Sigh - How am I meant to have conversation when I actually don't give a crap
- Thread starter JosephG
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Snowdrop
Well-known member
Lol I'm replying to one of your threads again...XD But I couldn't help it, I totally get what you mean.
I don't think I have a personality either, I think I've changed since SA started, I've become more and more introverted, less outspoken, because I'm too scared, too afraid to the point that it's like I have nothing to say. I know that this is only because I don't find any real enjoyment in conversations anymore, so there wouldn't be anything that I find interesting, to say. If any of that made any sense.
On top of that, low self esteem means I don't think I'm an interesting person either, end of story.
And if I don't find myself interesting, how on earth can I be expected to find anyone else so?
But you're right, unless it's a deep conversation, probably about SA or depression, things that concern me NOW, because SA is the only thing that concerns me now, then I can talk without feeling pressured or feeling like I must talk.
Sorry, that just ended in a rant about myself XD but I'm just letting you know, you're not alone in this. It is something I'm fighting every day too, and I hope you find the strength it takes to come over this as well.
I don't think I have a personality either, I think I've changed since SA started, I've become more and more introverted, less outspoken, because I'm too scared, too afraid to the point that it's like I have nothing to say. I know that this is only because I don't find any real enjoyment in conversations anymore, so there wouldn't be anything that I find interesting, to say. If any of that made any sense.
On top of that, low self esteem means I don't think I'm an interesting person either, end of story.
And if I don't find myself interesting, how on earth can I be expected to find anyone else so?
But you're right, unless it's a deep conversation, probably about SA or depression, things that concern me NOW, because SA is the only thing that concerns me now, then I can talk without feeling pressured or feeling like I must talk.
Sorry, that just ended in a rant about myself XD but I'm just letting you know, you're not alone in this. It is something I'm fighting every day too, and I hope you find the strength it takes to come over this as well.
JosephG
Well-known member
Snowdrop I think that our problem is that we are too concerned about making conversation. (well obviously 
) But as we attempt to converse we are thinking things like (well I certainly am) "I am no good at conversation, noone is interested in what I will say, I am not like everybody else, My view will not be appreciate/ accepted". I think that these things that we are thinking are not letting us think about the conversation at hand. We are not thinking about (properly) our views on the situation, we are not making imaginitive and funny stories about what is being said in order to make human, we cannot create wit! And all this is because we are so concentrated on other thoughts. I think there is a discipline that we have to learn in forgetting ourselves. Because for those rare moments that I do feel I have a rewarding social interaction I feel that I have forgotten myself. That is something I need to do all the time. I need to spontaneously respond to conversation - I need to respond to what that makes me think about directly without weighing up whether what I'm about to say will contribute correctly. We need to take risks!
You said we aren't interesting people! But we bloody well are. You know you are and I know I am. We have lots of interesting views and opinions and ideas and fun things to say. It's just something is not letting us get them out and the moment and we need to get past it! we're kinda doing it to ourselves in a way...
(I thihk the above applys to us like...... but yesh that is my opinion on what I think is hindering us snowdrop)...... don't know how much you concur like But I'd be interested to your view on the above
) But as we attempt to converse we are thinking things like (well I certainly am) "I am no good at conversation, noone is interested in what I will say, I am not like everybody else, My view will not be appreciate/ accepted". I think that these things that we are thinking are not letting us think about the conversation at hand. We are not thinking about (properly) our views on the situation, we are not making imaginitive and funny stories about what is being said in order to make human, we cannot create wit! And all this is because we are so concentrated on other thoughts. I think there is a discipline that we have to learn in forgetting ourselves. Because for those rare moments that I do feel I have a rewarding social interaction I feel that I have forgotten myself. That is something I need to do all the time. I need to spontaneously respond to conversation - I need to respond to what that makes me think about directly without weighing up whether what I'm about to say will contribute correctly. We need to take risks!You said we aren't interesting people! But we bloody well are. You know you are and I know I am. We have lots of interesting views and opinions and ideas and fun things to say. It's just something is not letting us get them out and the moment and we need to get past it! we're kinda doing it to ourselves in a way...
