the night is always darkest before dawn"
Please try to keep you chin up.

Aww thanks PanicSurvivor!!
You are a really nice person!! You are totally right, we should do the opposite of what we're doing now! Even though we fear all those situations, we should face them, and just replace our thoughts into positive powerful thoughts.
But still it's so damn hard! But I wish to let my courage face it!
I love the quotation, thank you for sharing it. it's true!
Thanks for your kindhearted message.<3
X Flowerie

 

[joyce]

Hey. I'm crying, I can't handle this world. I think of the times people have been bullying me, and I'm afraid of going to school again and living with house mates/coaching. and going to therapy. I'm such a weak person.
My mom says I should stop whining, I can't take this. I wish she could understand me. We were about to go cycling but now we aren't anymore.
I don't know what to do anymore, i really want to escape from this boredom.
My life is full of misery, all my life i have been anxious and I cannot cope with it. and people make fun of me, don't take my seriously and I'm afraid of every social happening. I can't even have dinner with more than a few people around.
I'm 1000 % agoraphobic. I can't leave the house and it makes me feel so worse.
I feel stuck in this house, I beg the lord to help me out of this situation, I really want to be a strong woman But I have no life. I never been lucky.
I want happiness, But i'm so depressed , i didn't go to school since 3 years. It makes me feel worse.
I really want to change , but nothing changes. only singing makes me happy... but i cant do anything only youtube
I even quit singing in a band cuz of anxiety... threw everything away.. cuz i just cant face my fears..

Btw my cat is hugging me, he understands me, but still i'm really emotional

I'M sorry to hear that If you need some one to talk to that if u want u can talk to me i really do hope you get better

 

[lunarla]

You can turn it around. You're not a weak person, you may have just had a weak moment. You have so much good so you mustn't let the negative thoughts cloud it.

By the way, you have a tonne of talent, and I absolutely love the new background on your youtube channel!