(I thihk the above applys to us like...... but yesh that is my opinion on what I think is hindering us snowdrop)...... don't know how much you concur like
But I'd be interested to your view on the above
Snowdrop
Well-known member
Snowdrop I think that our problem is that we are too concerned about making conversation. (well obviously
You said we aren't interesting people! But we bloody well are. You know you are and I know I am. We have lots of interesting views and opinions and ideas and fun things to say. It's just something is not letting us get them out and the moment and we need to get past it! we're kinda doing it to ourselves in a way...
(I thihk the above applys to us like...... but yesh that is my opinion on what I think is hindering us snowdrop)...... don't know how much you concur like
Yeah, I kind of agree with you. And don't worry, it made sense. To be honest, I've thought of so many theories in the past that I just become so confused when thinking about why I am the way I am and stuff.
But I agree that we definitely think too much, it's a common thing for people suffering from anxiety, and I don't just mean people who are anvxious, I mean really suffer from it, everyday. One of the hardest things to do in life is probably changing our own thoughts and it's definitely not something that can be achieved in a short time, heck it's taken me years and I have still not gotten very far.
I still stand by the fact that I'm not an interesting person, at least not now, how I am in the present. I am not optimistic or enjoy conversation, or passionate about anything. That to me makes me uninteresting, and I don't mean to be bitter or miserable or 'bigging' myself up. I know I was a fun person to be around before simply because I did not think so much about things that didn't matter eg.what others' think, my identity etc.
Anyway, I guess I'm saying that I don't really have an answer to all of this except that it all boils down to one question (for me at least) who am I, really? I don't know why this has become such a big dilemma in my life, but I constantly question the real me.
Sinar_Matahari
Well-known member
I feel that most people I know seems to want to talk about BS all the godamn time. Yet, I can't see myself talking about deep matters on a constant basis. This would get old quick.
Well, I think it depends on the people you are with...
As you change and evolve, it's good to find people interested in the same or similar things that you are, or at least other interesting things, so you can learn from them..
If you don't know about your identity, you can try out several different things, read good books, in time, things can clarify.. You can learn a lot about yourself simply by experiencing things (or reading about them) and seeing what you like and what you don't like.. or you can go to a communication/assertiveness/drama therapy workshop or support group or something... Or a philosophy/psychology/poetry/literature discussion group or class?
I think almost everyone goes through a phase where they question things, or at least many people do.. Some people question their religion, and have to find new answers if/when they outgrow old answers... Some people never outgrow old 'maps', but then again others can find better ways by searching for new ways..
I really enjoyed reading psychology books and such when I was younger... Some of them helped a lot, in learning how to talk to other people too.. It's important to focus on the other people and other topics, and the message you're trying to get across, not just yourself...
I like a mixture of fun'n'easy and 'deeper' topics too... It depends who you talk with and what about.. with some people, I prefer more targeted or serious topics, with some more lighthearted fun, with some, both
As you change and evolve, it's good to find people interested in the same or similar things that you are, or at least other interesting things, so you can learn from them..
If you don't know about your identity, you can try out several different things, read good books, in time, things can clarify.. You can learn a lot about yourself simply by experiencing things (or reading about them) and seeing what you like and what you don't like.. or you can go to a communication/assertiveness/drama therapy workshop or support group or something... Or a philosophy/psychology/poetry/literature discussion group or class?
I think almost everyone goes through a phase where they question things, or at least many people do.. Some people question their religion, and have to find new answers if/when they outgrow old answers... Some people never outgrow old 'maps', but then again others can find better ways by searching for new ways..
I really enjoyed reading psychology books and such when I was younger... Some of them helped a lot, in learning how to talk to other people too.. It's important to focus on the other people and other topics, and the message you're trying to get across, not just yourself...
I like a mixture of fun'n'easy and 'deeper' topics too... It depends who you talk with and what about.. with some people, I prefer more targeted or serious topics, with some more lighthearted fun, with some, both
JamesAnderson20
Active member
Its usually because I'm preoccupied with things that relate to me. I don't empathize with other people. The only reason to talk is to make yourself feel better.
I hear you. I've noticed that I don't care about people's feelings all that much, for me it's just a case of exchanging pleasantries. There's no genuine interest on my part. It's not because I'm a bad guy or anything, I just find that I'm so wrapped up in my own mental state that I'm always figuring out how to not sound like an idiot as well as planning an escape route from whatever social situation I'm in. SA makes me really self-absorbed, sadly.
Untamed88
Well-known member
You are like me. I find do many peoples conversations boring and therefore I cant contribute. When my peers are bitching about another one, discussing hair and make-up, what happened on X Factor, how great Twilight and Harry Potter and so on and I really don't care.
I know people I am boring with no personality and nothing to say. But really I have lots to say but on other things, not even deep things.
I know people I am boring with no personality and nothing to say. But really I have lots to say but on other things, not even deep things.
Sometimes I feel the same way brosephs.
I make light of the fact that I "don't give a crap" by asking dumb questions and steering conversations to totally random topics. This way at least it's an interesting convo.
Like the time I was chatting to a friend's sister about uni, work, and other ordinary stuff. Eventually she mentioned something about hosting a radio show on Sundays. This was interesting to me, so I decided to have fun with it. I asked her how many fart sound-effects she had on the radio-hosting thingy, who the most famous interviewed guests were, and stuff like that. It was nonsense but both of us immediately became more comfortable talking to each other, and you get to know the other person's sense of humor and personality this way. You know, cut through the b/s. Then hopefully you can get out of your mind a bit.
And sometimes SA may be the only thing on my mind because I've been withdrawn for a while. But I make fun of that too. Like asking a friend I hadn't seen in a while, "so... what's the most number of times you've masturbated in one day?" (anything more than 5 is pretty funny!)
I make light of the fact that I "don't give a crap" by asking dumb questions and steering conversations to totally random topics. This way at least it's an interesting convo.
Like the time I was chatting to a friend's sister about uni, work, and other ordinary stuff. Eventually she mentioned something about hosting a radio show on Sundays. This was interesting to me, so I decided to have fun with it. I asked her how many fart sound-effects she had on the radio-hosting thingy, who the most famous interviewed guests were, and stuff like that. It was nonsense but both of us immediately became more comfortable talking to each other, and you get to know the other person's sense of humor and personality this way. You know, cut through the b/s. Then hopefully you can get out of your mind a bit.
And sometimes SA may be the only thing on my mind because I've been withdrawn for a while. But I make fun of that too. Like asking a friend I hadn't seen in a while, "so... what's the most number of times you've masturbated in one day?" (anything more than 5 is pretty funny!)
Hastings & Main
Well-known member
The person I have most contact with is my (soon ex-)roommate and friend of 20 years, but everything deep has been discussed already and she hates trivialities as much as me.
I remember once she said, "If somebody asks me "How are you?" or "How you doing?", I'm going to stop and tell them exactly how I really am, and too bad if they get uncomfortable! Hey, they asked!"
Other than her, it's just the people at where I work.
Topics include: "Check out the t*** on that one!", "I just bought the newest iPhone!" (and everyone gathers and says either "Wow I want one" or "Psh, Mine's better. Can it do blah blahblah?"), or how drunk they got on the weekend. Not that I'm above any of that, but wow it's boring.
But I think workplace relations are so tenuous, and we have to be amongst each other for long periods of time, that getting into 'deep' convo might bring up either disagreeable issues or make the other person feel uneducated somehow, and rifts may open therefore making the workplace even more joyless than it already is.
I remember once she said, "If somebody asks me "How are you?" or "How you doing?", I'm going to stop and tell them exactly how I really am, and too bad if they get uncomfortable! Hey, they asked!"
Other than her, it's just the people at where I work.
Topics include: "Check out the t*** on that one!", "I just bought the newest iPhone!" (and everyone gathers and says either "Wow I want one" or "Psh, Mine's better. Can it do blah blahblah?"), or how drunk they got on the weekend. Not that I'm above any of that, but wow it's boring.
But I think workplace relations are so tenuous, and we have to be amongst each other for long periods of time, that getting into 'deep' convo might bring up either disagreeable issues or make the other person feel uneducated somehow, and rifts may open therefore making the workplace even more joyless than it already is.